Barely Even Friends; Minho/Key
Is it possible to stop loving someone? It was a question Choi Minho never thought about until Kim Kibum came back into his life. And he finds out the answer when Kibum steps back into his life. A minkey short fic about past lovers meeting again.
Is it possible to stop loving someone? It was a question Choi Minho never thought about until he bumped into Kim Kibum at the train station. He had been minding his own business, waiting for the train to arrive, when he had a feeling that someone was looking at him, not just looking but staring because Minho could feel the difference from the intensity of the gaze. True enough, when he looked towards the direction of the stare, Kibum was there, a couple of feet away from him with a number of people standing between them but looking right back at him, straight into his eyes, with an unreadable expression on his face. This was the Kim Kibum, the exact same Kim Kibum who had been Minho’s boyfriend for almost two years before they ended things on a bad note and never saw each other again for a period long enough for both of them to forget about the other’s existence.
Their story was simple. They met in college, flirted with each other when they were just friends, began dating soon after, stayed together for almost two years before Kibum’s dream of studying overseas in the United Kingdom got in the way. He was supposed to only be on an exchange programme for 6 months but barely a month into the programme, Kibum was certain he wanted to complete his studies there. They tried handling a long distance relationship but it was obviously failing when all they did on the rare times they managed to catch each other on Skype was argue. And so, on their fourth Skype conversation, Minho lost it and shouted, “Since you love UK so much, forget about me and go find yourself a UK boyfriend.” Their Skype conversation had ended, and so did their relationship. They never did officially break up, if there was even such a thing, but Minho’s pride got in his way as he refused to contact Kibum and when Kibum didn’t contact him as well, it was obvious they weren’t on speaking terms anymore, let alone together as a happy couple. Things were rough for Minho. Yet, his anger got the better of him. Besides, what could he do when the circumstances were against him? Circumstances where they were more than 5500 miles apart, separated by an 11 hours flight and an 8 hour time difference, all of which were of no use in helping Minho overcome this battle. What’s more, he knew right from the start that he was fighting a losing battle since Kibum’s heart was set on studying overseas. So from there, Minho made a painful decision to move on and life as we know it goes on…
And then life happened. Here they were now, almost three years later at a train station, completely ignoring the arrival of the train that they both needed to get on and just looking at each other as the crowd emptied out into the now departing train. The station was left rather empty, save for a few others who had just missed the train, and both Minho and Kibum had no obstructions between them anymore. They could clearly see the way the other’s body moved with each breath they took and could even almost hear the other’s heartbeat. Deciding to be a man about it, Minho took the initiative to walk towards Kibum as confidently and casually as he could but god only knows how he felt like he was walking towards a witness stand of a courtroom, ready to be judged. When he finally reached within an arm’s length away from Kibum, Minho stopped, stuffing his hands into his pockets and put on a smile, one that was more out of courtesy than genuine happiness.
“Hey…” Minho paused, taking in Kibum’s reaction which had to be somewhat positive since the other had a slight smile on his face. “When did you get back?”
“A few months ago.” Kibum answered, leaving it to Minho to get the conversation going.
“Oh.” Minho replied and then added, almost politely but actually speaking from his heart. “You look good.”
Kibum’s smile had a tinge of amusement to it now. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
Minho shrugged. “Actually, I don’t really know what to say to you.”
“Then why did you come over?” Kibum raised his eyebrows.
“You were staring at me.” Minho answered honestly. “It wouldn’t be polite if I didn’t come over and say hi.”
“Alright, if that’s the case, you can leave now since you’ve said hi.”
“Maybe I should.”
“Please, by all means, go ahead.” Kibum gestured to the approaching train with a smile.
And Minho did. Not only because Kibum had asked him too, but because if he didn’t catch the train that had so appropriately arrived, he would be late for work. Besides, he had a feeling this wasn’t the last he would see of Kibum anyway.
*
Minho’s intuition was spot on, though it came rather late, around two weeks later to be exact. Within the two weeks, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kibum, about how he felt towards the other, about whether he ever did stop loving him. Yet, thinking about it so much proved to be useless to Minho since he couldn’t come to any conclusions at all. He didn’t know how he felt for Kibum anymore. He used to have such strong feelings towards him but over the years, Minho had moved on, he had learnt to let go, his feelings slowly fading away. Nevertheless, to say that he had no feelings left for Kibum was a lie.
Minho still cared about him and this was exactly what was confusing him. He wanted to know how Kibum was during their three years apart, if Kibum was back in Korea for good and what was going on in his life now like if he had found someone else or remained single. It wasn’t that Minho wanted to pick up from where they left off; he just wanted to know where they currently stood with each other. And that was the other thing that was bugging Minho - did they even break up? After all, they didn’t exactly end things properly with each other. Things were just too ambiguous between them that Minho wished he and Kibum could settle things once and for all. And so, when he met Kibum at a birthday party that a common friend had organised, Minho wasted no time in pulling Kibum aside and into a room where they could be by themselves.
“Wow, I didn’t expect you to be so excited to see me.” With a straight face, Kibum snatched Minho’s opening line with his comment as he glanced at the hand that was holding his arm before looking at the owner of said hand.
Minho immediately released his grip on Kibum’s arm and closed the door behind him, shutting off all noise that came from the party in living room so he and Kibum could have the silence they needed.
“We should talk.” Minho went straight to the point.
“You’re three years late.” Kibum retorted coldly.
“Kibum, I’m not the only one in this relationship...”
“Relationship?” Kibum scoffed. “What relationship? Because from my understanding, you clearly didn’t want anything to do with me after you told me to find someone else in UK.”
Minho sighed. “Look Kibum, I just want to settle things between us that we should have settled years ago but if you don’t want to be talking to me right now, just tell me, and I’ll go.”
“Alright. Fine.” Kibum breathed out, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Tell me, what exactly do you want to talk about? What exactly do we need to settle?”
“I… don’t know. I just-“
“You want us to talk but you don’t even know what to say right now. That’s really smart of you, Minho.” Kibum rolled his eyes, voice filled with sarcasm that it made Minho’s blood boil.
“Why are you making things so difficult for me?!” At Kibum’s attitude, Minho couldn’t keep calm anymore as he raised his voice, staring straight into Kibum’s eyes intimidatingly.
But of course, Minho knew Kibum wasn’t one to be intimidated. And even if he was, he would never go down without a fight… particularly now, since he had a case to fight.
Kibum closed the distance between them and pushed Minho hard on his chest, the strength that he used was enough to make Minho stumble a few steps back.
“This is nothing compared to how you made my life a living hell when I was in UK… when I was supposed to be fully enjoying the fact that I was fulfilling my dream of studying overseas. And the funniest thing is that you didn’t even have to be physically there to make the first few months of my life in UK miserable!”
It was Kibum’s turn to raise his voice and he went on to push Minho on his chest again.
“Do you know how guilty I felt that my dream was what exactly caused us to lose the relationship we had? Every time, every single fucking time I felt happy, I had to be reminded that the happiness I felt was at the cost of our relationship, at the expense of losing you. And obviously, you did nothing to make me feel better since I was the selfish one who left you for my dream. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t regret staying in UK to complete my studies because eventually, I had a fucking good time staying there and living my dream. What I regret is that I let you affect my mood at the beginning, that it took me too long to get over you and move on with my life. So forgive me Minho, if I’m making things difficult for you now, but don’t expect me to be friendly with you anytime soon.”
