A Momentary Disturbance; Minho/Taemin
It takes a momentary disturbance for Taemin to realise what, or rather, who he wants in life. A 2min oneshot about love lost and found based on BoA's Disturbance and Taemin's rendition of Justin Bieber's Nothing Like Us.
I love you - were these words not enough?
To have her in his arms rather than to be in the arms of a particular someone, for Taemin, this was nothing strange anymore. In fact, he had grown so used to this warm and cozy embrace with a lady seven years his senior over the past few months. People say that feelings develop over time, and somewhere along the way, Taemin found himself liking his sunbae a little too much, definitely more than their company would allow. Perhaps it all started when they started spending time together practicing for the couple dance in Only One, perhaps things became ambiguous between them because BoA had named him as her favourite dance partner and specifically requested for him to perform together with her as long as it was possible, maybe things got even more serious when he was especially selected to be the lead in her music video for Disturbance, but all these didn’t matter as much as the moment when BoA herself had invited him, and just him alone, over to her house.
That was when everything changed.
Taemin found himself growing up faster than he ever did as he became closer to BoA, drifting away from the members that used to be the only ones he could depend on, leaving the arms of one particular hyung who had helped him understand what love was, a love that meant everything yet nothing at the same time. It was a love that existed but was forbidden, and with neither of them taking any action to cross the line and acknowledge the love that they shared, Taemin was free to leave and explore his options.
The maknae of SHINee couldn’t say he didn’t see this coming. He knew BoA treated him differently, and he liked it. He liked that he had the attention of his sunbae who was beautiful both inside out. Their age difference was not a big deal; neither were the rules of their management. This was BoA Kwon - what BoA wants, BoA gets. It was as simple as that. All the management could do was turn a blind eye to their budding relationship. Taemin, himself, couldn’t do much either. It was hard not to like BoA, it was even harder to say no to her. Besides, he had no reason to say no when he felt happy spending time with her, when he now had someone other than his hyungs to turn to; and this was something he always desired - a special relationship with a lady. Although they never did give a name to their relationship, Taemin couldn’t deny that there was something going on between BoA and him, something that was about to get serious.
“I love you, Taemin.”
Taemin heard BoA’s whisper loud and clear, even felt it against his lips after she had shifted in his arms to give him a light kiss where it mattered the most. The effect that her words had on him was much greater than the kiss though, because Taemin had to swallow a lump that had formed in his throat before he could give an answer to her.
“I know, noona, I love you too.”
Not questioning the sincerity in the younger’s voice, BoA looked at Taemin for a moment before she sighed and moved away from the boy she loved, choosing to sit properly beside him instead.
“I don’t doubt that you do, Taeminnie… but do you love me because you’re in love with me? Or do you love me because I love you?”
As his body stilled, Taemin was stumped by her questions, and BoA could see that. It was then BoA knew she had to put a stop to this. As much as it hurt her, she knew she had to let him go. They never did try to get to know each other or even want to get to know each other. It was her that had been leading Taemin in their relationship all along, and she knew, if she had not taken the initiative, Taemin would have never done anything to change the status quo. Maybe that was why she never did want to give a name to their relationship, because she knew all along that it would come to an end. This way, with no strings attached, it was easier to end what she had with Taemin.
“The thing is, sweetie, you never did fall in love with me… how could you, when you had never fallen out of love?” BoA smiled bitterly as she reached out to touch Taemin’s face, her thumb stroking his cheek affectionately, “I know… I know you love him, Taemin, love him the way you don’t love me, love him… the way lovers should.”
BoA’s words had struck Taemin’s heart. And in that moment in time, everything came rushing back to him all at once - what he shared with the 'him' BoA was referring to, the him that could only go by the name of Minho, before BoA came along. The memories had been happy; Taemin loved how they could understand each other with just one look, and share not only knowing smiles but also their deepest darkest secrets with each other. He also found himself getting addicted to their subtle touches along with the lingering feel of skin against skin that came with the closeness they shared. Minho had been the person he could hug and steal warmth from, the one he depended his whole heart on, the one who did all the little things that showed so much care and concern that went beyond that showered by friends or, for that matter, band mates. They were even inseparable at one moment in time. But that was before.
