Of Heavy Hearts And Imperfections; Various Pairings
Because life can't be all that perfect.
Author's Note: 5 drabbles in total for now. based on prompts and requests received on AFF.
The Anniversary; broken!taekey; hinted!minkey
In which Kibum forgets but remembers while Taemin just forgets.
“So...”
Kibum looks up from the glaring screen of his desktop computer and finds Minho standing at the door of his dimly lit office. Annoyed that his concentration is lost, he simply raises an eyebrow in question at his colleague who joined the company more than a year ago.
“When are you ever going to say yes to that dinner you owe me?”
Right. Kibum probably should mention that this colleague of his, Minho, is doing a terrible job at hiding his feelings for him.
Rolling his eyes, Kibum shakes his head and lets out a sigh, “For the millionth time, Minho, I have a boyfriend.”
“Oh yes, what’s his name? Tae… Taemin, was it?” Minho ponders out loud, “Funny how I’ve known you for months and yet I haven’t seen or heard anything that proves to me you have a boyfriend.”
“What are you trying to get at?” Kibum snaps, “I’ll have you know that Taem and I have been together since...”
Kibum takes a glance at the calendar on his desk. In the next moment, he curses and shoots up from his seat, hastily grabbing his messenger bag, and makes his way out of the office.
“Help me turn off everything and lock up!”
“Kibum!” Minho catches hold of Kibum’s arm just as he tries to zoom past him, “Where are you going?”
Kibum glares at the hand around his arm and then at the owner of said hand, “4 years, Minho, it’s our anniversary tonight.”
Instantly, Minho lets Kibum go, his eyes downcast.
“I’ll help you with everything.” Minho mumbles.
“Thanks.”
With that, Kibum is out of the office and making his way back to his apartment, the very one that he owns with Taemin.
*
When Kibum comes back to a dark, empty apartment, his heart sinks. He turns on the lights, walks into the eerily silent home and realises that the breakfast he made for Taemin is still left uneaten. His boyfriend is an aspiring dancer, and has been spending too much time in the dance studio ever since he was accepted to a famous dance company. Taemin had called the night before, informing Kibum he wouldn’t be back for the night, but Kibum still had hopes that his boyfriend would come home by the morning. Right now, Kibum realises how disappointing it is when hopes are dashed. He doesn’t even bother clearing the table and heads straight to the couch instead. Dropping his exhausted body onto the once springy sofa, he pulls out his phone and presses 1 to call his one and only.
The call is connected, and Kibum hears it ring one time too many before it finally gets through as Taemin picks up.
Except it’s not Taemin, and it’s definitely not a voice Kibum neither recognises nor wants to hear.
“I never knew you were this desperate...”
Kibum stills and in a split second, is holding his phone in a death grip. Even though something tells him no one on the other end of the line cares or can even hear him talk, he still stays completely silent, even afraid to breathe for fear that he may alert whoever is on the line.
“Aren’t you getting any at home?”
A loud obnoxious giggle follows after and Kibum pales. His gut feeling tells him that the person who answered the line is saying these things on purpose. And Kibum’s gut feeling is never wrong.
Kibum swallows hard, the house so silent he hears the sound of it along with his heart beating hard in his chest. However, it isn’t long before the uncomfortable silence is broken with loud sensual moans and more giggles.
Kibum just wants to throw up; he can even feel the bile rising to his throat.
“Taemin ah, stop it.”
Kibum suddenly feels a salty taste on his lips and he then realises tears are rolling down his cheeks.
When he thinks things can’t get any worse, the sounds of lips smacking and tongues squelching travel into his ear loud and clear.
Kibum has never been so utterly disgusted in his entire life. He finally hangs up the call and collapses further into the sofa. His mind is completely blank, feeling as if all energy has been sucked out of him, and yet, his fingers automatically find a number in his phone that has never failed to be his lifeline ever since he saved it.
