Origins
Title: Origins
Pairing: past/unrequited Santana/Brittany, Brittany/OC, eventual Santana/Rachel
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~3,400
Summary: When Brittany moves away and falls out of love it's up to Rachel to pick up the pieces of Santana's heart. (The beginning of Santana/Rachel as we know it in the [still lacking an official title] Pezberry 'Verse.)
Author's Note #1: Let's just pretend that Season 2 hasn't happened.
Preceded by:
Moods | Surprises | Whipped
When Santana shut her locker on the first day of her junior year she was simultaneously expecting the presence behind it yet startled at the sudden appearance of her glee club captain. Rachel was standing behind the door with a sympathetic look on her face that told Santana she was about to hear what she’d heard four million times already from everyone that knew what happened that summer.
“Hello, Santana,” Rachel said with a weak smile. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, Treasure Trail. What do you want?”
“Well I just wanted to ensure that you were doing well after the events of the summer. Quinn informed me that Brittany’s family’s relocation back to the Netherlands hasn’t been easy for you. I just wanted to extend the offer that if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“I’m fine, Man Hands. It’s all fine. After high school she’s coming back here and we’re going to college. Now go away, you’re annoying me or something. Shouldn’t you be hanging off of Finnocence?”
“I’m glad to hear that. And Finn and I have reached the conclusion that we work together much better when maintaining nothing more than a friendship.” Rachel’s smile brightened and Santana thought she might actually throw up from all of the optimism radiating off of the annoying girl.
Rachel literally skipped off leaving Santana to rest her forehead on her locker door and scowl. There were tears threatening to spill over, as there always were nowadays, but she blinked them back and put on her best bitchface before heading to class.
XXXXXXXXXX
Three weeks later Santana shut her locker again to find Rachel standing behind it, this time with furrowed eyebrows and a look more of concern than sympathy.
“What do you want, Berry?”
“I saw Brittany’s parents this weekend, Santana. I saw them and her younger sister sitting down at a Breadstix having dinner.”
Santana looked at the floor. “Who else did you tell?” she mumbled.
“No one. Santana, where is Brittany?”
“Get away from me.”
Santana turned away; Rachel didn’t stop her.
XXXXXXXXXX
Another week went by; Rachel looked longingly at Santana from across the room and when they would pass each other in the hallway. The third time Santana shut her locker and Rachel was behind it, she didn’t flinch or even growl.
“Where is Brittany?”
“Why would I tell you, RuPaul?” Santana’s voice didn’t even have fight in it.
“Santana, what’s going on?”
Santana couldn’t believe what she was about to do. But she needed to tell someone and Rachel was the only one that seemed interested. Santana gripped the girl’s bicep and Rachel flinched; Santana pretended not to care and she dragged the short girl through the hallways and into an empty classroom.
She didn’t know where to begin. She hopped up on one of the tables and let her feet dangle as she looked down at them. A few seconds later Rachel was at her side sitting next to her.
“Brit’s in the Netherlands,” Santana mumbled. “And it’s all my fault.”
There was silence from Rachel as she waited.
“I thought maybe they’d be okay with us, her parents. They seemed cool…she begged me not to tell them. She begged me not to but I talked her into it…told her I would protect her. She was gone a week later. Shipped her to live with her grandparents and it’s my fault.”
“Oh Santana…”
“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this, Berry. Not even Quinn.”
“Quinn and I aren’t that cl…” Rachel stopped when Santana sniffled and wiped away a few tears. “I won’t tell anyone. She’ll still be coming back for college, won’t she?”
Santana shrugged. She honestly didn’t know.
Santana didn’t even jump when Rachel put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure everything will be just fine,” Rachel whispered.
XXXXXXXXXX
Santana wasn’t at her locker the next time Rachel appeared out of nowhere. It was the middle of December. She was sitting on a park bench holding the first letter she’d gotten from Brittany in four months and trying really hard to resist the urge to grab a heavy rock and run into the park lake to drown herself. Someone jogged by and Santana didn’t notice until they dropped to the bench next to her.
“Santana?”
Santana looked up at Rachel who was pulling her earbuds out and shutting off her iPod. “Go away.”
“Is everything okay?”
Santana shook her head and did something she never thought she’d do. She broke down in front of Rachel Berry and sobbed.
“She…she’s not coming back…I-I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”
“What happened?”
Santana cried harder.
