Fav Season 1 Quotes
Nothing plot related, really. Just funny stuff I like. So even non-Buffy fans could enjoy these:
EPISODE 1: Welcome to the Hellmouth
Giles: Something's coming. Something is going to happen here...soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?
-----
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say...I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.
EPISODE 2: The Harvest
Giles: You have no idea where they took Jesse?
Buffy: I looked around, but soon's they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
-----
Giles: We may, in fact, stand between the earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan, 'cause a lot of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, you know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: The earth is doomed.
EPISODE 3: The Witch
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away.
-----
Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
-----
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? [pause] Did I say that?
EPISODE 5: Never Kill A Boy on the First Date
Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go last night. No, I don't mean that either.
-----
Xander: So, you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, "Sorry I was late. I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass"?
Xander: Or, "Flat tire"?
-----
Buffy: If the Apocalypse comes, beep me.
EPISODE 7: Angel
Buffy: Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. "Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month."
-----
Angel: The elders conjured up the perfect punishment for me: they restored my soul.
Buffy: What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?
EPISODE 8: I Robot, You Jane
Ms. Calendar: You're here again? You kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
-----
Xander: He's in a computer! What can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How 'bout mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.
Xander: Okay, he's a threat. I'm on board with that now.
EPISODE 9: The Puppet Show
Principle Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, "discipline." I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
-----
Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and also smoking.
EPISODE 11: Invisible Girl
Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here...this week.
-----
Xander: Oh, hey, do you want to come to our place tonight for dinner? Mom's making her famous phone call to the Chinese place.
Willow: Xander, do you guys even have a stove?
EPISODE 12: Prophecy Girl
Ms. Calendar: It's kind of warm and fuzzy for a message of doom.
-----
Master: Come forth, my child. Come into my world.
Buffy: I don't think it's yours just yet.
Master: You're dead!
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
Master: You were destined to die. It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
-----
Giles: Buffy?
Buffy: Oh, sorry. It's just...been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow. Harsh.
Giles: I should have known that wouldn't stop you.
Ms. Calendar: Well, what do we do now?
Giles: I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd like to get out of this place. I don't like the library very much anymore.
Xander: Hey, I hear there's a dance at the Bronze tonight. Could be fun.
Cordelia: Yeah!
Willow: Buffy?
Buffy: Sure. We saved the world, I say we party. I mean, I got all pretty.
EPISODE 1: Welcome to the Hellmouth
Giles: Something's coming. Something is going to happen here...soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?
-----
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say...I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.
EPISODE 2: The Harvest
Giles: You have no idea where they took Jesse?
Buffy: I looked around, but soon's they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
-----
Giles: We may, in fact, stand between the earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan, 'cause a lot of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, you know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: The earth is doomed.
EPISODE 3: The Witch
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away.
-----
Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
-----
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? [pause] Did I say that?
EPISODE 5: Never Kill A Boy on the First Date
Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go last night. No, I don't mean that either.
-----
Xander: So, you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, "Sorry I was late. I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass"?
Xander: Or, "Flat tire"?
-----
Buffy: If the Apocalypse comes, beep me.
EPISODE 7: Angel
Buffy: Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. "Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month."
-----
Angel: The elders conjured up the perfect punishment for me: they restored my soul.
Buffy: What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?
EPISODE 8: I Robot, You Jane
Ms. Calendar: You're here again? You kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
-----
Xander: He's in a computer! What can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How 'bout mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.
Xander: Okay, he's a threat. I'm on board with that now.
EPISODE 9: The Puppet Show
Principle Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, "discipline." I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
-----
Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and also smoking.
EPISODE 11: Invisible Girl
Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here...this week.
-----
Xander: Oh, hey, do you want to come to our place tonight for dinner? Mom's making her famous phone call to the Chinese place.
Willow: Xander, do you guys even have a stove?
EPISODE 12: Prophecy Girl
Ms. Calendar: It's kind of warm and fuzzy for a message of doom.
-----
Master: Come forth, my child. Come into my world.
Buffy: I don't think it's yours just yet.
Master: You're dead!
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
Master: You were destined to die. It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
-----
Giles: Buffy?
Buffy: Oh, sorry. It's just...been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow. Harsh.
Giles: I should have known that wouldn't stop you.
Ms. Calendar: Well, what do we do now?
Giles: I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd like to get out of this place. I don't like the library very much anymore.
Xander: Hey, I hear there's a dance at the Bronze tonight. Could be fun.
Cordelia: Yeah!
Willow: Buffy?
Buffy: Sure. We saved the world, I say we party. I mean, I got all pretty.