without words
without words
wooyoung/jaebum, junho/wooyoung
2553 words
Wooyoung wants to laugh whenever he thinks about what could've been, should've been, and would've been.
without words
before all the memories we created turn into pain
let's in the end, with a smile, say goodbye
- loveless (yamashita tomohisa)
His jaw is set and his eyes are bright, and Wooyoung clenches his fists and tells himself to be strong be strong be strong.
"You're leaving," Wooyoung says, then wants to laugh at himself. Jaebum is standing by the door without make-up, a beanie over his hair and a suitcase by his side; even a four-year-old kid could have figured it out.
Jaebum bites his lip, then turns away and places a hand on the door-knob. "Bye," he says, his voice so soft Wooyoung has to strain to hear him. "Take care."
Wooyoung flashes a bright, bright smile at Jaebum's back. "Come back soon," he says, injecting as much happiness into his voice as possible. He turns and walks away before Jaebum can see the shimmer of unshed tears in his eyes, before Jaebum can see the desperation in the way he is clenching his fists, before his mask slides off and Jaebum sees the raw pain that is eating away at his heart.
Wooyoung wants to laugh whenever he thinks about what could've been, should've been, and would've been.
He could have fallen for Chansung, with his earnest gaze and gigantic smile. Chansung, who likes to press his chin against Wooyoung's shoulder and sink his teeth into the fabric of Wooyoung's shirt. Chansung, whose high-pitched laughter makes Wooyoung ridiculously happy. Chansung, whose breathing Wooyoung likes to listen to in the middle of the night when he can't fall asleep.
He should have fallen for Nichkhun, with his responsibility and determination. Nichkhun, who is caring and warm and generally the nicest person Wooyoung has ever known. Nichkhun, who has the friendliest smile that Wooyoung sometimes wishes he could keep. Nichkhun, who offers a comforting touch or worried look whenever Wooyoung looks remotely unhappy.
He would have fallen for Junho, with his half-moon eyes and warm touch. Junho, who lets Wooyoung lean on his shoulder when they are sitting beside each other in the van. Junho, who presses light fingers on either side of Wooyoung's cheek and tells him fighting, you can do this, you can do everything. Junho, whose smile sometimes makes Wooyoung's heart jerk just the slightest.
Yes, Wooyoung could've, should've, and would've fallen for these three, had Park Jaebum not walked into the training room with the loveliest look in his eyes, the brightest smile on his lips, and the cockiest swagger in his feet.
Wooyoung calls and Jaebum picks up, even though they both know full well that they should not be doing this. Wooyoung knows that he will crumble if he so much as hears Jaebum say a word, and so he doesn't speak. Jaebum does not answer as well; instead, they are both eerily silent. Later, Chansung asks him why he is wasting all his money on silent half-an-hour phone calls, and Wooyoung just glances away.
Wooyoung will not let himself fall apart. Not in front of the other members, at least. He eats and sleeps and talks, he laughs at Taecyeon's ridiculous jokes and doesn't miss a step during dance practice. Wooyoung is a professional, Wooyoung does not break apart so easily. Even when his chest feels strangely empty, even when his eyes prickle and his nose burns, Wooyoung grins up at whoever he is talking to and answers.
Wooyoung nods along when someone reminiscences the past, when someone waxes lyrical about how great Jaebum-hyung was. Wooyoung offers a look of despair whenever necessary, Wooyoung hangs around whenever the other members call Jaebum and says a word or two.
Wooyoung is perfectly normal. Or at least, he pretends to be.
It's been a month or maybe more since he's called, so Wooyoung squeezes his eyes shut and punches in the familiar numbers before he gets a chance to regret it. Expecting silence, his heart gives a painful thud when someone says, "Hello?"
It is a girl's voice, sweet and cheerful and bright. Wooyoung stares down at his thighs and lets out a shaky breath.
"Jay?" Wooyoung asks, sounding as if he'd been punched.
The girl says a long string of English words that Wooyoung cannot understand; all he can catch are busy and not here.
"Thank you," says Wooyoung, and ends the call.