“Santana, please…” Rachel wrapped an arm around her shoulders and the Latina buried her head into Rachel’s neck.
“She’s not coming back. She wrote me and told me she wasn’t coming back.” Santana paused and took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. “She’s seeing someone else and she wants to stay there.”
Rachel froze. “What?”
“Her grandparents introduced her to some guy and now she’s telling me she’s in love with him and she wants to stay there.”
“Is there a possibility of an arranged marriage being formulated? The entire situation sounds rather suspicious, if you ask me.”
“I don’t know,” Santana sniffled. “Probably. Her parents’ was.”
“That’s preposterous; she’s only seventeen!”
“I know. So were her parents.”
“If that’s the case then you have to stop her!”
“How, Smurfette?!” Santana jerked away and growled. “All I have is an address! I tracked down a phone number when she first left and I tried it but she never answered and she sent me a letter telling me to stop trying because she’s not allowed to answer the fucking phone. I don’t have the money to fly over there! And to top it all off, she wants this.”
“How could she quite possibly want this?”
“She’ll do whatever they tell her to. Look.” Santana thrust the letter that was in her lap to Rachel. She recited the words in her head. She’d memorized them.
S,
This is my last letter. I’m sorry I didn’t write before but I didn’t know how to tell you…I met a guy and I think I’m in love with him. His name is Sven…he’s 22. Everyone really likes him and I really like him. My grandparents know his dad or something. They took me to his restaurant and I had dinner with him and he’s really nice. So I guess this is goodbye. Be happy :)
B
“Santana, this is…this is insane. Honestly insane.”
“Tell me about it.”
Rachel fidgeted with her phone for a few minutes and the pair sat in silence save for the sound of kids playing in the snow nearby and the occasional car driving up the street. The snow started to fall again and Santana brushed a few snowflakes from her eyelashes as Rachel tucked her phone safely into her pocket.
Santana watched out of the corner of her eye as Rachel picked at her gloves and slowly turned her head to speak. “According to the latest weather report it is currently twenty-eight degrees and the forecast is calling for the snow to only get worse. I’m not sure you should be sitting in the cold like this for much longer so I'm extending an invitation to come to my house for hot chocolate."
“I’d kind of rather stay out here and freeze.”
“I’m offended.”
“It’s not you, Berry. I just…I’d really like to die right now.”
“Sue Sylvester wouldn’t be too happy about that.”
“Sue Sylvester can shove it up her ass. I’m quitting the Cheerios anyway.”
“Just…one cup and I promise I’ll bring you back here and you can freeze all you like.”
Santana sighed and found herself reluctantly nodding; Rachel pulled her up off the bench and to her car.
The Berry house was small and warm and very inviting. Santana dropped to the couch and Rachel wrapped her in a thick quilt before retreating to the kitchen. She appeared again with two steaming mugs, tea for herself and hot chocolate for Santana, along with a second blanket.
“Would you like to watch a movie? We have a very extensive catalog.”
Santana shook her head and reached for her hot chocolate. She let the steaming liquid burn her chapped lips and sear her tongue and she didn’t even care. It’s not like she would be using them anytime soon and she welcomed the pain.
“Will you be sending her a letter back?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell her you love her. Tell her you want her to reconsider the marriage and you still want to be with her.”
“She won’t do it.”
“You never know unless you try.”
Santana had Rachel take her home after she finished off her hot chocolate rather than back to the park to freeze to death. Reluctantly taking Rachel’s advice, once she put on warm pajamas, Santana sat at her desk and started writing a letter.
XXXXXXXXXX
When Rachel shut her locker the next morning Santana was standing there.
“I did it. I sent her a letter. I told her I loved her and I wanted her to reconsider.”
“Good,” Rachel said with a smile. “Would you like to come over tonight and study? I’m having a little difficulty with my Spanish verbs.”
Santana shrugged. She didn’t have anything better to do since she’d left her uniform in a tattered mess on the floor in front of Sue Sylvester’s office that morning.
Rachel wasn’t nearly as infuriating as Santana thought she would be. She listened more than talked, especially when Santana would launch into rants about how she hadn’t gotten a letter back after two weeks and then three. Rachel would soothe her when she cried and seemed to have a never ending supply of hot chocolate on days when Santana just wanted to sit out in the cold and die.
XXXXXXXXXX
When Santana got the letter addressed to her in Brittany’s handwriting a month and a half after she sent hers the first thing she did was drive to Rachel’s. She didn’t open the letter or even really look at it until she was in Rachel’s room with the shorter brunette next to her.
