(no subject)
Oh boy. I'm stressed out about so many things right now.
I have roughly $50 in the bank and $15 in my wallet right now. That's all the money I have. My dad usually gives me money to take the bus to school and buy lunch and stuff. But since I buy breakfast too, and have to pay for part of my voice and dance lessons, I had to dip into my savings. A lot. A couple months ago, I probably had over $400 in the bank. Maybe it was stupid buying new clothes? But I needed a nice button-down shirt for Watchers, because I accidentally burned a whole in the other one. So that's $30 for this stupid black blouse that doesn't even fit me that well. I bought a couple pairs of jeans because I only had 2 or 3 pairs left that still fit me and weren't ruined or ripped. I bought capris because I only have a few pairs of shorts and most of them are too short and uncomfortable and I don't feel like getting yelled at by Ms. Klibanksy again, because that makes me feel like a slut. I bought a shirt too, because most of the shirts I have are getting pretty old. Yeah, way to rationalize.
I don't know. Am I really bad with money? Am I spoiled because my dad gives me money for stuff? My parents agreed that I shouldn't have to get a job during the school year if I didn't have time for one. True, working during marching band season would be practically impossible, and it might have been hard during the Greenroom show, except this year we barely had any rehearsals at all. I probably would have the time to work now. If I sacrificed some things and didn't procrastinate as much. But I know that most of the jobs available to teenagers are in the service industry. Guess what? I hate serving people. I'm slow, and people make me nervous. When I worked at Maplewood Place this summer, it was excruciating. I tried hard, I showed up to work early, I tried to get better. But I still sucked and it made me so upset to know that people were inwardly criticizing me all the time.
I might have a job lined up for the summer, working at the Widener Library at Harvard. It's the ideal job for me...fairly easy work in a quiet place, without people yelling at me. And it's in Harvard Square. If I got the job, it would be June-August, 10-15 hours a week, at roughly $10 an hour. (Yeah, holy crap.) But what if I don't get the job? And even if I do get the job, Cornell is expecting me to make and bank $2000 this summer, which seems nearly impossible.
So yeah. Since my parents got divorced, my dad has been in charge of finances for my brother and I. Better the cheapskate than the compulsive spender, right? But my dad expects me to pay for a lot of things with money out of my own pocket, which I don't usually have. And when he does give me money for things, he likes to save as much money as possible. I always get grief for wanting to buy new clothes. And last year he gave me a hard time because I wanted to get a new pair of sneakers for school. I don't think one new pair of shoes is that big of a deal. I've been wearing the same black dress shoes and pants for band since 8th grade, and I have another pair of black dress shoes that I've been wearing since 6th grade. (Don't ask how this crap still fits me.) So he's like, "Why can't you just get a used prom dress?" And I'm not opposed to used clothing. I've gotten a lot of nice stuff from Planet Aid. But why can't I just buy a new dress? It's probably one of the only times in my life where I'll actually be wearing a nice, really fancy dress. So I'm worried about that, and about coming up with money to buy prom tickets, money for hair and make-up, etc. Oh yes, and I still don't have a limo to go in. Apparently I'm not really in any group of friends, so no one asked me to go in a limo with them. And everyone's limos already seem to be full. Either that, or no one really wants me to go. How nice. So what am I supposed to do? Have my parents drop me off at prom? I'm so pathetic. So I might not even go. I feel really bad for Brian D., who I was supposed to go with (yeah, isn't it amazing that I had a date?). But yeah. I guess that's what you get for going to prom with your loser senior friend. Sorry. I'll try to work things out, but I really don't know.
I'm also really afraid to ask my dad for money for other things, like my cap and gown and spring/summer clothes. But I really have no choice, because I'm pathetically broke.
Also, just to add to my list of grievances, I don't really seem to have any friends who I hang out with anymore. There are so many people who I wish I could hang out with, but I don't have the guts to ask them. I'm afraid that they'll be obliged to say yes, but they don't really like me. And hanging out with people for the first time is always kind of weird. I don't know. If you're on my friends list, that means I'd probably like to be friends with you. I always thought that once I was a senior, I'd be this cool, confident person who knew everything and had tons of friends. But I feel like the juniors I'd like to get to know better, even the freshmen, have the upper hand. Does that make sense?
Grades. My grades this quarter definitely went down in a few subjects. Some of it was from me being lazy, but I also made some stupid mistakes on tests that costed me a lot of points, even though I knew what I was doing. And I'm probably so close to Parid for class rank that I could probably lose my rank because I put 5 meters into Studyworks instead of 15 meters. It would just being number one for half the year, then losing it because of some stupid tests. And I know that most people are probably expecting me to be the valedictorian at the end of the year, so they'll look down on me if I'm not. Like, what the hell happened? My parents will be pretty disappointed in me too. Oh boy.
Oh, college. I still don't know where the hell I'm going. It would've been easier if I'd been accepted at one of my top-choice schools, but oh well. If you want to know more about THAT, you can read my post in the College Help Community- http://www.livejournal.com/community/college_help/713092.html#cutid1
I'm done for now, but I probably won't be getting to sleep anytime soon because of the six hour nap I accidentally took tonight. Good times.