Jaebum doesn't call back to explain, and Wooyoung decides he doesn't want to hear Jaebum's excuses anyway. It wasn't as if Jaebum had made any promises before he left, it wasn't as if it was the first day he'd known about how close Jaebum and Jessica were.
It is the third month since Jaebum's been gone. On stage, Wooyoung smiles at the sea of fans below him and wonders how long it'd been since Jaebum's heart had belonged to him.
When they get their first award, Wooyoung sobs for the days of hard work, for the happiness he is sharing with the other members, for the fans who have supported them this far, but mostly he is crying because somehow, he can still feel Jaebum there even though there is such an empty space onstage.
On Taecyeon's birthday, Jaebum calls. "Happy birthday," he says, and Taecyeon grins his cheesy smile and thanks him.
Chansung whines and Junho talks, Junsu laughs and Nichkhun smiles. Wooyoung is silent, sitting on the couch with his arms hugging his knees to his chest.
"Wooyoung," comes Jaebum's voice, and Wooyoung's head jerks up reflexively to meet the other members' curious gazes. "I -"
Wooyoung slides his palms upwards until they are pressed against his ears, then walks out of the room.
Junho's eyes are dark as he regards Wooyoung. "What did he do?" Junho wants to know. Wooyoung shakes his head, taking a step backwards (what Jaebum did is the last thing he wants to talk or think about), but Junho's hand flies out to grab Wooyoung's wrist.
Wooyoung sees the worry and concern in Junho's eyes, sees them all and understands, sees them all yet peels Junho's fingers from his wrist.
"Don't," Wooyoung says, then gives a wry smile. Don't what? Don't make me talk about it, don't pressurize me, don't leave me like Jaebum did?
Junho leans in closer, eyes narrowed, ready to demand for an answer. As Junho gets ready to open his mouth, Wooyoung bridges the gap and hooks an arm around Junho's neck, pulls Junho close close close so close their lips touch.
It is when Junho kisses back that Wooyoung realizes what he is doing: he is trying to suck in all of Junho's warmth in an effort to fill up the space his heart once resided in. So Wooyoung pulls back and away, his eyes wide, his fingers pressed against his lips.
"I'm sorry," Wooyoung says, desperate. Junho is nice and warm and good, Junho does not deserve to be led on like that, Junho does not deserve to have his heart broken by someone like Wooyoung. Junho's eyes dull just the slightest, and Wooyoung brushes past Junho, pretending he cannot feel Junho's gaze lingering on him.
When he dances with Taeyeon or Yuri or Seohyun or Tiffany, Wooyoung gets a little too close or touches a little too much or grins a little too wide. After the various performances, the other members either pat him on the back and laugh, or stare at him with shock and slight worry in their eyes. Junho, on the other hand, gives a tiny smile, then drifts off to talk to Doojoon.
Tiffany gives him a crinkly-eyed smile and thanks him for being a great partner, and Wooyoung just slings an arm around her shoulder and laughs back. Wooyoung never realized it'd be this easy to pretend.
When Wooyoung's phone rings at 4AM, he is still awake. He rolls over, ignoring Chansung's snoring, and stares as Jaebum's name flashes on the screen.
"You and Tiffany, huh," Jaebum says. Wooyoung closes his eyes, sitting up so the cool wall is pressed against his back.
"Why do you care," Wooyoung answers. "I didn't touch your Jessica. Oh wait, I forgot, this isn't the Jessica you care so much about, the one you -"
"Wooyoung, it was -"
Wooyoung hangs up, squeezing his eyes shut as his breath comes out in a shudder. When he opens them again, Junho is standing there, eyes a whirlwind of emotions Wooyoung cannot place.
Wooyoung wants to say something (anything, even though he has no idea what he'd say anyway), but Junho just walks back into his room. Wooyoung feels disappointment curling into a lump at the base of his throat, but knows that it is just as well, because Junho does not deserve to be loved by someone who barely has a piece of his heart left in his chest.
Chansung puts his spoon down with a sigh. "I miss Jay-hyung," he says, and Wooyoung involuntarily jerks, his soup dripping all over his shirt.
