What's Hate Without Love?; Minho/Key
In which Minho brings out the worst in Kibum.
Author's Note: 60% inspired by a tweet from a close friend which went a little something like this... "You bring out the worst in me." 40% inspired by the minkey we saw in shinee's One Fine Day/Wonderful Day.
Kibum hated watching videos of himself. If he had a choice, he would rather not watch any programmes that he has been on. The blonde just really couldn’t get himself to watch those videos and see for himself how he was like in front of the cameras. Loving to perform was one thing, watching himself was another. Honestly, who would be that self-absorbed? Kibum would leave the job of watching to his fans. Still, he found himself searching for the latest episode of One Fine Day each week and making sure he caught all ten episodes. Don’t get him wrong though, Kibum absolutely wasn’t watching it for himself, he was only watching it because he was interested in seeing how his other four members had spent their holidays. Sure, they had talked about it when they got back from their holidays, rather briefly actually, but nothing beats having the images to their words. It was only natural for Kibum to be curious to find out what his members were up to when they were separated, but what he didn’t expect was to discover something about himself that he hadn’t actually realise all along. And Kibum, once again, was reminded why he loathed watching videos of himself.
One Fine Day had shown the worst side of Kim Kibum, at least, that was what Kibum himself concluded after he had completed all ten episodes of their show. Now that he was thinking back on his short getaway to London, if what happened onscreen made Kibum detest himself for who he was, what truly happened in real life made Kibum feel worse about himself. And all of this was no one’s fault except Choi Minho. He was the reason why Kibum had become a person he didn’t want to be, a person he himself would dislike. Kibum couldn’t even recognize himself anymore, and as much as he didn’t want to confront the issue, he had absolutely valid reasons to justify why.
Case in Point #1 - Greed
It was human nature to be greedy. In fact, Kibum had to thank his greed for getting him where he was today. Yet, it had come to a point where Kibum actually hated how greedy he had become. That’s right, who else but Minho to take the blame? Minho, who was all generous, giving, kind and easygoing, and never failed to give Kibum whatever he wanted was the culprit behind Kibum’s insatiable greed. He never expected Minho to take his requests seriously since the rapper always grumbled and complained whenever he asked for stuff but when Kibum really got what he wanted at the end of it all, the blonde realized that it was almost too easy to take advantage of Minho. When it all started, Kibum had only been greedy for material goods. However, as feelings developed and their relationship changed, Kibum was guilty for being greedy for the intangible things in life too, like Minho’s time, Minho’s effort and most importantly, Minho’s love.
What Kibum hated the most was the fact that Minho always gives even if Kibum never asked. Minho was that sweet a guy. It made Kibum happy, feeling ever so blessed that Minho loved him this much, but such a love didn’t make him a better person. It suddenly became clear to Kibum how he was, in reality, spoilt rotten by his boyfriend. No matter how busy Minho was or how exhausted he was by the time he got back to their dorm (let’s face it, Minho had more individual schedules to attend to as compared to Kibum), the rapper always made sure he spent time to listen to Kibum’s rants because the blonde always had something to rant about to his boyfriend. And on the rare times Kibum didn’t, Minho would still come into Kibum’s room and just simply be there for his boyfriend, making sure they never went a day without seeing or talking to each other. That’s not it. The rapper would pay attention to everything that caught Kibum’s eye, and if it was within his means, he would surprise the dancer with gifts once in a while, whether or not there was a special occasion. All of which just left Kibum greedy for more. It made Kibum have expectations, and once there were expectations, there were wants and needs to be met, all of which were brought about by Choi Minho. And Kibum hated him for that.
Case in Point #2 - Jealousy
It was good that Kibum even felt jealous, because that showed how much he cared about their relationship, how much he actually feared losing Minho. Yet, enough was enough. Jealousy was getting the better of him and Kibum was behaving in a manner he thoroughly detested. Yes, he knew he had Minho, that he owned Minho’s heart, that Minho only had eyes for him but all that didn’t mean he could stop others from eyeing his guy. That didn’t stop others, particularly the other gender who had no idea how gay his boyfriend was, from approaching Minho just so they could get a name, a number, his attention or just simply anything from the rapper who was too attractive for his own good. If you asked Kibum if Minho was a perfect guy, Kibum would tell you he wasn’t, but Kibum would say that sometimes his boyfriend really seemed too perfect until Kibum himself found it hard to believe if the guy was real, that much he had to admit. There was just something about Minho that drew people in like moths to a flame. In retrospect, he was indeed flaming charisma for a reason. Minho didn’t even have to speak for girls regardless of nationalities to want to flock to him just so they could get his attention, or for that matter, a glance from the guy himself.