Unsurprisingly, the call gets through at the first ring. The moment he is greeted with that low, warm, soothing voice, Kibum snaps out of his trance, a bitter smile tugging at the corners of his lips, as he mutters into the receiver.
“Yeah, Taemin forgot too.”
And suddenly, everything is all too real. It is over. And Kibum knows it’s time to let go of something that hasn’t felt right in a very long time.
~
Euphoria; jongkey
in which Jonghyun is the worst drug for Kibum.
Kibum should have known to stay away from Kim Jonghyun right from the very beginning. It is obvious in the way Jonghyun walks around like he owns the club, familiar with the clubgoers and making sure everyone gets what they want as he approaches them one by one. He sees it with his own eyes, Jonghyun giving what seemed like a friendly handshake with someone who looked too young to enter a club but an observant Kibum knows there is more than meets the eye when he spots the cash that the youth passes to Jonghyun and the packet of pills that Jonghyun slips to him.
Everything suddenly clicks.
Kibum knows exactly what has happened but he can’t seem to take his eyes off the attractive man. When the deal is done, Kibum watches enthralled, not doing anything to hide his curiosity, and naturally, his intense gaze attracts Jonghyun’s attention. Kibum’s heart skips a beat.
He is Jonghyun’s next target.
*
It feels natural to fall in love with Jonghyun. So natural that Kibum overlooks who Jonghyun is and what he does, so natural that he just wants, needs to be with him. And he does. Love doesn’t come as easy for Jonghyun though but one thing’s for sure, Jonghyun loves that Kibum loves him and so, returns as much affection as he can to Kibum. Kibum believes his love is strong enough to change Jonghyun, to get his boyfriend off this path of doom for the sake of their future together before it’s too late. But of course, love is blind. Jonghyun is already past the point of no return. And Kibum’s overconfidence is his downfall.
*
Kibum tries to change Jonghyun but nothing works. His advice falls on deaf ears. They fight, Jonghyun threatens and Kibum always loses. The cycle continues. Nothing good ever comes out of it. It hurts to be the person more invested in a relationship but now that Kibum has experienced life with Jonghyun, he knows he can’t do without him. He can’t give up on Jonghyun, but he can give up on changing him.
“Why don’t you come experience my world, bummie?”
Jonghyun asks him, after Kibum, once again, fails at scaring Jonghyun with how harmful drugs are and the dangers it puts him in. Kibum’s been with Jonghyun to clubs frequent enough to see how high those little pills can make people, and it’s not just on Jonghyun’s regulars or new customers, Kibum sees its effects on his very own boyfriend as well. It makes Jonghyun so happy, free of troubles and worries, and helps him live.
How then can Kibum ever bring himself to deny his boyfriend of such bliss?
Besides, Kibum lives for the moments Jonghyun becomes extremely affectionate to him when he is high. That’s when he feels that Jonghyun loves him the most. The truth is, Kibum is actually thankful the drugs bring out such a side of Jonghyun.
It is this realisation that encourages Kibum to try it out for himself. He wants in on Jonghyun’s life. The moment he opens his mouth to ask Jonghyun for the pills, Jonghyun flashes him a smile that instantly erases all of Kibum’s doubts. He determinedly pops them in his mouth, swallows and waits for the effects. When it hits him after the initial wave of discomfort, Kibum finally enters Jonghyun’s world. He feels what Jonghyun feels, those rushes of exhilaration, the heightened awareness of his surroundings, and it gets better when Jonghyun is touching him, feeling him, loving him and being the closest they’ve ever been with each other. Kibum realises this is the happiest he has ever been in his life. It’s heaven. It’s bliss. It’s worth all the discomfort and fatigue he feels after. And so, Kibum takes it the second time, the third and he doesn’t know what comes after that because he stops counting.
