i can't smile, i can't find, i can't stop
i can't smile, i can't find, i can't stop
junhyung/hyunseung, junhyung/doojoon
7070 words
The worst part about falling in love with a ghost is that there's no evidence left behind to prove that you weren't hallucinating all along.
i can't smile, i can't find, i can't stop
even if i try to find you like this
even if i try to think of you again like this
when i try to look at you just one more time
i can’t do anything because i lost my light
- lightless (beast)
Junhyung should have known, right from the start. It was too good to be true, really - why else would an apartment as great as this have been sold for such a reasonable price? Stupid of him not to have second-guessed the reasons for this, but it's too late now.
Fuck fuck fuck, Junhyung thinks. He wonders if he should make a dash for the floor lamp five steps away from him, but then again, would attempting to hit a ghost even work? Then what else was he supposed to do, just stand here and gape like an idiot? Maybe he should try praying. Yeah, that might work. Junhyung squeezes his eyes shut, clenches his fists, sends a plea to the heavens to make this apparition just go away -
"Hey, you can stop trembling like that, I'm not going to hurt you."
Fuck, the thing was having a fucking conversation with him. "Can you um, just leave me alone? Please?" Junhyung says, and his voice is embarrassingly shaky. And oh fuck, he really was trembling. Doojoon would have a field day if he knew.
"Sorry, it's not up to me, sadly." Was that a hint of wistfulness? "I'd leave if I could, you know. Gets boring hanging around an empty apartment for so long."
"It's not empty anymore," Junhyung points out, and opens his eyes just a crack. He squints at the slightly translucent boy standing in front of him. "I - I paid for this place."
The boy snorts dismissively, and it stings. "What," Junhyung says, defensive. He widens his eyes to get a better look at the boy with black hair and incredibly pale skin, even for a ghost. Not that Junhyung's ever seen another ghost before, of course.
"Never mind," the boy says. "At least I get to talk to someone, even if that particular someone is an absolute idiot."
There's a moment of silence, then Junhyung narrows his eyes. "Just so you know, you're an annoying asshole."
"Takes one to know one," the ghost says, and smiles.
-
It turns out that the ghost's name is Jang Hyunseung, and he died two years ago when he was nineteen. And all right, Junhyung has to admit that Hyunseung is sort of pretty in some wispy, ghostly way, but his personality just has to go and ruin that pretty face.
It takes one day for Junhyung to fully understand why the previous owner was so desperate to sell the place away. Hyunseung does the most irritating things like appear in the bathroom suddenly when Junhyung is showering (and no, Junhyung certainly did not scream, it was just a manly shout of surprise, really) or blast music in the middle of the night and get Junhyung scolded by the neighbors.
"Did you do this to the previous owners as well?" Junhyung asks, annoyed, as he shovels rice into his mouth. "No wonder they were so happy to sell the house."
There's a mischievous glint in Hyunseung's eyes, and he slides into the chair opposite Junhyung, propping his chin with his hands and grinning. "I did worse," he says. "You got off lucky, seriously."
Junhyung is sort of morbidly curious. "What did you do?"
"Scary things, of course," Hyunseung says mysteriously. "I mean, if you're dead and floating around, you might as well make the most out of it, you know?"
"So why did I get off lucky?"
Hyunseung shrugs. "Was bored, I guess. It sucks when you have nobody else to talk to."
Junhyung resists the urge to roll his eyes. "You could have talked to the previous owners like you did with me."
"Can't, they were from Australia," Hyunseung says. The uncomfortable expression on his face is priceless. "And I, um, can't speak English."
Junhyung starts laughing, and doesn't stop until Hyunseung makes a book slam into his face.
-
"Why are you up so early?"
Junhyung doesn't even jump in shock these days. It's hard to believe that he's gotten used to living with a ghost, but he really has. "I have work," he explains.
Hyunseung doesn't look convinced. "All of a sudden? You didn't go to work before."
"I was taking a well-deserved vacation," Junhyung says loftily. "And I don't need to inform you all the details of my life, do I?"
"Fine," Hyunseung says. "What do you work as?"
Junhyung raises an eyebrow. "I just said that I don't need to inform you all the details of my life."
"Who's the asshole now," Hyunseung mutters under his breath, narrowing his eyes at Junhyung. "Well, I hope you have an awful day of work, Mr Secretive."
"Oh, I'm sure nothing will be as awful as spending the day with you," Junhyung tells him, grins, then slams the door shut.
-
It's a perfectly normal day at work, except Junhyung can't help but wonder if Hyunseung is wrecking the apartment right now. It would be so him to do it, spiteful, annoying asshole that he is. Was he always this prickly back when he was alive? Or was it something that came along with death and turning into a ghost and not having anyone to talk to for more than a year?
"Hyung." Junhyung turns to see Dongwoon peering at him with a worried look on his face. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Junhyung says, patting Dongwoon's shoulder reassuringly. "Just thinking of my... vacation."
He sends Dongwoon off to help him get coffee. Maybe the caffeine will help him concentrate better on his work and stop him from thinking about ridiculous things like ghosts living in his apartment.
-
"You're back!" Hyunseung says, and his voice is so bright and cheerful Junhyung nearly chokes in disbelief.
"You wrecked my apartment, didn't you," Junhyung accuses.
Hyunseung blinks. "No, as a matter of fact, I did not." He gestures in the general area of the living room. "Does this look wrecked to you?"
Actually, it really didn't - in fact, it kind of looked cleaner. "You cleaned up?" Junhyung asks, unable to get rid of the suspicion in his voice.
"A bit," Hyunseung says. "I was bored."
"Oh," Junhyung says, feeling a little guilty now. "Thanks."
Hyunseung offers a tiny smile. "So, um, I actually wanted to ask you something."
"What?"
"A... favor, kind of."
See, Junhyung was right to have been on his guard. "What is it?" Junhyung wants to know, narrowing his eyes.
"Do you think I could, um, use your computer while you're at work?" Hyunseung asks. It catches Junhyung off-guard, this unexpected request, and he stays quiet for a while. Hyunseung takes his silence as an unspoken no and Junhyung can actually see him deflate, the hope in his eyes going out and his smile being wiped off his face.
"Yeah," Junhyung says hurriedly. "Sure. As long as you don't do weird things like look through my stuff."
Junhyung's certain that Hyunseung's greatest talent is to be able to switch expressions at the drop of a hat. "Really? Thanks!" Right now Hyunseung seems like a nine-year-old, eyes crinkling up in happiness, and he sort of curls his arms around Junhyung for a second or two. It startles Junhyung to note that his touch isn't as cold as expected, just a slow burning warmth a notch cooler than normal human temperature.
Maybe Hyunseung isn't so bad after all.
-
Doojoon turns up at the doorstep a week and four days later than expected (really, Junhyung had been expecting him to turn up the day he'd moved in). And even though Junhyung has been keeping a mental note in the back of his mind, he still hasn't managed to figure out what to do or say now that Doojoon is here. In his apartment. That he happens to be sharing with a ghost. Who isn't evil or trying to kill him like the ones in the horror movies, and is pretty and irritating and kind of adorable in a strange, freaky way.
"Hi," Junhyung says, using his arms to block the doorway. "You're here."
Doojoon rolls his eyes. "Yes, I'm here, now will you let me in or do I have to stand here in the freezing cold?"
"It's indoors, why in the world would you be cold?"
"It's a figure of expression, you idiot." Junhyung still doesn't move an inch, and Doojoon raises an eyebrow. "Are you hiding something?"
Junhyung schools his features resolutely calm. "No."
"Yes you are, you always have that face on when you're lying." Damn it. "It's someone, isn't it? You're hiding some girl inside there?"
"There's no girl in there," Junhyung tells him. It was the truth, really.
Now Doojoon just looks bewildered. "Then why aren't you letting me in?"
"It's um, really messy. And smelly."
"Uh, yeah, I'm totally not used to your messy and smelly rooms. What is wrong with you, Junhyung?"
Junhyung shakes his head defiantly. "The toilet... leaked. Everywhere. So you can't go in."
Doojoon winces in disgust, and Junhyung gives himself a mental pat on the back. Fuck yeah. "Did you call a plumber?"
"Yeah, he'll be here, um, soon." Junhyung offers a friendly smile. "Hang on, I'll just go and get changed, and then we can go and grab a drink or something." He darts off towards his room, pointedly ignoring Doojoon's inquiry of don't you have to wait for the plumber?
Hyunseung's not inside. Junhyung hurriedly tugs on a pair of jeans and a random new T-shirt, and is about to head back out when he hears Doojoon say, "what the fuck?"
Fuck, shit, damn it. Better yet, damn Jang Hyunseung. Preferably to eternal hell - then Junhyung can get his apartment back to himself again, just like how it was supposed to be right from the start. "I can explain," Junhyung yells, going back outside to see Doojoon staring wide-eyed at Hyunseung, who looks equally shell-shocked.
"Please don't tell me this is your plumber," Doojoon says faintly. "Because he's, uh, transparent."
"Er, no," Junhyung says. "This is Jang Hyunseung. And this is Yoon Doojoon, my best friend."
Hyunseung is trying his best to seem friendly, Junhyung can tell, but that smile is honestly slightly creepy. He'll have to find a way to tip Hyunseung off later.
"That's a ghost." Doojoon's voice is flat, but there's a dash of panic in his eyes. Junhyung should officially be crowned Most Horrible Best Friend on Earth, because he's actually feeling sort of triumphant to see Doojoon freaking out almost as bad as he did when he first saw Hyunseung.
