Not The First But The Last; Minho/Key
Sometimes in life, Minho realises, it's good to be last.
Choi Minho didn’t think he could worry so much in his life. Yet, the fact was, well, he was... to the point that he couldn’t even sit still and was pacing wherever he could within the limited space in his studio apartment. Minho had never felt so troubled, so helpless in his life before. Truth be told, he was actually on the verge of losing his mind. You would think that something terribly awful had happened to Minho, but no, Minho’s (somewhat) mental breakdown was simply caused by two measly words.
“It’s him.”
That was all Kim Kibum had to say for Minho’s heart to drop. He couldn't even do anything except watch his boyfriend of two years leave his apartment before the phone call which had rudely interrupted their late night movie session even ended. No explanations were given but those two words (and Kibum's anxious expression) was enough for Minho to guess where his boyfriend was going. It didn’t end there, of course. What troubled Minho the most was the possibilities of what could happen after Kibum got to his destination.
Minho hated feeling this way. All his life, he was confident of himself. He was brought up to be the best he could be, always striving to achieve and improve, ever ready with the courage to face new challenges that would come his way. Yet, when it came to a certain Kim Kibum, Minho found himself feeling defeated more than once ever since he met the guy and realised his feelings for him. Perhaps that was what love did to people. It made you feel more as feelings intensified when more emotions were invested. Being in love could bring out a side of you that you never knew existed. Minho, for one, knew he had changed, both for the better and for the worse, the moment he fell in love with Kibum.
Kibum was his first love. It was the first serious relationship Minho had in his 21 years of life. However, the same couldn't be said for Kibum. Kibum had a relationship before theirs, one that Minho knew about because they had talked about this before, deciding to come clean with each other about their previous relationships (in Minho’s case, he had only been on dates) a few weeks after they got together. Minho had found out that it was a mutual agreement between Kibum and his first love to end things because they both realised they had lost the passion they once felt for each other. They were friends, in fact, so close that they could call each other family, but they just couldn’t be lovers anymore. The truth did indeed hurt, because finding out that he wasn't Kibum's first love would always remain a sore spot in Minho's heart. And it was this first love of Kibum who was the ‘him’ in question, which had reduced Minho to the state he was in now - worried, troubled and frustrated (to say the very least).
Almost two hours had passed since Kibum rushed out of his apartment and yet, Minho's eyes were still glued on his phone, hoping, praying, every minute that Kibum would contact him soon. There was no news from his boyfriend though, and Minho was getting anxious by the second, driving himself crazy just imagining all the possibilities of what Kibum could be doing with his ex-boyfriend. Minho had long lost count of the number of times he was tempted to contact Kibum. Every single time he had a message all typed out and ready to send, Minho couldn't find the courage in him to press send. Every moment he had his thumb hovering above the button to call Kibum on speed dial, he couldn’t find that little bit of energy within him to press his thumb down.
Minho just didn't want to show this side of himself to Kibum, such a side that was lacking in confidence; he didn't need to expose his insecurity to his boyfriend. Most importantly, he couldn't afford to lose the image of a perfect boyfriend that Kibum had of him just because of an overly concerned message or phone call. Just thinking about how Kibum might tease him or look at him differently was enough to hold Minho back from showing concern. The reality was that Minho had no guts to contact his boyfriend, and that was exactly the reason why he was worrying himself sick.
It took another half an hour (yes, he was constantly checking the time) before Minho was finally put out of his misery when he received a message from the very cause of said misery.
Still awake?
Yeah.
Come pick me up?
Give me the address. I’ll be there asap.
After grabbing his car keys on his way to the door, even before he had received Kibum's reply, Minho was out of his apartment in no time. He wasn’t feeling that much better after leaving his house though because the car ride to the address Kibum had sent him was a torture for Minho. Apart from navigating his way to the given address, Minho’s mind was in overdrive, wondering what on earth he should say to Kibum when he got onto the car. Should he try asking Kibum about what happened ever since the phone call came? Or should he avoid the topic and pretend like nothing had happened? The drive to pick Kibum up felt like forever as Minho spent the time playing out different scenarios in his head so it was a relief when he finally found the address and spotted Kibum waiting for him on the street. Almost at the same time, Kibum had spotted his car too.
