Tracing Tears; Minho/Key
Kibum cries for a reason, and it's his secret to keep.
Author's Note: Inspired by this and this plus..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
Listened to this on repeat because the song fits this fic perfectly (only the chorus i lifted out though). if you've been reading my fluffy minkey fics all this time, here's a little warning... erase all that away and read this with a fresh mind. this fic stands on its own. dear readers, be prepared to expect something entirely different. but no matter what, change is good, so i hope you'll still enjoy the read! ^^
The night was calm, the surroundings peaceful, his room was at the right temperature to soothe him to sleep and his bed felt as comfortable as ever and yet, Kibum was having another one of those sleepless nights that frustrated him to no end. Fed up with trying to force himself to sleep, Kibum opened his eyes to the darkness of his room and let out a sigh. Experience told him that staying in bed wasn’t going to help him at all and so, Kibum rolled himself off the bed and shuffled towards his desk to grab his MacBook before he left the comfort of his room and made his way towards the kitchen. He read somewhere before that chamomile tea had a calming effect that would relax him enough to help him get some sleep so Kibum decided that now was probably the best time to finally put it to the test.
On his way to the kitchen, Kibum placed his MacBook on the dining table, stopping for a moment to turn his laptop on first so he wouldn't have to wait for it to start up later, and when that was done, he finally stepped into the kitchen and started making himself that warm cup of chamomile tea. It only took him less than 5 minutes before he was back at the dining table sitting with his legs crossed on the chair and his MacBook before him, slowly sipping the tea that he was trying for the very first time. As he placed the cup back onto the table, Kibum stared at his laptop, his heart already one step ahead of his mind, because in the next moment, his fingers moved to click on a link that he had bookmarked a while back. And suddenly, he found himself on YouTube where a video that was taken on their Debut 5th Anniversary Special Party began playing.
Kibum couldn't help but smile as he recalled the day's happenings. Perhaps it was because 25th of May was such a meaningful, memorable day that Kibum became even more emotional than he usually was. He remembered how tears had instantly welled up in his eyes when he wasn’t even halfway through the video the fans had made for them, absolutely touched by the amount of effort shawols had put in to present them with such a beautiful gift. True enough, his memory was soon refreshed again when the video came to the exact scene Kibum had in his mind just a few seconds ago. And suddenly, as he watched himself cry in the video, Kibum felt like he was close to crying again. But not because he was once again touched by the fans' effort, but because he saw how Minho had actually placed an arm around his shoulder and used the other hand to gently wipe his tears off for him.
Shocked, Kibum instantly paused the video, and quickly rewound it to the moment the tears had escaped his eyes. When he saw the exact same footage play again, Kibum was then convinced that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. Minho had indeed turned to him with what Kibum recognised was a tender, fond and affectionate expression on his face. And that was most definitely the very same expression that Kibum usually saw on Minho but sadly, was rarely directed to him.
More often than not, Kibum found himself wishing that he wasn't born in the year 1991. Because then, he wouldn't be Minho's chingu; and if he wasn't Minho's same aged friend, he wouldn't be treated differently by the rapper of Shinee. This was one sort of special treatment Kibum wished he never had. Truth is, he was envious of the way Minho acted around his hyungs and dongsaengs. Take Onew or Jonghyun for example. Minho was always, for lack of a better term, all over them. He would take the initiative to talk to them, to get to know them better, trying his best to be involved as much as he could in their personal lives, and always asking them out on their own time, never giving up even if he was turned down more than once. It was no secret that Minho loved getting close to his hyungs, always more comfortable when he hung out with them, and the rapper loved it even more when they doted on him and enjoyed spending time with him as much he enjoyed their company.
And if Kibum wasn't jealous enough of the way Minho treated his hyungs, seeing how Minho cared for Taemin was the final straw to drive him over the edge, mad with jealousy. True, Minho always had this sense of responsibility for anyone who was younger than him but the maknae of shinee was the most special of them all. Everyone knew Minho had a soft spot for Taemin. The rapper cared for Taemin the same way one would think he would for his future wife. As if he was striving to be the best hyung he could ever be to Taemin, Minho doted on the dancer so much that others had to even butt in at times to stop Minho from spoiling Taemin too much. It was obvious how much Minho loved Taemin, and how Taemin depended on Minho and looked up to him, that sometimes, Kibum felt like the bond between the youngest two was unbreakable.