"Yeah," Junhyung agrees, grinning. "But he's nice, really."
Hyunseung looks flattered, considering Junhyung's never fed him a compliment before. "I'm not going to kill you," Hyunseung says, matter-of-fact, but his words don't exactly go well with that creepy smile.
"Um, okay." Doojoon is obviously trying to fend off his fear, but his gaze is darting all over the place. Junhyung's about to ask (kindly, of course) if Doojoon needs a paper bag to breathe into, but Doojoon speaks up first. "Wait, you said he's called Jang Hyunseung?" Hyunseung and Junhyung nod simultaneously. "Jang Hyunseung who died in that car accident two years back?"
Hyunseung's creepy smile falters, then vanishes completely. "You know me?" He doesn't sound surprised or shocked, just completely and utterly hopeful, like Doojoon is offering him the best present he could ever have and he doesn't know if he deserves to accept it.
"I was from the same high school as you," Doojoon explains. "Junhyung too, as a matter of fact." He gives Junhyung a weird look. "You never heard about it?"
"No," Junhyung says. He never bothered to keep up with the news or rumors floating around, especially if it wasn't anything to do with people he knew.
Doojoon turns back to Hyunseung. "You could sing really well. I heard you once, during a performance for some school event."
Hyunseung half-laughs, and Junhyung wonders if it's his imagination or if there's a glimmer of moisture in Hyunseung's eyes. "Founder's Day."
"Wait, that was you?" Junhyung asks, dumbfounded. He has a vague memory of a pale, skinny, black-haired boy standing onstage with the most amazing voice, remembers thinking that he'd do really well if he debuted in some entertainment company, that he might actually buy his CDs. "You can sing?"
"Could," Hyunseung corrects. "I haven't sang in ages."
An awkward silence envelops them, and Junhyung considers asking Hyunseung to try, but he doesn't want to press Hyunseung into doing anything he doesn't feel like doing. Besides, Hyunseung looks so fragile at this moment, like a gust of wind will shatter him into a million particles, and Junhyung doesn't know what to do or say. When he glances over at Doojoon, he doesn't seem much better off, especially considering since he was the one who brought the entire topic up.
"Um," Junhyung says. "What exactly did you come here for anyway, Doojoon?"
Doojoon blinks. "To see your apartment, obviously."
"Then do you want me to show you around?"
"Oh!" Doojoon says, looking a lot more relieved. "Yeah, sure."
Junhyung casts a sideways glance at Hyunseung, who still looks pale and positively heartbreaking. "On second thoughts, how about that drink?"
"Okay," Doojoon agrees readily, obviously unsure of what else to do, especially with Hyunseung looking like he's about to fade into himself. "I'll uh, wait for you outside." He disappears out of the door without shutting it, and Junhyung reaches out to grab Hyunseung's wrist, slightly warm and quite solid, the only proof that Hyunseung is still here even when his mind is a million miles away.
"Hey," Junhyung says. "Don't scare me. Are you okay?"
Hyunseung looks at him. "Are you actually worried about me?"
Junhyung promptly lets go, sticking his hands on his waist. "Shouldn't have asked," he grumbles. "Now you're going to take advantage of my wonderful kindness and walk all over me."
Hyunseung smiles, and Junhyung feels the weight on his chest dissolve. "Go get your drink with your friend," Hyunseung says. "I'll be fine alone."
"You sure?"
"I want to be alone," Hyunseung edits. "Really, just go."
Junhyung shrugs, walks over to the door. "Bye," he says, then steps out of the apartment and shuts the door.
Doojoon raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. Something doesn't feel right, and Junhyung sighs, tugging the door open again and sticking his head in. "Hey," he says to Hyunseung. "Want to come with us? And get some fresh air or something, I don't know."
Hyunseung stares at him. "Can I?"
"Uh, I don't think Doojoon minds, so yeah, you can."
"I never tried leaving this place," Hyunseung says, looking slightly perplexed at the fact that he never thought of it before.
Junhyung's getting tired of holding the door open. "Well, you can try today - new experiences and all that, a risk a day keeps the doctor away, and I have no idea what I'm talking about but you should just come. Seriously."
"You're insane," Doojoon says, from somewhere behind him. Junhyung pointedly ignores him, watches as Hyunseung comes over, hesitating at the final step that will take him out of the apartment where he's stayed cooped up in for two years.
Junhyung grabs his wrist again, pulls him out, then freezes when he glances down and realizes he's tugging at what seems like plain air. "Hyunseung?"
"I'm here," comes Hyunseung's voice, scarily near Junhyung's ear. "Just invisible, I guess."
Not exactly. Junhyung discovers that if he squints just so, he can make out a faint shimmer in the air and the gleam of Hyunseung's smile. Doojoon coughs a little awkwardly. "I know this is kind of a landmark moment and all, but we should get going."
"Right," Junhyung says. When Hyunseung moves, he doesn't see it but he can feel it, the slight shift of skin and bones in his grip. For some reason, Junhyung can't stop the grin that blooms across his face.
-
"He likes you, you know."
Junhyung snorts, glancing in the direction of Hyunseung's voice. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Hyunseung sounds slightly amused. "Yeah, go on lying to yourself."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Junhyung corrects. "We've always been best friends, nothing more, and you're crazy."
Something jabs Junhyung in the side, hard, and he yelps, earning a few curious stares from random passers-by. "What the fuck," Junhyung says through gritted teeth. "Don't you ever do that again, Jang Hyunseung, or I will fucking -"
There's a soft chuckle, and then Junhyung feels something stomping down on his foot. It takes all of his willpower not to make any noise except for a strangled hiss, and jeez, who knew ghosts could use so much strength? Especially a skinny one like Hyunseung.
"Yah, do you want to die?" Junhyung snaps.
"Not really," Hyunseung says, from somewhere at Junhyung's right, and the smile in his voice is obvious. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm already dead."
"Well, then go to hell," Junhyung says, miffed, and Hyunseung's laughter surrounds him like the wind.
-
"Just so you know, I'm never letting you out of the apartment again."
"I'm not your dog, I'll leave whenever I want."
"Okay then, go ahead. Better yet, never come back."
"But I like annoying you."
"Go find a better hobby."
"But I like this place. It was my old house, you know."
"It's mine now."
"But I like you, Junhyungie."
"You're sick, seriously."
"Honestly, you like me too, don't you?"
"What the - I am not having this conversation."
"You have no sense of humor, you know. Urgh, stop giving me that look like I'm some kind of deranged pervert, I'm honestly not interested in you at all."
"I don't know if I can be sure about that, considering the fact that I am, after all, very handsome and capable -"
"Not to mention shameless."
"Oh, go to hell."
-
Really, if Junhyung had known, he wouldn't have coaxed Hyunseung out that night. "Would you just stop it already," he hisses.
"I'm bored," Hyunseung says.
"I'm working," Junhyung shoots back. "Can't you just go and, I don't know, scare people in the bathroom or something?"
"Right, because that's such a mature thing to do."
Junhyung huffs in disbelief. "Did that just come from the guy who's been flicking bits of shredded paper at me the entire morning?"
A paper ball hits him right smack on his jaw, and Junhyung waves a fist threateningly in the general area of Hyunseung's voice. Dongwoon blinks curiously at him as he walks by, probably on the way to the bathroom. "Hyung?"
"I'm fine," Junhyung says, hurriedly lowering his hand back to his side. "Just stretching and um, improving my blood circulation."
Dongwoon nods understandingly, then wrinkles his forehead. "Ow," he says, rubbing at his temple. "Something just hit me."
Hyunseung's answering giggle is only loud enough for Junhyung to hear.
-
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (14:37)
Um so what you gonna do about that Hyunseung guy
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (14:45)
???
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (14:49)
Um I mean like are you gonna just live with him forever or what
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:01)
no hes gonna go someday obviously
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:03)
Um but he's been here for 2 years already o____o
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:08)
its not like i have another choice... and he did live there before after all
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:12)
Um but you paid for the house??
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:23)
lol i told him that the first time i saw him. and can u stop saying um its annoying and im already very annoyed by work and hyunseung and life in general
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:24)
Fine :(
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:30)
Hello? :(
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:32)
go away im trying to work in peace here
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:34)
Okay :(
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:38)
and stop giving me that stupid sad face u asshole
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:40)
I hate you
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:40)
Being very serious here
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:41)
You're not my best friend anymore
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:43)
:)
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:44)
:(
-
It annoys Junhyung when he realizes that he's somehow gotten used to having Hyunseung there with him at work nowadays. Hyunseung likes to make documents zoom out of Junhyung's hands at the most random times and tempt him into snapping back, earning weird looks from Dongwoon in the process. But there are other times, other times when Hyunseung helps him arrange his things, prods him awake when his boss comes around the corner, feeds him a joke whenever he gets too stressed.
Junhyung's getting better at seeing Hyunseung recently. If he squints, he can make out all of Hyunseung's features, but even when he doesn't, he can see every hint of movement Hyunseung makes, every smile that darts across his face.
"Can you go somewhere with me?" Hyunseung asks him today as he's packing up to leave.
Junhyung glances at the faint outline of Hyunseung next to him. "Where?"
"It's a surprise," Hyunseung says, and laughs a little.
An hour long bus ride later, Hyunseung taps Junhyung's shoulder, then the glass window. "Here," he says, and Junhyung blinks blearily as he gets off the bus.