With that, Kibum shoved Minho aside and stormed right out of the room, leaving Minho with words that not only made him speechless but also caused his heart to ache. And at that moment, Minho knew. He knew the answers to the questions that had been bothering him. Was it possible to stop loving someone? Yes, but for Minho, it wasn’t possible if the person was Kibum. Did he, then, ever stop loving Kibum? No. Because if he ever did, Kibum certainly wouldn’t have the ability to hurt him as much as he did now.
*
It didn’t take much effort for Minho to meet Kibum on the third time since Minho himself had planned for it to happen. Things were definitely not over between Kibum and him, especially when Minho was now sure of how he felt towards him. He never did stop loving him, he only simply pushed his feelings aside, forcing himself to bury them and not think about Kibum. And Minho did just that, for almost three whole years, but all it took was one random meeting with Kibum for his feelings to return like it never faded away. So now that Kibum was back in his life, Minho wasn’t going to let his stubbornness and his pride stop him from fixing their relationship. He knew there might be a chance that Kibum didn’t feel the same way about him anymore, that nothing but a one sided relationship between them remained but getting back together was not as important as rebuilding their friendship, that special bond they shared even before they became lovers. Essentially, Minho owed it to Kibum - a proper apology, the effort that he took to make it along with his sincerity when apologising.
And with a little sniffing around, starting from the common friend that had invited both of them to the party, Minho managed to get hold of Kibum’s current address. This explained why he was currently standing in front of the door to Kibum’s apartment and waiting for said person to answer the door. It only took Minho a couple of knocks before he heard shuffling of footsteps coming from inside. The next thing he knew, Kibum had entered his vision. However, in the next second, Minho was about to lose sight of him since Kibum had every intention to slam the door on his face. And he would have slammed it shut successfully if it wasn’t for Minho’s quick reflexes as he raised his hand to stop the door from closing. Much to Kibum’s displeasure, Minho even managed to squeeze his body into the apartment when Kibum was distracted by Minho’s sudden opposing force on the other side of the door. Everything had happened too fast for Kibum to react and so, he could only glare furiously at the rude intruder in his apartment.
“You’re not welcomed here, Choi Minho.” Kibum hissed, unable to contain his anger. “Don’t force me to kick you out. And i mean it literally.”
“Look, I’m sorry, Kibum, for everything that I’ve done and didn’t do.” Minho knew he didn’t have the luxury of time to beat about the bush with Kibum practically on combat mode, all ready to get him out of the apartment and so the words came tumbling out of his mouth almost as fast as a bullet train.
“I can’t list out all the things I’m sorry for, because I know you wouldn’t have the patience to hear me out, but what I regret the most is letting you go… that I didn’t treasure what we had and it’s killing me, Kibum, knowing that I made no effort to hold on to you because the truth is, you’re the only one I will ever love. I know sorry doesn’t cut it but I’m hoping whatever I said is enough for you to give me a chance to be in your life again.”
Minho took in a deep breath after speaking his heart out but in the next moment, his breath got knocked out of him when he felt a blow to his stomach and Minho was sent stumbling back until he hit the door. Truth be told, Kibum did not use his full strength when he threw the punch at Minho but the fact that he had caught the other completely off guard made the punch more powerful than it was. Almost on the verge of wheezing, Minho coughed repeatedly and instantly clutched his stomach in pain as he stared wide eyed at an emotionless Kibum, silently demanding for him to explain his actions.
“You’re right, sorry doesn’t cut it but at least that made me feel a little better.” Kibum clarified with a nonchalant expression.
“You could have given me a heads up!” Minho reasoned, slowly recovering from the pain in his stomach and now looking at Kibum begrudgingly with a slight pout.
“It wouldn’t be the same.” Kibum simply said.
“Are you happy now?”
Kibum shrugged, his face indifferent, as he looked anywhere but Minho.
Standing back upright, Minho sighed, taking a step closer to Kibum. “Would hitting me another time make you feel just that tiny bit better then?”
“Don’t be stupid.” Kibum muttered, and then took in a breath as he finally locked eyes with Minho.
“You know, you didn’t have to make it sound like it’s entirely your fault that we ended up like this. It takes two to make a relationship and two to work on that relationship. I’m not unreasonable, Minho, I know I’m to blame as well. So if you’re apologising, I should apologise too. But all the should haves and if onlys don’t matter anymore. We were just too young and hot headed to fully treasure what we had... and we lost it. Whether we can find back what we lost, well, I guess time will tell.”
Slowly digesting Kibum’s words, Minho blinked a couple of times before a smile grew on his face. And before he could stop himself, a low chuckle escaped from his lips.
“Don’t get too happy so soon.” Kibum warned, but the funny thing was, his lips were curved upwards in just that slight but noticeable bit. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
With Kibum’s smile as an encouragement, Minho couldn’t hold himself back from reaching out to pull the other into his arms for a hug that felt like home... like he was returning home.
“No Kibum, it means everything to me.” Minho tightened his hold around Kibum’s stiff body. “Thank you.”
Minho couldn’t see it but a faint blush had stained Kibum’s cheeks. And if that meant anything, it could only mean good things were to come.
*
“This is unhealthy.”
“What is?”
“Us meeting too many times a week.”
Minho placed his cup of Americano back down on the table and licked the residue off his lips before looking at Kibum with a smirk on his face.
“Well, you’re not exactly doing anything to discourage me from asking you out.”
Kibum threw a used paper napkin towards Minho, annoyed by his smug attitude, and retorted spitefully. “Perhaps I should, from now onwards.”
“Oh come on Kibum.” Grinning, Minho pushed the plate of New York cheesecake towards Kibum as a peace offering. “You know you don’t want to.”
“Please, just shut up.” Kibum rolled his eyes and picked up the fork to indulge in the large slice of creamy, rich and smooth cheesecake that Minho was treating him to, putting their conversation on hold for the time being.
Minho didn’t even bother to hide the tender smile on his face as he openly watched Kibum savour bite after bite of cake. There was just something absolutely adorable about the way Kibum’s eyes crinkled in a smile when he savoured the taste of the sweet treat he was enjoying so very much. Minho also couldn’t get enough of the way Kibum hummed in satisfaction with so much delight on his face that he could just sit and stare at Kibum all day even if they didn’t say a single word to each other. And in that very moment, Minho wished he could buy Kibum all his favourite desserts just because he really loved him like this... and he loved him all the time.
The loving smile on Minho’s face said it all. In fact, Minho’s intention had been obvious right from the start. As much as he was thankful that he was back to being friends with Kibum, he also wanted them to be back to being something more. It wasn’t just a want, but it was a need. The truth was, Minho needed Kibum to be his other half. There was no one other than Kibum he wanted so badly, this was a fact he knew from the very beginning when they first started dating. Thinking back, Minho could never understand how he ever let Kibum go, and he would never forgive himself for that. But as Kibum always said ever since they reunited, the past is the past and there was no such thing as a time machine so they should just let it be. Minho agreed, and that was why he never once requested for them to pick up from where they left off. Instead, he wanted them to start afresh, to have a new beginning, to create a new love story written on a fresh page. This was why he and Kibum rarely talked about the past, they rather focused on the now, the future, and Minho enjoyed this. Although he was grateful they had a past (he would never forget the memories he made with Kibum before), Minho was very much enthusiastic about their future together. That’s if Kibum allowed them to have one, of course.