Kibum had every right to be jealous. As Minho’s chingu, rare were the times the rapper showed him the sort of affection he did to his hyungs or dongsaengs. It wasn’t that Minho treated him bad. He was still a friend that was hard to come by, somebody Kibum knew he could depend on as well. It was just different, but not in a good way. Kibum could even say that Minho seemed uncomfortable to be around friends of the same age, not knowing exactly how to interact especially with Kibum’s 91-line as he frequently spoke to them in a way an elder would to a child, saying statements such as “you’ve worked hard” or “I hope you’re eating well”. It made the atmosphere awkward every time he tagged along but Kibum found that somewhat endearing. Still, it wasn’t enough to overcome the envy he felt towards the people Minho was the most comfortable with. Sometimes, he even got so jealous that he would voice out his opinion for Minho to treat him better, only to regret saying anything in the first place when Minho saw it as a joke. Obviously, when it hit Kibum that he might have been jealous because he felt something more than friendship for the rapper, Kibum knew he was a lost cause.
“Why do you like crying so much?”
Minho had asked him once before, albeit teasingly.
Well, the answer was simple. Kibum had realized that the only time Minho would show the same sort of concern and love he showered upon his hyungs and dongsaengs was when Kibum was crying. That was the moment when Kibum came the closest to Minho caring for him the same way he did with Onew, Jonghyun or Taemin on normal days.
There was a trick to this though. Kibum could only do it onstage, because that was when Minho pretty much had no other choice but to give him the attention Kibum always desired. After all, Minho was the closest to him. That was how they were arranged to stand on stage from the very beginning; Minho was stuck beside him on his right with nowhere to run or escape when he needed to be consoled. He was the fastest person that could get to him as long as he needed someone to be there for him. If he cried off stage though, Kibum knew the probability of Minho coming to console him was definitely lower.
As if the heavens had heard him and were out to test his theory, Kibum picked up the sound of footsteps coming towards him. And the next thing he knew, Minho was standing right before him with concern etched on his face.
“Kibum?” Minho frowned, eyes instantly noticing the tears that stained Kibum’s cheeks, “You alright?”
Uncomfortable under Minho’s intense gaze, Kibum suddenly felt overly self-conscious about his appearance and so he quickly looked away, hastily rubbing under his eyes before he shrugged and breathed out, “I’m okay… just- well, crying helps… you know?”
“I know.” Minho said in a heartfelt tone that threatened to bring tears to Kibum’s eyes, “Get some sleep alright? Tomorrow will be a better day.”
Through his swollen and puffy eyes, Kibum finally looked up at Minho who was smiling so warmly at him that the blonde forced himself to return a smile even though his heart was aching. Because no, Minho would never know, would never understand the truth behind Kibum's tears. He would never find out about the amount of sleepless nights he had because of him, would never understand the reason why crying actually helped Kibum. And for now, Kibum would do nothing to change the situation… not until he was prepared to risk his heart being broken by the very boy who owned it.
Author's Note: Inspired by this and this plus..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
Listened to this on repeat because the song fits this fic perfectly (only the chorus i lifted out though). if you've been reading my fluffy minkey fics all this time, here's a little warning... erase all that away and read this with a fresh mind. this fic stands on its own. dear readers, be prepared to expect something entirely different. but no matter what, change is good, so i hope you'll still enjoy the read! ^^
The night was calm, the surroundings peaceful, his room was at the right temperature to soothe him to sleep and his bed felt as comfortable as ever and yet, Kibum was having another one of those sleepless nights that frustrated him to no end. Fed up with trying to force himself to sleep, Kibum opened his eyes to the darkness of his room and let out a sigh. Experience told him that staying in bed wasn’t going to help him at all and so, Kibum rolled himself off the bed and shuffled towards his desk to grab his MacBook before he left the comfort of his room and made his way towards the kitchen. He read somewhere before that chamomile tea had a calming effect that would relax him enough to help him get some sleep so Kibum decided that now was probably the best time to finally put it to the test.
On his way to the kitchen, Kibum placed his MacBook on the dining table, stopping for a moment to turn his laptop on first so he wouldn't have to wait for it to start up later, and when that was done, he finally stepped into the kitchen and started making himself that warm cup of chamomile tea. It only took him less than 5 minutes before he was back at the dining table sitting with his legs crossed on the chair and his MacBook before him, slowly sipping the tea that he was trying for the very first time. As he placed the cup back onto the table, Kibum stared at his laptop, his heart already one step ahead of his mind, because in the next moment, his fingers moved to click on a link that he had bookmarked a while back. And suddenly, he found himself on YouTube where a video that was taken on their Debut 5th Anniversary Special Party began playing.
Kibum couldn't help but smile as he recalled the day's happenings. Perhaps it was because 25th of May was such a meaningful, memorable day that Kibum became even more emotional than he usually was. He remembered how tears had instantly welled up in his eyes when he wasn’t even halfway through the video the fans had made for them, absolutely touched by the amount of effort shawols had put in to present them with such a beautiful gift. True enough, his memory was soon refreshed again when the video came to the exact scene Kibum had in his mind just a few seconds ago. And suddenly, as he watched himself cry in the video, Kibum felt like he was close to crying again. But not because he was once again touched by the fans' effort, but because he saw how Minho had actually placed an arm around his shoulder and used the other hand to gently wipe his tears off for him.