It's a cemetery. There's an odd feeling tugging at Junhyung's heart as he trails behind Hyunseung, who is shimmering against the grass and the trees and the sky. Junhyung halts when Hyunseung bends down in front of a gravestone, doesn't know if it'd be right of him to intrude on what clearly is a very personal moment.
Then Hyunseung turns to stare at him, and his eyes are a clear gray, like his background. "It's mine," he offers in explanation. "I only saw it once, two years ago, so I thought it'd be nice to come back again."
Junhyung nods dumbly. What do you say to someone visiting his own grave? "I - um -"
"You don't have to say anything," Hyunseung says, voice lower and softer than usual. "Can you just sit here with me for a while?"
He looks so lonely and helpless that Junhyung finds himself moving automatically to settle next to him, staring at the words Jang Hyunseung carved onto the block. Then he hears Hyunseung sniffle, and he glances over to see a faint trace of tears on Hyunseung's cheeks.
"Oh," Hyunseung says in surprise. When a teardrop lands on the ground, a dandelion starts sprouting out of the grass, and Junhyung marvels at how strange this is, how something that came from a dead being could bring about a new life.
Hyunseung looks at him. "You know," he says conversationally. "Today's my birthday." There's a beat of silence as Junhyung attempts to think of something diplomatic to say, then Hyunseung laughs and shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything," he repeats, and Junhyung realizes that for some reason, he's always losing things around Hyunseung - words, patience, privacy, silence, boredom, rationality, normalcy (later on, Junhyung will add his heart into this list).
Junhyung reaches out to pat Hyunseung's back awkwardly. "Happy birthday," he says, and offers Hyunseung a genuine smile.
Hyunseung smiles back, even as more dandelions spring up on the ground in front of him, just as fresh and bright and beautiful as he is.
-
"Technically speaking, you're supposed to be twenty-one, right?"
Hyunseung gives him a look. "I guess. Why?"
"Because I don't want to corrupt you," Junhyung says, then grins and pulls out a can of beer, presenting it to Hyunseung.
"Like you never sneaked a drink or two back when you were underage," Hyunseung says, rolling his eyes, but he takes it anyway. "Thanks."
"Hyunseung?"
"Yeah?"
"Happy birthday."
"You said that just now already."
"You're smiling."
"Okay, now go away."
-
"Did you actually take me seriously when I said you weren't my best friend anymore?" Doojoon asks, mock-glaring at Junhyung.
Junhyung snorts. "Do I look like I'd actually believe that?"
"Well, you've been ignoring me lately," Doojoon says. He squints at Junhyung suspiciously. "Been hanging out with Hyunseung?"
"Kind of," Junhyung hedges. "And do you have to say his name in that tone?"
"So defensive," Doojoon says, and chokes on his coke when Junhyung leans across the table to chuck him lightly on his jaw. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you have a crush on him."
Junhyung stares at him. "What?"
Doojoon's answering grin is wide and easy. "Dude, I know he's pretty and all, but -"
"He's a guy," Junhyung says, finishing the sentence off for Doojoon. "Yes, I know, and I'm not gay. Which means I do not have a crush on him." Doojoon's stare is getting kind of uncomfortable, really. "What the fuck, I don't, okay?"
After about a minute of silence, Junhyung slams his drink down on the table. "Would you stop staring at me like that?"
"You know," Doojoon says, so serious Junhyung is stunned for a moment. "When you lie, your ears turn red."
"My ears are certainly not red, are you color blind or something?"
Doojoon doesn't say anything else, just points at something behind Junhyung, who turns to stare at his reflection with ears that cannot be any other color except red. He meets Doojoon's gaze through the mirror, and cannot hide the panic that brims in his eyes.
-
This is all very uncomfortable. "Why are you avoiding me?" Hyunseung demands, and he's prettier when he's angry, really, his eyes flashing against his pale skin.
"I'm not," Junhyung mutters. "Is it even possible to avoid you? You're everywhere all the time."
"You're not even looking at me properly," Hyunseung says, scowling. "Am I seriously such an eyesore?"
If this was two months ago, Junhyung would have said yes immediately without even worrying about his ears turning red, but this is now, when for some ridiculous reason he has some stupid crush on Hyunseung and he can't say yes without lying anymore. "No," Junhyung says at last. "You're not."
"Then why the hell are you being like this?" Hyunseung's frustration is obvious, and Junhyung's fingers itch to touch him, to smoothen the crease of his forehead and press the smile back onto his face.
"It's kind of hard to explain," Junhyung says miserably. "Really hard to explain."
Hyunseung exhales loudly. "You're unbelievable," he throws in Junhyung's direction, and disappears off to some other corner in the apartment.
For once, Junhyung has to agree.
-
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:13)
hey, this is hyunseung. junhyung's sleeping, so i sort of borrowed his phone for a while.
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:15)
Oh hey what's up?
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:17)
junhyung's been acting really strange recently, so i was wondering if you knew why... did he mention anything to you?
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:18)
Um it's kind of not my story to tell if you now what I mean :\
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:18)
Know* oops typed too fast sorry kekekeke
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:19)
honestly, is he sick of me bugging him all the time?
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:20)
Um no don't misunderstand Junhyung really appreciates your presence
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:22)
then why has he been avoiding me recently?!
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:22)
and sometimes he just stares at me for a really long time without saying anything but when i look at him he just looks away and it's so frustrating
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:24)
...Um yeah he can be really annoying sometimes From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:25)
all the time you mean
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:26)
Keke do you want me to help you?
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:26)
???
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:27)
Junhyung's ears turn red when he lies... so yeah that's all I'm going to say, have fun with this bit of info
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:28)
thanks! :)
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:28)
:)
-
Junhyung's never been pressed against a wall in his life, especially not by a guy skinnier and prettier than he is, but well, he's had a lot of new experiences ever since he met Hyunseung.
"You're still avoiding me," Hyunseung says, and his breath ghosts across Junhyung's face.
"I already told you, I'm not," Junhyung says. "Let go, it hurts."
Hyunseung's gaze is stubborn, resolute, and jeez, it was just Junhyung's luck to fall in love with a brat like this. "Not until you explain it to me."
"I'll explain it to you if you let me go."
Hyunseung's eyes narrow into slits. "Really?"
Junhyung nods, and throws in an innocent smile for good measure. The moment Hyunseung loosens his grip, Junhyung squeezes past him and dashes into his room, locking the door. It might seem cowardly, but really, Junhyung's doing it for the sake of both of them. He sighs, flopping onto his bed, then promptly yells when he realizes there's already someone there.
"I think you forgot," Hyunseung says. "That I'm a ghost. Who can walk through walls and all that."
Junhyung huffs in exasperation. "This is unfair."
"You're certainly one to talk about unfairness," Hyunseung says disdainfully. "You promised."
"Not exactly," Junhyung says. "Anyway, it's not my fault that you were stupid enough to fall for it."
Hyunseung's face clouds over, and he leans closer, eyes sparkling dangerously. "Stupid, am I?"
"Um," Junhyung says. It's sort of hard to think of a reply when Hyunseung's in such close proximity, when all Junhyung needs to do is bridge the distance and he'll be able to find out if Hyunseung's lips are as soft and sweet as they look, if Hyunseung's eyes will squeeze or flutter shut, if Hyunseung will push him away or pull him closer.
"I really hope that I'm not stupid enough to have been reading all of this wrongly," Hyunseung says, and Junhyung's heart twists a little in his chest. "But you... Urgh, Yong Junhyung, do you like me or something?"
"No," Junhyung denies automatically, but regrets it the moment Hyunseung's eyes light up with triumphant recognition.
"You know," Hyunseung says, and he's smiling now, inching even closer. "When you lie -"
This is all very familiar, and Junhyung feels like punching something. "Yoon Doojoon," he grits out. "I'm going to kill him."
"You haven't answered the question," Hyunseung says conversationally. "Not without lying, anyway."
Something flares inside Junhyung, and he stands up, glaring down at Hyunseung. "Fine. Okay, I like you, god damn it, but so what? It's not going to change anything, is it? Because -"
"Because what?" Junhyung stares as Hyunseung gets to his feet as well, stepping towards him. "Because I don't like you back?"
It stings, even when Junhyung's been expecting it. Maybe somewhere deep down, he'd been allowing himself to harbor some hope, to imagine that there was some warmth in Hyunseung's laughter, that the glitter in Hyunseung's eyes had to mean something, despite how impossible it sounds.
"I never told you that," Hyunseung says, tilting his head to the side. "Unlike you, Junhyung, I don't lie to myself, because I'm not a complete idiot like -"
Junhyung kisses Hyunseung just to shut him up.
-
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (18:03)
im still angry with u
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (18:05)
?!
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (18:08)
u idiot now im never gonna be able to lie to him for the rest of my life
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (18:10)
Um you shouldn't be lying to him anyway
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (18:11)
i hate u
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (18:13)
I love you too, Junhyungie <3
{C}
-
It's not surprising when they have their first argument, since there's never really been a time when they don't have spats here and there, but the part that weirds Junhyung out the most is that it's over Doojoon, of all things.
"He wouldn't approve," Junhyung says. "And look, why do we have to announce it to the whole world?"
Hyunseung crosses his arms across his chest. "I know why you don't want to tell him."
"Yeah, because I just told you?"
"You don't want to hurt him," Hyunseung says. "That's why you're not telling him that we're... together."