Jonghyun does too... until he notices that Kibum’s craving for the drug sets in a little too quickly than normal. He forgets that Kibum isn’t like him, him who understand the drug, who knows exactly how to use it, who has control over himself. And so, Jonghyun can only helplessly watch how his boyfriend loses himself and begins abusing the drug again and again and again. The addiction changes Kibum entirely that Jonghyun can’t recognize the person he fell in love with anymore. He just wants the original Kibum back. But this Kibum is breaking down, and so is Jonghyun. He watches how Kibum suffers when he tries to ease his boyfriend’s addiction, slowly rehabilitating him and reducing his dependency on the drug. It hurts the most when Kibum pushes him away and looks for the drug instead that Jonghyun decides it’s best to let Kibum go. Jonghyun knows he can’t be saved, but Kibum can.
“You shouldn’t love me.”
Kibum hears Jonghyun’s whisper in his ear as he lies in bed, suffering through the discomfort when Jonghyun denies him the drug once again.
“Baby, I’m no good for you.”
“You shouldn’t be with me.”
“You need to leave once you get better.”
The whispers come one after another. When he feels a kiss to his forehead, Kibum reaches out to cling onto Jonghyun’s shirt and hold his boyfriend close because there is something he wants him to know.
“I can’t.”
“You must.”
Kibum shakes his head, “I can’t do this without you… you’re the one keeping me alive right now.”
“Kibum...”
“I love you. Do you love me?”
Jonghyun’s tears are enough of an answer for Kibum. Reaching out to weakly wipe his boyfriend’s tears away, Kibum finds the determination to kick the habit.
“I promise I’ll be okay.”
The pills, he could definitely stay away from, but Jonghyun? No. The damage is already done.
He is one drug Kibum can never live without.
~
Reality; Jonghyun Centric
in which Jonghyun gets what he deserves (a/n: can be read in the same verse as The Anniversary)
When he is certain he has done enough to get what, or rather, who he wants, Jonghyun wants out of his current relationship of two years. Two years is more than enough for a relationship to become so stable that Jonghyun finds his life getting a tad too boring. His short attention span is one reason for the lack of excitement after the honeymoon period is over and everything suddenly feels like a routine. Jonghyun knows that he is only in the relationship because of habit and the wonderful memories he has created with his boyfriend. Now, Jonghyun isn’t satisfied anymore. He just wants more, waiting for someone else to enter his life so he can move on, and his chance to get out of the relationship comes in the form of Lee Taemin.
As much as Jonghyun knows the tricks to make someone his, he has absolutely no clue how to leave a person who has fallen for his charms. He figures the best and most decent way is to talk to his current boyfriend face to face but Jonghyun prefers not to deal with the drama that he knows will come with that. And so, he sits down with a pen and paper at his desk in the apartment he was renting with his boyfriend and decides that a handwritten letter will be the next most sincere way to end a relationship.
Jonghyun is just about done with the letter when his phone rings. His eyes light up when he sees who the caller is, and in a heartbeat, he answers the call with a smile.
“Taem-”
“Hello? Are you Kim Jonghyun?”
Jonghyun frowns at the unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line.
“Who are you and why do you have Taemin’s phone?”
“I’m calling from Club Octagon... your friend here is drunk and we need him out of the club.”
Jonghyun smirks, “Taemin asked you to call me?”
“Sir, you should know your friend is completely wasted and the only reason why we’re calling you is because yours is the only name we got out of him.”
Jonghyun’s smile grows wider as he becomes curious about why Taemin had mentioned him of all people. It makes him feel even more confident about his future with the boy.
“What did he say?”
“You wouldn’t want to know, Sir.”
“Why not?”
“Because he was cursing viciously at you and wishing you’d die a terrible death.”
Jonghyun’s smile disappears in an instant as he haphazardly grabs his wallet and car keys before making his way out of his apartment.
“I’ll be right there.”
*
When Jonghyun arrives at the popular club half an hour later, he spots Taemin slumped in a seat at the far corner of the club, his body leaned lifelessly against the bar counter, arms everywhere and one side of his face lying flat on the counter top. His frown only deepens when he approaches his love interest and clearly sees the pathetic state the younger is in. Even before he can say anything, Jonghyun hears Taemin muttering in a constant chant out loud, his eyes closed and cheeks wet.