What infuriated Kibum the most though, was how Minho always never did anything to fend off these advances except smile and be a total gentleman. That’s when Kibum felt the most jealous. He couldn’t do much when cameras were on him except curse at the pests in his mind and exercise self-control but if it happened during their personal lives, Kibum would resort to subtle ways to get rid of these nuisances, ways in which he wasn’t proud of because it somehow showed how petty he could be. The blonde couldn’t even count the number of times he had pulled Minho out of situations like this. But the one Kibum remembered the most was the time he actually had to act drunk and throw himself at Minho just so he could legitimately push the lady’s wandering hand off Minho’s arm and force his boyfriend to bring him away. That wasn’t a pleasant experience at all, not even a memory they could think back and laugh at, because Kibum recalled how he had actually wished death upon that aggressive lady. And that just made Kibum feel utterly horrible about himself. Once again, it was all Minho’s fault.
Case in Point #3 - Anger
It goes without saying then that Choi Minho was Kibum’s biggest frustration of all time. His anger was indefinitely caused by no one else but Minho. He had his ways to cope with everything that came his way but when it had to do with Minho, Kibum found himself helpless most of the times, and that just frustrated Kibum even more. Not only did the bad side of Minho anger him (his competitiveness, his stubbornness, his possessiveness, his annoying habits etc.), but the good frustrated him as well (his well manners, his friendliness, his dependability, his honesty, his devotion etc.). It most probably had to do with the amount of emotions he had invested in his boyfriend though, a consequence that was unavoidable since Kibum was in love with the guy. And that’s what love does to people. It makes someone feel emotions they have never felt before. Kibum wasn’t an exception.
Forget about whatever had occurred in the past, just look at what was happening now. Watching how he was like on One Fine Day was enough to make Kibum so angry with himself. And then realizing how greedy and jealous a person he had become because of Minho made Kibum even more furious that all he wanted to do was punch someone in the face. What made things worse was that Kibum couldn’t control his feelings of hatred and anger. He was mad at Minho for what he had done to him, so mad that he had to vent his frustration out somewhere. Yet, all Kibum could do was stare at the screen of his MacBook and breathe in and out heavily as he clenched his fists so tight, trying his best to contain his anger and calm himself down.
But when he heard the door of his room open, Kibum suddenly understood how the idiom ‘speak of the devil’ came about. At the same time, he also slowly turned to look towards the direction of the door, his eyes instantly meeting those of the ‘devil’ indeed.
“Choi. Min. Ho.”
Upon hearing how Kibum literally hissed out his name, his voice lowered so dangerously it could send chills down anyone’s spine, Minho’s smile froze and his footsteps grew slower as he approached his boyfriend warily.
“You… umm, don’t look too happy to see that I got home earlier especially for you?”
When Kibum suddenly stood up so fast that his chair fell back, Minho instantly stopped where he was and decided it was safer not to approach his boyfriend just yet.
“You!” Kibum shouted as he pointed at Minho and quickly closed the distance between them until his finger was poking the rapper’s chest. “You’re the bane of my existence.”
“Wh- what?” Minho stuttered as he widened his eyes, shocked and confused at Kibum’s sudden statement, “Did I do something to offend you, Kim Kibum?”
“You bring out the worst in me.” Kibum growled, catching hold of Minho’s shirt and balling his fists into the material just so he could attain some sort of power over the taller male, “I really feel like punching you.”
“Kibum…”
Huffing, Kibum narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend, unwilling to speak but making it obvious he was waiting to hear what Minho had to say, especially since the rapper had turned serious and was honestly looking genuinely troubled.
“Is this some sort of role play you forgot to tell me about?”
Once the last word had left Minho’s mouth, Kibum spaced out, position frozen in place and not even blinking but staring at the general direction of Minho’s face. It took a moment before the silence was broken.
“Bummie?”