When Taemin had ended up with BoA, everything had changed. Things weren’t the same anymore. True, they were still close, everything seemed perfectly fine on the surface, but Taemin knew they had drifted apart, the line that separated them becoming so clear it was almost visible to the human eye. And the fault was all his. There was no one else to blame but him. Suddenly, Taemin couldn’t block out the images of forced smiles and sad eyes anymore. Minho knew about his relationship with BoA and yet, he never did say anything about it. But Taemin knew he had hurt the one person he truly loved the most; and as if Taemin himself wasn’t hurting enough, just knowing that Minho had let him go just like that without saying a word and held it all in as he enjoyed himself with BoA, that just pained him so much that even BoA could feel his pain.
“Go.” BoA said with an encouraging smile to Taemin as she pinched his cheek fondly and reassuringly, “It’s never too late.”
“Noona…” Taemin caught hold of BoA’s hand and gently held it in his while looking apologetically into her eyes, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, silly.” BoA smiled, pushing Taemin off the sofa and urging him to leave, “We were never a mistake… we just weren’t meant to be. Now, go, hurry! You need to make up with him.”
“Thanks noona.” Smiling gratefully at BoA, Taemin nodded and gave her a quick hug.
With that, the dancer was out of the apartment in no time, for he had a broken heart to mend.
***
Cause nothing can ever, ever replace you
Nothing can make me feel like you do
You know there's no one, I can relate to
I know we won't find a love that's so true
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
Together through the storm
Taemin’s heart was pounding so hard till he could hear the frantic beating of his heart in his ears. It wasn’t just because he had rushed his way home, drove as fast as he could back to their dorm, and hurried through their shared apartment (which was unusually silent but that was probably because it was coming to 2 in the morning and everyone must have been sleeping), walking so fast that he was almost running straight towards the door of Minho’s room; it was also because he was utterly nervous and deathly afraid of what would happen once Minho had opened the door which he was currently hammering so violently that for a split second, Taemin wondered if the door might just fall apart if Minho wasn’t going to open it any time soon. Lucky for Taemin, that wasn’t something he needed to worry about because Minho had finally answered the door in the next second.
“Hyung!” Taemin gasped with surprise because he had almost fell forward with the amount of force he was exerting on the door when it had suddenly opened and gave him nothing but air to knock on.
Minho blinked slowly, trying to understand the situation since he had just woken up from his sleep and was in the midst of regaining his consciousness. Once all traces of sleep were gone, Minho looked at the door and then looked at Taemin as he slowly said, “Taemin, the door wasn’t locked. You could have just come in.”
“Oh.” Taemin stupidly replied with an awkward smile before he said the first thing that came into his mind, “Umm, were you sleeping?”
Instantly realizing that that was a more stupid thing to say, Taemin cursed in his mind and quickly continued without giving Minho a chance to reply, “I, err, I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s alright.” Minho waved Taemin’s apology away as he shook his head.
What followed was a moment where Taemin and Minho just simply looked at each other in silence, both not knowing what to do next until it suddenly occurred to Minho that he shouldn’t even be looking at Taemin right now because the maknae wasn’t supposed to be here.
“Hey, didn’t you say you would be spending the night at your own home? What are you doing back here in the dorm?” Upon noticing the conflict in Taemin’s expression, a frown immediately appeared on Minho’s face as he questioned, “What’s wrong, Taem?”
Looking away from Minho, Taemin bit his bottom lip and stared at his feet, having so much to say to the elder but not knowing where to start. It took a moment for him to finally compose himself and remind himself that there was no time to waste; so with a deep breath, Taemin found the courage to look Minho in the eye to say, “I’m sorry I lost my way, hyung.”
By then, Minho was right on the verge of losing it, getting increasingly anxious and worried by the second, but he forced himself to stay calm and wait for Taemin to explain things to him because patience was key when it came to dealing with the maknae. “Taemin, what are you saying?”
