LOG: Sam/Inara
Inara was downstairs again. She'd found a small chair in the corner of the library, and was curled up in it, happily engrossed in Sun Tzu. However, her mind kept going back to the previous night. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about Sam. If he was all right, of course.
Sam wandered into the library. He was still nursing the hangover, but the tylenol was starting to help a little bit and he wasn't as nauseous as before.
As Inara turned a page, she happened to look up, and blinked hard. "Sam?" He looked tired and achy, but not near death. She hoped Dean had taken care of him the night before.
Sam glanced away from the shelves of books and saw her curled up in the chair. "Hey Inara." He said offering a sheepish little smile and wandered over to her.
Inara set her book aside. "How are you?" She offered a small smile, wondering how much he remembered. There was a chair open next to hers, and she waved him toward it.
Sam came over and took a seat making a slight sound of contentment as he settled into the chair. Sitting down was still better than standing up. "I spent some quality time in the bathroom, but I'm okay." He offered smiling a little. "I'm sorry you had to.. put up with me last night. I hope I didn't do or say anything offensive." He offered.
"It was my choice." Inara chuckled, looking away. "I dealt with Captain Reynolds more than once." Not as if Mal remembered or had ever said thank you or anything. She wasn't sure how much to say; did he remember what she'd said about his mother, before she'd learnt the truth?
She shook her head. "Don't worry. You were actually ... funny."
"Oh well... that's a relief... I think." Sam said looking the part of being relieved, but not like he remembered too much, just clips and pieces.
Inara smiled a little. "Trust me. If you were offensive, you would have known." She would have left. Or hit him. But seeing him, she figured she should be honest. "I actually asked you about your mother. I didn't know."
"Oh... well..." He smiled gently. "I couldn't expect you to." He said. It wasn't as if they'd gotten to really talking yet. "It's no big deal. It was a long time ago."
"Still." Inara felt odd and unsure around him, and she wasn't sure why. "I shouldn't have asked ... I mean, we haven't talked that much. I feel like you should ask me something about my past to make up for it." She smiled a little.
"Okay well then tell me about your family?" Sam offered, looking over at her curiously.
"I don't have one. Never really did." That wound was ancient enough so that it was okay. "I had my parents, but they gave me up to enter the service of House Madrassa." She saw him blinking, and explained. "Girls get selected for companions' houses at quite a young age. The house raises you, keeps you and teaches you. Then when you're old enough it's determined whether you're old enough to become a companion."
He nodded. "So your home was this House Madrassa then." He said putting that together. "Did you at least grow to like it there?" He wondered.
Inara nodded, smiling. "I enjoyed some of it very much." She'd always been good at her job. "But eventually I left to see the worlds, and found passage with Captain Reynolds." It sounded so much less complicated than it had been, of course.
"And the Captain and the crew? They probably became like family, I mean, after awhile." He suggested. Travelling together had a way of strengthening old bonds and building new ones.
Inara nodded. "Definitely. Not to put too fine a face on it, but Captain Reynolds was a smuggler. A good man," she hastily added, "but a smuggler. We faced ... interesting moments, all of us. Even River." She chuckled at the thought. River seemed so different here. She had no doubt it was because of Sam's brother.
"I don't doubt that."Sam said, a smile stretching across his face as he listened to her. "River's pretty special. And hey I have no issues with your Captain smuggling. Dean and I, we've done things along those lines..." Although he paused, wondering if that was saying too much. If it would turn her away or not. "I'm not saying I like it because I don't, but sometimes it's about the greater good you know. In our work sometimes you have to turn your head the other way when it comes to laws and rules."
Inara had to wonder what he did, but she didn't dare ask. She just agreed. "It's what you have to do to survive. And in our time, there was a war. I don't know if River's told you any part of it." She would explain the battle of Serenity Valley to him if need be, but she doubted he wanted to get so depressed so fast.
"Not too much really, but I know what war is like." He said with a slight, but serious nod. It followed them just like death seemed to.
"Do you?" She was interested, and smiled genuinely at him. "Mal - Captain Reynolds - used to say we needed to fall off the face of the cosmos, because war and death could find you when people couldn't." It was a nostalgic thought, but not necessarily a bitter one. It had just never worked out with Mal.
Sam nodded and smiled almost sadly at what she said about her Captain. "He's... right about that." He agreed.
That smile bugged her, though. "Well, now you know a bit of River's and my sad story." She smiled herself, trying to make it a little, well, happier. "I don't mean to be so serious all the time." He seemed like he needed to laugh more.
"I like that you're serious, but you don't have to impress me. Just be... however you're most comfortable being." He offered. "Trust me I'm the last guy on the planet who's going to judge you." At least he thought so anyway.
"Really?" She was probably overstepping her bounds, but she wanted to know. "Just raised that way?" She knew his father was here, though they hadn't met yet. She chuckled a little. "You don't seem too much like your brother."
"No we're only alike in the ways that count. And Dean's.." Sam smiled. "You probably just know Surface-Dean. There's a difference between that and the Real-Dean, he just doesn't like to show it." He explained. "My Dad he was always working and everything after my Mom died so it was Dean who took care of me, looked after me, made sure I had everything I needed." He said.
Inara shook her head hard, though, holding up her hands. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything about him. I only met him when he was with River, and he seemed ... nice." Not sure what other word to possibly use. Still. What Sam was saying made Inara happier - if Dean took such good care of Sam, he'd likely take excellent care of River.
"I know you weren't, just I know what he can be like sometimes." Sam said with a low chuckle. "Don't worry. River's in good hands." He said confidently.
"That was what I was wondering." Inara had to smile. She chose her words carefully. "River's a sort of little sister for me." What a pretty smile he had when it was relatively sober.
