Love and the feelings that come with it
so, i've had a lot of time by myself lately (you know, with richi at work and everything like that), and i've had a lot to think about as far as my relationship with richard and my little girl.
When i sit here all day and i think of richard and how he treats me and the things he done for me in the past, it makes me want to cry. nothing in the world could take me away from him. and i've felt especially strong about that in the last 2 weeks. i tried really hard to make him feel special on Valentine's Day, and i think i succeeded. i put little messages in balloons and had him pop them to see the 10 reason's why i love him. i think about my life without him. when i try to think about that, it just doesn't come through. i get stuck in this limbo of the fact that there is NOTHING after him. no life. no love. no family. no nothing. it makes me sad and weepy. i'm not saying all this because i'm on my period, i'm not. it's just coming out because he and i have been through a lot lately and we've had to rely on each other for a lot of support. i hope that he sees that i'm here and that i've been here for a long time now. tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. how does it feel to be with someone and have a beautiful baby and a home and a life with them? FAN-fucking-TASTIC!! OMG! i can't get over that. he's everything that i ever could have asked for in a mate, in a friend, in a person. i love him so much.
There is this little girl, that every day, cries. that every day, laughs. that every day, smiles. that little girl is Lilli Grace. she is the light of this household. she is the little gift that God has placed on this earth to make her mommy and daddy happy. there is a lot that has happened recently that has made both richi and i bond with her on a different level. there are things that she does that i never noticed before. there are ways that she looks at us that i never noticed before. i don't know what it is, but she just looks SO grown up. not to mention that she has the little attitude of a 13 year old girl. if she doesn't want something or if you catch her at a bad time, she gives you this look like "don't mess with me right now. i don't know why but i'm in a pissy mood". and i just say okay and let her play by herself. and then i notice that she's put herself to sleep and i don't feel so bad anymore. richi's noticed too. she just looks different. we've bonded so tightly with her now and we notice how she looks at us with this abundant amount of love and caring. i love her so much.
there are 2 people that are working hand-in-hand to make my life beautiful, Richi and Lilli. and these 2 wonderful people couldn't do it any better.i love them and appreciate them so much that it's overwhelming at times. it's hard to put exactly what i feel down because, i just don't know the words. it's weird. i'm way more articulate when i'm pissed. lol. i have a better sense of words when i'm angry. but when i feel this much love coming from some one and when i have this much love coming out of me, it's hard. i think a lot of people can appreciate that.
Thank you richi and lilli for loving me so much and for being my guiding light. i thank God everyday that he gave you 2 souls to me.