It had been a month since that fateful day he found himself at Kibum’s apartment and every day since then, Minho had been doing whatever he could to spend time with Kibum and get to know him all over again. Without holding back one bit, he took the initiative to contact Kibum, to arrange dates with him, to meet at his convenience, to bring Kibum to places that he knew Kibum would like and sometimes even surprising him with gifts that didn’t necessarily cost much but was to Kibum’s liking. So as long as the chance came along, Minho would spoil Kibum in every way possible. Of course, he knew Kibum needed his space so Minho made sure he hadn’t gone too overboard with his efforts, not wanting it to come to the point where he came across as desperate or clingy.
Minho didn’t know if Kibum still had feelings for him but he honestly couldn’t be bothered to find out because whatever the answer was, Minho was determined to make Kibum fall in love with him once more, if not, even more. And looking at how things were progressing between the two of them, Minho was more than happy with where his efforts had brought him so far because for one, he knew Kibum wasn’t turning him down whenever he asked him out (Kibum would ask him out as well) and two, they always parted ways with smiles and anticipation for their next date. In one month, they had managed to catch up with the three years they had missed out on each other’s lives. And now, Minho was very much tempted to take things further with Kibum. He just suddenly didn’t know how to go about it... especially since the stakes were so much higher now. One wrong move and he could just screw things up completely and never be able to be part of Kibum’s life again.
“Minho, we seriously need to stop visiting such good cafés.”
Minho snapped out of his thoughts and focused his attention back onto Kibum who was apparently ready to chat with him. “Why?”
“My jawline is beginning to disappear.” Kibum pouted as he felt the sides of his face and looked guiltily at the now empty plate that had only crumbs of the cake remaining.
“It isn’t, Kibum.” Minho reassured his friend with the truth because he honestly couldn’t see what Kibum was seeing in the mirror. “And even if it is, you still look perfectly fine.”
“Fine?” Kibum smiled and asked playfully. “That’s all?”
Minho paused and eyed Kibum, trying to figure out what precisely the other was expecting as a reply. He didn’t miss the glint of mischief in his eyes and Minho knew Kibum wasn’t being serious so he decided to play along.
“Come on Kibum, you obviously know i always think you look stunning... gorgeous enough to always take my breath away, especially when i look at you and all i see is myself in your eyes.”
Okay, so Minho didn’t exactly play along. He ended up saying how he honestly felt, just in a not so serious manner. Kibum knew MInho long enough to know this, to know that Minho was saying this for a reason that was so blatantly obvious he would be stupid not to see where Minho was getting at. The mischief in Kibum’s eyes was gone and Kibum was back to having a blank expression on his face. That was his defense mechanism and Minho recognised this. He was even certain Kibum could tell what was about to come...
“Kibum, I-”
“Don’t.” Kibum cut Minho off as he shook his head. “Please don’t ruin what we have now.”
“We could be something more.”
“What’s wrong with how we are now?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it.” Minho answered, still calm and collected. “In fact, i’ve never been happier.”
“Exactly!” Kibum couldn’t help but raise his volume a little. “So why do you want something more?”
“Because although i’m happy, it’s torture, Kibum.” Minho let out a breath, throwing his hands up in defeat and then gesturing wildly towards Kibum. “You’re right in front of me but i can’t hug you, i can’t kiss you, i can’t touch you, i can’t call you mine, i can’t fucking do anything except be your friend! Do you how frustrating it is to be so close to you yet feel as if the Great Wall of China is keeping us apart? I can barely stand the fact that we’re just friends!”
Kibum looked down and stared at the table top for a minute or so, seemingly sorting out his thoughts, before he looked up at Minho and said. “I can’t talk to you right now. We need a time out.”
And before Minho could process his words, before he could understand if that was something to be taken positively or negatively, Kibum grabbed his backpack and walked off, once again leaving Minho by himself. It was then Minho swore he would never let Kibum walk away from him ever again, not in this lifetime.
*
It was a little after office hours when Minho's phone vibrated. Minho couldn't find his phone though since there was just too much paperwork on his desk and his phone was buried somewhere under the various documents. Besides, he was rushing through a file that his supervisor had happily dumped on him at the very last minute to edit by the next morning and he didn't want to break his momentum so he ignored his phone for the time being. After another 20 minutes or so, Minho was done with editing and as he sent the document to print, he began flipping through the papers on his desk until he finally found his phone. Glancing at the screen as he picked up his phone, Minho cursed when he caught sight of Kibum's name. He quickly unlocked his phone and read the new message that was received 26 minutes ago.
Still at work?
With his heartbeat speeding up, Minho wasted no time in replying. He never saw his fingers moved so fast before.
Yeah. Why?
It only took a few seconds for Kibum's reply to come back.
Are you leaving your office anytime soon?
Minho groaned when he saw the message, frustrated that Kibum didn't answer his question. Keeping his cool, he resisted the urge to call the source of his troubles instead and forced himself to type a reply.
In about 10 minutes. Why?
Again, Kibum's reply came in the blink of an eye.
I'm at the lobby. Meet me when you're done.
Minho almost felt his heart leap out of his chest when Kibum's message registered in his mind. Had Kibum been waiting for him to knock off all this while? Minho's mind was in a blur but at least his body knew what to do. Without hesitating, Minho had jumped out of his seat, grabbed the document from the printer, placed it as nicely as he could on his supervisor's desk, rushed back to his desk, shut down his computer, grabbed his belongings and in less than 5 minutes, was out of the office and in the lift that was well on its way to the lobby. The lift doors were not even fully opened when Minho squeezed his way out and as he entered the lobby, true enough, right there standing in one corner, leaning against a pillar, was Kibum looking breathtakingly attractive with his head down as he fiddled with his phone. It would normally take Minho a minute to get to where Kibum was but in less than half the time, he found himself standing right in front of Kibum, somewhat breathless from how fast he had moved to get to the lobby. Feeling a sudden presence in front of him, Kibum looked up and met Minho's anxious eyes.
With a smile, Kibum tucked his phone into the pocket of his black skinny jeans and greeted Minho. “Hey... I thought you needed 10 minutes?”
Minho huffed and replied with questions instead. “Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Then I would have left the office earlier... Were you here long? How long did you wait? You should have called me!”
Kibum laughed and placed a hand on Minho's shoulder. “Relax, Minho... It's alright, I needed some time to prepare myself anyway.”
“Prepare yourself?” Minho frowned in confusion. “What for?”
“This.”
And the next thing Minho knew, he was surrounded with Kibum's scent, his senses overwhelmed by Kibum's touch and his warmth, as Kibum had pulled him down and connected their lips in a searing kiss that Minho instinctively responded to. Kibum didn’t even bother to test the waters with slow kisses at the start because once his lips met Minho’s, it was impossible to take it slow and easy. And with Minho suddenly taking control of their kiss, angling Kibum’s face so he could deepen the kiss with his tongue caressing Kibum’s lips and tongue, all Kibum could do was try to keep up and return Minho’s kisses with as much passion and intensity as he could give.
When Kibum eventually broke the kiss (because he had the decency to remember they were in public, although hidden in a corner behind a pillar), his hands still resting around Minho's neck though, Minho stared into his eyes for a moment before he cleared his throat and broke the comfortable silence.
“You're lucky you're smart enough to make sure that the first thing you did after not contacting me for days was kiss me.” Minho nudged Kibum gently on the forehead with his own and smiled. “Or else, it would be my turn to punch you.”
Kibum chuckled. “I don't think you would have the heart to punch me since you know, you love me and all.”