I have roughly $50 in the bank and $15 in my wallet right now. That's all the money I have. My dad usually gives me money to take the bus to school and buy lunch and stuff. But since I buy breakfast too, and have to pay for part of my voice and dance lessons, I had to dip into my savings. A lot. A couple months ago, I probably had over $400 in the bank. Maybe it was stupid buying new clothes? But I needed a nice button-down shirt for Watchers, because I accidentally burned a whole in the other one. So that's $30 for this stupid black blouse that doesn't even fit me that well. I bought a couple pairs of jeans because I only had 2 or 3 pairs left that still fit me and weren't ruined or ripped. I bought capris because I only have a few pairs of shorts and most of them are too short and uncomfortable and I don't feel like getting yelled at by Ms. Klibanksy again, because that makes me feel like a slut. I bought a shirt too, because most of the shirts I have are getting pretty old. Yeah, way to rationalize.
I don't know. Am I really bad with money? Am I spoiled because my dad gives me money for stuff? My parents agreed that I shouldn't have to get a job during the school year if I didn't have time for one. True, working during marching band season would be practically impossible, and it might have been hard during the Greenroom show, except this year we barely had any rehearsals at all. I probably would have the time to work now. If I sacrificed some things and didn't procrastinate as much. But I know that most of the jobs available to teenagers are in the service industry. Guess what? I hate serving people. I'm slow, and people make me nervous. When I worked at Maplewood Place this summer, it was excruciating. I tried hard, I showed up to work early, I tried to get better. But I still sucked and it made me so upset to know that people were inwardly criticizing me all the time.
I might have a job lined up for the summer, working at the Widener Library at Harvard. It's the ideal job for me...fairly easy work in a quiet place, without people yelling at me. And it's in Harvard Square. If I got the job, it would be June-August, 10-15 hours a week, at roughly $10 an hour. (Yeah, holy crap.) But what if I don't get the job? And even if I do get the job, Cornell is expecting me to make and bank $2000 this summer, which seems nearly impossible.
So yeah. Since my parents got divorced, my dad has been in charge of finances for my brother and I. Better the cheapskate than the compulsive spender, right? But my dad expects me to pay for a lot of things with money out of my own pocket, which I don't usually have. And when he does give me money for things, he likes to save as much money as possible. I always get grief for wanting to buy new clothes. And last year he gave me a hard time because I wanted to get a new pair of sneakers for school. I don't think one new pair of shoes is that big of a deal. I've been wearing the same black dress shoes and pants for band since 8th grade, and I have another pair of black dress shoes that I've been wearing since 6th grade. (Don't ask how this crap still fits me.) So he's like, "Why can't you just get a used prom dress?" And I'm not opposed to used clothing. I've gotten a lot of nice stuff from Planet Aid. But why can't I just buy a new dress? It's probably one of the only times in my life where I'll actually be wearing a nice, really fancy dress. So I'm worried about that, and about coming up with money to buy prom tickets, money for hair and make-up, etc. Oh yes, and I still don't have a limo to go in. Apparently I'm not really in any group of friends, so no one asked me to go in a limo with them. And everyone's limos already seem to be full. Either that, or no one really wants me to go. How nice. So what am I supposed to do? Have my parents drop me off at prom? I'm so pathetic. So I might not even go. I feel really bad for Brian D., who I was supposed to go with (yeah, isn't it amazing that I had a date?). But yeah. I guess that's what you get for going to prom with your loser senior friend. Sorry. I'll try to work things out, but I really don't know.
I'm also really afraid to ask my dad for money for other things, like my cap and gown and spring/summer clothes. But I really have no choice, because I'm pathetically broke.
Also, just to add to my list of grievances, I don't really seem to have any friends who I hang out with anymore. There are so many people who I wish I could hang out with, but I don't have the guts to ask them. I'm afraid that they'll be obliged to say yes, but they don't really like me. And hanging out with people for the first time is always kind of weird. I don't know. If you're on my friends list, that means I'd probably like to be friends with you. I always thought that once I was a senior, I'd be this cool, confident person who knew everything and had tons of friends. But I feel like the juniors I'd like to get to know better, even the freshmen, have the upper hand. Does that make sense?
Grades. My grades this quarter definitely went down in a few subjects. Some of it was from me being lazy, but I also made some stupid mistakes on tests that costed me a lot of points, even though I knew what I was doing. And I'm probably so close to Parid for class rank that I could probably lose my rank because I put 5 meters into Studyworks instead of 15 meters. It would just being number one for half the year, then losing it because of some stupid tests. And I know that most people are probably expecting me to be the valedictorian at the end of the year, so they'll look down on me if I'm not. Like, what the hell happened? My parents will be pretty disappointed in me too. Oh boy.
Oh, college. I still don't know where the hell I'm going. It would've been easier if I'd been accepted at one of my top-choice schools, but oh well. If you want to know more about THAT, you can read my post in the College Help Community- http://www.livejournal.com/community/college_help/713092.html#cutid1
I'm done for now, but I probably won't be getting to sleep anytime soon because of the six hour nap I accidentally took tonight. Good times.