Junhyung narrows his eyes. "Are you jealous? Is this what this has been all about?"
"No, I'm just saying that you need to," Hyunseung pauses. "Iron out your feelings."
"About who? Doojoon?" Junhyung shakes his head. "I've told you about a million times, we're best friends, nothing more."
Hyunseung smirks. "Oh yeah? Then why are you hiding the important news from your best friend? Aren't you supposed to tell each other everything?"
"You're ridiculous," Junhyung tells him. He hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh, but it's too late to take it back now.
Hyunseung's eyes flash for a second. "Fine," he says brusquely, then vanishes, leaving an open-mouthed Junhyung behind.
-
It feels worse when Hyunseung starts ignoring him. He's stopped following Junhyung to work, stopped talking to him, stopped annoying him, and the silence that comes with this is unbearable. Problem is, Junhyung's just as stubborn as Hyunseung is, and every time he opens his mouth to apologize or say something to make everything okay again, the words don't come out, and Hyunseung just casts him a cool look and leaves without saying a word.
Honestly, Junhyung doesn't even know why they're arguing all because of Doojoon anyway. They've both had their fair share of girlfriends throughout all the years they've spent together, and never once has Junhyung caught a hint that Doojoon might possibly like him more than as a best friend. Hyunseung's just overthinking things, but Junhyung can't possibly tell him this because it'll just make the situation worse.
So Junhyung calls Doojoon. "Hey," he says. "I have something to tell you. I'm - um, I'm together with Hyunseung. Officially."
"Oh," Doojoon says. "Really? Congrats then!"
See, Doojoon sounds perfectly happy for him, just like what a best friend should be. And if Junhyung hears a slight edge to Doojoon's voice, he's just being affected by Hyunseung and overthinking things as well. Definitely.
-
"I told him," Junhyung says. "Now can we go back to normal again?"
Hyunseung's returning look is withering. "Did you really think it was that simple?"
"What?"
"Junhyung," Hyunseung says. "This is about a lot more than telling Doojoon."
"Okay, then tell me what this is fucking about, because I have no idea." Junhyung's patience is failing him, especially when he's having a headache threatening to split his skull apart.
Hyunseung sighs, and it grates on Junhyung's nerves even more. "You care about him."
"Well, yeah," Junhyung says. "I've known him for half my life."
"And you've known me for two months."
"Three," Junhyung corrects. He's been keeping track.
Hyunseung just stands there and looks at him with those bright eyes. "A month doesn't make much of a difference when you compare it with half your life," he points out.
"He's my best friend," Junhyung says wearily. "And I care about you too, you know."
Hyunseung twists his mouth a little, and for a split second, his defenses splinter apart and Junhyung catches a glimpse of fear and desperation. "Would you miss me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Would you miss me if I was gone?"
The question unnerves Junhyung, catches him off guard. "What kind of question is that?"
"Nothing," Hyunseung says. The shutters slide back and Hyunseung is calm and collected once more, so cool it makes Junhyung wonder if he'd been hallucinating before. "You don't have to answer."
Somehow, things were a lot less complicated before.
-
Junhyung jolts awake when there's a harsh pressure against his lips, and snaps his eyes open to meet Hyunseung's gaze. "What - Hyunseung?"
"I'd miss you," Hyunseung whispers fiercely, and Junhyung will remember this moment for the rest of his life, the way Hyunseung looks right now, raw and fragile and magical. "I'll miss you."
"What?"
Hyunseung smiles slightly, rocking back on his heels to let Junhyung sit up. "Nothing," he says, stretching out a hand to smooth Junhyung's hair back. "Go back to sleep."
Junhyung stares at him. "You woke me up, and now you're telling me to go back to sleep?"
"Right," Hyunseung says. "And I wasn't planning on waking you up, by the way."
"You're ridiculous." It's a lot more affectionate than the previous time Junhyung had said it, and judging from the way Hyunseung's smile widens, it's probably obvious.
"I know," Hyunseung says, and laughs.
-
When Junhyung wakes up again, the clock on his bedside table reads 10:53AM. He's about to freak out over being late for work, but then he realizes it's a Saturday. Maybe he'll go out with Hyunseung - it's been a long time since the other boy's been out of the apartment, after all. Maybe they can catch a movie together or something, or just take a walk in the park.
Junhyung swings his legs off the bed and his feet are about to land on the floor when he sees that the floorboards have cracked. Through the gaps, dandelions are blooming, as raw and fragile and magical as Hyunseung had looked last night.
"Hyunseung?"
Would you miss me if I was gone? Hyunseung's face flickers into his mind, and Junhyung stands up, wading past the tiny field of flowers that have bloomed in his room. When complete and utter silence meets him, he thinks that he finally has the answer to Hyunseung's question.
-
The worst part about falling in love with a ghost is that there's no evidence left behind to prove that you weren't hallucinating all along.
Or so Junhyung thinks, until he discovers that Hyunseung had written I love you, Yong Junhyung in black marker on one of the walls in his bedroom. And of course, there's the patch of dandelions in his room, still very much alive. It's been close to five months and they haven't shown any sign of withering, and Junhyung wonders if it's supposed to mean something.
He really ought to move out. The apartment's full of memories that threaten to suffocate him everyday, plus there's the fact that there are fucking flowers growing out of the floorboards in his bedroom. But every time he considers moving somewhere else, the what ifs make it even harder for him to breathe (what if Hyunseung manages to come back and finds me missing, what if one day I start thinking that I was insane all along and he never existed in my life, what if what if what if), and he ends up staying anyway.
Stupid of him though, really, because what's the point in waiting for someone who will never be able to come back, even if he himself wants to? Some distances can never be bridged.
-
The things you end up regretting the most are the littlest ones you used to think never mattered, like the fact that Junhyung never got to hear Hyunseung sing.
-
One whole year after Hyunseung's disappearance - one whole year of Doojoon's coaxing -, Junhyung finally moves out and into Doojoon's apartment.
When he's packing up his things to leave, he discovers a sheet of paper with handwriting heartbreakingly similar to the words on the wall. I always said I was selfish. You miss me, don't you? Now that I'm gone?
Junhyung punches the wall so hard his knuckles bleed for days.
-
Junhyung quits his job. He's always wanted to write songs, and his first try ends up being a hit on the charts, so he stays in the industry. The lyrics are all about pale skin and big eyes and vanishing hearts - everyone thinks it's about one of his ex-girlfriends, but only Junhyung and Doojoon know the truth.
It's scary how much he misses Hyunseung sometimes. The moment he'd finished writing the song, with the rush of accomplishment surging through him, the first person he'd thought of was Hyunseung, and then there was the sickening disappointment that came after.
He'd had a conversation with Hyunseung about this once, about writing songs and fulfilling his dreams, and Hyunseung had grinned and said how about you dedicate your first song to me?
What do I get in return? Junhyung had asked. Just for show, of course - he wouldn't be able to write a song about anyone else besides Hyunseung even if he tried.
I don't know, whatever you want - my eternal love and gratitude, or something. Great deal, isn't it?
And despite the fact that being a songwriter has always been his biggest dream, it'd be a a lie if he said that that particular conversation hadn't played a part in pushing him to actually do it. You promised, Junhyung thinks, and shuts his eyes.
-
"I hate you," Doojoon says, and Junhyung stares back. "I hate him, too - what does he have that I don't?"
"You're drunk," Junhyung tells him, turning to leave, but Doojoon catches his arm and tugs him closer.
"He knew," Doojoon breathes. "He knew right from the start, and god, honestly, I think everyone knew except for you."
Junhyung shakes his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
They stay like that for a long while, Doojoon's fingers roped around Junhyung's wrist, Junhyung frozen and staring back. Then Doojoon lets go, staggers to his feet and walks away, and Junhyung feels the guilt curdling in the pit of his stomach. Doojoon's never been one to give up without a fight, but it seems like he's always doing it when it comes to Junhyung (what Junhyung doesn't know is that Doojoon's been fighting for half his life, and he's the only person who hasn't realized this yet).
Hyunseung was right, of course. Doojoon lets down his defenses when he's drunk enough, and tonight Junhyung has seen all the raw emotion that was usually buried deep inside.
I hope you're happy, Junhyung thinks. I was wrong and you were right and I'm sorry so can you come back now?
-
"I always knew you were an idiot. Drink-driving? Really?"
And Junhyung should really be arguing back with something along the lines of at least I didn't kill myself and you're one to talk, didn't you die in a car accident as well, but it's pretty hard to formulate a sentence when it's been five fucking long years since he's seen this boy with the star-like eyes, five years of waiting and wishing and hoping, five years of waking up every morning to the press of bittersweet memories on his chest.
"Come on," Hyunseung says. "You might want to hurry up. Unless, of course, you want to be stuck here for the next two years and haunt Doojoon."
Junhyung quirks his lips upwards. "Doesn't sound so bad," he says. "He'd probably appreciate it."
"Fine," Hyunseung says shortly, turning away. "Do whatever you want. Bye."
"Come on, I was just joking," Junhyung says, smiling. "Where are we going to, anyway?"
Hyunseung shrugs. "You'll see," he says, and his eyes crinkle a little when Junhyung takes his hand.
