Entry for October, Week 1 of Brigits_Flame: "There it goes."

[intermezzo_poet]

Here's my entry... I wrote a new piece... and decided I liked this older, slightly revamped version better--at least for this topic.

...ugh. Kinda angsty though. Apologies in advance.

(Oh, and this was totally back before my Creativity professor forever shattered the allure of Salvador Dali's works for me... pretty sure I'm scarred for LIFE.

Comments

Editor 2

[heartoftorment]

I feel a deep connection to the protaganist. I don't know why, but I do. I love the steady jerk back to reality with the drip of the showerhead. You're yearning for more information, but oh, you hold out on us, you crafty thing. Sometimes, too much information kills a prose piece like this, and you've given us just enough to wonder. Just enough to think, enough to start a story of our own.

Oh, you, you've spun is quite a web.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't much of a retrospective, insightful edit, but I love quirky pieces like this.

Okay. I really don't have anything poignant to add to this, to retract. Maybe next time I'll have something better, but this time, I'm all tapped out of good critiquing.

Re: Editor 2

[heartoftorment]

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! I can't even tell you how much I look forward to hearing what everyone has to say each week. Thank youuuuuuu! :)