Like a spell, Kibum snapped out of his trance-like state and fell against Minho’s body, leaning his entire weight on the rapper, who instinctively supported his boyfriend with his hands on Kibum’s waist.
“You’ll be the death of me.” With his forehead against Minho’s shoulder, Kibum muttered out loud before he looked up to say, “I hate you.”
“You know, Kibummie, it’s not my fault that-”
“It’s always your fault, Minho.”
“Hey, that’s not fair.”
“Then is it fair you’re the reason why I’ve become a person I actually hate?”
“Wait, are we still role playing or something?” Minho frowned, still confused as ever, “Why am I not getting any of this? What are you even talking about, Kibum? You’re perfect just the way you are, and I couldn’t love you more.”
Shaking his head to disagree as he locked his hands behind Minho’s neck, Kibum then sighed, “I don’t know how you put up with me sometimes…”
“You’re not that bad a person, Kibum.” Minho chuckled, leaning down to press a quick kiss on Kibum’s lips before he admitted, “Besides, don’t you know? It’s my trick… so you know I’m the only person right for you. I’m sorry bummie, but you have no other options but to stick with me.”
Kibum rolled his eyes, defeated by the fact that Minho always had a way with him. Even though the rapper didn’t have a clue about what had gotten him all riled up, Minho still knew exactly how to appease him and make everything better. It was as if he was a natural at making Kibum happy and it was times like this the blonde found himself falling even harder with Minho.
“I hate you.” Kibum repeated once again, voicing out part of his thoughts but keeping the reasons why he hated Minho to himself, reasons that Kibum knew Minho understood from the smug look on his face.
“It’s okay, give me about 10 minutes? And I’ll have you changing the middle word to something I rather hear…” As he spoke, Minho moved his hands under Kibum’s shirt and brought Kibum’s hips against his, leaving absolutely no space between their lower bodies and making it clear what he was about to do with Kibum. And once he was done letting Kibum know his plans, Minho brought their lips together, not only kissing Kibum so slowly and passionately but also caressing his skin in the most magical of ways, that Kibum knew he was a lost cause.
Minho was definitely going to hear exactly what he wanted.
And Kibum? Well, Kibum still blamed Minho for making him hate himself more so than ever.
Author's Note: 60% inspired by a tweet from a close friend which went a little something like this... "You bring out the worst in me." 40% inspired by the minkey we saw in shinee's One Fine Day/Wonderful Day.
Kibum hated watching videos of himself. If he had a choice, he would rather not watch any programmes that he has been on. The blonde just really couldn’t get himself to watch those videos and see for himself how he was like in front of the cameras. Loving to perform was one thing, watching himself was another. Honestly, who would be that self-absorbed? Kibum would leave the job of watching to his fans. Still, he found himself searching for the latest episode of One Fine Day each week and making sure he caught all ten episodes. Don’t get him wrong though, Kibum absolutely wasn’t watching it for himself, he was only watching it because he was interested in seeing how his other four members had spent their holidays. Sure, they had talked about it when they got back from their holidays, rather briefly actually, but nothing beats having the images to their words. It was only natural for Kibum to be curious to find out what his members were up to when they were separated, but what he didn’t expect was to discover something about himself that he hadn’t actually realise all along. And Kibum, once again, was reminded why he loathed watching videos of himself.
One Fine Day had shown the worst side of Kim Kibum, at least, that was what Kibum himself concluded after he had completed all ten episodes of their show. Now that he was thinking back on his short getaway to London, if what happened onscreen made Kibum detest himself for who he was, what truly happened in real life made Kibum feel worse about himself. And all of this was no one’s fault except Choi Minho. He was the reason why Kibum had become a person he didn’t want to be, a person he himself would dislike. Kibum couldn’t even recognize himself anymore, and as much as he didn’t want to confront the issue, he had absolutely valid reasons to justify why.
Case in Point #1 - Greed
It was human nature to be greedy. In fact, Kibum had to thank his greed for getting him where he was today. Yet, it had come to a point where Kibum actually hated how greedy he had become. That’s right, who else but Minho to take the blame? Minho, who was all generous, giving, kind and easygoing, and never failed to give Kibum whatever he wanted was the culprit behind Kibum’s insatiable greed. He never expected Minho to take his requests seriously since the rapper always grumbled and complained whenever he asked for stuff but when Kibum really got what he wanted at the end of it all, the blonde realized that it was almost too easy to take advantage of Minho. When it all started, Kibum had only been greedy for material goods. However, as feelings developed and their relationship changed, Kibum was guilty for being greedy for the intangible things in life too, like Minho’s time, Minho’s effort and most importantly, Minho’s love.