~
I have quite an attachment to this !verse, actually, so I might um, write more stuff related to this next time? ;~; on the other hand, it's been really painful trying to write this and actually finish it lol, so thank you to my friends for holding my (virtual) hand throughout, especially karerou! :3 here's the 2jun + junseung you wanted, I hope you enjoy it~ ♥
junhyung/hyunseung, junhyung/doojoon
7070 words
The worst part about falling in love with a ghost is that there's no evidence left behind to prove that you weren't hallucinating all along.
i can't smile, i can't find, i can't stop
even if i try to find you like this
even if i try to think of you again like this
when i try to look at you just one more time
i can’t do anything because i lost my light
- lightless (beast)
Junhyung should have known, right from the start. It was too good to be true, really - why else would an apartment as great as this have been sold for such a reasonable price? Stupid of him not to have second-guessed the reasons for this, but it's too late now.
Fuck fuck fuck, Junhyung thinks. He wonders if he should make a dash for the floor lamp five steps away from him, but then again, would attempting to hit a ghost even work? Then what else was he supposed to do, just stand here and gape like an idiot? Maybe he should try praying. Yeah, that might work. Junhyung squeezes his eyes shut, clenches his fists, sends a plea to the heavens to make this apparition just go away -
"Hey, you can stop trembling like that, I'm not going to hurt you."
Fuck, the thing was having a fucking conversation with him. "Can you um, just leave me alone? Please?" Junhyung says, and his voice is embarrassingly shaky. And oh fuck, he really was trembling. Doojoon would have a field day if he knew.
"Sorry, it's not up to me, sadly." Was that a hint of wistfulness? "I'd leave if I could, you know. Gets boring hanging around an empty apartment for so long."
"It's not empty anymore," Junhyung points out, and opens his eyes just a crack. He squints at the slightly translucent boy standing in front of him. "I - I paid for this place."
The boy snorts dismissively, and it stings. "What," Junhyung says, defensive. He widens his eyes to get a better look at the boy with black hair and incredibly pale skin, even for a ghost. Not that Junhyung's ever seen another ghost before, of course.
"Never mind," the boy says. "At least I get to talk to someone, even if that particular someone is an absolute idiot."
There's a moment of silence, then Junhyung narrows his eyes. "Just so you know, you're an annoying asshole."
"Takes one to know one," the ghost says, and smiles.
-
It turns out that the ghost's name is Jang Hyunseung, and he died two years ago when he was nineteen. And all right, Junhyung has to admit that Hyunseung is sort of pretty in some wispy, ghostly way, but his personality just has to go and ruin that pretty face.
It takes one day for Junhyung to fully understand why the previous owner was so desperate to sell the place away. Hyunseung does the most irritating things like appear in the bathroom suddenly when Junhyung is showering (and no, Junhyung certainly did not scream, it was just a manly shout of surprise, really) or blast music in the middle of the night and get Junhyung scolded by the neighbors.
"Did you do this to the previous owners as well?" Junhyung asks, annoyed, as he shovels rice into his mouth. "No wonder they were so happy to sell the house."
There's a mischievous glint in Hyunseung's eyes, and he slides into the chair opposite Junhyung, propping his chin with his hands and grinning. "I did worse," he says. "You got off lucky, seriously."
Junhyung is sort of morbidly curious. "What did you do?"
"Scary things, of course," Hyunseung says mysteriously. "I mean, if you're dead and floating around, you might as well make the most out of it, you know?"
"So why did I get off lucky?"
Hyunseung shrugs. "Was bored, I guess. It sucks when you have nobody else to talk to."
Junhyung resists the urge to roll his eyes. "You could have talked to the previous owners like you did with me."
"Can't, they were from Australia," Hyunseung says. The uncomfortable expression on his face is priceless. "And I, um, can't speak English."
Junhyung starts laughing, and doesn't stop until Hyunseung makes a book slam into his face.
-
"Why are you up so early?"
Junhyung doesn't even jump in shock these days. It's hard to believe that he's gotten used to living with a ghost, but he really has. "I have work," he explains.
Hyunseung doesn't look convinced. "All of a sudden? You didn't go to work before."
"I was taking a well-deserved vacation," Junhyung says loftily. "And I don't need to inform you all the details of my life, do I?"
"Fine," Hyunseung says. "What do you work as?"
Junhyung raises an eyebrow. "I just said that I don't need to inform you all the details of my life."
"Who's the asshole now," Hyunseung mutters under his breath, narrowing his eyes at Junhyung. "Well, I hope you have an awful day of work, Mr Secretive."
"Oh, I'm sure nothing will be as awful as spending the day with you," Junhyung tells him, grins, then slams the door shut.
-
It's a perfectly normal day at work, except Junhyung can't help but wonder if Hyunseung is wrecking the apartment right now. It would be so him to do it, spiteful, annoying asshole that he is. Was he always this prickly back when he was alive? Or was it something that came along with death and turning into a ghost and not having anyone to talk to for more than a year?
"Hyung." Junhyung turns to see Dongwoon peering at him with a worried look on his face. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Junhyung says, patting Dongwoon's shoulder reassuringly. "Just thinking of my... vacation."
He sends Dongwoon off to help him get coffee. Maybe the caffeine will help him concentrate better on his work and stop him from thinking about ridiculous things like ghosts living in his apartment.
-
"You're back!" Hyunseung says, and his voice is so bright and cheerful Junhyung nearly chokes in disbelief.
"You wrecked my apartment, didn't you," Junhyung accuses.
Hyunseung blinks. "No, as a matter of fact, I did not." He gestures in the general area of the living room. "Does this look wrecked to you?"
Actually, it really didn't - in fact, it kind of looked cleaner. "You cleaned up?" Junhyung asks, unable to get rid of the suspicion in his voice.
"A bit," Hyunseung says. "I was bored."
"Oh," Junhyung says, feeling a little guilty now. "Thanks."
Hyunseung offers a tiny smile. "So, um, I actually wanted to ask you something."
"What?"
"A... favor, kind of."
See, Junhyung was right to have been on his guard. "What is it?" Junhyung wants to know, narrowing his eyes.
"Do you think I could, um, use your computer while you're at work?" Hyunseung asks. It catches Junhyung off-guard, this unexpected request, and he stays quiet for a while. Hyunseung takes his silence as an unspoken no and Junhyung can actually see him deflate, the hope in his eyes going out and his smile being wiped off his face.
"Yeah," Junhyung says hurriedly. "Sure. As long as you don't do weird things like look through my stuff."
Junhyung's certain that Hyunseung's greatest talent is to be able to switch expressions at the drop of a hat. "Really? Thanks!" Right now Hyunseung seems like a nine-year-old, eyes crinkling up in happiness, and he sort of curls his arms around Junhyung for a second or two. It startles Junhyung to note that his touch isn't as cold as expected, just a slow burning warmth a notch cooler than normal human temperature.
Maybe Hyunseung isn't so bad after all.
-
Doojoon turns up at the doorstep a week and four days later than expected (really, Junhyung had been expecting him to turn up the day he'd moved in). And even though Junhyung has been keeping a mental note in the back of his mind, he still hasn't managed to figure out what to do or say now that Doojoon is here. In his apartment. That he happens to be sharing with a ghost. Who isn't evil or trying to kill him like the ones in the horror movies, and is pretty and irritating and kind of adorable in a strange, freaky way.
"Hi," Junhyung says, using his arms to block the doorway. "You're here."
Doojoon rolls his eyes. "Yes, I'm here, now will you let me in or do I have to stand here in the freezing cold?"
"It's indoors, why in the world would you be cold?"
"It's a figure of expression, you idiot." Junhyung still doesn't move an inch, and Doojoon raises an eyebrow. "Are you hiding something?"
Junhyung schools his features resolutely calm. "No."
"Yes you are, you always have that face on when you're lying." Damn it. "It's someone, isn't it? You're hiding some girl inside there?"
"There's no girl in there," Junhyung tells him. It was the truth, really.
Now Doojoon just looks bewildered. "Then why aren't you letting me in?"
"It's um, really messy. And smelly."
"Uh, yeah, I'm totally not used to your messy and smelly rooms. What is wrong with you, Junhyung?"
Junhyung shakes his head defiantly. "The toilet... leaked. Everywhere. So you can't go in."
Doojoon winces in disgust, and Junhyung gives himself a mental pat on the back. Fuck yeah. "Did you call a plumber?"
"Yeah, he'll be here, um, soon." Junhyung offers a friendly smile. "Hang on, I'll just go and get changed, and then we can go and grab a drink or something." He darts off towards his room, pointedly ignoring Doojoon's inquiry of don't you have to wait for the plumber?
Hyunseung's not inside. Junhyung hurriedly tugs on a pair of jeans and a random new T-shirt, and is about to head back out when he hears Doojoon say, "what the fuck?"
Fuck, shit, damn it. Better yet, damn Jang Hyunseung. Preferably to eternal hell - then Junhyung can get his apartment back to himself again, just like how it was supposed to be right from the start. "I can explain," Junhyung yells, going back outside to see Doojoon staring wide-eyed at Hyunseung, who looks equally shell-shocked.
"Please don't tell me this is your plumber," Doojoon says faintly. "Because he's, uh, transparent."
"Er, no," Junhyung says. "This is Jang Hyunseung. And this is Yoon Doojoon, my best friend."
Hyunseung is trying his best to seem friendly, Junhyung can tell, but that smile is honestly slightly creepy. He'll have to find a way to tip Hyunseung off later.
"That's a ghost." Doojoon's voice is flat, but there's a dash of panic in his eyes. Junhyung should officially be crowned Most Horrible Best Friend on Earth, because he's actually feeling sort of triumphant to see Doojoon freaking out almost as bad as he did when he first saw Hyunseung.