Junho's eyes flick to him knowingly, and Wooyoung looks away. "Sorry," he mumbles as Nichkhun slants him a concerned look.
"It's been, what, half a year since he's been gone? Man, I -"
Junho stands up, effectively cutting Chansung off mid-sentence. "Time for practice," Junho says coolly, and strides away.
Chansung blinks, a little confused. Nichkhun exchanges a look with Taecyeon and Junsu, and Wooyoung just stares down at the soup stains on his shirt.
Wooyoung turns when he hears Nichkhun's quiet footsteps, and Nichkhun gives him a small smile. "Sharp ears," Nichkhun comments, and Wooyoung tugs his lips upwards in a half-smile.
Nichkhun sits down beside him, their backs pressed against the glass wall. Inside, the others are either still practicing or taking a water break; Wooyoung had left under the pretense of going to the bathroom.
"Wooyoung," Nichkhun says after a few moments of silence, apart from the beats of their newest track seeping out of the dance studio. "It's been half a year."
Wooyoung freezes, gnawing his bottom lip as he sweeps his gaze towards Nichkhun. "Hyung," he says, a silent stop it on the tip of his tongue.
Nichkhun levels him a look, and Wooyoung closes his mouth. "So," Nichkhun continues. "Either you forget him completely, Wooyoung, or you forgive him. It's that simple, really."
Wooyoung barks out a humorless laugh. "To be honest, Khun-hyung, I don't have the slightest feelings for him anymore."
Nichkhun raises an eyebrow, and Wooyoung just dodges his probing gaze. He knows he's lying, and Nichkhun probably knows that too, but it doesn't matter - Wooyoung just did it to make himself feel better, that's all.
When Jaebum calls to say I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I can't come back anymore, Junsu pales and drops the phone.
Taecyeon's hand hovers over Junsu's shoulder nervously. "What?" He wants to know.
"He said," Junsu breathes. "He said he's not coming back."
Nichkhun is the first to react, the first to dive for the phone and start yelling. Wooyoung just blinks and blinks and blinks, because he cannot understand, because there is no way that Jaebum would leave them forever. He promised - no matter how long he was gone, he would always return.
After five minutes, Nichkhun pauses and turns to look at Wooyoung, the phone still in his hands. "Wooyoung," Nichkhun says, his tone turning softer, gentler. "He says he wants to talk to you."
Out of all the gazes that flick to Wooyoung, two are confused, three are worried, and one of them is hurt and knowing and resigned. Wooyoung clenches his teeth, then reaches out to accept the phone, sliding it to his ear. "Hello?"
"I'm sorry," Jaebum says. "It's just. I can't, Wooyoung, I can't - I know everyone is waiting for me to come back, I know you guys have been waiting for the longest time, but I can't do this anymore."
Out of the corner of his eye, Wooyoung sees Nichkhun gesturing for everyone to leave the room, until Wooyoung sits there alone and helpless, until the only sound Wooyoung can hear is one of the slow disintegration of his heart.
"Okay," Wooyoung says slowly. "You're not coming back. Ever. That's okay, really. It's perfectly fine."
Jaebum says Wooyoung's name again, and then again, but Wooyoung can barely hear him. What used to be silence is now noise; there is an odd sound ringing in his ears that sounds strangely like the crashing of waves, his palms are sweaty and his hands are shaking and something is clogging up his eyes and nose and throat.
"Besides, you don't have to single me out like this," Wooyoung continues, standing up and going over to the room he knows everyone else is in. He knocks on the door until it opens, Taecyeon standing there with his eyes wide. "I'll pass the phone to Taecyeon-hyung."
Wooyoung tosses the phone to Taecyeon, who automatically catches it. And then Wooyoung grabs his bag and walks out of the apartment.
Everywhere he goes, people turn to stare at him. It's been so long since he's been out like this that Wooyoung has forgotten what it feels like, when you have to be smile and nod politely even when all you want is some peace.