Minho wiped the smile off his face and turned serious, looking deep into Kibum’s eyes. “You owe me an explanation, Kim Kibum.”
“Doesn’t this say enough?” Kibum eyed the position they were in and gestured at themselves, how he had his arms around Minho while Minho held his waist with barely any distance between their bodies.
Minho shook his head. “I want to know exactly what you've been thinking during this time-out of ours.”
“Well, I can tell you right now, half the time I was wondering why you didn't make a move after that day at the café!”
“Kibum, you asked for a time out!” Minho stared incredulously at the guy in his arms. “I couldn’t risk doing anything except wait for you to come back to me.”
“Are you looking to start an argument with me right now, Choi Minho?” Kibum narrowed his eyes dangerously at Minho, the tone of his voice threatening.
Minho instantly shook his head. “I'm just saying...”
“Mmhmm... anything else you want to say?” Kibum asked, this time much more friendly and with the loveliest smile he could muster.
“Let’s get out of this place...” Minho pressed himself closer to Kibum, fitting his body snugly against Kibum’s, until Kibum was now leaning against the pillar. “I’m really hungry.”
Kibum paused for a second before he shot an amused look at Minho. “Which sort of hungry are you?”
Only getting it after practically blinking at Kibum for a while, Minho let out a laugh. “The proper sort of hungry, Kibum. I haven’t had anything to eat yet... but perhaps after dinner, we could... you know... cause I am always hungry for you.”
Kibum was rendered speechless by Minho’s teasing words but he did manage to roll his eyes and push Minho away. But as Minho was laughing (finding so much fun in teasing Kibum), Kibum reached out to take Minho’s hand and dragged his now boyfriend out of the lobby.
“Come on, let’s find someplace to eat.”
And as much as he felt like a puppy following its owner from the way Kibum was leading him out of his workplace, Minho had never been happier.
*
Bliss.
That was what Minho would call it as he lay next to Kibum on his bed, close enough that their arms were touching and their legs a tangled mess, doing nothing but simply enjoying each other’s company in his dimly lit room. Dinner had been like any other dinner they had before; They ate, they shared food, they talked, they bickered, they teased, they laughed - nothing had changed between them. Perhaps, Minho thought, the only difference there was, if they had to name one, was the atmosphere that surrounded them.
There wasn’t a definite way to describe it but it was the little things that showed Minho and Kibum were no longer just simply friends, that they now had that special something going on with each other. It was in the way their eyes connected more intensely (a little more flirty too), and how they smiled to each other with more affection and tenderness plus a hint of mischief, or even in the way Kibum would shy away from Minho’s touch and Minho would try to get closer to him only to end up getting glared at by Kibum. This feeling was like experiencing a first date all over again, that once in a lifetime experience which would give anyone goosebumps if you thought about it again, except the reality was that it wasn’t. Yet Minho would like to think it was. Although dinner seemed like it was nothing special, Minho knew the atmosphere that surrounded both of them made dinner anything but ordinary.
And of course, the night couldn’t end there. It only took a simple “my place or yours?” from Minho for Kibum to decide that he would be heading to his boyfriend’s apartment after dinner, but whether he was staying for a short while or for the rest of the night, Kibum (and even Minho) was going to let things go naturally. From the looks of a very comfortable and satisfied Kibum with his eyes closed on Minho’s bed though, the answer was pretty much going to be the latter.
“$100 please.”
Minho, whose eyes had been on Kibum the entire time, wore a look of confusion as he watched Kibum slowly open his eyes and turn his head a little to glance back at him.
“What $100?” Minho asked, baffled at Kibum’s words.
Kibum held out an open palm just under Minho’s nose. “For staring at me... do you think it’s free to stare at this beautiful face of mine? Plus, I’m already giving you a discount. Now pay up!”
In contrast to Kibum’s seriousness, Minho smiled, holding back his laughter, as he took Kibum’s hand and held it tightly to his chest.
“What’s $100 now when I’ll give you access to my bank account in the future?”
Kibum raised an eyebrow. “We just got together today and you’re talking about the future?”
“Kibum, why do you seem so unsure about us?” Minho moved to sit upright, letting go of Kibum’s hand and crossing his legs, readying himself for a serious conversation.
Letting out a sigh, Kibum did the same, mirroring Minho’s position, sitting close to him with his knees touching Minho’s.
“I’m not unsure, Minho.” Kibum clarified. “In fact, if I was, I wouldn’t even be here right now. You said you wanted an explanation from me... you wanted to know what I’ve been thinking over the days I didn’t contact you, right?”
Minho nodded and waited for Kibum to continue.
“Yeah, well, I was thinking about you, about us... our past and how we are now. I thought about what you said too... but Minho, what struck me the most was when I wondered, if we didn’t meet at the train station that day, what would have happened to us? Would you have thought about contacting me? I asked myself that question too and in all honesty, I wouldn’t have done anything... I actually didn’t do anything even though I’ve been back for a few months and that scares me, Minho, knowing that we could actually live our lives without each other, that if not for that day at the train station, we would be nothing but ex-lovers... strangers.”
Kibum’s thoughts hit Minho hard. Kibum was right, he had always been right. Because the truth was, Minho knew he wouldn’t put in any effort to get in touch with Kibum again. So if they didn’t bump into each other at the station, Minho would have never thought of Kibum, let alone his feelings for him, like how he managed to do for almost three full years.
“Kibum...” Minho reached out to hold Kibum’s hand and squeeze it tightly, unable to find any words to say.
“Scary isn’t it?” Kibum commented.
Minho nodded. “I rather not think about that. You obviously did too much thinking...”
“I know.” Kibum agreed. “Anyway, I’m not expecting any explanation or reassurance from you, but you wanted to know what I was thinking so, I’m telling you all this now. Besides, you should be grateful that I thought about that... since that was exactly what pushed me to find you at your office.”
“What do you mean?” Minho asked as he fiddled with his boyfriend’s fingers.
“Well, it’s knowing we were lucky enough to have the chance to meet again that made me realise I should treasure what we have and not let it slip away again.” Kibum explained and then sighed in defeat. “Perhaps bumping into you is the Universe’s way of telling me that you’ll always be a part of my life.”
Minho smiled in satisfaction. “I think the Universe did one hell of a terrific job.”
Kibum rolled his eyes and hit Minho on his arm. “Are you happy now? Did I explain my thought process clear enough for you, Mr Choi?”
“Absolutely.” Minho nodded with a smile so wide Kibum found it too glaring for his liking that he resorted to pushing Minho’s face away and out of his sight.
Letting out an audible sigh, Kibum then uncrossed his legs and fell back on the bed, returning to his original position and making himself comfortable all over again.
“I guess I’m stuck with you again, Choi Minho.”
Minho scooted closer to Kibum and reached out to hold his boyfriend’s face as he leaned down to press a teasing kiss to the corner of Kibum’s lips.
“I guess you are.” Minho said against Kibum’s lips in a low voice that sent a shiver down his boyfriend’s spine before he kissed Kibum once more, this time full on his lips. “And well, at least you’re stuck with someone you love... you do love me, right Kibum?”
Sighing once more, Kibum rolled his eyes, refusing to answer Minho’s stupid question and instead, closed the distance between them to reconnect their lips in a bruising kiss that was a better answer than a string of words combined.
But if you had to know, the truth is, when Minho was asking himself if it was possible to stop loving someone, Kibum didn’t even have to consider this question at all. Why? The answer was simple. Kim Kibum never did stop loving Choi Minho. Nor would he ever in the lifetime.