“Would you like me to read it first?”
Santana shook her head and shakily peeled open the envelope and unfolded the paper.
S,
Stop sending me letters, please. I’m in love and it’s what I want. You should move on and be happy.
B
“What do I do, Rachel?”
Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose you could fight for her…maybe try to find out where she is.”
“She doesn’t want me to,” Santana mumbled. “She would’ve told me she wanted me to come get her if she wanted me to.”
“I guess all you can do is move on, then.”
“You don’t just move on from Brittany. You just don’t.”
Rachel cautiously put her hand on Santana’s shoulder and squeezed. “I understand.”
XXXXXXXXXX
Life went on. Barely. Santana started failing most of her classes; she didn’t care. Ms. Pillsbury called her in just before spring break and told her if a miracle didn’t happen then she’d have to repeat all of her 11th grade courses in the summer if she wanted to graduate on time. Santana shrugged. Rachel tried to help her but Santana rejected it. She was insistent on not doing much of anything until her parents threatened to kick her out if she didn’t bring her grades up; she put a little more effort into it and passed with all C’s.
June came and went. Santana spent most of her time walking around Lima aimlessly. If she passed Rachel’s house, more often than not, Rachel would come running out the front door to catch up to her and they would walk together. Rachel made her feel not so alone and Santana learned to tune her out…then to tolerate her…then to add a little commentary of her own on whatever Rachel was rambling about. Eventually she realized that Rachel didn’t always talk about Broadway. Sometimes she talked about TV shows that Santana actually liked or movies she had memorized. Rachel would talk about almost anything and Santana started having full fledged conversations with her.
XXXXXXXXXX
One such day they were walking through downtown Lima doing some window shopping. They had been arguing over the absurdities of “Jersey Shore” (Santana hated the show; Rachel, for some reason, loved it) when Rachel saw a display in a music store for a mint condition autographed Barbra Streisand album and she went in to inquire about the price while Santana waited outside.
Santana looked at the ground and kicked the sidewalk a few times before someone ran into her sending her to the pavement.
“I’m so…sorry…Santana?”
Santana looked up and she swore she had just died and gone to heaven because a blonde angel was hovering over her with a worried expression.
“Britt?”
Santana scrambled up off the ground and launched herself at the blonde and flung her arms around Brittany’s neck. There was no response but Brittany trying to shrug away.
“What are you doing here?!” Santana’s face lit up. Brittany’s didn’t.
“Just…here for a few weeks to see my parents.” Brittany looked around cautiously.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“Because I…”
A tall blonde man approached the two and wrapped his arm around Brittany’s shoulders and kissed her forehead. He said something in Dutch to the blonde girl and Brittany nodded before looking to Santana and smiling.
“Hello,” he said.
“Sven…um…this is Santana. We were friends…before I moved.”
Sven stuck out his hand and Santana reluctantly took it. The smile faded from her face.
“Wonderful to meet you,” he said with a smile and a thick Dutch accent. “I am sorry to cut conversation short but we must go, my little duck. Your parents wait for us.”
Brittany nodded and with a smile she reached up and kissed Sven; Santana was horrified. Brittany said something in Dutch and Sven nodded and kissed her forehead again before walking off.
“Ik hou van je!” the blonde called after him with a smile. He turned and returned the phrase. Brittany grinned and bounced a few times.
Santana’s heart shattered. Brittany always told her that she loved her in Dutch and Santana would return it in Spanish. Hearing her say it to someone else…Santana really wanted to run away and go through with her previous plan of grabbing onto a heavy rock and running into a lake.
“I should go,” Brittany said. “Sven is cooking dinner tonight; he’s a really good cook. Better than me but he still says I’m the best.”
“He’s…nice? To you, I mean? Like he doesn’t hit your or anything does he?”
Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. “Why would he hit me?”
“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m in love, San. And I’m really happy.”
“Are you in love because your parents say you are or because you really think you are? How can you go from telling me you want to come back here for college so we can be together forever to just feeling nothing for me, B?”
“I’m in love because he takes care of me! He’s nice and he’s smart and he doesn’t make me feel stupid and he tells me all the time that I’m good at stuff. He loves me.”
“Your parents made you do this!”
“I love him!”
“B…”
“I have to go.” Brittany crossed her arms over her chest. “Please let me be happy…and you be happy, too, okay?”