Shocked, Kibum instantly paused the video, and quickly rewound it to the moment the tears had escaped his eyes. When he saw the exact same footage play again, Kibum was then convinced that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. Minho had indeed turned to him with what Kibum recognised was a tender, fond and affectionate expression on his face. And that was most definitely the very same expression that Kibum usually saw on Minho but sadly, was rarely directed to him.
More often than not, Kibum found himself wishing that he wasn't born in the year 1991. Because then, he wouldn't be Minho's chingu; and if he wasn't Minho's same aged friend, he wouldn't be treated differently by the rapper of Shinee. This was one sort of special treatment Kibum wished he never had. Truth is, he was envious of the way Minho acted around his hyungs and dongsaengs. Take Onew or Jonghyun for example. Minho was always, for lack of a better term, all over them. He would take the initiative to talk to them, to get to know them better, trying his best to be involved as much as he could in their personal lives, and always asking them out on their own time, never giving up even if he was turned down more than once. It was no secret that Minho loved getting close to his hyungs, always more comfortable when he hung out with them, and the rapper loved it even more when they doted on him and enjoyed spending time with him as much he enjoyed their company.
And if Kibum wasn't jealous enough of the way Minho treated his hyungs, seeing how Minho cared for Taemin was the final straw to drive him over the edge, mad with jealousy. True, Minho always had this sense of responsibility for anyone who was younger than him but the maknae of shinee was the most special of them all. Everyone knew Minho had a soft spot for Taemin. The rapper cared for Taemin the same way one would think he would for his future wife. As if he was striving to be the best hyung he could ever be to Taemin, Minho doted on the dancer so much that others had to even butt in at times to stop Minho from spoiling Taemin too much. It was obvious how much Minho loved Taemin, and how Taemin depended on Minho and looked up to him, that sometimes, Kibum felt like the bond between the youngest two was unbreakable.
Kibum had every right to be jealous. As Minho’s chingu, rare were the times the rapper showed him the sort of affection he did to his hyungs or dongsaengs. It wasn’t that Minho treated him bad. He was still a friend that was hard to come by, somebody Kibum knew he could depend on as well. It was just different, but not in a good way. Kibum could even say that Minho seemed uncomfortable to be around friends of the same age, not knowing exactly how to interact especially with Kibum’s 91-line as he frequently spoke to them in a way an elder would to a child, saying statements such as “you’ve worked hard” or “I hope you’re eating well”. It made the atmosphere awkward every time he tagged along but Kibum found that somewhat endearing. Still, it wasn’t enough to overcome the envy he felt towards the people Minho was the most comfortable with. Sometimes, he even got so jealous that he would voice out his opinion for Minho to treat him better, only to regret saying anything in the first place when Minho saw it as a joke. Obviously, when it hit Kibum that he might have been jealous because he felt something more than friendship for the rapper, Kibum knew he was a lost cause.
“Why do you like crying so much?”
Minho had asked him once before, albeit teasingly.
Well, the answer was simple. Kibum had realized that the only time Minho would show the same sort of concern and love he showered upon his hyungs and dongsaengs was when Kibum was crying. That was the moment when Kibum came the closest to Minho caring for him the same way he did with Onew, Jonghyun or Taemin on normal days.
There was a trick to this though. Kibum could only do it onstage, because that was when Minho pretty much had no other choice but to give him the attention Kibum always desired. After all, Minho was the closest to him. That was how they were arranged to stand on stage from the very beginning; Minho was stuck beside him on his right with nowhere to run or escape when he needed to be consoled. He was the fastest person that could get to him as long as he needed someone to be there for him. If he cried off stage though, Kibum knew the probability of Minho coming to console him was definitely lower.
As if the heavens had heard him and were out to test his theory, Kibum picked up the sound of footsteps coming towards him. And the next thing he knew, Minho was standing right before him with concern etched on his face.
“Kibum?” Minho frowned, eyes instantly noticing the tears that stained Kibum’s cheeks, “You alright?”
Uncomfortable under Minho’s intense gaze, Kibum suddenly felt overly self-conscious about his appearance and so he quickly looked away, hastily rubbing under his eyes before he shrugged and breathed out, “I’m okay… just- well, crying helps… you know?”
“I know.” Minho said in a heartfelt tone that threatened to bring tears to Kibum’s eyes, “Get some sleep alright? Tomorrow will be a better day.”
Through his swollen and puffy eyes, Kibum finally looked up at Minho who was smiling so warmly at him that the blonde forced himself to return a smile even though his heart was aching. Because no, Minho would never know, would never understand the truth behind Kibum's tears. He would never find out about the amount of sleepless nights he had because of him, would never understand the reason why crying actually helped Kibum. And for now, Kibum would do nothing to change the situation… not until he was prepared to risk his heart being broken by the very boy who owned it.