"Yeah," Junhyung agrees, grinning. "But he's nice, really."
Hyunseung looks flattered, considering Junhyung's never fed him a compliment before. "I'm not going to kill you," Hyunseung says, matter-of-fact, but his words don't exactly go well with that creepy smile.
"Um, okay." Doojoon is obviously trying to fend off his fear, but his gaze is darting all over the place. Junhyung's about to ask (kindly, of course) if Doojoon needs a paper bag to breathe into, but Doojoon speaks up first. "Wait, you said he's called Jang Hyunseung?" Hyunseung and Junhyung nod simultaneously. "Jang Hyunseung who died in that car accident two years back?"
Hyunseung's creepy smile falters, then vanishes completely. "You know me?" He doesn't sound surprised or shocked, just completely and utterly hopeful, like Doojoon is offering him the best present he could ever have and he doesn't know if he deserves to accept it.
"I was from the same high school as you," Doojoon explains. "Junhyung too, as a matter of fact." He gives Junhyung a weird look. "You never heard about it?"
"No," Junhyung says. He never bothered to keep up with the news or rumors floating around, especially if it wasn't anything to do with people he knew.
Doojoon turns back to Hyunseung. "You could sing really well. I heard you once, during a performance for some school event."
Hyunseung half-laughs, and Junhyung wonders if it's his imagination or if there's a glimmer of moisture in Hyunseung's eyes. "Founder's Day."
"Wait, that was you?" Junhyung asks, dumbfounded. He has a vague memory of a pale, skinny, black-haired boy standing onstage with the most amazing voice, remembers thinking that he'd do really well if he debuted in some entertainment company, that he might actually buy his CDs. "You can sing?"
"Could," Hyunseung corrects. "I haven't sang in ages."
An awkward silence envelops them, and Junhyung considers asking Hyunseung to try, but he doesn't want to press Hyunseung into doing anything he doesn't feel like doing. Besides, Hyunseung looks so fragile at this moment, like a gust of wind will shatter him into a million particles, and Junhyung doesn't know what to do or say. When he glances over at Doojoon, he doesn't seem much better off, especially considering since he was the one who brought the entire topic up.
"Um," Junhyung says. "What exactly did you come here for anyway, Doojoon?"
Doojoon blinks. "To see your apartment, obviously."
"Then do you want me to show you around?"
"Oh!" Doojoon says, looking a lot more relieved. "Yeah, sure."
Junhyung casts a sideways glance at Hyunseung, who still looks pale and positively heartbreaking. "On second thoughts, how about that drink?"
"Okay," Doojoon agrees readily, obviously unsure of what else to do, especially with Hyunseung looking like he's about to fade into himself. "I'll uh, wait for you outside." He disappears out of the door without shutting it, and Junhyung reaches out to grab Hyunseung's wrist, slightly warm and quite solid, the only proof that Hyunseung is still here even when his mind is a million miles away.
"Hey," Junhyung says. "Don't scare me. Are you okay?"
Hyunseung looks at him. "Are you actually worried about me?"
Junhyung promptly lets go, sticking his hands on his waist. "Shouldn't have asked," he grumbles. "Now you're going to take advantage of my wonderful kindness and walk all over me."
Hyunseung smiles, and Junhyung feels the weight on his chest dissolve. "Go get your drink with your friend," Hyunseung says. "I'll be fine alone."
"You sure?"
"I want to be alone," Hyunseung edits. "Really, just go."
Junhyung shrugs, walks over to the door. "Bye," he says, then steps out of the apartment and shuts the door.
Doojoon raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. Something doesn't feel right, and Junhyung sighs, tugging the door open again and sticking his head in. "Hey," he says to Hyunseung. "Want to come with us? And get some fresh air or something, I don't know."
Hyunseung stares at him. "Can I?"
"Uh, I don't think Doojoon minds, so yeah, you can."
"I never tried leaving this place," Hyunseung says, looking slightly perplexed at the fact that he never thought of it before.
Junhyung's getting tired of holding the door open. "Well, you can try today - new experiences and all that, a risk a day keeps the doctor away, and I have no idea what I'm talking about but you should just come. Seriously."
"You're insane," Doojoon says, from somewhere behind him. Junhyung pointedly ignores him, watches as Hyunseung comes over, hesitating at the final step that will take him out of the apartment where he's stayed cooped up in for two years.
Junhyung grabs his wrist again, pulls him out, then freezes when he glances down and realizes he's tugging at what seems like plain air. "Hyunseung?"
"I'm here," comes Hyunseung's voice, scarily near Junhyung's ear. "Just invisible, I guess."
Not exactly. Junhyung discovers that if he squints just so, he can make out a faint shimmer in the air and the gleam of Hyunseung's smile. Doojoon coughs a little awkwardly. "I know this is kind of a landmark moment and all, but we should get going."
"Right," Junhyung says. When Hyunseung moves, he doesn't see it but he can feel it, the slight shift of skin and bones in his grip. For some reason, Junhyung can't stop the grin that blooms across his face.
-
"He likes you, you know."
Junhyung snorts, glancing in the direction of Hyunseung's voice. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Hyunseung sounds slightly amused. "Yeah, go on lying to yourself."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Junhyung corrects. "We've always been best friends, nothing more, and you're crazy."
Something jabs Junhyung in the side, hard, and he yelps, earning a few curious stares from random passers-by. "What the fuck," Junhyung says through gritted teeth. "Don't you ever do that again, Jang Hyunseung, or I will fucking -"
There's a soft chuckle, and then Junhyung feels something stomping down on his foot. It takes all of his willpower not to make any noise except for a strangled hiss, and jeez, who knew ghosts could use so much strength? Especially a skinny one like Hyunseung.
"Yah, do you want to die?" Junhyung snaps.
"Not really," Hyunseung says, from somewhere at Junhyung's right, and the smile in his voice is obvious. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm already dead."
"Well, then go to hell," Junhyung says, miffed, and Hyunseung's laughter surrounds him like the wind.
-
"Just so you know, I'm never letting you out of the apartment again."
"I'm not your dog, I'll leave whenever I want."
"Okay then, go ahead. Better yet, never come back."
"But I like annoying you."
"Go find a better hobby."
"But I like this place. It was my old house, you know."
"It's mine now."
"But I like you, Junhyungie."
"You're sick, seriously."
"Honestly, you like me too, don't you?"
"What the - I am not having this conversation."
"You have no sense of humor, you know. Urgh, stop giving me that look like I'm some kind of deranged pervert, I'm honestly not interested in you at all."
"I don't know if I can be sure about that, considering the fact that I am, after all, very handsome and capable -"
"Not to mention shameless."
"Oh, go to hell."
-
Really, if Junhyung had known, he wouldn't have coaxed Hyunseung out that night. "Would you just stop it already," he hisses.
"I'm bored," Hyunseung says.
"I'm working," Junhyung shoots back. "Can't you just go and, I don't know, scare people in the bathroom or something?"
"Right, because that's such a mature thing to do."
Junhyung huffs in disbelief. "Did that just come from the guy who's been flicking bits of shredded paper at me the entire morning?"
A paper ball hits him right smack on his jaw, and Junhyung waves a fist threateningly in the general area of Hyunseung's voice. Dongwoon blinks curiously at him as he walks by, probably on the way to the bathroom. "Hyung?"
"I'm fine," Junhyung says, hurriedly lowering his hand back to his side. "Just stretching and um, improving my blood circulation."
Dongwoon nods understandingly, then wrinkles his forehead. "Ow," he says, rubbing at his temple. "Something just hit me."
Hyunseung's answering giggle is only loud enough for Junhyung to hear.
-
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (14:37)
Um so what you gonna do about that Hyunseung guy
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (14:45)
???
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (14:49)
Um I mean like are you gonna just live with him forever or what
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:01)
no hes gonna go someday obviously
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:03)
Um but he's been here for 2 years already o____o
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:08)
its not like i have another choice... and he did live there before after all
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:12)
Um but you paid for the house??
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:23)
lol i told him that the first time i saw him. and can u stop saying um its annoying and im already very annoyed by work and hyunseung and life in general
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:24)
Fine :(
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:30)
Hello? :(
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:32)
go away im trying to work in peace here
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:34)
Okay :(
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:38)
and stop giving me that stupid sad face u asshole
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:40)
I hate you
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:40)
Being very serious here
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:41)
You're not my best friend anymore
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (15:43)
:)
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (15:44)
:(
-
It annoys Junhyung when he realizes that he's somehow gotten used to having Hyunseung there with him at work nowadays. Hyunseung likes to make documents zoom out of Junhyung's hands at the most random times and tempt him into snapping back, earning weird looks from Dongwoon in the process. But there are other times, other times when Hyunseung helps him arrange his things, prods him awake when his boss comes around the corner, feeds him a joke whenever he gets too stressed.
Junhyung's getting better at seeing Hyunseung recently. If he squints, he can make out all of Hyunseung's features, but even when he doesn't, he can see every hint of movement Hyunseung makes, every smile that darts across his face.
"Can you go somewhere with me?" Hyunseung asks him today as he's packing up to leave.
Junhyung glances at the faint outline of Hyunseung next to him. "Where?"
"It's a surprise," Hyunseung says, and laughs a little.
An hour long bus ride later, Hyunseung taps Junhyung's shoulder, then the glass window. "Here," he says, and Junhyung blinks blearily as he gets off the bus.