A small smile spread across the blonde’s face and Santana smiled a little, too, until she realized that the smile was aimed over her shoulder. She turned to see Sven waving at Brittany to follow him and, of course, Brittany obliged. She took off running and leapt at Sven and into his waiting arms, not even looking back as they walked away. Santana was left standing on the sidewalk, absolutely stunned.
“I don’t care what that man says,” Rachel growled as she exited the music store, “that is not Barbra’s signature. It’s all wrong! There’s a loop where…Santana?”
Santana had gone practically catatonic until Rachel said her name. She twitched when Rachel touched her shoulder.
“Santana, are you alright?”
“She’s happy,” the Latina mumbled.
“Who?”
“Brittany.”
Rachel looked around curiously. “Santana, are you having a hallucination?”
Santana shrugged Rachel away and they both started walking again. Halfway to her house she started mumbling about what had happened while Rachel was in the record store and by the time they got to her front door she was sobbing and Rachel was trying desperately to hold her friend up as she got Santana inside and to her bedroom. Santana collapsed on her bed and buried her face into her pillow; the bed sank next to her and Rachel’s hand was on her back rubbing soothing circles.
“Santana, I don’t mean to play the Devil’s advocate here but if Brittany truly is happy then perhaps it’s time you think about moving on and finding your own happiness.”
“Can you just go?” she managed to choke out. “Please…go.”
Santana still walked every day and Rachel still walked with her. They sported matching tans by the end of July. She saw Brittany one more time when she was walking. The blonde was animatedly chattering with Sven in a restaurant and the light in her eyes told Santana that she really was happy. She resisted the urge to go speak to them.
XXXXXXXXXX
School started again and Santana worked a little harder at her grades. Each day her heart seemed to heal a little more. She found herself hanging around Rachel more and more and the shorter brunette didn’t seem to mind having a friend around. Santana even listened to her talk about Juilliard and New York City and Santana thought maybe she’d look for colleges in New York, too, so at least she’d have a friend wherever she went. She saw Brittany’s parents at the store and they gave her a disapproving glance before they turned away; it didn’t hurt as bad as she thought it would.
For Halloween, Rachel insisted they dress up and go out; Santana selected a pirate costume and Rachel dressed up as Elphaba and Santana found herself actually laughing for the first time in over a year as Rachel fussed with her dress because it was too long and she kept tripping over it. Rachel smiled up at Santana when she laughed and the Latina felt her heart flutter a little and heat rise to her cheeks.
Rachel invited Santana over to celebrate Hanukkah with her dads and Rachel spent Christmas with the Lopezes. She spent the night Christmas Eve so she could wake up with the family on Christmas morning and, because there were no extra beds or couches due to Santana’s relatives flying in for the holiday, Santana found herself in her small twin bed with the diva. By morning Rachel was halfway on top of her and Santana’s arm was around Rachel’s shoulders, her other around Rachel’s waist. Rachel’s head was tucked under Santana’s chin and her hair smelled like citrus. Santana absentmindedly started tracing Rachel’s shoulder with her thumb and Rachel whimpered a little and hugged tighter around Santana’s waist.
For New Year’s they went to Puck’s annual party; Santana refused the drinks that were being passed around because she’d been the one to drive there. Rachel refused them because she didn’t want Santana to feel left out. Rachel was next to her when the countdown started for the ball to drop in New York City.
At ten Rachel turned to face her.
At nine Rachel smiled.
At eight Santana smiled.
At seven Santana reached out and searched to put a hand on Rachel’s hip.
At six she found it.
At five Santana’s heart almost shot out of her chest.
At four Rachel licked her lips.
At three Rachel closed her eyes.
At two Santana leaned in.
At one Santana closed her eyes.
At “Happy new year!” Santana pressed her lips to Rachel’s and Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana’s neck and pulled her in closer. When Santana pulled away Rachel was smiling her signature Rachel Berry smile and Santana, for the first time in a long time, felt truly and undeniably happy.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Author's Note #2: There is a massive continuity error regarding exactly when Rachel and Santana moved in together in New York. For the sake of the majority of the stories, they moved in together immediately after leaving Lima (as seen in Whipped rather than after dating for three years as seen in Moods). This has announcement has been sponsored by my desperate need for continuity. Yeah, I went ahead and fixed it because I'm picky. It wasn't much of a fix, just took out one sentence. Yay for details!
