If It Ain't Broke...

[insolentscrawl]

Prompt:  If It Ain’t Broke

Comments

[silverflight8]

I like the realism in this piece ("Obviously, he’d finally picked up the shelf their oldest child had been asking for over the last six months." made me smile). The only thing was...(and I'm kind of embarrassed to say...) is the name Bob. I'm sure it was a perfectly lovely name, but now it's kind of...well, I just find it jarring. Otherwise, thanks for posting; I enjoyed reading it.

[insolentscrawl]

Hmmm. I hadn't really thought of the names. When I came up the names (to protect the innocent, mind you), I actually just started pulling names out of a hat. I needed a couple of really ordinary names.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. If it's realistic, well... I did just change the names to protect the innocent. ;)

[rephen]

So cute, and yet quite hot, too. A very nice capture on both of the characters. And I like how you described the fleeting moments and how weekend chores awaited still. That was very realistic. I really enjoyed reading this. Brought a grin to my face.

[insolentscrawl]

Thank you. While it's not reflective of one specific moment, it's certainly reflective of our lives, and a combination of moments (including projects and going to a hardware store for lunch). :)

[vyvyan_wilde]

That was so sweet. The way the two of them interacted really gave the feeling of a couple that knew each other well, a comforting sort of familiarity. That didn't make it boring though ;)
I also like how you described his scent mixed with the smell of sawdust. So clear and easy to imagine.

[insolentscrawl]

Thank you. One thing I working on is remembering to include all the senses when I tell a story, so that the reader can really see the scene.