Taking in a deep breath, Minho steadily pulled up to the sidewalk and watched as Kibum settled into the passenger seat and closed the car door.
“Hey…” Kibum greeted with a tired smile on his face.
That was all it took for Minho to decide to stay silent and not ask any questions about what Kibum had been up to with his ex-boyfriend. Kibum definitely didn’t look like he was up to tackling all the questions that had been bothering Minho throughout the night. As much as Minho was curious and almost desperate to confront Kibum about the matter, he didn’t have the heart to do so.
And so, Minho reached out to hold Kibum’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze as he asked, “Where to? My place or yours?”
“Minho…” Kibum began as he tightened his hold around his boyfriend’s hand, “I’m sorry I dashed off like that without saying anything, and thank you… for coming to-”
“Kibum, your place or mine?” Minho stopped Kibum from saying the unnecessary and repeated his question.
Kibum fell silent for a moment, shifting in his position so he could face Minho comfortably, before he cleared his throat to ask, “Am I welcomed to stay at your place tonight?”
“Of course, bummie, why would you ever think you’re not?”
“You seem angry.”
It was Minho’s turn to fall silent as he looked away from Kibum, afraid that his eyes would give away everything he was trying to hide.
“Don’t you have any questions to ask me?”
Minho forced himself to shake his head.
Kibum tugged on Minho’s hand, “Don’t lie to me.”
Pulling his hand out of Kibum’s, Minho positioned both his hands on the steering wheel and chose to ignore Kibum’s accusation as he said, “We should get going… I can’t park here.”
“It’s almost 3 in the morning, Minho, there’s no one around.” Kibum sighed as he leaned back into the seat, “We can even have sex in the car right now and no one would know.”
“Kibum…” Minho groaned, not in the mood to hear jokes like that.
“What? I’m stating a fact.” Kibum replied and continued to challenge, “Do you want me to prove it?”
Shaking his head, Minho let out a breath, “Can we not do this now, Kibum? We’re both tired, let’s just get home.”
“Then ask me the questions I know you want to ask!” Kibum wasn’t shouting, but he had raised his volume enough for Minho to snap back at him.
“I don’t want to ask you any questions right now!”
“You don’t?” Kibum asked without expecting a reply from his boyfriend as he went right on to say, “Alright. Fine! I’ll do the questioning then! Why aren’t you asking me about what happened with my ex? I was with him for almost three whole hours and you’re not worried one bit? One phone call and I’m off to find him. Aren’t you afraid of losing me? You trust me that much? Or does this mean you don’t love me enough to care if anything happened between my ex and I? Answer me, Choi Minho, I want to know!”
Turning his car keys, Minho turned off the engine before he moved to face Kibum and shouted back, “What do you want me to say, Kibum? What can I even do? He’s your first love, for god’s sake! He has a special place in your heart! You’ve had memories with him that I could never replace, you’ve shared a relationship with him that I could only hope to have. I can’t do anything about that… I can’t. I have to accept the fact that I would never be able to change the past... All I can hope is to do enough so you wouldn’t look back and regret your choice to be with me.”
Kibum slowly shook his head in disappointment, “You don’t get it, do you?”
“What?!”
Kibum sighed as he looked away, “It’s true… he’s special to me, Minho, special enough for me to leave you in a snap of fingers just because his current boyfriend cheated on him and he needed me to be there. I won’t lie. I don’t think I can ever forget him and what I shared with him. He means a lot to me. You’re right. But that doesn’t entirely mean that he’s irreplaceable.”
Kibum took a deep breath before he turned back and reached out to hold Minho’s hand, “Because you came along… you and your clumsy unromantic confessions and never-say-die attitude that annoyed the hell out of me but made me realised that I could still fall in love, when I thought I could never feel the same way for someone ever again- no wait- you made me feel more, Minho. Sometimes, I find myself so in love with you that it scares me... like just now, when he told me about how his boyfriend cheated on him, I couldn’t stop imagining how I would be if you ever ch-”
“I would never, Kibum.” Minho promised with eyes so sincere, “How could I even do that to you when it felt like hell even since that damned phone call came?”
