Last Week of Classes AKA The week that everything in existance in due for English majors
MACY
(turning to NATALIA) Okay, so I just got a text message from Abby and she apparently just witnessed the breakup of Tyler and Jan in the lunch room over a tray of spaghetti and with a lot of other witnesses, so you know what that means?
NATALIA
(without looking up) Oh, hey there Macy. Glad to see you working so hard to bring your math grade back up. Nope, don’t know the answer to number thirty-eight, haven’t gotten that far yet.
KARSON
(Also without looking up) It’s the square root of three over two Y.
MACY
(before NATALIA can respond to KARSON) This is more important than math! We have calculators in our phones anyway, so what’s the point? Anyway, it means that Tyler is free for a new girlfriend-
KARSON
(muttering to himself) -Or STD testing-
MACY
-and that means that I can finally put my plan into motion without looking like a boyfriend stealing bitch with no friends unlike SOME people I could mention. Or, like, everyone else who’s interested anyway.
KARSON
(again, to himself) You and his ex, and I fail to see how his ex fits into this category.
NATALIA
(snaps a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle, finally putting her pencil down and turns to MACY) What’s the plan then? Are you going to invite him to a basketball game? I mean, yeah, if you lose, that would be a bummer, but maybe he would talk you out for comforting milkshakes or something. And if you win he could see how awesome you are!
MACY
But then he’d see me all sweaty and gross.
KARSON
Obviously you have no idea how a boy’s mind works.
NATALIA
Our school doesn’t have air conditioning. It’s bound to happen sometime.
MACY
Well, yeah, but not on a first date! I was thinking more like offering to tutor him or something? That’s, like, a legitimate thing right? And then he would be totally impressed with my teaching skills and knowledge of history or whatever.
NATALIA
Macy, you don’t even like history.
MACY
Well, yeah. No one likes history. But I can fake it right? I mean, all you have to do is spout out some ancient names and sound confident about it. And I know ENOUGH that I can BS the rest.
KARSON
Yeah, that’ll get his attention. Nothing like a desperate precocious wannabe to get the pubescent hormones going.
MACY
ExCUSE me, do you need something?
KARSON
Yes. You know those two membranes in your throat that vibrate together when you push air through them? They create this phenomenon called speech. I need you to stop practicing this biological miracle and let the rest of us work in peace.
MACY
This is study time, we can do whatever the hell we want.
KARSON
Study time usually implies that you are expected to STUDY, not gossip about whose throat you want to stick your tongue down.
MACY
Oh my GOD, did you just-
NATALIA
Um, Macy, he, uh, kind of has a point…?
MACY
Wow, really Nat? Really? (hissing in confidence) You’re siding with the antisocial asshole over your BEST FRIEND?
KARSON
(overhearing MACY despite her low tone) Antisocial personality disorder is a condition where you manipulate and exploit the people around you, idiot. Does it look like I’m manipulating you? Let me answer that - no. (a beat) Asshole is probably accurate though.
MACY
Will you just SHUT UP? Jesus Christ, you are irritating as fuck. (turns to do her homework anyway)
so... here we go again... after I eat something and probably go home so I don't have to worry about catching buses.