He nodded. "Considering the circumstances it's natural to worry about her."
Inara nodded, crossing her legs, readjusting her skirts. She had no idea what Sam knew, but she wasn't going to tell it all. It was River's story. "She's quite special. Her brother took care of her, and now she's on her own, so I try to help." Simple enough.
"I know she's psychic or... she was, just, this place sort of blocks out her abilities to a degree.." he said. "I sort of know what that's like.." He said a little more slowly and uncertainly.
"That's what she said." Inara raised an eyebrow, in spite of herself. Something was up, but she wasn't sure if she ought to say anything. She was careful. "You know what that's like?"
Sam's shifted from her down to the arm of the chair he sat in. "Yeah I... I see things, sometimes. I have these visions of things... before they happen. They're disorienting and they can be painful, but since I've been here I don't see them anymore. I had an episode, but it was just like... static, like the signal was blocked if you want to put it that way... still hurt, but.. no vision.." He said unsure if she'd think he was crazy. He sort of hoped not, but who's to say what she would accept?
After River, Inara didn't think he was crazy. She just nodded, trying to sound sympathetic. "Have you had it your whole life? Have they always hurt?" At least River's didn't hurt her, not that Inara knew.
"Not at first. At first they just... they started out as what I thought were... nightmares. Over a year or so ago... I started having them about my girlfriend Jessica, but I just thought they were maybe... nothing. I... wanted to believe they were nothing." He said opening the old wound up. "Because I saw her die the way my brother... the way my Dad said my mother died." He shrugged. "But... long story short it wasn't just a bad dream... she did... pass and I wasn't there to stop it. I was just there to see it happen.." He said knowing it probably wasn't coming out all that well. He smiled. "I'm sorry I don't want to seem like everytime we talk we're going to discuss how miserable my life was. It's really not... that bad." Yeah because that made it sound better. Really.
Her eyes filled with concern, though, and even as it happened she kicked herself, because she knew he probably didn't need her worrying. But it was what she did. She rested her hand on top of his (like she would have with a client?) and nodded. "I wish there was something I could say." Any kind of comfort would sound ridiculous. And yet she didn't like that he seemed so sad. Especially not on her account.
Sam smiled a bit and put his other hand on top of hers, her smaller one engulfed by his, sandwiched gently between them before he let go. "It was awhile ago. And she's gone now so.. anyway... that's just where it started. Then I started having them while I was awake, of people I didn't know and that's when it started to hurt. Like a bad migraine. It's just uh... I don't know it's just something that happens. I can't really control it." He said a little awkwardly. Seems like they always came back to awkward when he was around Inara. Everything was strained in a way. He hadn't felt quite that way with Alice or River or even Haley. But Inara... there was just something about her. Maybe he just really wanted her to like him, but the more he talked... the dumber he kind of felt.
"I'm sorry." Commiseration, not apology. Dear Buddha, but his hands were enormous. Still, she tried to reassure. "You forget. I've seen River's problems. I've seen a lot of things that are probably crazy to you. I have no idea what's changed from your time to mine."
"That's true. I guess I forget that." He confessed. It was easy. The hotel was strange but he assumed it was more fitting to his time than hers. So it was easy to dismiss rather than if he had been thrown into an environment more like what she and River knew of.
"That's good to know." Inara chuckled. She still felt like a fish out of water, but she didn't look like it, apparently. "Not sure I should be glad about fitting in here, but I'll take it." She felt more relaxed around him now, somehow. He'd told her an incredible amount of history about himself, and she'd told him almost everything. Almost.
"Well don't get me wrong." Sam said chuckling, but somehow complimentary. "I've never seen or met anyone quite like you, but I guess under the circumstances it's not that strange... under any others either, really. I'm used to being thrown into unexpected situations." He said with a smile. "I'm glad in this case that we... crossed paths. I imagine the whole thing, this place, probably is less than ideal for you, but you know for what it's worth I'm.. glad we met." He got out.
She thought she understood. He was saying he was happy to have met her, and that made her blush a little. Miracle of miracles. She doubted he was flirting with her, though, and had to sternly remind herself to behave. He was still mourning, from the sound of it.
Still, something he said interested her. "It's less than ideal for me, yes, but what about you?" Did he not want to get out?
"Well I guess in a weird way it's sort of like home." He said knowing she would look at him strangely and that was okay. He could count the number of times he'd said something that made her question to herself who the hell she was talking to. On one hand it made him nervous, on the other it was to be expected. "My brother and I live out of hotels so it's... not a stretch... although this place is a lot... grander and stranger than what we're used to, but it's just uh... nothing new when you look passed the excess of it all. When we're not in a hotel we're living out of his car." He gave a helpless shrug. "Ever since I was a kid really it was 'this apartment' or 'that hotel' you know... we've never really had anywhere... permanent."
That wasn't that odd, actually. "It sounds wonderful, at least for a while." She wasn't stupid enough to think it was some romanticized, idealized life, not with the way he looked. But to be on the road with only yourself to answer to ... she liked that idea very much. She smiled gamely, figuring he probably thought she was some vapid female, after something like that. "That's one of the reasons I left House Madrassa, Sam."
"It's all I've ever known." He said wtih a small smile. "I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.." He added. "You know... you always long for what you don't have I guess."
"It's true." Inara went silent for a minute, but eventually rose. "I'm going to go have some lunch. Care to come along?" Frankly, he interested her. He was kind, and fascinating. She hadn't met many people in this hotel yet.
"Sure." The idea of eating was much less revolting now than the way it had been when he first woke up this morning. He stood up alongside her and they left books behind for the dining hall.