A smile tugged on a corner of Kibum’s lips. “So you admit you were worried?”
Minho rolled his eyes and decided to do what he does best when he knew he was about to lose a verbal battle with Kibum. He leaned forward to reduce the distance between them, his hand naturally finding Kibum’s face so he could gently pull Kibum towards him and captured his boyfriend’s lips in a kiss that took his breath away. The kiss was heated, passionate and intense right from the beginning, you could say Minho was venting the frustration that had built up inside him, but it was nothing Kibum couldn’t handle. In fact, he liked this domineering side of Minho so much that he couldn’t help but break their kiss just so he could speak.
“So? What do you say?” Kibum licked his lips as his hands fell onto Minho’s chest, “Want to take me up on my offer now?”
“What?” Minho was still in a bit of a daze from their kiss.
“You know… car sex.” Kibum replied as he fiddled with the collar of Minho’s shirt.
Minho instantly snapped back to reality, “Kibum!”
“I was just kidding.” Kibum laughed as he pushed Minho back to the driver's seat and ordered, “Drive, baby. Your place. It’s nearer.”
“What am I ever going to do about you?” Letting out a breathy laugh, Minho smiled lovingly at his boyfriend before he restarted the engine and began their journey back home, full attention now onto the road.
Stifling a laugh with his hand, Kibum eyed Minho for a moment, waiting until the car had stopped at a red light before he pretended to ponder out loud, “It’s more comfortable to do it at home anyway… we could even try a new position tonight.”
Even so, the car still jerked forward with Minho trying so very hard not to blush while he readjusted his foot on the brake and kept his eyes on the road, and Kibum, well, Kibum couldn’t hold back his laugh anymore, getting so much joy out of teasing his boyfriend. How could Kibum ever let go of Minho when his boyfriend made his life so much happier?
Minho had been worried for nothing, because to Kibum, Choi Minho was definitely for keeps, right until the very end.
Choi Minho didn’t think he could worry so much in his life. Yet, the fact was, well, he was... to the point that he couldn’t even sit still and was pacing wherever he could within the limited space in his studio apartment. Minho had never felt so troubled, so helpless in his life before. Truth be told, he was actually on the verge of losing his mind. You would think that something terribly awful had happened to Minho, but no, Minho’s (somewhat) mental breakdown was simply caused by two measly words.
“It’s him.”
That was all Kim Kibum had to say for Minho’s heart to drop. He couldn't even do anything except watch his boyfriend of two years leave his apartment before the phone call which had rudely interrupted their late night movie session even ended. No explanations were given but those two words (and Kibum's anxious expression) was enough for Minho to guess where his boyfriend was going. It didn’t end there, of course. What troubled Minho the most was the possibilities of what could happen after Kibum got to his destination.
Minho hated feeling this way. All his life, he was confident of himself. He was brought up to be the best he could be, always striving to achieve and improve, ever ready with the courage to face new challenges that would come his way. Yet, when it came to a certain Kim Kibum, Minho found himself feeling defeated more than once ever since he met the guy and realised his feelings for him. Perhaps that was what love did to people. It made you feel more as feelings intensified when more emotions were invested. Being in love could bring out a side of you that you never knew existed. Minho, for one, knew he had changed, both for the better and for the worse, the moment he fell in love with Kibum.
Kibum was his first love. It was the first serious relationship Minho had in his 21 years of life. However, the same couldn't be said for Kibum. Kibum had a relationship before theirs, one that Minho knew about because they had talked about this before, deciding to come clean with each other about their previous relationships (in Minho’s case, he had only been on dates) a few weeks after they got together. Minho had found out that it was a mutual agreement between Kibum and his first love to end things because they both realised they had lost the passion they once felt for each other. They were friends, in fact, so close that they could call each other family, but they just couldn’t be lovers anymore. The truth did indeed hurt, because finding out that he wasn't Kibum's first love would always remain a sore spot in Minho's heart. And it was this first love of Kibum who was the ‘him’ in question, which had reduced Minho to the state he was in now - worried, troubled and frustrated (to say the very least).