There are times when Wooyoung loves his fans, when Wooyoung sees the sea of people screaming for them and feels like this is it, this is what he's always wanted. And then there are other times when Wooyoung wishes he was just a normal person who could walk on the street without getting noticed, who could say and do whatever he wanted without thousands of people expressing their opinions about his actions.
Today Wooyoung's smiles are cooler, today Wooyoung is sick of all this. He looks at the people snapping photographs of him, and thinks, you are the reason why Jaebum is not here.
Wooyoung has his face tilted up towards the evening sun, the dying sunshine burning a strip of bright red across his eyes. After an hour or so, something soft thuds onto his face and Wooyoung opens his eyes, removing the beanie from his face.
Junho is standing there, and Wooyoung is not surprised. Junho has always had the uncanny ability to discover Wooyoung's hiding places, to cut through Wooyoung's lies.
"It's getting late," Junho says. "We should be going back."
Wooyoung shakes his head. "You can go back without me," Wooyoung says, and winces at how his voice scrapes raw and rough against his throat. "I'll stay here a little longer."
Junho shrugs, starting to walk away. Wooyoung blinks, feeling a little lost as Junho starts to disappear from his sight. "Wait," Wooyoung says. "Come back."
Junho turns, and Wooyoung can see the way his eyes smile even when his lips don't. Wooyoung pats the space next to him, stares at Junho and wills him to understand the words Wooyoung cannot say.
Junho slides onto the bench beside Wooyoung, his warmth strangely comforting. Before long, Wooyoung finds himself leaning against Junho's shoulder, watching the day morph into night.
"It'll be okay," Junho says, and Wooyoung knows Junho means because I'm still here. This is the way the two of them have always been; words hold no meaning for them. Wooyoung started out by treating Jaebum as someone he respected and was in awe of, but Junho, Junho has always been his closest friend, someone who knows him as well as himself.
So Wooyoung smiles, pulls the beanie over his hair and says, "Let's go back."
Junho tilts his head and looks at him, and Wooyoung just grins back. One day he'll have to forgive and forget, one day he'll have to become stronger, but right now, this is enough for him.
wooyoung/jaebum, junho/wooyoung
2553 words
Wooyoung wants to laugh whenever he thinks about what could've been, should've been, and would've been.
without words
before all the memories we created turn into pain
let's in the end, with a smile, say goodbye
- loveless (yamashita tomohisa)
His jaw is set and his eyes are bright, and Wooyoung clenches his fists and tells himself to be strong be strong be strong.
"You're leaving," Wooyoung says, then wants to laugh at himself. Jaebum is standing by the door without make-up, a beanie over his hair and a suitcase by his side; even a four-year-old kid could have figured it out.
Jaebum bites his lip, then turns away and places a hand on the door-knob. "Bye," he says, his voice so soft Wooyoung has to strain to hear him. "Take care."
Wooyoung flashes a bright, bright smile at Jaebum's back. "Come back soon," he says, injecting as much happiness into his voice as possible. He turns and walks away before Jaebum can see the shimmer of unshed tears in his eyes, before Jaebum can see the desperation in the way he is clenching his fists, before his mask slides off and Jaebum sees the raw pain that is eating away at his heart.
Wooyoung wants to laugh whenever he thinks about what could've been, should've been, and would've been.
He could have fallen for Chansung, with his earnest gaze and gigantic smile. Chansung, who likes to press his chin against Wooyoung's shoulder and sink his teeth into the fabric of Wooyoung's shirt. Chansung, whose high-pitched laughter makes Wooyoung ridiculously happy. Chansung, whose breathing Wooyoung likes to listen to in the middle of the night when he can't fall asleep.
He should have fallen for Nichkhun, with his responsibility and determination. Nichkhun, who is caring and warm and generally the nicest person Wooyoung has ever known. Nichkhun, who has the friendliest smile that Wooyoung sometimes wishes he could keep. Nichkhun, who offers a comforting touch or worried look whenever Wooyoung looks remotely unhappy.