“I know what I want now, Minho hyung, and I want things to go back to how they used to be, I want… I want you to love me.” Taemin confessed, still feeling rather uneasy as he clenched and unclenched his fists nervously but remained headstrong as always, “I don’t care that I’m being selfish here but hyung, you’ve always allowed me to be selfish, you let me go when you should have stopped me, you let me have my way, you… you… I can’t believe you let me break your heart…”
Upon hearing what Taemin had to say, Minho felt a tug at his heart, a painful one that is. It didn’t help that it was hard to ignore how Taemin was trying his best to hold back his tears as he forced out the last sentence and wasn’t able to say anything more for fear that it would become more obvious that he was breaking down. With his heart aching almost as much as Taemin’s one was, Minho let out a sigh and stepped forward to bring the maknae into his arms.
“Tae, if I say you didn’t break my heart, would you believe me?” Minho asked as he stared blankly at the wall ahead.
Keeping silent because he still needed to calm himself down, Taemin shook his head against Minho’s shoulder instead.
“But it’s the truth… I would never fight a losing battle, Taem, I always knew you’d find your way back,” Understanding what Taemin had been sorry for earlier, Minho explained with a smile growing on his face as he hugged the maknae closer to him, aligning their bodies perfectly with one another, “You haven’t lost me, Taem. I’ve always been here waiting for you.”
“Hyung… I’m sorry.” Taemin muttered into Minho’s shirt, still hiding himself from the rapper, as he clutched Minho’s shirt tightly, “It took me too long to realize I can’t do without you in my life.”
“You really need to stop apologizing to me…” Minho pressed a kiss on the top of Taemin’s head and sighed, “You’re going to make me think you’re just here because you feel sorry for me.”
“What? No! Hyung, are you mad?” Taemin finally pushed himself away from Minho and stared at the elder in protest, “I’m not that sort of person!”
Minho laughed as he ruffled Taemin’s hair, “I know you aren’t…”
“Then why would you-” Taemin cut himself short when he saw the smile on Minho’s face and huffed, “Is it so fun to tease me?”
Minho simply smiled even wider as a reply because there wasn’t a need to answer Taemin’s question when the answer was obvious, and not exactly important at that point in time.
“You’re doing that creepy smile again, Minho hyung…”
“I can’t help that I’m happy…”
“I am too, hyung… I’m happier than I ever could be.”
“But I haven’t even kissed you yet.”
Taemin choked on air, his cheeks reddening rapidly while he breathed in to exclaim, “Hyung! You didn’t have to say that out loud.”
“I, umm, I’m sorry?”
“What are you even sorry about?” Taemin rolled his eyes as he took a step forward and mumbled, “Just kiss me, damn it.”
“Since you asked for it…” Grinning, Minho tilted Taemin’s chin up so he could find the perfect angle to allow their lips to softly meet for a quick moment before he leaned his forehead against the maknae’s and said, “You know I’ll always let you have your way.”
“You can spoil me as much as you want, hyung.” Taemin roughly brought Minho’s face forward so he could mesh their lips together in a much more satisfying kiss that made them both breathless before he broke their kiss to threaten, “But I’ll make you die a slow, painful death if you ever let me leave you again.”
“Taemin ah…” Minho tried, he really did, but he couldn’t help but chuckle at the maknae’s attempt to be intimidating, “You’re adorable.”
It didn't help the situation but Taemin naturally pursed his lips into a pout, “I mean it, Minho hyung, I’ll make it happen.”
“And how would you do that?”
“I’ll… I’ll…” Taemin snapped his fingers when an idea struck him and in the next moment, he was out of Minho’s arms, taking a huge step back before he pointed at himself from head to toe, “I won’t let you come close to any of this.”
“And?”
“You won’t be able to hold me, kiss me, let alone, touch me…”
“That indeed sounds torturous enough…”
“Uh huh, you see what I mean… and that’s only the beginning.”
Minho nodded, thinking to himself for a moment before he said, “But to help me understand, you got to show me what I’m missing out first.”
And the next thing Taemin knew, Minho had pulled him forward, straight into his room, with an arm wrapped securely around his waist before he kicked the door shut with his foot.
“Maybe we can start tonight?” Minho suggested as he looked down at the maknae trapped in his arms.
“Good idea.” Taemin agreed, locking his hands behind Minho’s neck, before he grumbled out loud, “We’ve already wasted more than enough time because-”
The rest of Taemin’s complaints were silenced by Minho’s lips, for this was the only time he wasn’t going to let Taemin have his way. After all, they had more important things to get to, things that would make up for everything Taemin had put Minho through before he managed to find his way back home.
