On my own
I'm usually pretty good at stay by myself for extended periods. Suffice to say I'm mildly shocked at how lonely and homesick I've been lately.
I went back to NY Saturday night. it took 2 1/2 hours to get back. Some how I managed to get a nose bleed while driving. Fun stuff. Driving in CT is fine until you hit the cities. People who drive in Hartford should be shot. I know everyone speeds, shit I've driven on the NY Thruway enough to know that. For those who don't know the speed limit is 65 on the thruway, which translates to 85, and that's to keep up with traffic.
Still, the thruway is fairly straight, even the curves are gentle enough that you don't worry about slowing down. Not so in Hartford! so yes, four lanes in one direction, hard turns and folks doing 80 in a 50,all after I just got off my Saturday late shift. Yes I really wanted to go see my family.
That's the weird thing, I never used to get homesick. At 19 I left for Americorps on my birthday for god's sake. It seems as I get older I'm less OK with being alone. On top of this work is becoming increasingly difficult, and I'm having a hard time keep with the pace. I'm always behind on the number of stories I have set up or the number I have ready for the next week. It's tough. I've lived in Connecticut for a little over a month, I'm just getting real contacts together. It doesn't seem to matter to my superiors. They're not unsumpathetic, but at the same time they just have too much to do to be bothered with what I'm doign or not doing. In a sense everyone keeps telling me "You're trying really hard and not getting enough accomplished." and when I ask "What should I be doing differently or more of?" I just sort of get a non-committal "Just try harder."
If trying hard at your job cause physical friction I'd have caught fire and burned to death by now.
My schedule is also becoming a problem. I've written to death about this, but it's on going. I work Tuesday through Saturday, and Friday and Saturday I work the late shift. Often I have my work accomplished by 7 or 8 p.m. This means I've got to sit and wait for people to get killed/maimed/robbed/rob another person/do something crazy enough to write about, for another hour and a half to two hours. So usually I get out by 9:30 p.m. or 10 p.m. Last Friday I work until 11 p.m. because there were a bunch of craziness(seriously, one armed robbery, a drug bust, a car vs. pedestrian fatal, and a non-fatal hit and run.) I rarely get to go out because of this. No one goes out on Sundays in CT because, well its Sunday, and Monday neither. I am going to take advantage of the fact that there's a bar right down the street from me, and that I work late on Fridays, which means I can get some drinks in me Thursday evening without too much to worry about.
Overall, I've been better. The lack of a social life and catching heat at work sucks. Being 150 miles from everyone I know also sucks. On the plus side, Aly from work is really becoming a good friend. Actually she's coming to the bar Thursday, we're going to be buddies in social awkwardness. I also snagged some neat furniture while I was in NY, so I'm paring down on the creative use of cardboard boxes(as end tables, coffee tables and even an ottoman.)
Also a plus, being able to eat and actually pay for things. Having a job and busting my ass at least allows me to live fairly comfortably for a lone 24 year old.
I"m just going to keep going, keep working, and get my shit done. Because, really, I've got nobody to rely on but me right now, so I have to get my shit done or no one else will.
I went back to NY Saturday night. it took 2 1/2 hours to get back. Some how I managed to get a nose bleed while driving. Fun stuff. Driving in CT is fine until you hit the cities. People who drive in Hartford should be shot. I know everyone speeds, shit I've driven on the NY Thruway enough to know that. For those who don't know the speed limit is 65 on the thruway, which translates to 85, and that's to keep up with traffic.
Still, the thruway is fairly straight, even the curves are gentle enough that you don't worry about slowing down. Not so in Hartford! so yes, four lanes in one direction, hard turns and folks doing 80 in a 50,all after I just got off my Saturday late shift. Yes I really wanted to go see my family.
That's the weird thing, I never used to get homesick. At 19 I left for Americorps on my birthday for god's sake. It seems as I get older I'm less OK with being alone. On top of this work is becoming increasingly difficult, and I'm having a hard time keep with the pace. I'm always behind on the number of stories I have set up or the number I have ready for the next week. It's tough. I've lived in Connecticut for a little over a month, I'm just getting real contacts together. It doesn't seem to matter to my superiors. They're not unsumpathetic, but at the same time they just have too much to do to be bothered with what I'm doign or not doing. In a sense everyone keeps telling me "You're trying really hard and not getting enough accomplished." and when I ask "What should I be doing differently or more of?" I just sort of get a non-committal "Just try harder."
If trying hard at your job cause physical friction I'd have caught fire and burned to death by now.
My schedule is also becoming a problem. I've written to death about this, but it's on going. I work Tuesday through Saturday, and Friday and Saturday I work the late shift. Often I have my work accomplished by 7 or 8 p.m. This means I've got to sit and wait for people to get killed/maimed/robbed/rob another person/do something crazy enough to write about, for another hour and a half to two hours. So usually I get out by 9:30 p.m. or 10 p.m. Last Friday I work until 11 p.m. because there were a bunch of craziness(seriously, one armed robbery, a drug bust, a car vs. pedestrian fatal, and a non-fatal hit and run.) I rarely get to go out because of this. No one goes out on Sundays in CT because, well its Sunday, and Monday neither. I am going to take advantage of the fact that there's a bar right down the street from me, and that I work late on Fridays, which means I can get some drinks in me Thursday evening without too much to worry about.
Overall, I've been better. The lack of a social life and catching heat at work sucks. Being 150 miles from everyone I know also sucks. On the plus side, Aly from work is really becoming a good friend. Actually she's coming to the bar Thursday, we're going to be buddies in social awkwardness. I also snagged some neat furniture while I was in NY, so I'm paring down on the creative use of cardboard boxes(as end tables, coffee tables and even an ottoman.)
Also a plus, being able to eat and actually pay for things. Having a job and busting my ass at least allows me to live fairly comfortably for a lone 24 year old.
I"m just going to keep going, keep working, and get my shit done. Because, really, I've got nobody to rely on but me right now, so I have to get my shit done or no one else will.