He would have fallen for Junho, with his half-moon eyes and warm touch. Junho, who lets Wooyoung lean on his shoulder when they are sitting beside each other in the van. Junho, who presses light fingers on either side of Wooyoung's cheek and tells him fighting, you can do this, you can do everything. Junho, whose smile sometimes makes Wooyoung's heart jerk just the slightest.
Yes, Wooyoung could've, should've, and would've fallen for these three, had Park Jaebum not walked into the training room with the loveliest look in his eyes, the brightest smile on his lips, and the cockiest swagger in his feet.
Wooyoung calls and Jaebum picks up, even though they both know full well that they should not be doing this. Wooyoung knows that he will crumble if he so much as hears Jaebum say a word, and so he doesn't speak. Jaebum does not answer as well; instead, they are both eerily silent. Later, Chansung asks him why he is wasting all his money on silent half-an-hour phone calls, and Wooyoung just glances away.
Wooyoung will not let himself fall apart. Not in front of the other members, at least. He eats and sleeps and talks, he laughs at Taecyeon's ridiculous jokes and doesn't miss a step during dance practice. Wooyoung is a professional, Wooyoung does not break apart so easily. Even when his chest feels strangely empty, even when his eyes prickle and his nose burns, Wooyoung grins up at whoever he is talking to and answers.
Wooyoung nods along when someone reminiscences the past, when someone waxes lyrical about how great Jaebum-hyung was. Wooyoung offers a look of despair whenever necessary, Wooyoung hangs around whenever the other members call Jaebum and says a word or two.
Wooyoung is perfectly normal. Or at least, he pretends to be.
It's been a month or maybe more since he's called, so Wooyoung squeezes his eyes shut and punches in the familiar numbers before he gets a chance to regret it. Expecting silence, his heart gives a painful thud when someone says, "Hello?"
It is a girl's voice, sweet and cheerful and bright. Wooyoung stares down at his thighs and lets out a shaky breath.
"Jay?" Wooyoung asks, sounding as if he'd been punched.
The girl says a long string of English words that Wooyoung cannot understand; all he can catch are busy and not here.
"Thank you," says Wooyoung, and ends the call.
Jaebum doesn't call back to explain, and Wooyoung decides he doesn't want to hear Jaebum's excuses anyway. It wasn't as if Jaebum had made any promises before he left, it wasn't as if it was the first day he'd known about how close Jaebum and Jessica were.
It is the third month since Jaebum's been gone. On stage, Wooyoung smiles at the sea of fans below him and wonders how long it'd been since Jaebum's heart had belonged to him.
When they get their first award, Wooyoung sobs for the days of hard work, for the happiness he is sharing with the other members, for the fans who have supported them this far, but mostly he is crying because somehow, he can still feel Jaebum there even though there is such an empty space onstage.
On Taecyeon's birthday, Jaebum calls. "Happy birthday," he says, and Taecyeon grins his cheesy smile and thanks him.
Chansung whines and Junho talks, Junsu laughs and Nichkhun smiles. Wooyoung is silent, sitting on the couch with his arms hugging his knees to his chest.
"Wooyoung," comes Jaebum's voice, and Wooyoung's head jerks up reflexively to meet the other members' curious gazes. "I -"
Wooyoung slides his palms upwards until they are pressed against his ears, then walks out of the room.
Junho's eyes are dark as he regards Wooyoung. "What did he do?" Junho wants to know. Wooyoung shakes his head, taking a step backwards (what Jaebum did is the last thing he wants to talk or think about), but Junho's hand flies out to grab Wooyoung's wrist.
Wooyoung sees the worry and concern in Junho's eyes, sees them all and understands, sees them all yet peels Junho's fingers from his wrist.
"Don't," Wooyoung says, then gives a wry smile. Don't what? Don't make me talk about it, don't pressurize me, don't leave me like Jaebum did?
Junho leans in closer, eyes narrowed, ready to demand for an answer. As Junho gets ready to open his mouth, Wooyoung bridges the gap and hooks an arm around Junho's neck, pulls Junho close close close so close their lips touch.