I love you - were these words not enough?
To have her in his arms rather than to be in the arms of a particular someone, for Taemin, this was nothing strange anymore. In fact, he had grown so used to this warm and cozy embrace with a lady seven years his senior over the past few months. People say that feelings develop over time, and somewhere along the way, Taemin found himself liking his sunbae a little too much, definitely more than their company would allow. Perhaps it all started when they started spending time together practicing for the couple dance in Only One, perhaps things became ambiguous between them because BoA had named him as her favourite dance partner and specifically requested for him to perform together with her as long as it was possible, maybe things got even more serious when he was especially selected to be the lead in her music video for Disturbance, but all these didn’t matter as much as the moment when BoA herself had invited him, and just him alone, over to her house.
That was when everything changed.
Taemin found himself growing up faster than he ever did as he became closer to BoA, drifting away from the members that used to be the only ones he could depend on, leaving the arms of one particular hyung who had helped him understand what love was, a love that meant everything yet nothing at the same time. It was a love that existed but was forbidden, and with neither of them taking any action to cross the line and acknowledge the love that they shared, Taemin was free to leave and explore his options.
The maknae of SHINee couldn’t say he didn’t see this coming. He knew BoA treated him differently, and he liked it. He liked that he had the attention of his sunbae who was beautiful both inside out. Their age difference was not a big deal; neither were the rules of their management. This was BoA Kwon - what BoA wants, BoA gets. It was as simple as that. All the management could do was turn a blind eye to their budding relationship. Taemin, himself, couldn’t do much either. It was hard not to like BoA, it was even harder to say no to her. Besides, he had no reason to say no when he felt happy spending time with her, when he now had someone other than his hyungs to turn to; and this was something he always desired - a special relationship with a lady. Although they never did give a name to their relationship, Taemin couldn’t deny that there was something going on between BoA and him, something that was about to get serious.
“I love you, Taemin.”
Taemin heard BoA’s whisper loud and clear, even felt it against his lips after she had shifted in his arms to give him a light kiss where it mattered the most. The effect that her words had on him was much greater than the kiss though, because Taemin had to swallow a lump that had formed in his throat before he could give an answer to her.
“I know, noona, I love you too.”
Not questioning the sincerity in the younger’s voice, BoA looked at Taemin for a moment before she sighed and moved away from the boy she loved, choosing to sit properly beside him instead.
“I don’t doubt that you do, Taeminnie… but do you love me because you’re in love with me? Or do you love me because I love you?”
As his body stilled, Taemin was stumped by her questions, and BoA could see that. It was then BoA knew she had to put a stop to this. As much as it hurt her, she knew she had to let him go. They never did try to get to know each other or even want to get to know each other. It was her that had been leading Taemin in their relationship all along, and she knew, if she had not taken the initiative, Taemin would have never done anything to change the status quo. Maybe that was why she never did want to give a name to their relationship, because she knew all along that it would come to an end. This way, with no strings attached, it was easier to end what she had with Taemin.
“The thing is, sweetie, you never did fall in love with me… how could you, when you had never fallen out of love?” BoA smiled bitterly as she reached out to touch Taemin’s face, her thumb stroking his cheek affectionately, “I know… I know you love him, Taemin, love him the way you don’t love me, love him… the way lovers should.”
BoA’s words had struck Taemin’s heart. And in that moment in time, everything came rushing back to him all at once - what he shared with the 'him' BoA was referring to, the him that could only go by the name of Minho, before BoA came along. The memories had been happy; Taemin loved how they could understand each other with just one look, and share not only knowing smiles but also their deepest darkest secrets with each other. He also found himself getting addicted to their subtle touches along with the lingering feel of skin against skin that came with the closeness they shared. Minho had been the person he could hug and steal warmth from, the one he depended his whole heart on, the one who did all the little things that showed so much care and concern that went beyond that showered by friends or, for that matter, band mates. They were even inseparable at one moment in time. But that was before.