Pairing: past/unrequited Santana/Brittany, Brittany/OC, eventual Santana/Rachel
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~3,400
Summary: When Brittany moves away and falls out of love it's up to Rachel to pick up the pieces of Santana's heart. (The beginning of Santana/Rachel as we know it in the [still lacking an official title] Pezberry 'Verse.)
Author's Note #1: Let's just pretend that Season 2 hasn't happened.
Preceded by:
Moods | Surprises | Whipped
When Santana shut her locker on the first day of her junior year she was simultaneously expecting the presence behind it yet startled at the sudden appearance of her glee club captain. Rachel was standing behind the door with a sympathetic look on her face that told Santana she was about to hear what she’d heard four million times already from everyone that knew what happened that summer.
“Hello, Santana,” Rachel said with a weak smile. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, Treasure Trail. What do you want?”
“Well I just wanted to ensure that you were doing well after the events of the summer. Quinn informed me that Brittany’s family’s relocation back to the Netherlands hasn’t been easy for you. I just wanted to extend the offer that if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“I’m fine, Man Hands. It’s all fine. After high school she’s coming back here and we’re going to college. Now go away, you’re annoying me or something. Shouldn’t you be hanging off of Finnocence?”
“I’m glad to hear that. And Finn and I have reached the conclusion that we work together much better when maintaining nothing more than a friendship.” Rachel’s smile brightened and Santana thought she might actually throw up from all of the optimism radiating off of the annoying girl.
Rachel literally skipped off leaving Santana to rest her forehead on her locker door and scowl. There were tears threatening to spill over, as there always were nowadays, but she blinked them back and put on her best bitchface before heading to class.
XXXXXXXXXX
Three weeks later Santana shut her locker again to find Rachel standing behind it, this time with furrowed eyebrows and a look more of concern than sympathy.
“What do you want, Berry?”
“I saw Brittany’s parents this weekend, Santana. I saw them and her younger sister sitting down at a Breadstix having dinner.”
Santana looked at the floor. “Who else did you tell?” she mumbled.
“No one. Santana, where is Brittany?”
“Get away from me.”
Santana turned away; Rachel didn’t stop her.
XXXXXXXXXX
Another week went by; Rachel looked longingly at Santana from across the room and when they would pass each other in the hallway. The third time Santana shut her locker and Rachel was behind it, she didn’t flinch or even growl.
“Where is Brittany?”
“Why would I tell you, RuPaul?” Santana’s voice didn’t even have fight in it.
“Santana, what’s going on?”
Santana couldn’t believe what she was about to do. But she needed to tell someone and Rachel was the only one that seemed interested. Santana gripped the girl’s bicep and Rachel flinched; Santana pretended not to care and she dragged the short girl through the hallways and into an empty classroom.
She didn’t know where to begin. She hopped up on one of the tables and let her feet dangle as she looked down at them. A few seconds later Rachel was at her side sitting next to her.
“Brit’s in the Netherlands,” Santana mumbled. “And it’s all my fault.”
There was silence from Rachel as she waited.
“I thought maybe they’d be okay with us, her parents. They seemed cool…she begged me not to tell them. She begged me not to but I talked her into it…told her I would protect her. She was gone a week later. Shipped her to live with her grandparents and it’s my fault.”
“Oh Santana…”
“Don’t you dare tell anyone about this, Berry. Not even Quinn.”
“Quinn and I aren’t that cl…” Rachel stopped when Santana sniffled and wiped away a few tears. “I won’t tell anyone. She’ll still be coming back for college, won’t she?”
Santana shrugged. She honestly didn’t know.
Santana didn’t even jump when Rachel put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure everything will be just fine,” Rachel whispered.
XXXXXXXXXX
Santana wasn’t at her locker the next time Rachel appeared out of nowhere. It was the middle of December. She was sitting on a park bench holding the first letter she’d gotten from Brittany in four months and trying really hard to resist the urge to grab a heavy rock and run into the park lake to drown herself. Someone jogged by and Santana didn’t notice until they dropped to the bench next to her.
“Santana?”
Santana looked up at Rachel who was pulling her earbuds out and shutting off her iPod. “Go away.”
“Is everything okay?”
Santana shook her head and did something she never thought she’d do. She broke down in front of Rachel Berry and sobbed.
“She…she’s not coming back…I-I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”
“What happened?”
Santana cried harder.