“Fuck you, Kim Jonghyun, fuck you.”
“I fucking hate you.”
“Rot in hell you fucking asshole.”
“Fuck you for fucking me up.”
“Fucking bastard, Kim Jonghyun.”
“Bum doesn’t even want to look at me anymore...”
“It’s over... My life is over.”
“Kim fucking Jonghyun better be suffering more than me... that fucktard.”
“Jjong, you worthless piece of shit.”
Jonghyun doesn’t want to listen anymore. Taemin is a wreck, his tears streaming down his face, and Jonghyun knows he is wrong to think he has Taemin twisted around his little finger. Obviously, his moment of indiscretion with Taemin means nothing to the younger, and it is definitely not enough a temptation for Taemin to leave his boyfriend.
In a split second, Jonghyun panics. He thinks about his own boyfriend back home and suddenly fears ending up in the same state Taemin is in. Remembering he had rushed out of the apartment and left the letter on his work desk, Jonghyun spins on his heel and leaves the club as quickly as he arrives. Forget what he has said. Losing his boyfriend is the last thing he wants right now.
*
Jonghyun’s heart is in his mouth when the door to his shared apartment with his boyfriend appears in his sight. But it drops entirely when he is only a few steps away from the door and sees two suitcases lying messily on the floor, wide open with his clothes and belongings strewn everywhere, both inside and out on the ground. That’s not all. Among the mess, Jonghyun also spots that familiar medium sized soft toy rabbit which he had won for his boyfriend on their first date at the amusement park... except it isn't that much of a rabbit anymore. The head is barely hanging on to its body, cotton pulled out from its neck that has been slit, and although the condition of it isn't that good to begin with since much time has passed, it is certainly at its worst right now.
Jonghyun’s heart clenches as his eyes then travel up to finally read the note that was stuck onto the door.
Is this the reality you wanted?
It is then Jonghyun sinks to his knees, his eyes fall onto the soft toy that is left torn and tattered, lying on the floor, as he chokes back his tears.
No. This isn’t the reality he wanted.
But it’s the reality he deserved.
~
Heartbreak; (broken?) jongyu
in which Jinki does more than is required as Jonghyun's tutor.
Jonghyun admits he is probably the laziest student in his cohort. He goes for classes only for the sake of attendance and never participates in class but always makes sure his attendance is taken. He seldom prepares for classes, never completes any required readings, but still manages to get through each lesson by pretending to listen to his professor. If that isn’t enough to prove how he is probably worse than the average student, he never does his assignments until the day before the due date and always submits them just before the deadline. When he prepares for the final exam, Jonghyun does the same, studying only the day before his paper and praying all that he has memorized is enough to get him through the exam. So far, it always works out.
You see, all Jonghyun wants to do is get a pass for each and every module he takes, and by sticking to the way he does things now, he knows he will safely graduate at the end of his four year course. But everything changes as he enters his second semester of his third year in university. Jonghyun ends up taking an advanced module under an eccentric professor who has extremely high expectations. The third year student realises he has to step up his game in order to get a pass from the strict professor who demands a whole lot from his students. It surprises not only his friends but also himself when he voluntarily signs up for the peer tutoring program. Jonghyun thinks it’s best to learn from someone who has taken the module before. And so, he finds himself dedicating two hours on Friday evenings to his tutor, a senior called Lee Jinki.