When Taemin had ended up with BoA, everything had changed. Things weren’t the same anymore. True, they were still close, everything seemed perfectly fine on the surface, but Taemin knew they had drifted apart, the line that separated them becoming so clear it was almost visible to the human eye. And the fault was all his. There was no one else to blame but him. Suddenly, Taemin couldn’t block out the images of forced smiles and sad eyes anymore. Minho knew about his relationship with BoA and yet, he never did say anything about it. But Taemin knew he had hurt the one person he truly loved the most; and as if Taemin himself wasn’t hurting enough, just knowing that Minho had let him go just like that without saying a word and held it all in as he enjoyed himself with BoA, that just pained him so much that even BoA could feel his pain.
“Go.” BoA said with an encouraging smile to Taemin as she pinched his cheek fondly and reassuringly, “It’s never too late.”
“Noona…” Taemin caught hold of BoA’s hand and gently held it in his while looking apologetically into her eyes, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, silly.” BoA smiled, pushing Taemin off the sofa and urging him to leave, “We were never a mistake… we just weren’t meant to be. Now, go, hurry! You need to make up with him.”
“Thanks noona.” Smiling gratefully at BoA, Taemin nodded and gave her a quick hug.
With that, the dancer was out of the apartment in no time, for he had a broken heart to mend.
***
Cause nothing can ever, ever replace you
Nothing can make me feel like you do
You know there's no one, I can relate to
I know we won't find a love that's so true
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
Together through the storm
Taemin’s heart was pounding so hard till he could hear the frantic beating of his heart in his ears. It wasn’t just because he had rushed his way home, drove as fast as he could back to their dorm, and hurried through their shared apartment (which was unusually silent but that was probably because it was coming to 2 in the morning and everyone must have been sleeping), walking so fast that he was almost running straight towards the door of Minho’s room; it was also because he was utterly nervous and deathly afraid of what would happen once Minho had opened the door which he was currently hammering so violently that for a split second, Taemin wondered if the door might just fall apart if Minho wasn’t going to open it any time soon. Lucky for Taemin, that wasn’t something he needed to worry about because Minho had finally answered the door in the next second.
“Hyung!” Taemin gasped with surprise because he had almost fell forward with the amount of force he was exerting on the door when it had suddenly opened and gave him nothing but air to knock on.
Minho blinked slowly, trying to understand the situation since he had just woken up from his sleep and was in the midst of regaining his consciousness. Once all traces of sleep were gone, Minho looked at the door and then looked at Taemin as he slowly said, “Taemin, the door wasn’t locked. You could have just come in.”
“Oh.” Taemin stupidly replied with an awkward smile before he said the first thing that came into his mind, “Umm, were you sleeping?”
Instantly realizing that that was a more stupid thing to say, Taemin cursed in his mind and quickly continued without giving Minho a chance to reply, “I, err, I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s alright.” Minho waved Taemin’s apology away as he shook his head.
What followed was a moment where Taemin and Minho just simply looked at each other in silence, both not knowing what to do next until it suddenly occurred to Minho that he shouldn’t even be looking at Taemin right now because the maknae wasn’t supposed to be here.
“Hey, didn’t you say you would be spending the night at your own home? What are you doing back here in the dorm?” Upon noticing the conflict in Taemin’s expression, a frown immediately appeared on Minho’s face as he questioned, “What’s wrong, Taem?”
Looking away from Minho, Taemin bit his bottom lip and stared at his feet, having so much to say to the elder but not knowing where to start. It took a moment for him to finally compose himself and remind himself that there was no time to waste; so with a deep breath, Taemin found the courage to look Minho in the eye to say, “I’m sorry I lost my way, hyung.”
By then, Minho was right on the verge of losing it, getting increasingly anxious and worried by the second, but he forced himself to stay calm and wait for Taemin to explain things to him because patience was key when it came to dealing with the maknae. “Taemin, what are you saying?”
“I know what I want now, Minho hyung, and I want things to go back to how they used to be, I want… I want you to love me.” Taemin confessed, still feeling rather uneasy as he clenched and unclenched his fists nervously but remained headstrong as always, “I don’t care that I’m being selfish here but hyung, you’ve always allowed me to be selfish, you let me go when you should have stopped me, you let me have my way, you… you… I can’t believe you let me break your heart…”
Upon hearing what Taemin had to say, Minho felt a tug at his heart, a painful one that is. It didn’t help that it was hard to ignore how Taemin was trying his best to hold back his tears as he forced out the last sentence and wasn’t able to say anything more for fear that it would become more obvious that he was breaking down. With his heart aching almost as much as Taemin’s one was, Minho let out a sigh and stepped forward to bring the maknae into his arms.