“Santana, please…” Rachel wrapped an arm around her shoulders and the Latina buried her head into Rachel’s neck.
“She’s not coming back. She wrote me and told me she wasn’t coming back.” Santana paused and took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. “She’s seeing someone else and she wants to stay there.”
Rachel froze. “What?”
“Her grandparents introduced her to some guy and now she’s telling me she’s in love with him and she wants to stay there.”
“Is there a possibility of an arranged marriage being formulated? The entire situation sounds rather suspicious, if you ask me.”
“I don’t know,” Santana sniffled. “Probably. Her parents’ was.”
“That’s preposterous; she’s only seventeen!”
“I know. So were her parents.”
“If that’s the case then you have to stop her!”
“How, Smurfette?!” Santana jerked away and growled. “All I have is an address! I tracked down a phone number when she first left and I tried it but she never answered and she sent me a letter telling me to stop trying because she’s not allowed to answer the fucking phone. I don’t have the money to fly over there! And to top it all off, she wants this.”
“How could she quite possibly want this?”
“She’ll do whatever they tell her to. Look.” Santana thrust the letter that was in her lap to Rachel. She recited the words in her head. She’d memorized them.
S,
This is my last letter. I’m sorry I didn’t write before but I didn’t know how to tell you…I met a guy and I think I’m in love with him. His name is Sven…he’s 22. Everyone really likes him and I really like him. My grandparents know his dad or something. They took me to his restaurant and I had dinner with him and he’s really nice. So I guess this is goodbye. Be happy :)
B
“Santana, this is…this is insane. Honestly insane.”
“Tell me about it.”
Rachel fidgeted with her phone for a few minutes and the pair sat in silence save for the sound of kids playing in the snow nearby and the occasional car driving up the street. The snow started to fall again and Santana brushed a few snowflakes from her eyelashes as Rachel tucked her phone safely into her pocket.
Santana watched out of the corner of her eye as Rachel picked at her gloves and slowly turned her head to speak. “According to the latest weather report it is currently twenty-eight degrees and the forecast is calling for the snow to only get worse. I’m not sure you should be sitting in the cold like this for much longer so I'm extending an invitation to come to my house for hot chocolate."
“I’d kind of rather stay out here and freeze.”
“I’m offended.”
“It’s not you, Berry. I just…I’d really like to die right now.”
“Sue Sylvester wouldn’t be too happy about that.”
“Sue Sylvester can shove it up her ass. I’m quitting the Cheerios anyway.”
“Just…one cup and I promise I’ll bring you back here and you can freeze all you like.”
Santana sighed and found herself reluctantly nodding; Rachel pulled her up off the bench and to her car.
The Berry house was small and warm and very inviting. Santana dropped to the couch and Rachel wrapped her in a thick quilt before retreating to the kitchen. She appeared again with two steaming mugs, tea for herself and hot chocolate for Santana, along with a second blanket.
“Would you like to watch a movie? We have a very extensive catalog.”
Santana shook her head and reached for her hot chocolate. She let the steaming liquid burn her chapped lips and sear her tongue and she didn’t even care. It’s not like she would be using them anytime soon and she welcomed the pain.
“Will you be sending her a letter back?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell her you love her. Tell her you want her to reconsider the marriage and you still want to be with her.”
“She won’t do it.”
“You never know unless you try.”
Santana had Rachel take her home after she finished off her hot chocolate rather than back to the park to freeze to death. Reluctantly taking Rachel’s advice, once she put on warm pajamas, Santana sat at her desk and started writing a letter.
XXXXXXXXXX
When Rachel shut her locker the next morning Santana was standing there.
“I did it. I sent her a letter. I told her I loved her and I wanted her to reconsider.”
“Good,” Rachel said with a smile. “Would you like to come over tonight and study? I’m having a little difficulty with my Spanish verbs.”
Santana shrugged. She didn’t have anything better to do since she’d left her uniform in a tattered mess on the floor in front of Sue Sylvester’s office that morning.
Rachel wasn’t nearly as infuriating as Santana thought she would be. She listened more than talked, especially when Santana would launch into rants about how she hadn’t gotten a letter back after two weeks and then three. Rachel would soothe her when she cried and seemed to have a never ending supply of hot chocolate on days when Santana just wanted to sit out in the cold and die.