Almost two hours had passed since Kibum rushed out of his apartment and yet, Minho's eyes were still glued on his phone, hoping, praying, every minute that Kibum would contact him soon. There was no news from his boyfriend though, and Minho was getting anxious by the second, driving himself crazy just imagining all the possibilities of what Kibum could be doing with his ex-boyfriend. Minho had long lost count of the number of times he was tempted to contact Kibum. Every single time he had a message all typed out and ready to send, Minho couldn't find the courage in him to press send. Every moment he had his thumb hovering above the button to call Kibum on speed dial, he couldn’t find that little bit of energy within him to press his thumb down.
Minho just didn't want to show this side of himself to Kibum, such a side that was lacking in confidence; he didn't need to expose his insecurity to his boyfriend. Most importantly, he couldn't afford to lose the image of a perfect boyfriend that Kibum had of him just because of an overly concerned message or phone call. Just thinking about how Kibum might tease him or look at him differently was enough to hold Minho back from showing concern. The reality was that Minho had no guts to contact his boyfriend, and that was exactly the reason why he was worrying himself sick.
It took another half an hour (yes, he was constantly checking the time) before Minho was finally put out of his misery when he received a message from the very cause of said misery.
Still awake?
Yeah.
Come pick me up?
Give me the address. I’ll be there asap.
After grabbing his car keys on his way to the door, even before he had received Kibum's reply, Minho was out of his apartment in no time. He wasn’t feeling that much better after leaving his house though because the car ride to the address Kibum had sent him was a torture for Minho. Apart from navigating his way to the given address, Minho’s mind was in overdrive, wondering what on earth he should say to Kibum when he got onto the car. Should he try asking Kibum about what happened ever since the phone call came? Or should he avoid the topic and pretend like nothing had happened? The drive to pick Kibum up felt like forever as Minho spent the time playing out different scenarios in his head so it was a relief when he finally found the address and spotted Kibum waiting for him on the street. Almost at the same time, Kibum had spotted his car too.
Taking in a deep breath, Minho steadily pulled up to the sidewalk and watched as Kibum settled into the passenger seat and closed the car door.
“Hey…” Kibum greeted with a tired smile on his face.
That was all it took for Minho to decide to stay silent and not ask any questions about what Kibum had been up to with his ex-boyfriend. Kibum definitely didn’t look like he was up to tackling all the questions that had been bothering Minho throughout the night. As much as Minho was curious and almost desperate to confront Kibum about the matter, he didn’t have the heart to do so.
And so, Minho reached out to hold Kibum’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze as he asked, “Where to? My place or yours?”
“Minho…” Kibum began as he tightened his hold around his boyfriend’s hand, “I’m sorry I dashed off like that without saying anything, and thank you… for coming to-”
“Kibum, your place or mine?” Minho stopped Kibum from saying the unnecessary and repeated his question.
Kibum fell silent for a moment, shifting in his position so he could face Minho comfortably, before he cleared his throat to ask, “Am I welcomed to stay at your place tonight?”
“Of course, bummie, why would you ever think you’re not?”
“You seem angry.”
It was Minho’s turn to fall silent as he looked away from Kibum, afraid that his eyes would give away everything he was trying to hide.
“Don’t you have any questions to ask me?”
Minho forced himself to shake his head.
Kibum tugged on Minho’s hand, “Don’t lie to me.”
Pulling his hand out of Kibum’s, Minho positioned both his hands on the steering wheel and chose to ignore Kibum’s accusation as he said, “We should get going… I can’t park here.”
“It’s almost 3 in the morning, Minho, there’s no one around.” Kibum sighed as he leaned back into the seat, “We can even have sex in the car right now and no one would know.”
“Kibum…” Minho groaned, not in the mood to hear jokes like that.
“What? I’m stating a fact.” Kibum replied and continued to challenge, “Do you want me to prove it?”
