For my name is Chatty Cathy, and all shall fear my spammy wrath
I was listening to NPR on my way home yesterday, and there was some guy going on and on about how some county in Oregon shouldn't have allowed gay marriage. It more or less went like this:
Guy: And we have these lawyers who said that the Oregon State Constitution explicitly allows gay marriage because there's a clause that says "All rights allowed to any state citizens must be allowed to all state citizens, lest any be disenfranchised by the State". (sid notes: this from memory, so probably not accurate, though that was the gist. Go Oregon!) These lawyers are saying that if any state citizen is allowed to marry, than all state citizens should be allowed to marry, including gay people, or it would be unconstitutional. I don't think that's right. The language of the clause isn't clear.
Interviewer: So, you think homosexuals should be denied the right to marry because this particular clause is unclear?
Me: *screaming at radio* How much clearer can you be than All Rights and All Citizens? GAH!
Guy: Yes. I don't think the intent was for gay people to marry.
Interviewer: But you agree that homosexuals are citizens and deserving of all other rights under Oregon law?
Guy: Er. I don't think the clause is clear, and we should amend it.
Me: To WHAT? All rights to all citizens except gay people? How about all rights to all citizens except on rainy Thursdays? Or most rights to some citizens except the right to bungee-jump? Or some rights to some citizens most of the time except in the off-season? GAH! *drives off road*
Okay, I didn't really drive off the road. But my heart was in it.
Desolation Island
Jack's on land, has loads of money and is gambling at a gentlemen's club (not *that* kind of gentlemen's club, but the gamblin' sort). Jack is not handling his money well. Sophie's worried about it. He keeps buying racing horses and property and dot.coms and if someone offered to sell him the London Bridge, he'd take them up on that.
Anyway, he's playing cards with these guys, one of whom is wearing a big sign that says, "I AM CHEATING AT CARDS! LO! I SHALL TAKE ALL OF JACK'S MONEY!" only slightly more subtle. Jack thinks he's just a great guy, and jeez, has Jack's luck been bad at the card table!
Stephen comes to visit, so Jack takes him to the card game. Stephen immediately senses that someone is cheating Jack (maybe it's the sign), and puts on his spy-hat. Once he figures out what's going on, he turns his "I Know What You're Doing" face on Signy McCheatJerk, and Jack's luck takes a miraculous turn for the better.
On the way home:
Stephen: Jack, I think you might want to keep an eye on Signy McCheatJerk. How long has your luck been bad?
Jack: Since Signy joined us. OH! Stephen! Signy has this idea for a silver mine! He says if we give him lots of money, he'll think about building a mine here! Isn't it great!
Stephen: Jack, don't invest in the mine.
Jack: But! But! Silver! Money! Signy McCheatJerk is my friend!
Stephen: Have you ever read his sign?
Jack: What sign?
Stephen: The one that says, "JACK AUBREY IS A GULLIBLE MORON AND GIVES ME ALL HIS MONEY. ALSO JACK IS A MONKEY".
Jack: Why no! And I take offense! I am no man's monkey!
Stephen: Just look into it next time you're playing cards.
Poor, poor gullible Jack.
Guy: And we have these lawyers who said that the Oregon State Constitution explicitly allows gay marriage because there's a clause that says "All rights allowed to any state citizens must be allowed to all state citizens, lest any be disenfranchised by the State". (sid notes: this from memory, so probably not accurate, though that was the gist. Go Oregon!) These lawyers are saying that if any state citizen is allowed to marry, than all state citizens should be allowed to marry, including gay people, or it would be unconstitutional. I don't think that's right. The language of the clause isn't clear.
Interviewer: So, you think homosexuals should be denied the right to marry because this particular clause is unclear?
Me: *screaming at radio* How much clearer can you be than All Rights and All Citizens? GAH!
Guy: Yes. I don't think the intent was for gay people to marry.
Interviewer: But you agree that homosexuals are citizens and deserving of all other rights under Oregon law?
Guy: Er. I don't think the clause is clear, and we should amend it.
Me: To WHAT? All rights to all citizens except gay people? How about all rights to all citizens except on rainy Thursdays? Or most rights to some citizens except the right to bungee-jump? Or some rights to some citizens most of the time except in the off-season? GAH! *drives off road*
Okay, I didn't really drive off the road. But my heart was in it.
Desolation Island
Jack's on land, has loads of money and is gambling at a gentlemen's club (not *that* kind of gentlemen's club, but the gamblin' sort). Jack is not handling his money well. Sophie's worried about it. He keeps buying racing horses and property and dot.coms and if someone offered to sell him the London Bridge, he'd take them up on that.
Anyway, he's playing cards with these guys, one of whom is wearing a big sign that says, "I AM CHEATING AT CARDS! LO! I SHALL TAKE ALL OF JACK'S MONEY!" only slightly more subtle. Jack thinks he's just a great guy, and jeez, has Jack's luck been bad at the card table!
Stephen comes to visit, so Jack takes him to the card game. Stephen immediately senses that someone is cheating Jack (maybe it's the sign), and puts on his spy-hat. Once he figures out what's going on, he turns his "I Know What You're Doing" face on Signy McCheatJerk, and Jack's luck takes a miraculous turn for the better.
On the way home:
Stephen: Jack, I think you might want to keep an eye on Signy McCheatJerk. How long has your luck been bad?
Jack: Since Signy joined us. OH! Stephen! Signy has this idea for a silver mine! He says if we give him lots of money, he'll think about building a mine here! Isn't it great!
Stephen: Jack, don't invest in the mine.
Jack: But! But! Silver! Money! Signy McCheatJerk is my friend!
Stephen: Have you ever read his sign?
Jack: What sign?
Stephen: The one that says, "JACK AUBREY IS A GULLIBLE MORON AND GIVES ME ALL HIS MONEY. ALSO JACK IS A MONKEY".
Jack: Why no! And I take offense! I am no man's monkey!
Stephen: Just look into it next time you're playing cards.
Poor, poor gullible Jack.