XXXXXXXXXX
When Santana got the letter addressed to her in Brittany’s handwriting a month and a half after she sent hers the first thing she did was drive to Rachel’s. She didn’t open the letter or even really look at it until she was in Rachel’s room with the shorter brunette next to her.
“Would you like me to read it first?”
Santana shook her head and shakily peeled open the envelope and unfolded the paper.
S,
Stop sending me letters, please. I’m in love and it’s what I want. You should move on and be happy.
B
“What do I do, Rachel?”
Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose you could fight for her…maybe try to find out where she is.”
“She doesn’t want me to,” Santana mumbled. “She would’ve told me she wanted me to come get her if she wanted me to.”
“I guess all you can do is move on, then.”
“You don’t just move on from Brittany. You just don’t.”
Rachel cautiously put her hand on Santana’s shoulder and squeezed. “I understand.”
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Life went on. Barely. Santana started failing most of her classes; she didn’t care. Ms. Pillsbury called her in just before spring break and told her if a miracle didn’t happen then she’d have to repeat all of her 11th grade courses in the summer if she wanted to graduate on time. Santana shrugged. Rachel tried to help her but Santana rejected it. She was insistent on not doing much of anything until her parents threatened to kick her out if she didn’t bring her grades up; she put a little more effort into it and passed with all C’s.
June came and went. Santana spent most of her time walking around Lima aimlessly. If she passed Rachel’s house, more often than not, Rachel would come running out the front door to catch up to her and they would walk together. Rachel made her feel not so alone and Santana learned to tune her out…then to tolerate her…then to add a little commentary of her own on whatever Rachel was rambling about. Eventually she realized that Rachel didn’t always talk about Broadway. Sometimes she talked about TV shows that Santana actually liked or movies she had memorized. Rachel would talk about almost anything and Santana started having full fledged conversations with her.
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One such day they were walking through downtown Lima doing some window shopping. They had been arguing over the absurdities of “Jersey Shore” (Santana hated the show; Rachel, for some reason, loved it) when Rachel saw a display in a music store for a mint condition autographed Barbra Streisand album and she went in to inquire about the price while Santana waited outside.
Santana looked at the ground and kicked the sidewalk a few times before someone ran into her sending her to the pavement.
“I’m so…sorry…Santana?”
Santana looked up and she swore she had just died and gone to heaven because a blonde angel was hovering over her with a worried expression.
“Britt?”
Santana scrambled up off the ground and launched herself at the blonde and flung her arms around Brittany’s neck. There was no response but Brittany trying to shrug away.
“What are you doing here?!” Santana’s face lit up. Brittany’s didn’t.
“Just…here for a few weeks to see my parents.” Brittany looked around cautiously.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“Because I…”
A tall blonde man approached the two and wrapped his arm around Brittany’s shoulders and kissed her forehead. He said something in Dutch to the blonde girl and Brittany nodded before looking to Santana and smiling.
“Hello,” he said.
“Sven…um…this is Santana. We were friends…before I moved.”
Sven stuck out his hand and Santana reluctantly took it. The smile faded from her face.
“Wonderful to meet you,” he said with a smile and a thick Dutch accent. “I am sorry to cut conversation short but we must go, my little duck. Your parents wait for us.”
Brittany nodded and with a smile she reached up and kissed Sven; Santana was horrified. Brittany said something in Dutch and Sven nodded and kissed her forehead again before walking off.
“Ik hou van je!” the blonde called after him with a smile. He turned and returned the phrase. Brittany grinned and bounced a few times.
Santana’s heart shattered. Brittany always told her that she loved her in Dutch and Santana would return it in Spanish. Hearing her say it to someone else…Santana really wanted to run away and go through with her previous plan of grabbing onto a heavy rock and running into a lake.
“I should go,” Brittany said. “Sven is cooking dinner tonight; he’s a really good cook. Better than me but he still says I’m the best.”
“He’s…nice? To you, I mean? Like he doesn’t hit your or anything does he?”
Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. “Why would he hit me?”
“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m in love, San. And I’m really happy.”
“Are you in love because your parents say you are or because you really think you are? How can you go from telling me you want to come back here for college so we can be together forever to just feeling nothing for me, B?”
“I’m in love because he takes care of me! He’s nice and he’s smart and he doesn’t make me feel stupid and he tells me all the time that I’m good at stuff. He loves me.”
“Your parents made you do this!”
“I love him!”
“B…”
“I have to go.” Brittany crossed her arms over her chest. “Please let me be happy…and you be happy, too, okay?”