It is when Junho kisses back that Wooyoung realizes what he is doing: he is trying to suck in all of Junho's warmth in an effort to fill up the space his heart once resided in. So Wooyoung pulls back and away, his eyes wide, his fingers pressed against his lips.
"I'm sorry," Wooyoung says, desperate. Junho is nice and warm and good, Junho does not deserve to be led on like that, Junho does not deserve to have his heart broken by someone like Wooyoung. Junho's eyes dull just the slightest, and Wooyoung brushes past Junho, pretending he cannot feel Junho's gaze lingering on him.
When he dances with Taeyeon or Yuri or Seohyun or Tiffany, Wooyoung gets a little too close or touches a little too much or grins a little too wide. After the various performances, the other members either pat him on the back and laugh, or stare at him with shock and slight worry in their eyes. Junho, on the other hand, gives a tiny smile, then drifts off to talk to Doojoon.
Tiffany gives him a crinkly-eyed smile and thanks him for being a great partner, and Wooyoung just slings an arm around her shoulder and laughs back. Wooyoung never realized it'd be this easy to pretend.
When Wooyoung's phone rings at 4AM, he is still awake. He rolls over, ignoring Chansung's snoring, and stares as Jaebum's name flashes on the screen.
"You and Tiffany, huh," Jaebum says. Wooyoung closes his eyes, sitting up so the cool wall is pressed against his back.
"Why do you care," Wooyoung answers. "I didn't touch your Jessica. Oh wait, I forgot, this isn't the Jessica you care so much about, the one you -"
"Wooyoung, it was -"
Wooyoung hangs up, squeezing his eyes shut as his breath comes out in a shudder. When he opens them again, Junho is standing there, eyes a whirlwind of emotions Wooyoung cannot place.
Wooyoung wants to say something (anything, even though he has no idea what he'd say anyway), but Junho just walks back into his room. Wooyoung feels disappointment curling into a lump at the base of his throat, but knows that it is just as well, because Junho does not deserve to be loved by someone who barely has a piece of his heart left in his chest.
Chansung puts his spoon down with a sigh. "I miss Jay-hyung," he says, and Wooyoung involuntarily jerks, his soup dripping all over his shirt.
Junho's eyes flick to him knowingly, and Wooyoung looks away. "Sorry," he mumbles as Nichkhun slants him a concerned look.
"It's been, what, half a year since he's been gone? Man, I -"
Junho stands up, effectively cutting Chansung off mid-sentence. "Time for practice," Junho says coolly, and strides away.
Chansung blinks, a little confused. Nichkhun exchanges a look with Taecyeon and Junsu, and Wooyoung just stares down at the soup stains on his shirt.
Wooyoung turns when he hears Nichkhun's quiet footsteps, and Nichkhun gives him a small smile. "Sharp ears," Nichkhun comments, and Wooyoung tugs his lips upwards in a half-smile.
Nichkhun sits down beside him, their backs pressed against the glass wall. Inside, the others are either still practicing or taking a water break; Wooyoung had left under the pretense of going to the bathroom.
"Wooyoung," Nichkhun says after a few moments of silence, apart from the beats of their newest track seeping out of the dance studio. "It's been half a year."
Wooyoung freezes, gnawing his bottom lip as he sweeps his gaze towards Nichkhun. "Hyung," he says, a silent stop it on the tip of his tongue.
Nichkhun levels him a look, and Wooyoung closes his mouth. "So," Nichkhun continues. "Either you forget him completely, Wooyoung, or you forgive him. It's that simple, really."
Wooyoung barks out a humorless laugh. "To be honest, Khun-hyung, I don't have the slightest feelings for him anymore."
Nichkhun raises an eyebrow, and Wooyoung just dodges his probing gaze. He knows he's lying, and Nichkhun probably knows that too, but it doesn't matter - Wooyoung just did it to make himself feel better, that's all.
When Jaebum calls to say I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I can't come back anymore, Junsu pales and drops the phone.
Taecyeon's hand hovers over Junsu's shoulder nervously. "What?" He wants to know.
"He said," Junsu breathes. "He said he's not coming back."