It's a cemetery. There's an odd feeling tugging at Junhyung's heart as he trails behind Hyunseung, who is shimmering against the grass and the trees and the sky. Junhyung halts when Hyunseung bends down in front of a gravestone, doesn't know if it'd be right of him to intrude on what clearly is a very personal moment.
Then Hyunseung turns to stare at him, and his eyes are a clear gray, like his background. "It's mine," he offers in explanation. "I only saw it once, two years ago, so I thought it'd be nice to come back again."
Junhyung nods dumbly. What do you say to someone visiting his own grave? "I - um -"
"You don't have to say anything," Hyunseung says, voice lower and softer than usual. "Can you just sit here with me for a while?"
He looks so lonely and helpless that Junhyung finds himself moving automatically to settle next to him, staring at the words Jang Hyunseung carved onto the block. Then he hears Hyunseung sniffle, and he glances over to see a faint trace of tears on Hyunseung's cheeks.
"Oh," Hyunseung says in surprise. When a teardrop lands on the ground, a dandelion starts sprouting out of the grass, and Junhyung marvels at how strange this is, how something that came from a dead being could bring about a new life.
Hyunseung looks at him. "You know," he says conversationally. "Today's my birthday." There's a beat of silence as Junhyung attempts to think of something diplomatic to say, then Hyunseung laughs and shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything," he repeats, and Junhyung realizes that for some reason, he's always losing things around Hyunseung - words, patience, privacy, silence, boredom, rationality, normalcy (later on, Junhyung will add his heart into this list).
Junhyung reaches out to pat Hyunseung's back awkwardly. "Happy birthday," he says, and offers Hyunseung a genuine smile.
Hyunseung smiles back, even as more dandelions spring up on the ground in front of him, just as fresh and bright and beautiful as he is.
-
"Technically speaking, you're supposed to be twenty-one, right?"
Hyunseung gives him a look. "I guess. Why?"
"Because I don't want to corrupt you," Junhyung says, then grins and pulls out a can of beer, presenting it to Hyunseung.
"Like you never sneaked a drink or two back when you were underage," Hyunseung says, rolling his eyes, but he takes it anyway. "Thanks."
"Hyunseung?"
"Yeah?"
"Happy birthday."
"You said that just now already."
"You're smiling."
"Okay, now go away."
-
"Did you actually take me seriously when I said you weren't my best friend anymore?" Doojoon asks, mock-glaring at Junhyung.
Junhyung snorts. "Do I look like I'd actually believe that?"
"Well, you've been ignoring me lately," Doojoon says. He squints at Junhyung suspiciously. "Been hanging out with Hyunseung?"
"Kind of," Junhyung hedges. "And do you have to say his name in that tone?"
"So defensive," Doojoon says, and chokes on his coke when Junhyung leans across the table to chuck him lightly on his jaw. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you have a crush on him."
Junhyung stares at him. "What?"
Doojoon's answering grin is wide and easy. "Dude, I know he's pretty and all, but -"
"He's a guy," Junhyung says, finishing the sentence off for Doojoon. "Yes, I know, and I'm not gay. Which means I do not have a crush on him." Doojoon's stare is getting kind of uncomfortable, really. "What the fuck, I don't, okay?"
After about a minute of silence, Junhyung slams his drink down on the table. "Would you stop staring at me like that?"
"You know," Doojoon says, so serious Junhyung is stunned for a moment. "When you lie, your ears turn red."
"My ears are certainly not red, are you color blind or something?"
Doojoon doesn't say anything else, just points at something behind Junhyung, who turns to stare at his reflection with ears that cannot be any other color except red. He meets Doojoon's gaze through the mirror, and cannot hide the panic that brims in his eyes.
-
This is all very uncomfortable. "Why are you avoiding me?" Hyunseung demands, and he's prettier when he's angry, really, his eyes flashing against his pale skin.
"I'm not," Junhyung mutters. "Is it even possible to avoid you? You're everywhere all the time."
"You're not even looking at me properly," Hyunseung says, scowling. "Am I seriously such an eyesore?"
If this was two months ago, Junhyung would have said yes immediately without even worrying about his ears turning red, but this is now, when for some ridiculous reason he has some stupid crush on Hyunseung and he can't say yes without lying anymore. "No," Junhyung says at last. "You're not."
"Then why the hell are you being like this?" Hyunseung's frustration is obvious, and Junhyung's fingers itch to touch him, to smoothen the crease of his forehead and press the smile back onto his face.
"It's kind of hard to explain," Junhyung says miserably. "Really hard to explain."
Hyunseung exhales loudly. "You're unbelievable," he throws in Junhyung's direction, and disappears off to some other corner in the apartment.
For once, Junhyung has to agree.
-
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:13)
hey, this is hyunseung. junhyung's sleeping, so i sort of borrowed his phone for a while.
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:15)
Oh hey what's up?
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:17)
junhyung's been acting really strange recently, so i was wondering if you knew why... did he mention anything to you?
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:18)
Um it's kind of not my story to tell if you now what I mean :\
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:18)
Know* oops typed too fast sorry kekekeke
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:19)
honestly, is he sick of me bugging him all the time?
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:20)
Um no don't misunderstand Junhyung really appreciates your presence
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:22)
then why has he been avoiding me recently?!
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:22)
and sometimes he just stares at me for a really long time without saying anything but when i look at him he just looks away and it's so frustrating
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:24)
...Um yeah he can be really annoying sometimes From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:25)
all the time you mean
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:26)
Keke do you want me to help you?
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:26)
???
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:27)
Junhyung's ears turn red when he lies... so yeah that's all I'm going to say, have fun with this bit of info
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (01:28)
thanks! :)
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (01:28)
:)
-
Junhyung's never been pressed against a wall in his life, especially not by a guy skinnier and prettier than he is, but well, he's had a lot of new experiences ever since he met Hyunseung.
"You're still avoiding me," Hyunseung says, and his breath ghosts across Junhyung's face.
"I already told you, I'm not," Junhyung says. "Let go, it hurts."
Hyunseung's gaze is stubborn, resolute, and jeez, it was just Junhyung's luck to fall in love with a brat like this. "Not until you explain it to me."
"I'll explain it to you if you let me go."
Hyunseung's eyes narrow into slits. "Really?"
Junhyung nods, and throws in an innocent smile for good measure. The moment Hyunseung loosens his grip, Junhyung squeezes past him and dashes into his room, locking the door. It might seem cowardly, but really, Junhyung's doing it for the sake of both of them. He sighs, flopping onto his bed, then promptly yells when he realizes there's already someone there.
"I think you forgot," Hyunseung says. "That I'm a ghost. Who can walk through walls and all that."
Junhyung huffs in exasperation. "This is unfair."
"You're certainly one to talk about unfairness," Hyunseung says disdainfully. "You promised."
"Not exactly," Junhyung says. "Anyway, it's not my fault that you were stupid enough to fall for it."
Hyunseung's face clouds over, and he leans closer, eyes sparkling dangerously. "Stupid, am I?"
"Um," Junhyung says. It's sort of hard to think of a reply when Hyunseung's in such close proximity, when all Junhyung needs to do is bridge the distance and he'll be able to find out if Hyunseung's lips are as soft and sweet as they look, if Hyunseung's eyes will squeeze or flutter shut, if Hyunseung will push him away or pull him closer.
"I really hope that I'm not stupid enough to have been reading all of this wrongly," Hyunseung says, and Junhyung's heart twists a little in his chest. "But you... Urgh, Yong Junhyung, do you like me or something?"
"No," Junhyung denies automatically, but regrets it the moment Hyunseung's eyes light up with triumphant recognition.
"You know," Hyunseung says, and he's smiling now, inching even closer. "When you lie -"
This is all very familiar, and Junhyung feels like punching something. "Yoon Doojoon," he grits out. "I'm going to kill him."
"You haven't answered the question," Hyunseung says conversationally. "Not without lying, anyway."
Something flares inside Junhyung, and he stands up, glaring down at Hyunseung. "Fine. Okay, I like you, god damn it, but so what? It's not going to change anything, is it? Because -"
"Because what?" Junhyung stares as Hyunseung gets to his feet as well, stepping towards him. "Because I don't like you back?"
It stings, even when Junhyung's been expecting it. Maybe somewhere deep down, he'd been allowing himself to harbor some hope, to imagine that there was some warmth in Hyunseung's laughter, that the glitter in Hyunseung's eyes had to mean something, despite how impossible it sounds.
"I never told you that," Hyunseung says, tilting his head to the side. "Unlike you, Junhyung, I don't lie to myself, because I'm not a complete idiot like -"
Junhyung kisses Hyunseung just to shut him up.
-
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (18:03)
im still angry with u
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (18:05)
?!
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (18:08)
u idiot now im never gonna be able to lie to him for the rest of my life
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (18:10)
Um you shouldn't be lying to him anyway
From Junhyung
To Doojoon (18:11)
i hate u
From Doojoon
To Junhyung (18:13)
I love you too, Junhyungie <3
{C}
-
It's not surprising when they have their first argument, since there's never really been a time when they don't have spats here and there, but the part that weirds Junhyung out the most is that it's over Doojoon, of all things.
"He wouldn't approve," Junhyung says. "And look, why do we have to announce it to the whole world?"
Hyunseung crosses his arms across his chest. "I know why you don't want to tell him."
"Yeah, because I just told you?"
"You don't want to hurt him," Hyunseung says. "That's why you're not telling him that we're... together."
Junhyung narrows his eyes. "Are you jealous? Is this what this has been all about?"