A small smile spread across the blonde’s face and Santana smiled a little, too, until she realized that the smile was aimed over her shoulder. She turned to see Sven waving at Brittany to follow him and, of course, Brittany obliged. She took off running and leapt at Sven and into his waiting arms, not even looking back as they walked away. Santana was left standing on the sidewalk, absolutely stunned.
“I don’t care what that man says,” Rachel growled as she exited the music store, “that is not Barbra’s signature. It’s all wrong! There’s a loop where…Santana?”
Santana had gone practically catatonic until Rachel said her name. She twitched when Rachel touched her shoulder.
“Santana, are you alright?”
“She’s happy,” the Latina mumbled.
“Who?”
“Brittany.”
Rachel looked around curiously. “Santana, are you having a hallucination?”
Santana shrugged Rachel away and they both started walking again. Halfway to her house she started mumbling about what had happened while Rachel was in the record store and by the time they got to her front door she was sobbing and Rachel was trying desperately to hold her friend up as she got Santana inside and to her bedroom. Santana collapsed on her bed and buried her face into her pillow; the bed sank next to her and Rachel’s hand was on her back rubbing soothing circles.
“Santana, I don’t mean to play the Devil’s advocate here but if Brittany truly is happy then perhaps it’s time you think about moving on and finding your own happiness.”
“Can you just go?” she managed to choke out. “Please…go.”
Santana still walked every day and Rachel still walked with her. They sported matching tans by the end of July. She saw Brittany one more time when she was walking. The blonde was animatedly chattering with Sven in a restaurant and the light in her eyes told Santana that she really was happy. She resisted the urge to go speak to them.
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School started again and Santana worked a little harder at her grades. Each day her heart seemed to heal a little more. She found herself hanging around Rachel more and more and the shorter brunette didn’t seem to mind having a friend around. Santana even listened to her talk about Juilliard and New York City and Santana thought maybe she’d look for colleges in New York, too, so at least she’d have a friend wherever she went. She saw Brittany’s parents at the store and they gave her a disapproving glance before they turned away; it didn’t hurt as bad as she thought it would.
For Halloween, Rachel insisted they dress up and go out; Santana selected a pirate costume and Rachel dressed up as Elphaba and Santana found herself actually laughing for the first time in over a year as Rachel fussed with her dress because it was too long and she kept tripping over it. Rachel smiled up at Santana when she laughed and the Latina felt her heart flutter a little and heat rise to her cheeks.
Rachel invited Santana over to celebrate Hanukkah with her dads and Rachel spent Christmas with the Lopezes. She spent the night Christmas Eve so she could wake up with the family on Christmas morning and, because there were no extra beds or couches due to Santana’s relatives flying in for the holiday, Santana found herself in her small twin bed with the diva. By morning Rachel was halfway on top of her and Santana’s arm was around Rachel’s shoulders, her other around Rachel’s waist. Rachel’s head was tucked under Santana’s chin and her hair smelled like citrus. Santana absentmindedly started tracing Rachel’s shoulder with her thumb and Rachel whimpered a little and hugged tighter around Santana’s waist.
For New Year’s they went to Puck’s annual party; Santana refused the drinks that were being passed around because she’d been the one to drive there. Rachel refused them because she didn’t want Santana to feel left out. Rachel was next to her when the countdown started for the ball to drop in New York City.
At ten Rachel turned to face her.
At nine Rachel smiled.
At eight Santana smiled.
At seven Santana reached out and searched to put a hand on Rachel’s hip.
At six she found it.
At five Santana’s heart almost shot out of her chest.
At four Rachel licked her lips.
At three Rachel closed her eyes.
At two Santana leaned in.
At one Santana closed her eyes.
At “Happy new year!” Santana pressed her lips to Rachel’s and Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana’s neck and pulled her in closer. When Santana pulled away Rachel was smiling her signature Rachel Berry smile and Santana, for the first time in a long time, felt truly and undeniably happy.
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Author's Note #2: There is a massive continuity error regarding exactly when Rachel and Santana moved in together in New York. For the sake of the majority of the stories, they moved in together immediately after leaving Lima (as seen in Whipped rather than after dating for three years as seen in Moods). This has announcement has been sponsored by my desperate need for continuity. Yeah, I went ahead and fixed it because I'm picky. It wasn't much of a fix, just took out one sentence. Yay for details!