Minho too.
Is it possible to stop loving someone? It was a question Choi Minho never thought about until he bumped into Kim Kibum at the train station. He had been minding his own business, waiting for the train to arrive, when he had a feeling that someone was looking at him, not just looking but staring because Minho could feel the difference from the intensity of the gaze. True enough, when he looked towards the direction of the stare, Kibum was there, a couple of feet away from him with a number of people standing between them but looking right back at him, straight into his eyes, with an unreadable expression on his face. This was the Kim Kibum, the exact same Kim Kibum who had been Minho’s boyfriend for almost two years before they ended things on a bad note and never saw each other again for a period long enough for both of them to forget about the other’s existence.
Their story was simple. They met in college, flirted with each other when they were just friends, began dating soon after, stayed together for almost two years before Kibum’s dream of studying overseas in the United Kingdom got in the way. He was supposed to only be on an exchange programme for 6 months but barely a month into the programme, Kibum was certain he wanted to complete his studies there. They tried handling a long distance relationship but it was obviously failing when all they did on the rare times they managed to catch each other on Skype was argue. And so, on their fourth Skype conversation, Minho lost it and shouted, “Since you love UK so much, forget about me and go find yourself a UK boyfriend.” Their Skype conversation had ended, and so did their relationship. They never did officially break up, if there was even such a thing, but Minho’s pride got in his way as he refused to contact Kibum and when Kibum didn’t contact him as well, it was obvious they weren’t on speaking terms anymore, let alone together as a happy couple. Things were rough for Minho. Yet, his anger got the better of him. Besides, what could he do when the circumstances were against him? Circumstances where they were more than 5500 miles apart, separated by an 11 hours flight and an 8 hour time difference, all of which were of no use in helping Minho overcome this battle. What’s more, he knew right from the start that he was fighting a losing battle since Kibum’s heart was set on studying overseas. So from there, Minho made a painful decision to move on and life as we know it goes on…
And then life happened. Here they were now, almost three years later at a train station, completely ignoring the arrival of the train that they both needed to get on and just looking at each other as the crowd emptied out into the now departing train. The station was left rather empty, save for a few others who had just missed the train, and both Minho and Kibum had no obstructions between them anymore. They could clearly see the way the other’s body moved with each breath they took and could even almost hear the other’s heartbeat. Deciding to be a man about it, Minho took the initiative to walk towards Kibum as confidently and casually as he could but god only knows how he felt like he was walking towards a witness stand of a courtroom, ready to be judged. When he finally reached within an arm’s length away from Kibum, Minho stopped, stuffing his hands into his pockets and put on a smile, one that was more out of courtesy than genuine happiness.
“Hey…” Minho paused, taking in Kibum’s reaction which had to be somewhat positive since the other had a slight smile on his face. “When did you get back?”
“A few months ago.” Kibum answered, leaving it to Minho to get the conversation going.
“Oh.” Minho replied and then added, almost politely but actually speaking from his heart. “You look good.”
Kibum’s smile had a tinge of amusement to it now. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
Minho shrugged. “Actually, I don’t really know what to say to you.”
“Then why did you come over?” Kibum raised his eyebrows.
“You were staring at me.” Minho answered honestly. “It wouldn’t be polite if I didn’t come over and say hi.”
“Alright, if that’s the case, you can leave now since you’ve said hi.”
“Maybe I should.”
“Please, by all means, go ahead.” Kibum gestured to the approaching train with a smile.
And Minho did. Not only because Kibum had asked him too, but because if he didn’t catch the train that had so appropriately arrived, he would be late for work. Besides, he had a feeling this wasn’t the last he would see of Kibum anyway.
*
Minho’s intuition was spot on, though it came rather late, around two weeks later to be exact. Within the two weeks, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kibum, about how he felt towards the other, about whether he ever did stop loving him. Yet, thinking about it so much proved to be useless to Minho since he couldn’t come to any conclusions at all. He didn’t know how he felt for Kibum anymore. He used to have such strong feelings towards him but over the years, Minho had moved on, he had learnt to let go, his feelings slowly fading away. Nevertheless, to say that he had no feelings left for Kibum was a lie.
Minho still cared about him and this was exactly what was confusing him. He wanted to know how Kibum was during their three years apart, if Kibum was back in Korea for good and what was going on in his life now like if he had found someone else or remained single. It wasn’t that Minho wanted to pick up from where they left off; he just wanted to know where they currently stood with each other. And that was the other thing that was bugging Minho - did they even break up? After all, they didn’t exactly end things properly with each other. Things were just too ambiguous between them that Minho wished he and Kibum could settle things once and for all. And so, when he met Kibum at a birthday party that a common friend had organised, Minho wasted no time in pulling Kibum aside and into a room where they could be by themselves.
“Wow, I didn’t expect you to be so excited to see me.” With a straight face, Kibum snatched Minho’s opening line with his comment as he glanced at the hand that was holding his arm before looking at the owner of said hand.
Minho immediately released his grip on Kibum’s arm and closed the door behind him, shutting off all noise that came from the party in living room so he and Kibum could have the silence they needed.
“We should talk.” Minho went straight to the point.
“You’re three years late.” Kibum retorted coldly.
“Kibum, I’m not the only one in this relationship...”
“Relationship?” Kibum scoffed. “What relationship? Because from my understanding, you clearly didn’t want anything to do with me after you told me to find someone else in UK.”
Minho sighed. “Look Kibum, I just want to settle things between us that we should have settled years ago but if you don’t want to be talking to me right now, just tell me, and I’ll go.”
“Alright. Fine.” Kibum breathed out, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Tell me, what exactly do you want to talk about? What exactly do we need to settle?”
“I… don’t know. I just-“
“You want us to talk but you don’t even know what to say right now. That’s really smart of you, Minho.” Kibum rolled his eyes, voice filled with sarcasm that it made Minho’s blood boil.
“Why are you making things so difficult for me?!” At Kibum’s attitude, Minho couldn’t keep calm anymore as he raised his voice, staring straight into Kibum’s eyes intimidatingly.
But of course, Minho knew Kibum wasn’t one to be intimidated. And even if he was, he would never go down without a fight… particularly now, since he had a case to fight.
Kibum closed the distance between them and pushed Minho hard on his chest, the strength that he used was enough to make Minho stumble a few steps back.
“This is nothing compared to how you made my life a living hell when I was in UK… when I was supposed to be fully enjoying the fact that I was fulfilling my dream of studying overseas. And the funniest thing is that you didn’t even have to be physically there to make the first few months of my life in UK miserable!”
It was Kibum’s turn to raise his voice and he went on to push Minho on his chest again.
“Do you know how guilty I felt that my dream was what exactly caused us to lose the relationship we had? Every time, every single fucking time I felt happy, I had to be reminded that the happiness I felt was at the cost of our relationship, at the expense of losing you. And obviously, you did nothing to make me feel better since I was the selfish one who left you for my dream. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t regret staying in UK to complete my studies because eventually, I had a fucking good time staying there and living my dream. What I regret is that I let you affect my mood at the beginning, that it took me too long to get over you and move on with my life. So forgive me Minho, if I’m making things difficult for you now, but don’t expect me to be friendly with you anytime soon.”