When Jonghyun first meets Jinki, he instantly understands why Jinki signed up to be a tutor. The fourth year student is just that great a person. There’s just something about Jinki, most probably his smile, which leaves people with a good impression. Jinki doesn’t even have to speak for people to know that he is friendly, helpful and all things good. When their tutoring sessions begin and Jinki starts answering all of Jonghyun’s doubts as well as guides him through the module, Jonghyun can feel just how passionate Jinki is about helping others. Jinki makes Jonghyun believe that there really are good people in this world. Although Jonghyun gets a glare on the second session when he asks in all seriousness for Jinki to send him all his personal notes and completed assignments, Jonghyun can never hold it against his tutor. The more time he spends with the senior, the more Jonghyun finds out about how attractive Jinki actually is. He knows how easy it is to fall in love with the seemingly perfect man but that still doesn’t stop Jonghyun from actually falling in love with him. It is just something that happens so naturally that when Jonghyun finally realises he is in love with his tutor, he is already in too deep.
“Jjong, you’re not listening again.”
At Jinki’s soothing voice, Jonghyun snaps out of his daze and blinks at his tutor, “Huh?”
“Why do you keep staring at me? Is it my hair?” Jinki asks as he consciously pats his newly cut fringe, “It looks weird, doesn’t it?”
“It was fine until you touched it...” Jonghyun laughs as he naturally reaches out to help his tutor style his fringe back into place, “There, all better.”
“Thanks.” Jinki smiles, resisting the urge to touch his fringe again, before he returns his attention to the papers on the desk they were sharing, “So did you manage to catch what I said just now?”
Jonghyun shakes his head as he pushes the papers away and gathers them messily into a pile, “Let’s take a break...”
“But we only started minutes ago.”
“Please?” Jonghyun pleads with his famous puppy eyes that Jinki ultimately surrenders to.
“Fine.” Jinki lets out a breath as he agrees, “You seem distracted anyway... Have something on your mind?”
Jonghyun doesn’t know how to answer that because if he tells Jinki the truth that all he can think about is Jinki himself, his tutor will probably run for his life like a scared rabbit who has heard a gunshot.
Eventually, Jonghyun shrugs and says, “You know, just tired from classes and all... didn’t have much sleep last night.”
“What were you doing? Were you out late?” Jinki asks with concern as he frowns at his junior, “You know, Jjong, I think it’s best if you actually manage your time well and make sure you give yourself enough time to prepare for assignments and exams. Don’t always leave things to the last minute.”
“Hyung, you’re so studious sometimes that I’m actually worried you don’t have a life outside school.” Jonghyun sniggers, “You need to go out! Have some fun, go on dates… and stuff.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know I do have a life!” Jinki punches Jonghyun on his arm before he coughs and embarrassedly admits, “And umm, I actually have a boyfriend too so we do go out quite a bit.”
“What?” Jonghyun’s jaw drops as he checks if he has heard Jinki correctly, “You have a boyfriend?”
Jinki nods and reveals, “I’ve known him since high school... I should introduce you to him one day, I think you two will make good friends! Oh! And there’s someone else I think you should meet too… I just know you will hit it off with him!”
“Sure...” Jonghyun finds himself saying because that is all he can do to mask the pain in his chest. He quickly puts a smile on his face as he reaches out for the papers and decides that it’s best for Jinki to start tutoring him again.
“We should probably get back to studying now.”
“Alright then, let’s get started!” Jinki announces as he places his concentration to the reading materials that Jonghyun is already staring intently at and mumbles out loud, “There’s quite a number of theories that will be useful for your exam so listen carefully to what I’m about to teach you alright?”
Jonghyun nods absently. The truth is, everything in front of him becomes a blur. It is bad enough that Jinki already has someone he loves… yet, to hear the person he loves want to introduce someone else to him and pair them up together is just plain cruel. Jonghyun doesn’t know how he is even capable of staying where he is, being close to the person who just dashed all his hopes and dream.
As he rattles on with the lesson, Jinki thinks Jonghyun is paying attention but he’ll never know that at that point in time, all Jonghyun can think about is how he never expects that Jinki will also be the one to teach him how it feels to have his heart broken.
~
The End; broken!jongkey
in which it hurts to let go, but sometimes, it hurts more to hold on.
