My dear friend -- this hit me on so many levels. Both my parents died because they smoked. Mom died from emphysema and congestive heart failure, Dad from esophogeal cancer. It took me quite a while to realize that I had anger at them for killing themselves with the cigarrettes.
Well written, very real. Thank you and good luck with it.
Thanks. It's something I've struggled with for years. The note hit me particularly hard - particularly since it was written right over a scratched out note, and made me at least start thinking about it. I go up and down, but I'm still fighting the good fight.
Well done. My parents both smoked. I had allergy tests done at 9 and 13. Doctors told my parents to quit, mom said "hell no". :| Mom died when I was 20 (brain tumor), dad days before I turned 42. His was lung cancer. I watched him waste away. :( My uncle passed away this morning, lung cancer that evidently hit hard and fast (like within a month).
Hi there! I'm going to be your (replacement) editor this week as things didn't work out with your first. :) I tend to focus more on plot, character elements, flow, overall tone...etc and stay away from the grammar and structure stuff. However, if something catches my eye, I'll point it out. My habit is to read the entry through two or three times and comment upon anything that may stick out to me.
Everything I offer is merely a suggestion! Here we go...
1. Pace and rhythm: I have to applaud you on this one. It's quite short but still a full story, nicely paced and an easy read. The sentences here really work together here to allow the reader's eyes to move freely over the piece without getting hung up on metaphors, large words or clunky structure. Nice work!
2. Beth always squirmed under the imagined scrutiny on the other side of the huge windows. I do, however, think there is a better way to start out the piece. This first sentence sets us up, but is a bit cloudy. I'd suggest making it as clear as you possibly can, as I was
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Well written, very real. Thank you and good luck with it.
Love -- Cedar
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Good luck with the fight, and with the Topic. :)
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Everything I offer is merely a suggestion! Here we go...
1. Pace and rhythm: I have to applaud you on this one. It's quite short but still a full story, nicely paced and an easy read. The sentences here really work together here to allow the reader's eyes to move freely over the piece without getting hung up on metaphors, large words or clunky structure. Nice work!
2. Beth always squirmed under the imagined scrutiny on the other side of the huge windows. I do, however, think there is a better way to start out the piece. This first sentence sets us up, but is a bit cloudy. I'd suggest making it as clear as you possibly can, as I was ( ... )
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