Entry for August, week 1 of Brigits_flame...

[intermezzo_poet]

I realize I am not built

like a bomb.

There is no digital countdown, seconds sliding by in red lights, no hardwired detonation sequence. No ticking, and no fuse. No rag to ignite like a Molotov cocktail. No terrible center awaiting a push of the trigger, no tripwire, no gunpowder.

I will not detonate-you can chalk it up to mechanical failure

Comments

[balloonhat]

That opening sentence is one of the best I've read today. Immediately grabbing.

[jellybeanchichi]

I enjoyed this. Good luck.

[psychrolute]

I loved this. I agree with balloonhat, the opening line is really powerful. I liked the comparison of a bomb vs. an unraveling present. Your use of spacing and bold/italics on the last line is refreshingly effective too. :]

[the_panic_light]

Brilliant pacing.

[triplescorpio]

Hi! I'm your primary editor this week, a little late. I really feel you have an excellent piece of writing/poem here. I am especially impressed with the imagery you used - from the concept of the self-destructive bomb in comparison to the equally deadly, but intact knife to lines like, "I offer feeble papercuts throughout the year and a half it takes to unwrap me, until at last you have reached the blades, sharp and silver and new." Your cadence and pacing also lend to the lethal feel of the writing. With these elements you were able to convey a relationship's anger and emotional danger in a powerful way. Excellent work.