With that, Kibum shoved Minho aside and stormed right out of the room, leaving Minho with words that not only made him speechless but also caused his heart to ache. And at that moment, Minho knew. He knew the answers to the questions that had been bothering him. Was it possible to stop loving someone? Yes, but for Minho, it wasn’t possible if the person was Kibum. Did he, then, ever stop loving Kibum? No. Because if he ever did, Kibum certainly wouldn’t have the ability to hurt him as much as he did now.
*
It didn’t take much effort for Minho to meet Kibum on the third time since Minho himself had planned for it to happen. Things were definitely not over between Kibum and him, especially when Minho was now sure of how he felt towards him. He never did stop loving him, he only simply pushed his feelings aside, forcing himself to bury them and not think about Kibum. And Minho did just that, for almost three whole years, but all it took was one random meeting with Kibum for his feelings to return like it never faded away. So now that Kibum was back in his life, Minho wasn’t going to let his stubbornness and his pride stop him from fixing their relationship. He knew there might be a chance that Kibum didn’t feel the same way about him anymore, that nothing but a one sided relationship between them remained but getting back together was not as important as rebuilding their friendship, that special bond they shared even before they became lovers. Essentially, Minho owed it to Kibum - a proper apology, the effort that he took to make it along with his sincerity when apologising.
And with a little sniffing around, starting from the common friend that had invited both of them to the party, Minho managed to get hold of Kibum’s current address. This explained why he was currently standing in front of the door to Kibum’s apartment and waiting for said person to answer the door. It only took Minho a couple of knocks before he heard shuffling of footsteps coming from inside. The next thing he knew, Kibum had entered his vision. However, in the next second, Minho was about to lose sight of him since Kibum had every intention to slam the door on his face. And he would have slammed it shut successfully if it wasn’t for Minho’s quick reflexes as he raised his hand to stop the door from closing. Much to Kibum’s displeasure, Minho even managed to squeeze his body into the apartment when Kibum was distracted by Minho’s sudden opposing force on the other side of the door. Everything had happened too fast for Kibum to react and so, he could only glare furiously at the rude intruder in his apartment.
“You’re not welcomed here, Choi Minho.” Kibum hissed, unable to contain his anger. “Don’t force me to kick you out. And i mean it literally.”
“Look, I’m sorry, Kibum, for everything that I’ve done and didn’t do.” Minho knew he didn’t have the luxury of time to beat about the bush with Kibum practically on combat mode, all ready to get him out of the apartment and so the words came tumbling out of his mouth almost as fast as a bullet train.
“I can’t list out all the things I’m sorry for, because I know you wouldn’t have the patience to hear me out, but what I regret the most is letting you go… that I didn’t treasure what we had and it’s killing me, Kibum, knowing that I made no effort to hold on to you because the truth is, you’re the only one I will ever love. I know sorry doesn’t cut it but I’m hoping whatever I said is enough for you to give me a chance to be in your life again.”
Minho took in a deep breath after speaking his heart out but in the next moment, his breath got knocked out of him when he felt a blow to his stomach and Minho was sent stumbling back until he hit the door. Truth be told, Kibum did not use his full strength when he threw the punch at Minho but the fact that he had caught the other completely off guard made the punch more powerful than it was. Almost on the verge of wheezing, Minho coughed repeatedly and instantly clutched his stomach in pain as he stared wide eyed at an emotionless Kibum, silently demanding for him to explain his actions.
“You’re right, sorry doesn’t cut it but at least that made me feel a little better.” Kibum clarified with a nonchalant expression.
“You could have given me a heads up!” Minho reasoned, slowly recovering from the pain in his stomach and now looking at Kibum begrudgingly with a slight pout.
“It wouldn’t be the same.” Kibum simply said.
“Are you happy now?”
Kibum shrugged, his face indifferent, as he looked anywhere but Minho.
Standing back upright, Minho sighed, taking a step closer to Kibum. “Would hitting me another time make you feel just that tiny bit better then?”
“Don’t be stupid.” Kibum muttered, and then took in a breath as he finally locked eyes with Minho.
“You know, you didn’t have to make it sound like it’s entirely your fault that we ended up like this. It takes two to make a relationship and two to work on that relationship. I’m not unreasonable, Minho, I know I’m to blame as well. So if you’re apologising, I should apologise too. But all the should haves and if onlys don’t matter anymore. We were just too young and hot headed to fully treasure what we had... and we lost it. Whether we can find back what we lost, well, I guess time will tell.”
Slowly digesting Kibum’s words, Minho blinked a couple of times before a smile grew on his face. And before he could stop himself, a low chuckle escaped from his lips.
“Don’t get too happy so soon.” Kibum warned, but the funny thing was, his lips were curved upwards in just that slight but noticeable bit. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
With Kibum’s smile as an encouragement, Minho couldn’t hold himself back from reaching out to pull the other into his arms for a hug that felt like home... like he was returning home.
“No Kibum, it means everything to me.” Minho tightened his hold around Kibum’s stiff body. “Thank you.”
Minho couldn’t see it but a faint blush had stained Kibum’s cheeks. And if that meant anything, it could only mean good things were to come.
*
“This is unhealthy.”
“What is?”
“Us meeting too many times a week.”
Minho placed his cup of Americano back down on the table and licked the residue off his lips before looking at Kibum with a smirk on his face.
“Well, you’re not exactly doing anything to discourage me from asking you out.”
Kibum threw a used paper napkin towards Minho, annoyed by his smug attitude, and retorted spitefully. “Perhaps I should, from now onwards.”
“Oh come on Kibum.” Grinning, Minho pushed the plate of New York cheesecake towards Kibum as a peace offering. “You know you don’t want to.”
“Please, just shut up.” Kibum rolled his eyes and picked up the fork to indulge in the large slice of creamy, rich and smooth cheesecake that Minho was treating him to, putting their conversation on hold for the time being.
Minho didn’t even bother to hide the tender smile on his face as he openly watched Kibum savour bite after bite of cake. There was just something absolutely adorable about the way Kibum’s eyes crinkled in a smile when he savoured the taste of the sweet treat he was enjoying so very much. Minho also couldn’t get enough of the way Kibum hummed in satisfaction with so much delight on his face that he could just sit and stare at Kibum all day even if they didn’t say a single word to each other. And in that very moment, Minho wished he could buy Kibum all his favourite desserts just because he really loved him like this... and he loved him all the time.
The loving smile on Minho’s face said it all. In fact, Minho’s intention had been obvious right from the start. As much as he was thankful that he was back to being friends with Kibum, he also wanted them to be back to being something more. It wasn’t just a want, but it was a need. The truth was, Minho needed Kibum to be his other half. There was no one other than Kibum he wanted so badly, this was a fact he knew from the very beginning when they first started dating. Thinking back, Minho could never understand how he ever let Kibum go, and he would never forgive himself for that. But as Kibum always said ever since they reunited, the past is the past and there was no such thing as a time machine so they should just let it be. Minho agreed, and that was why he never once requested for them to pick up from where they left off. Instead, he wanted them to start afresh, to have a new beginning, to create a new love story written on a fresh page. This was why he and Kibum rarely talked about the past, they rather focused on the now, the future, and Minho enjoyed this. Although he was grateful they had a past (he would never forget the memories he made with Kibum before), Minho was very much enthusiastic about their future together. That’s if Kibum allowed them to have one, of course.