Nichkhun is the first to react, the first to dive for the phone and start yelling. Wooyoung just blinks and blinks and blinks, because he cannot understand, because there is no way that Jaebum would leave them forever. He promised - no matter how long he was gone, he would always return.
After five minutes, Nichkhun pauses and turns to look at Wooyoung, the phone still in his hands. "Wooyoung," Nichkhun says, his tone turning softer, gentler. "He says he wants to talk to you."
Out of all the gazes that flick to Wooyoung, two are confused, three are worried, and one of them is hurt and knowing and resigned. Wooyoung clenches his teeth, then reaches out to accept the phone, sliding it to his ear. "Hello?"
"I'm sorry," Jaebum says. "It's just. I can't, Wooyoung, I can't - I know everyone is waiting for me to come back, I know you guys have been waiting for the longest time, but I can't do this anymore."
Out of the corner of his eye, Wooyoung sees Nichkhun gesturing for everyone to leave the room, until Wooyoung sits there alone and helpless, until the only sound Wooyoung can hear is one of the slow disintegration of his heart.
"Okay," Wooyoung says slowly. "You're not coming back. Ever. That's okay, really. It's perfectly fine."
Jaebum says Wooyoung's name again, and then again, but Wooyoung can barely hear him. What used to be silence is now noise; there is an odd sound ringing in his ears that sounds strangely like the crashing of waves, his palms are sweaty and his hands are shaking and something is clogging up his eyes and nose and throat.
"Besides, you don't have to single me out like this," Wooyoung continues, standing up and going over to the room he knows everyone else is in. He knocks on the door until it opens, Taecyeon standing there with his eyes wide. "I'll pass the phone to Taecyeon-hyung."
Wooyoung tosses the phone to Taecyeon, who automatically catches it. And then Wooyoung grabs his bag and walks out of the apartment.
Everywhere he goes, people turn to stare at him. It's been so long since he's been out like this that Wooyoung has forgotten what it feels like, when you have to be smile and nod politely even when all you want is some peace.
There are times when Wooyoung loves his fans, when Wooyoung sees the sea of people screaming for them and feels like this is it, this is what he's always wanted. And then there are other times when Wooyoung wishes he was just a normal person who could walk on the street without getting noticed, who could say and do whatever he wanted without thousands of people expressing their opinions about his actions.
Today Wooyoung's smiles are cooler, today Wooyoung is sick of all this. He looks at the people snapping photographs of him, and thinks, you are the reason why Jaebum is not here.
Wooyoung has his face tilted up towards the evening sun, the dying sunshine burning a strip of bright red across his eyes. After an hour or so, something soft thuds onto his face and Wooyoung opens his eyes, removing the beanie from his face.
Junho is standing there, and Wooyoung is not surprised. Junho has always had the uncanny ability to discover Wooyoung's hiding places, to cut through Wooyoung's lies.
"It's getting late," Junho says. "We should be going back."
Wooyoung shakes his head. "You can go back without me," Wooyoung says, and winces at how his voice scrapes raw and rough against his throat. "I'll stay here a little longer."
Junho shrugs, starting to walk away. Wooyoung blinks, feeling a little lost as Junho starts to disappear from his sight. "Wait," Wooyoung says. "Come back."
Junho turns, and Wooyoung can see the way his eyes smile even when his lips don't. Wooyoung pats the space next to him, stares at Junho and wills him to understand the words Wooyoung cannot say.
Junho slides onto the bench beside Wooyoung, his warmth strangely comforting. Before long, Wooyoung finds himself leaning against Junho's shoulder, watching the day morph into night.
"It'll be okay," Junho says, and Wooyoung knows Junho means because I'm still here. This is the way the two of them have always been; words hold no meaning for them. Wooyoung started out by treating Jaebum as someone he respected and was in awe of, but Junho, Junho has always been his closest friend, someone who knows him as well as himself.
So Wooyoung smiles, pulls the beanie over his hair and says, "Let's go back."
Junho tilts his head and looks at him, and Wooyoung just grins back. One day he'll have to forgive and forget, one day he'll have to become stronger, but right now, this is enough for him.