What Kibum hated the most was the fact that Minho always gives even if Kibum never asked. Minho was that sweet a guy. It made Kibum happy, feeling ever so blessed that Minho loved him this much, but such a love didn’t make him a better person. It suddenly became clear to Kibum how he was, in reality, spoilt rotten by his boyfriend. No matter how busy Minho was or how exhausted he was by the time he got back to their dorm (let’s face it, Minho had more individual schedules to attend to as compared to Kibum), the rapper always made sure he spent time to listen to Kibum’s rants because the blonde always had something to rant about to his boyfriend. And on the rare times Kibum didn’t, Minho would still come into Kibum’s room and just simply be there for his boyfriend, making sure they never went a day without seeing or talking to each other. That’s not it. The rapper would pay attention to everything that caught Kibum’s eye, and if it was within his means, he would surprise the dancer with gifts once in a while, whether or not there was a special occasion. All of which just left Kibum greedy for more. It made Kibum have expectations, and once there were expectations, there were wants and needs to be met, all of which were brought about by Choi Minho. And Kibum hated him for that.
Case in Point #2 - Jealousy
It was good that Kibum even felt jealous, because that showed how much he cared about their relationship, how much he actually feared losing Minho. Yet, enough was enough. Jealousy was getting the better of him and Kibum was behaving in a manner he thoroughly detested. Yes, he knew he had Minho, that he owned Minho’s heart, that Minho only had eyes for him but all that didn’t mean he could stop others from eyeing his guy. That didn’t stop others, particularly the other gender who had no idea how gay his boyfriend was, from approaching Minho just so they could get a name, a number, his attention or just simply anything from the rapper who was too attractive for his own good. If you asked Kibum if Minho was a perfect guy, Kibum would tell you he wasn’t, but Kibum would say that sometimes his boyfriend really seemed too perfect until Kibum himself found it hard to believe if the guy was real, that much he had to admit. There was just something about Minho that drew people in like moths to a flame. In retrospect, he was indeed flaming charisma for a reason. Minho didn’t even have to speak for girls regardless of nationalities to want to flock to him just so they could get his attention, or for that matter, a glance from the guy himself.
What infuriated Kibum the most though, was how Minho always never did anything to fend off these advances except smile and be a total gentleman. That’s when Kibum felt the most jealous. He couldn’t do much when cameras were on him except curse at the pests in his mind and exercise self-control but if it happened during their personal lives, Kibum would resort to subtle ways to get rid of these nuisances, ways in which he wasn’t proud of because it somehow showed how petty he could be. The blonde couldn’t even count the number of times he had pulled Minho out of situations like this. But the one Kibum remembered the most was the time he actually had to act drunk and throw himself at Minho just so he could legitimately push the lady’s wandering hand off Minho’s arm and force his boyfriend to bring him away. That wasn’t a pleasant experience at all, not even a memory they could think back and laugh at, because Kibum recalled how he had actually wished death upon that aggressive lady. And that just made Kibum feel utterly horrible about himself. Once again, it was all Minho’s fault.
Case in Point #3 - Anger
It goes without saying then that Choi Minho was Kibum’s biggest frustration of all time. His anger was indefinitely caused by no one else but Minho. He had his ways to cope with everything that came his way but when it had to do with Minho, Kibum found himself helpless most of the times, and that just frustrated Kibum even more. Not only did the bad side of Minho anger him (his competitiveness, his stubbornness, his possessiveness, his annoying habits etc.), but the good frustrated him as well (his well manners, his friendliness, his dependability, his honesty, his devotion etc.). It most probably had to do with the amount of emotions he had invested in his boyfriend though, a consequence that was unavoidable since Kibum was in love with the guy. And that’s what love does to people. It makes someone feel emotions they have never felt before. Kibum wasn’t an exception.