It had been a month since that fateful day he found himself at Kibum’s apartment and every day since then, Minho had been doing whatever he could to spend time with Kibum and get to know him all over again. Without holding back one bit, he took the initiative to contact Kibum, to arrange dates with him, to meet at his convenience, to bring Kibum to places that he knew Kibum would like and sometimes even surprising him with gifts that didn’t necessarily cost much but was to Kibum’s liking. So as long as the chance came along, Minho would spoil Kibum in every way possible. Of course, he knew Kibum needed his space so Minho made sure he hadn’t gone too overboard with his efforts, not wanting it to come to the point where he came across as desperate or clingy.
Minho didn’t know if Kibum still had feelings for him but he honestly couldn’t be bothered to find out because whatever the answer was, Minho was determined to make Kibum fall in love with him once more, if not, even more. And looking at how things were progressing between the two of them, Minho was more than happy with where his efforts had brought him so far because for one, he knew Kibum wasn’t turning him down whenever he asked him out (Kibum would ask him out as well) and two, they always parted ways with smiles and anticipation for their next date. In one month, they had managed to catch up with the three years they had missed out on each other’s lives. And now, Minho was very much tempted to take things further with Kibum. He just suddenly didn’t know how to go about it... especially since the stakes were so much higher now. One wrong move and he could just screw things up completely and never be able to be part of Kibum’s life again.
“Minho, we seriously need to stop visiting such good cafés.”
Minho snapped out of his thoughts and focused his attention back onto Kibum who was apparently ready to chat with him. “Why?”
“My jawline is beginning to disappear.” Kibum pouted as he felt the sides of his face and looked guiltily at the now empty plate that had only crumbs of the cake remaining.
“It isn’t, Kibum.” Minho reassured his friend with the truth because he honestly couldn’t see what Kibum was seeing in the mirror. “And even if it is, you still look perfectly fine.”
“Fine?” Kibum smiled and asked playfully. “That’s all?”
Minho paused and eyed Kibum, trying to figure out what precisely the other was expecting as a reply. He didn’t miss the glint of mischief in his eyes and Minho knew Kibum wasn’t being serious so he decided to play along.
“Come on Kibum, you obviously know i always think you look stunning... gorgeous enough to always take my breath away, especially when i look at you and all i see is myself in your eyes.”
Okay, so Minho didn’t exactly play along. He ended up saying how he honestly felt, just in a not so serious manner. Kibum knew MInho long enough to know this, to know that Minho was saying this for a reason that was so blatantly obvious he would be stupid not to see where Minho was getting at. The mischief in Kibum’s eyes was gone and Kibum was back to having a blank expression on his face. That was his defense mechanism and Minho recognised this. He was even certain Kibum could tell what was about to come...
“Kibum, I-”
“Don’t.” Kibum cut Minho off as he shook his head. “Please don’t ruin what we have now.”
“We could be something more.”
“What’s wrong with how we are now?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it.” Minho answered, still calm and collected. “In fact, i’ve never been happier.”
“Exactly!” Kibum couldn’t help but raise his volume a little. “So why do you want something more?”
“Because although i’m happy, it’s torture, Kibum.” Minho let out a breath, throwing his hands up in defeat and then gesturing wildly towards Kibum. “You’re right in front of me but i can’t hug you, i can’t kiss you, i can’t touch you, i can’t call you mine, i can’t fucking do anything except be your friend! Do you how frustrating it is to be so close to you yet feel as if the Great Wall of China is keeping us apart? I can barely stand the fact that we’re just friends!”
Kibum looked down and stared at the table top for a minute or so, seemingly sorting out his thoughts, before he looked up at Minho and said. “I can’t talk to you right now. We need a time out.”
And before Minho could process his words, before he could understand if that was something to be taken positively or negatively, Kibum grabbed his backpack and walked off, once again leaving Minho by himself. It was then Minho swore he would never let Kibum walk away from him ever again, not in this lifetime.
*
It was a little after office hours when Minho's phone vibrated. Minho couldn't find his phone though since there was just too much paperwork on his desk and his phone was buried somewhere under the various documents. Besides, he was rushing through a file that his supervisor had happily dumped on him at the very last minute to edit by the next morning and he didn't want to break his momentum so he ignored his phone for the time being. After another 20 minutes or so, Minho was done with editing and as he sent the document to print, he began flipping through the papers on his desk until he finally found his phone. Glancing at the screen as he picked up his phone, Minho cursed when he caught sight of Kibum's name. He quickly unlocked his phone and read the new message that was received 26 minutes ago.
Still at work?
With his heartbeat speeding up, Minho wasted no time in replying. He never saw his fingers moved so fast before.
Yeah. Why?
It only took a few seconds for Kibum's reply to come back.
Are you leaving your office anytime soon?
Minho groaned when he saw the message, frustrated that Kibum didn't answer his question. Keeping his cool, he resisted the urge to call the source of his troubles instead and forced himself to type a reply.
In about 10 minutes. Why?
Again, Kibum's reply came in the blink of an eye.
I'm at the lobby. Meet me when you're done.
Minho almost felt his heart leap out of his chest when Kibum's message registered in his mind. Had Kibum been waiting for him to knock off all this while? Minho's mind was in a blur but at least his body knew what to do. Without hesitating, Minho had jumped out of his seat, grabbed the document from the printer, placed it as nicely as he could on his supervisor's desk, rushed back to his desk, shut down his computer, grabbed his belongings and in less than 5 minutes, was out of the office and in the lift that was well on its way to the lobby. The lift doors were not even fully opened when Minho squeezed his way out and as he entered the lobby, true enough, right there standing in one corner, leaning against a pillar, was Kibum looking breathtakingly attractive with his head down as he fiddled with his phone. It would normally take Minho a minute to get to where Kibum was but in less than half the time, he found himself standing right in front of Kibum, somewhat breathless from how fast he had moved to get to the lobby. Feeling a sudden presence in front of him, Kibum looked up and met Minho's anxious eyes.
With a smile, Kibum tucked his phone into the pocket of his black skinny jeans and greeted Minho. “Hey... I thought you needed 10 minutes?”
Minho huffed and replied with questions instead. “Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Then I would have left the office earlier... Were you here long? How long did you wait? You should have called me!”
Kibum laughed and placed a hand on Minho's shoulder. “Relax, Minho... It's alright, I needed some time to prepare myself anyway.”
“Prepare yourself?” Minho frowned in confusion. “What for?”
“This.”
And the next thing Minho knew, he was surrounded with Kibum's scent, his senses overwhelmed by Kibum's touch and his warmth, as Kibum had pulled him down and connected their lips in a searing kiss that Minho instinctively responded to. Kibum didn’t even bother to test the waters with slow kisses at the start because once his lips met Minho’s, it was impossible to take it slow and easy. And with Minho suddenly taking control of their kiss, angling Kibum’s face so he could deepen the kiss with his tongue caressing Kibum’s lips and tongue, all Kibum could do was try to keep up and return Minho’s kisses with as much passion and intensity as he could give.
When Kibum eventually broke the kiss (because he had the decency to remember they were in public, although hidden in a corner behind a pillar), his hands still resting around Minho's neck though, Minho stared into his eyes for a moment before he cleared his throat and broke the comfortable silence.
“You're lucky you're smart enough to make sure that the first thing you did after not contacting me for days was kiss me.” Minho nudged Kibum gently on the forehead with his own and smiled. “Or else, it would be my turn to punch you.”
Kibum chuckled. “I don't think you would have the heart to punch me since you know, you love me and all.”
Minho wiped the smile off his face and turned serious, looking deep into Kibum’s eyes. “You owe me an explanation, Kim Kibum.”