They've always been together, Jonghyun and Kibum, high school sweethearts, the perfect match, the envy of others, the couple whose wedding everyone is certain they are going to attend. No one sees them as a typical young couple because couples who get into a relationship at 17 seldom or never last. Having been together for 5 years and counting, their love story is one you can only wish for. They are the couple you will think about if you hear promises of forever and always. But that's the thing, when you make promises, you can break them too. And their promise to each other shatters the day Kibum receives a private message from a stranger through Facebook.
Get your boyfriend to stay away from my girlfriend.
Obviously, Kibum doesn't believe what he's reading as he sits in the university's lecture hall and finds himself distracted by the notification on his phone. For God's sake, he doesn't even know the person! And so, Kibum ignores the message and puts his phone away, returning his attention to the lecture that he is currently attending. Kibum resumes taking notes, listens intently to what his professor is saying and forgets all about the nonsensical message. Lecture ends, and he rushes off to beat the lunch crowd by saving a table for him and Minho, his best friend, at the cafeteria. Minho joins him soon after. They both get their food, enjoying their lunch together, until Minho has to leave, because unlike Kibum who has a two-hour break, he only has an hour before his next class.
It is when Kibum is left alone by himself, wondering how he should spend the next hour that he plays with his phone and is reminded of the Facebook message he received earlier. Bored and slightly curious about the message, Kibum decides to entertain the stranger by finally replying him.
Your girlfriend? My boyfriend? You do know that I'm a guy, don't you?
The reply comes in an instant.
Your boyfriend obviously isn't gay when he has his hands all over my girlfriend.
Kibum frowns.
If this is a joke, it isn’t funny.
I can understand why you can be fooled so easily now.
Are you sure you’re talking to the right person?
If your profile picture isn’t photoshopped, yes.
Kibum doesn’t get to reply because the next message instantly follows.
If you still have your doubts... I can tell you your boyfriend is Kim Jonghyun.
He studies music and performs with his band every Friday night at Woodstock.
Kibum doesn't reply. He doesn't know what to do, what to say… heck he doesn't even know if his mind is even functioning right now. Is he breathing? What expression does he even have on his face? Kibum doesn't know. All Kibum is sure of is that this is getting real by the second. It isn't a prank, and sure as hell isn't something Kibum can brush aside anymore.
Look, I'm sorry that I'm messaging you like this... I know how you feel right now.
I felt the same way when I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me.
But I still love her, and I don't want to let her go...
It doesn’t help that your boyfriend is still in contact with her though.
I told him to back off but he isn't doing much. So this is my last resort.
You need to get your boyfriend away.
Please.
Kibum gets the notifications one after another. He reads the messages, mind absorbing everything the stranger has to say, and then his fingers start typing.
You need to tell me everything.
And the stranger does. By the time Kibum takes his eyes off his phone, the cafeteria is almost empty and unusually silent. It is then he realises the time. It hits Kibum that his class started 15 minutes ago. Although he can rush for the lesson, Kibum knows there’s no point in attending it anyway. Eventually, he misses the class and leaves the university earlier, making his way to Jonghyun's house.
*
Her name is Taeyeon. Jonghyun and her sing at the music bar called Woodstock on alternate Fridays. They met two months ago when Taeyeon mixed up her performance date and turned up on the night Jonghyun was set to perform. Jonghyun invited her to sing a duet and from then on, they just clicked. From what Taeyeon’s boyfriend got out of Taeyeon herself, music brought them together. Both of them felt an instant connection and one thing naturally led to another. Before they could stop it, they had done more than what normal friends can do… and got caught holding hands in public by a common friend.