Forget about whatever had occurred in the past, just look at what was happening now. Watching how he was like on One Fine Day was enough to make Kibum so angry with himself. And then realizing how greedy and jealous a person he had become because of Minho made Kibum even more furious that all he wanted to do was punch someone in the face. What made things worse was that Kibum couldn’t control his feelings of hatred and anger. He was mad at Minho for what he had done to him, so mad that he had to vent his frustration out somewhere. Yet, all Kibum could do was stare at the screen of his MacBook and breathe in and out heavily as he clenched his fists so tight, trying his best to contain his anger and calm himself down.
But when he heard the door of his room open, Kibum suddenly understood how the idiom ‘speak of the devil’ came about. At the same time, he also slowly turned to look towards the direction of the door, his eyes instantly meeting those of the ‘devil’ indeed.
“Choi. Min. Ho.”
Upon hearing how Kibum literally hissed out his name, his voice lowered so dangerously it could send chills down anyone’s spine, Minho’s smile froze and his footsteps grew slower as he approached his boyfriend warily.
“You… umm, don’t look too happy to see that I got home earlier especially for you?”
When Kibum suddenly stood up so fast that his chair fell back, Minho instantly stopped where he was and decided it was safer not to approach his boyfriend just yet.
“You!” Kibum shouted as he pointed at Minho and quickly closed the distance between them until his finger was poking the rapper’s chest. “You’re the bane of my existence.”
“Wh- what?” Minho stuttered as he widened his eyes, shocked and confused at Kibum’s sudden statement, “Did I do something to offend you, Kim Kibum?”
“You bring out the worst in me.” Kibum growled, catching hold of Minho’s shirt and balling his fists into the material just so he could attain some sort of power over the taller male, “I really feel like punching you.”
“Kibum…”
Huffing, Kibum narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend, unwilling to speak but making it obvious he was waiting to hear what Minho had to say, especially since the rapper had turned serious and was honestly looking genuinely troubled.
“Is this some sort of role play you forgot to tell me about?”
Once the last word had left Minho’s mouth, Kibum spaced out, position frozen in place and not even blinking but staring at the general direction of Minho’s face. It took a moment before the silence was broken.
“Bummie?”
Like a spell, Kibum snapped out of his trance-like state and fell against Minho’s body, leaning his entire weight on the rapper, who instinctively supported his boyfriend with his hands on Kibum’s waist.
“You’ll be the death of me.” With his forehead against Minho’s shoulder, Kibum muttered out loud before he looked up to say, “I hate you.”
“You know, Kibummie, it’s not my fault that-”
“It’s always your fault, Minho.”
“Hey, that’s not fair.”
“Then is it fair you’re the reason why I’ve become a person I actually hate?”
“Wait, are we still role playing or something?” Minho frowned, still confused as ever, “Why am I not getting any of this? What are you even talking about, Kibum? You’re perfect just the way you are, and I couldn’t love you more.”
Shaking his head to disagree as he locked his hands behind Minho’s neck, Kibum then sighed, “I don’t know how you put up with me sometimes…”
“You’re not that bad a person, Kibum.” Minho chuckled, leaning down to press a quick kiss on Kibum’s lips before he admitted, “Besides, don’t you know? It’s my trick… so you know I’m the only person right for you. I’m sorry bummie, but you have no other options but to stick with me.”
Kibum rolled his eyes, defeated by the fact that Minho always had a way with him. Even though the rapper didn’t have a clue about what had gotten him all riled up, Minho still knew exactly how to appease him and make everything better. It was as if he was a natural at making Kibum happy and it was times like this the blonde found himself falling even harder with Minho.
“I hate you.” Kibum repeated once again, voicing out part of his thoughts but keeping the reasons why he hated Minho to himself, reasons that Kibum knew Minho understood from the smug look on his face.
“It’s okay, give me about 10 minutes? And I’ll have you changing the middle word to something I rather hear…” As he spoke, Minho moved his hands under Kibum’s shirt and brought Kibum’s hips against his, leaving absolutely no space between their lower bodies and making it clear what he was about to do with Kibum. And once he was done letting Kibum know his plans, Minho brought their lips together, not only kissing Kibum so slowly and passionately but also caressing his skin in the most magical of ways, that Kibum knew he was a lost cause.
Minho was definitely going to hear exactly what he wanted.
And Kibum? Well, Kibum still blamed Minho for making him hate himself more so than ever.