“Tae, if I say you didn’t break my heart, would you believe me?” Minho asked as he stared blankly at the wall ahead.
Keeping silent because he still needed to calm himself down, Taemin shook his head against Minho’s shoulder instead.
“But it’s the truth… I would never fight a losing battle, Taem, I always knew you’d find your way back,” Understanding what Taemin had been sorry for earlier, Minho explained with a smile growing on his face as he hugged the maknae closer to him, aligning their bodies perfectly with one another, “You haven’t lost me, Taem. I’ve always been here waiting for you.”
“Hyung… I’m sorry.” Taemin muttered into Minho’s shirt, still hiding himself from the rapper, as he clutched Minho’s shirt tightly, “It took me too long to realize I can’t do without you in my life.”
“You really need to stop apologizing to me…” Minho pressed a kiss on the top of Taemin’s head and sighed, “You’re going to make me think you’re just here because you feel sorry for me.”
“What? No! Hyung, are you mad?” Taemin finally pushed himself away from Minho and stared at the elder in protest, “I’m not that sort of person!”
Minho laughed as he ruffled Taemin’s hair, “I know you aren’t…”
“Then why would you-” Taemin cut himself short when he saw the smile on Minho’s face and huffed, “Is it so fun to tease me?”
Minho simply smiled even wider as a reply because there wasn’t a need to answer Taemin’s question when the answer was obvious, and not exactly important at that point in time.
“You’re doing that creepy smile again, Minho hyung…”
“I can’t help that I’m happy…”
“I am too, hyung… I’m happier than I ever could be.”
“But I haven’t even kissed you yet.”
Taemin choked on air, his cheeks reddening rapidly while he breathed in to exclaim, “Hyung! You didn’t have to say that out loud.”
“I, umm, I’m sorry?”
“What are you even sorry about?” Taemin rolled his eyes as he took a step forward and mumbled, “Just kiss me, damn it.”
“Since you asked for it…” Grinning, Minho tilted Taemin’s chin up so he could find the perfect angle to allow their lips to softly meet for a quick moment before he leaned his forehead against the maknae’s and said, “You know I’ll always let you have your way.”
“You can spoil me as much as you want, hyung.” Taemin roughly brought Minho’s face forward so he could mesh their lips together in a much more satisfying kiss that made them both breathless before he broke their kiss to threaten, “But I’ll make you die a slow, painful death if you ever let me leave you again.”
“Taemin ah…” Minho tried, he really did, but he couldn’t help but chuckle at the maknae’s attempt to be intimidating, “You’re adorable.”
It didn't help the situation but Taemin naturally pursed his lips into a pout, “I mean it, Minho hyung, I’ll make it happen.”
“And how would you do that?”
“I’ll… I’ll…” Taemin snapped his fingers when an idea struck him and in the next moment, he was out of Minho’s arms, taking a huge step back before he pointed at himself from head to toe, “I won’t let you come close to any of this.”
“And?”
“You won’t be able to hold me, kiss me, let alone, touch me…”
“That indeed sounds torturous enough…”
“Uh huh, you see what I mean… and that’s only the beginning.”
Minho nodded, thinking to himself for a moment before he said, “But to help me understand, you got to show me what I’m missing out first.”
And the next thing Taemin knew, Minho had pulled him forward, straight into his room, with an arm wrapped securely around his waist before he kicked the door shut with his foot.
“Maybe we can start tonight?” Minho suggested as he looked down at the maknae trapped in his arms.
“Good idea.” Taemin agreed, locking his hands behind Minho’s neck, before he grumbled out loud, “We’ve already wasted more than enough time because-”
The rest of Taemin’s complaints were silenced by Minho’s lips, for this was the only time he wasn’t going to let Taemin have his way. After all, they had more important things to get to, things that would make up for everything Taemin had put Minho through before he managed to find his way back home.