At least this is what Kibum finds out from Taeyeon’s boyfriend. Kibum still doesn’t know if he’s worth trusting. A part of him believes that Taeyeon’s boyfriend has no reason to lie. Kibum can sense the desperateness in his voice, so much so that he is convinced his boyfriend is cheating on him. Yet, a voice in his head is telling Kibum that Jonghyun will never do such a thing. Kibum trusts Jonghyun a million times more than he trusts a stranger who he has only talked to today. It isn’t just that. Kibum has been spending so much time with Jonghyun that he knows he would have noticed if Jonghyun is acting suspiciously but as he recounts the last few months they spent together, Kibum doesn’t notice anything amiss. Jonghyun has always been Jonghyun, his other half, his significant other, the love of his life…
True, they may have argued a number of times over the past few months (which couple doesn’t?) and Kibum has stopped going to support Jonghyun at Woodstock (Jonghyun has been performing for more than half a year) but that isn’t enough reason for Jonghyun to cheat on him. Then again, Kibum doesn’t even know what to think anymore. He can only wait for Jonghyun to return home and give him the answers he needs.
As he sits on the edge of Jonghyun’s bed and stares into space, Kibum is so calm that he actually shocks himself with how he isn’t feeling much as he waits for his boyfriend to come home. It’s like he is devoid of emotions. It feels like he is dead. Even when Jonghyun finally walks through that door and shoots him a wide grin as their eyes meet, Kibum still doesn’t know how he feels about this whole situation. He doesn’t even know how to respond or react to Jonghyun. But just as Jonghyun reaches out to touch him, Kibum instinctively shrinks away from his touch and stands up, quickly keeping a safe distance from his boyfriend. Jonghyun doesn’t need to say anything for Kibum to know he is confused by his actions. Kibum finally breaks his silence, but what he says next is completely unplanned.
“Are you cheating on me?”
When the question is out in the air, both Kibum and Jonghyun are caught by surprise. But Kibum knows there’s no point in taking the question back… especially when he notices how Jonghyun’s face pales in the next moment. That’s when Kibum knows everything the stranger has told him is the truth. That’s when Kibum’s heart breaks. Losing all energy, he falls back onto the bed, eyes losing focus, as he returns to staring into space, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. At the same time, Jonghyun freezes in his position but he refuses to let silence suffocate them.
“Kibum, listen to me.”
No response.
“Kibum, please, hear me out. I can explain.”
“Nothing happened… you’re still the one I want… you always will be the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Please forgive me… it was a mistake.”
“I love you, bum, please.”
At that, Kibum finally looks at Jonghyun.
“Tell me… did you kiss her?”
Jonghyun hesitates for a long moment before he nods.
“Did you… sleep with her?”
It doesn’t matter what Kibum asks anymore because his heart is already broken and there isn’t more damage that can be done.
“I didn’t.”
“But I heard that you…”
“We did a lot… that I admit… but we didn’t- no, I couldn’t.”
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t.”
“Then why, Jjong? Why?”
“I… don’t know… I just… I’m sorry, bummie, I’m so so sorry… I made a mistake.”
“Did you even think about me when you were spending all that time with her?”
Jonghyun doesn’t reply but the guilt on his face explains everything.
“I love you, Jjong.” Kibum laughs, shaking his head at himself, “Even right now, I still do.”
Tears streaming down his face, Jonghyun finally walks forward and sinks to his knees when he is in front of Kibum, “I love you too, Kibum, I never stopped loving you. I know nothing I say right now will help me but please forgive me.”
Knowing how regretful and sorry Jonghyun is, Kibum can’t help but reach out to wipe Jonghyun’s tears away as he then smiles weakly, “I can’t forgive you now, Jjong… and although I may forgive you in the future, I can never forget this.”
Jonghyun leans his forehead against Kibum’s knees as he stutters between sobs, “I can’t… I can’t lose you, bum”
Kibum stays silent for a moment long enough for him to think about all the good memories he shares with Jonghyun, their hopes for the future together, how they are meant to be, how he will never find someone else as perfect as Jonghyun to spend the rest of his life with. But when he looks down at Jonghyun who is crying on his knees and realises this scar on his heart will never be healed, Kibum knows he can’t hold on anymore. And so, he strokes the back of Jonghyun’s head and mutters out the words that decide their fate together.
“You already did.”
~