“Doesn’t this say enough?” Kibum eyed the position they were in and gestured at themselves, how he had his arms around Minho while Minho held his waist with barely any distance between their bodies.
Minho shook his head. “I want to know exactly what you've been thinking during this time-out of ours.”
“Well, I can tell you right now, half the time I was wondering why you didn't make a move after that day at the café!”
“Kibum, you asked for a time out!” Minho stared incredulously at the guy in his arms. “I couldn’t risk doing anything except wait for you to come back to me.”
“Are you looking to start an argument with me right now, Choi Minho?” Kibum narrowed his eyes dangerously at Minho, the tone of his voice threatening.
Minho instantly shook his head. “I'm just saying...”
“Mmhmm... anything else you want to say?” Kibum asked, this time much more friendly and with the loveliest smile he could muster.
“Let’s get out of this place...” Minho pressed himself closer to Kibum, fitting his body snugly against Kibum’s, until Kibum was now leaning against the pillar. “I’m really hungry.”
Kibum paused for a second before he shot an amused look at Minho. “Which sort of hungry are you?”
Only getting it after practically blinking at Kibum for a while, Minho let out a laugh. “The proper sort of hungry, Kibum. I haven’t had anything to eat yet... but perhaps after dinner, we could... you know... cause I am always hungry for you.”
Kibum was rendered speechless by Minho’s teasing words but he did manage to roll his eyes and push Minho away. But as Minho was laughing (finding so much fun in teasing Kibum), Kibum reached out to take Minho’s hand and dragged his now boyfriend out of the lobby.
“Come on, let’s find someplace to eat.”
And as much as he felt like a puppy following its owner from the way Kibum was leading him out of his workplace, Minho had never been happier.
*
Bliss.
That was what Minho would call it as he lay next to Kibum on his bed, close enough that their arms were touching and their legs a tangled mess, doing nothing but simply enjoying each other’s company in his dimly lit room. Dinner had been like any other dinner they had before; They ate, they shared food, they talked, they bickered, they teased, they laughed - nothing had changed between them. Perhaps, Minho thought, the only difference there was, if they had to name one, was the atmosphere that surrounded them.
There wasn’t a definite way to describe it but it was the little things that showed Minho and Kibum were no longer just simply friends, that they now had that special something going on with each other. It was in the way their eyes connected more intensely (a little more flirty too), and how they smiled to each other with more affection and tenderness plus a hint of mischief, or even in the way Kibum would shy away from Minho’s touch and Minho would try to get closer to him only to end up getting glared at by Kibum. This feeling was like experiencing a first date all over again, that once in a lifetime experience which would give anyone goosebumps if you thought about it again, except the reality was that it wasn’t. Yet Minho would like to think it was. Although dinner seemed like it was nothing special, Minho knew the atmosphere that surrounded both of them made dinner anything but ordinary.
And of course, the night couldn’t end there. It only took a simple “my place or yours?” from Minho for Kibum to decide that he would be heading to his boyfriend’s apartment after dinner, but whether he was staying for a short while or for the rest of the night, Kibum (and even Minho) was going to let things go naturally. From the looks of a very comfortable and satisfied Kibum with his eyes closed on Minho’s bed though, the answer was pretty much going to be the latter.
“$100 please.”
Minho, whose eyes had been on Kibum the entire time, wore a look of confusion as he watched Kibum slowly open his eyes and turn his head a little to glance back at him.
“What $100?” Minho asked, baffled at Kibum’s words.
Kibum held out an open palm just under Minho’s nose. “For staring at me... do you think it’s free to stare at this beautiful face of mine? Plus, I’m already giving you a discount. Now pay up!”
In contrast to Kibum’s seriousness, Minho smiled, holding back his laughter, as he took Kibum’s hand and held it tightly to his chest.
“What’s $100 now when I’ll give you access to my bank account in the future?”
Kibum raised an eyebrow. “We just got together today and you’re talking about the future?”
“Kibum, why do you seem so unsure about us?” Minho moved to sit upright, letting go of Kibum’s hand and crossing his legs, readying himself for a serious conversation.
Letting out a sigh, Kibum did the same, mirroring Minho’s position, sitting close to him with his knees touching Minho’s.
“I’m not unsure, Minho.” Kibum clarified. “In fact, if I was, I wouldn’t even be here right now. You said you wanted an explanation from me... you wanted to know what I’ve been thinking over the days I didn’t contact you, right?”
Minho nodded and waited for Kibum to continue.
“Yeah, well, I was thinking about you, about us... our past and how we are now. I thought about what you said too... but Minho, what struck me the most was when I wondered, if we didn’t meet at the train station that day, what would have happened to us? Would you have thought about contacting me? I asked myself that question too and in all honesty, I wouldn’t have done anything... I actually didn’t do anything even though I’ve been back for a few months and that scares me, Minho, knowing that we could actually live our lives without each other, that if not for that day at the train station, we would be nothing but ex-lovers... strangers.”
Kibum’s thoughts hit Minho hard. Kibum was right, he had always been right. Because the truth was, Minho knew he wouldn’t put in any effort to get in touch with Kibum again. So if they didn’t bump into each other at the station, Minho would have never thought of Kibum, let alone his feelings for him, like how he managed to do for almost three full years.
“Kibum...” Minho reached out to hold Kibum’s hand and squeeze it tightly, unable to find any words to say.
“Scary isn’t it?” Kibum commented.
Minho nodded. “I rather not think about that. You obviously did too much thinking...”
“I know.” Kibum agreed. “Anyway, I’m not expecting any explanation or reassurance from you, but you wanted to know what I was thinking so, I’m telling you all this now. Besides, you should be grateful that I thought about that... since that was exactly what pushed me to find you at your office.”
“What do you mean?” Minho asked as he fiddled with his boyfriend’s fingers.
“Well, it’s knowing we were lucky enough to have the chance to meet again that made me realise I should treasure what we have and not let it slip away again.” Kibum explained and then sighed in defeat. “Perhaps bumping into you is the Universe’s way of telling me that you’ll always be a part of my life.”
Minho smiled in satisfaction. “I think the Universe did one hell of a terrific job.”
Kibum rolled his eyes and hit Minho on his arm. “Are you happy now? Did I explain my thought process clear enough for you, Mr Choi?”
“Absolutely.” Minho nodded with a smile so wide Kibum found it too glaring for his liking that he resorted to pushing Minho’s face away and out of his sight.
Letting out an audible sigh, Kibum then uncrossed his legs and fell back on the bed, returning to his original position and making himself comfortable all over again.
“I guess I’m stuck with you again, Choi Minho.”
Minho scooted closer to Kibum and reached out to hold his boyfriend’s face as he leaned down to press a teasing kiss to the corner of Kibum’s lips.
“I guess you are.” Minho said against Kibum’s lips in a low voice that sent a shiver down his boyfriend’s spine before he kissed Kibum once more, this time full on his lips. “And well, at least you’re stuck with someone you love... you do love me, right Kibum?”
Sighing once more, Kibum rolled his eyes, refusing to answer Minho’s stupid question and instead, closed the distance between them to reconnect their lips in a bruising kiss that was a better answer than a string of words combined.
But if you had to know, the truth is, when Minho was asking himself if it was possible to stop loving someone, Kibum didn’t even have to consider this question at all. Why? The answer was simple. Kim Kibum never did stop loving Choi Minho. Nor would he ever in the lifetime.
Minho too.