"No, I'm just saying that you need to," Hyunseung pauses. "Iron out your feelings."
"About who? Doojoon?" Junhyung shakes his head. "I've told you about a million times, we're best friends, nothing more."
Hyunseung smirks. "Oh yeah? Then why are you hiding the important news from your best friend? Aren't you supposed to tell each other everything?"
"You're ridiculous," Junhyung tells him. He hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh, but it's too late to take it back now.
Hyunseung's eyes flash for a second. "Fine," he says brusquely, then vanishes, leaving an open-mouthed Junhyung behind.
-
It feels worse when Hyunseung starts ignoring him. He's stopped following Junhyung to work, stopped talking to him, stopped annoying him, and the silence that comes with this is unbearable. Problem is, Junhyung's just as stubborn as Hyunseung is, and every time he opens his mouth to apologize or say something to make everything okay again, the words don't come out, and Hyunseung just casts him a cool look and leaves without saying a word.
Honestly, Junhyung doesn't even know why they're arguing all because of Doojoon anyway. They've both had their fair share of girlfriends throughout all the years they've spent together, and never once has Junhyung caught a hint that Doojoon might possibly like him more than as a best friend. Hyunseung's just overthinking things, but Junhyung can't possibly tell him this because it'll just make the situation worse.
So Junhyung calls Doojoon. "Hey," he says. "I have something to tell you. I'm - um, I'm together with Hyunseung. Officially."
"Oh," Doojoon says. "Really? Congrats then!"
See, Doojoon sounds perfectly happy for him, just like what a best friend should be. And if Junhyung hears a slight edge to Doojoon's voice, he's just being affected by Hyunseung and overthinking things as well. Definitely.
-
"I told him," Junhyung says. "Now can we go back to normal again?"
Hyunseung's returning look is withering. "Did you really think it was that simple?"
"What?"
"Junhyung," Hyunseung says. "This is about a lot more than telling Doojoon."
"Okay, then tell me what this is fucking about, because I have no idea." Junhyung's patience is failing him, especially when he's having a headache threatening to split his skull apart.
Hyunseung sighs, and it grates on Junhyung's nerves even more. "You care about him."
"Well, yeah," Junhyung says. "I've known him for half my life."
"And you've known me for two months."
"Three," Junhyung corrects. He's been keeping track.
Hyunseung just stands there and looks at him with those bright eyes. "A month doesn't make much of a difference when you compare it with half your life," he points out.
"He's my best friend," Junhyung says wearily. "And I care about you too, you know."
Hyunseung twists his mouth a little, and for a split second, his defenses splinter apart and Junhyung catches a glimpse of fear and desperation. "Would you miss me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Would you miss me if I was gone?"
The question unnerves Junhyung, catches him off guard. "What kind of question is that?"
"Nothing," Hyunseung says. The shutters slide back and Hyunseung is calm and collected once more, so cool it makes Junhyung wonder if he'd been hallucinating before. "You don't have to answer."
Somehow, things were a lot less complicated before.
-
Junhyung jolts awake when there's a harsh pressure against his lips, and snaps his eyes open to meet Hyunseung's gaze. "What - Hyunseung?"
"I'd miss you," Hyunseung whispers fiercely, and Junhyung will remember this moment for the rest of his life, the way Hyunseung looks right now, raw and fragile and magical. "I'll miss you."
"What?"
Hyunseung smiles slightly, rocking back on his heels to let Junhyung sit up. "Nothing," he says, stretching out a hand to smooth Junhyung's hair back. "Go back to sleep."
Junhyung stares at him. "You woke me up, and now you're telling me to go back to sleep?"
"Right," Hyunseung says. "And I wasn't planning on waking you up, by the way."
"You're ridiculous." It's a lot more affectionate than the previous time Junhyung had said it, and judging from the way Hyunseung's smile widens, it's probably obvious.
"I know," Hyunseung says, and laughs.
-
When Junhyung wakes up again, the clock on his bedside table reads 10:53AM. He's about to freak out over being late for work, but then he realizes it's a Saturday. Maybe he'll go out with Hyunseung - it's been a long time since the other boy's been out of the apartment, after all. Maybe they can catch a movie together or something, or just take a walk in the park.
Junhyung swings his legs off the bed and his feet are about to land on the floor when he sees that the floorboards have cracked. Through the gaps, dandelions are blooming, as raw and fragile and magical as Hyunseung had looked last night.
"Hyunseung?"
Would you miss me if I was gone? Hyunseung's face flickers into his mind, and Junhyung stands up, wading past the tiny field of flowers that have bloomed in his room. When complete and utter silence meets him, he thinks that he finally has the answer to Hyunseung's question.
-
The worst part about falling in love with a ghost is that there's no evidence left behind to prove that you weren't hallucinating all along.
Or so Junhyung thinks, until he discovers that Hyunseung had written I love you, Yong Junhyung in black marker on one of the walls in his bedroom. And of course, there's the patch of dandelions in his room, still very much alive. It's been close to five months and they haven't shown any sign of withering, and Junhyung wonders if it's supposed to mean something.
He really ought to move out. The apartment's full of memories that threaten to suffocate him everyday, plus there's the fact that there are fucking flowers growing out of the floorboards in his bedroom. But every time he considers moving somewhere else, the what ifs make it even harder for him to breathe (what if Hyunseung manages to come back and finds me missing, what if one day I start thinking that I was insane all along and he never existed in my life, what if what if what if), and he ends up staying anyway.
Stupid of him though, really, because what's the point in waiting for someone who will never be able to come back, even if he himself wants to? Some distances can never be bridged.
-
The things you end up regretting the most are the littlest ones you used to think never mattered, like the fact that Junhyung never got to hear Hyunseung sing.
-
One whole year after Hyunseung's disappearance - one whole year of Doojoon's coaxing -, Junhyung finally moves out and into Doojoon's apartment.
When he's packing up his things to leave, he discovers a sheet of paper with handwriting heartbreakingly similar to the words on the wall. I always said I was selfish. You miss me, don't you? Now that I'm gone?
Junhyung punches the wall so hard his knuckles bleed for days.
-
Junhyung quits his job. He's always wanted to write songs, and his first try ends up being a hit on the charts, so he stays in the industry. The lyrics are all about pale skin and big eyes and vanishing hearts - everyone thinks it's about one of his ex-girlfriends, but only Junhyung and Doojoon know the truth.
It's scary how much he misses Hyunseung sometimes. The moment he'd finished writing the song, with the rush of accomplishment surging through him, the first person he'd thought of was Hyunseung, and then there was the sickening disappointment that came after.
He'd had a conversation with Hyunseung about this once, about writing songs and fulfilling his dreams, and Hyunseung had grinned and said how about you dedicate your first song to me?
What do I get in return? Junhyung had asked. Just for show, of course - he wouldn't be able to write a song about anyone else besides Hyunseung even if he tried.
I don't know, whatever you want - my eternal love and gratitude, or something. Great deal, isn't it?
And despite the fact that being a songwriter has always been his biggest dream, it'd be a a lie if he said that that particular conversation hadn't played a part in pushing him to actually do it. You promised, Junhyung thinks, and shuts his eyes.
-
"I hate you," Doojoon says, and Junhyung stares back. "I hate him, too - what does he have that I don't?"
"You're drunk," Junhyung tells him, turning to leave, but Doojoon catches his arm and tugs him closer.
"He knew," Doojoon breathes. "He knew right from the start, and god, honestly, I think everyone knew except for you."
Junhyung shakes his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
They stay like that for a long while, Doojoon's fingers roped around Junhyung's wrist, Junhyung frozen and staring back. Then Doojoon lets go, staggers to his feet and walks away, and Junhyung feels the guilt curdling in the pit of his stomach. Doojoon's never been one to give up without a fight, but it seems like he's always doing it when it comes to Junhyung (what Junhyung doesn't know is that Doojoon's been fighting for half his life, and he's the only person who hasn't realized this yet).
Hyunseung was right, of course. Doojoon lets down his defenses when he's drunk enough, and tonight Junhyung has seen all the raw emotion that was usually buried deep inside.
I hope you're happy, Junhyung thinks. I was wrong and you were right and I'm sorry so can you come back now?
-
"I always knew you were an idiot. Drink-driving? Really?"
And Junhyung should really be arguing back with something along the lines of at least I didn't kill myself and you're one to talk, didn't you die in a car accident as well, but it's pretty hard to formulate a sentence when it's been five fucking long years since he's seen this boy with the star-like eyes, five years of waiting and wishing and hoping, five years of waking up every morning to the press of bittersweet memories on his chest.
"Come on," Hyunseung says. "You might want to hurry up. Unless, of course, you want to be stuck here for the next two years and haunt Doojoon."
Junhyung quirks his lips upwards. "Doesn't sound so bad," he says. "He'd probably appreciate it."
"Fine," Hyunseung says shortly, turning away. "Do whatever you want. Bye."
"Come on, I was just joking," Junhyung says, smiling. "Where are we going to, anyway?"
Hyunseung shrugs. "You'll see," he says, and his eyes crinkle a little when Junhyung takes his hand.
~
I have quite an attachment to this !verse, actually, so I might um, write more stuff related to this next time? ;~; on the other hand, it's been really painful trying to write this and actually finish it lol, so thank you to my friends for holding my (virtual) hand throughout, especially karerou! :3 here's the 2jun + junseung you wanted, I hope you enjoy it~ ♥