Shaking his head, Minho let out a breath, “Can we not do this now, Kibum? We’re both tired, let’s just get home.”
“Then ask me the questions I know you want to ask!” Kibum wasn’t shouting, but he had raised his volume enough for Minho to snap back at him.
“I don’t want to ask you any questions right now!”
“You don’t?” Kibum asked without expecting a reply from his boyfriend as he went right on to say, “Alright. Fine! I’ll do the questioning then! Why aren’t you asking me about what happened with my ex? I was with him for almost three whole hours and you’re not worried one bit? One phone call and I’m off to find him. Aren’t you afraid of losing me? You trust me that much? Or does this mean you don’t love me enough to care if anything happened between my ex and I? Answer me, Choi Minho, I want to know!”
Turning his car keys, Minho turned off the engine before he moved to face Kibum and shouted back, “What do you want me to say, Kibum? What can I even do? He’s your first love, for god’s sake! He has a special place in your heart! You’ve had memories with him that I could never replace, you’ve shared a relationship with him that I could only hope to have. I can’t do anything about that… I can’t. I have to accept the fact that I would never be able to change the past... All I can hope is to do enough so you wouldn’t look back and regret your choice to be with me.”
Kibum slowly shook his head in disappointment, “You don’t get it, do you?”
“What?!”
Kibum sighed as he looked away, “It’s true… he’s special to me, Minho, special enough for me to leave you in a snap of fingers just because his current boyfriend cheated on him and he needed me to be there. I won’t lie. I don’t think I can ever forget him and what I shared with him. He means a lot to me. You’re right. But that doesn’t entirely mean that he’s irreplaceable.”
Kibum took a deep breath before he turned back and reached out to hold Minho’s hand, “Because you came along… you and your clumsy unromantic confessions and never-say-die attitude that annoyed the hell out of me but made me realised that I could still fall in love, when I thought I could never feel the same way for someone ever again- no wait- you made me feel more, Minho. Sometimes, I find myself so in love with you that it scares me... like just now, when he told me about how his boyfriend cheated on him, I couldn’t stop imagining how I would be if you ever ch-”
“I would never, Kibum.” Minho promised with eyes so sincere, “How could I even do that to you when it felt like hell even since that damned phone call came?”
A smile tugged on a corner of Kibum’s lips. “So you admit you were worried?”
Minho rolled his eyes and decided to do what he does best when he knew he was about to lose a verbal battle with Kibum. He leaned forward to reduce the distance between them, his hand naturally finding Kibum’s face so he could gently pull Kibum towards him and captured his boyfriend’s lips in a kiss that took his breath away. The kiss was heated, passionate and intense right from the beginning, you could say Minho was venting the frustration that had built up inside him, but it was nothing Kibum couldn’t handle. In fact, he liked this domineering side of Minho so much that he couldn’t help but break their kiss just so he could speak.
“So? What do you say?” Kibum licked his lips as his hands fell onto Minho’s chest, “Want to take me up on my offer now?”
“What?” Minho was still in a bit of a daze from their kiss.
“You know… car sex.” Kibum replied as he fiddled with the collar of Minho’s shirt.
Minho instantly snapped back to reality, “Kibum!”
“I was just kidding.” Kibum laughed as he pushed Minho back to the driver's seat and ordered, “Drive, baby. Your place. It’s nearer.”
“What am I ever going to do about you?” Letting out a breathy laugh, Minho smiled lovingly at his boyfriend before he restarted the engine and began their journey back home, full attention now onto the road.
Stifling a laugh with his hand, Kibum eyed Minho for a moment, waiting until the car had stopped at a red light before he pretended to ponder out loud, “It’s more comfortable to do it at home anyway… we could even try a new position tonight.”
Even so, the car still jerked forward with Minho trying so very hard not to blush while he readjusted his foot on the brake and kept his eyes on the road, and Kibum, well, Kibum couldn’t hold back his laugh anymore, getting so much joy out of teasing his boyfriend. How could Kibum ever let go of Minho when his boyfriend made his life so much happier?
Minho had been worried for nothing, because to Kibum, Choi Minho was definitely for keeps, right until the very end.