If Dib had a Tumblr and had questions turned on
Q: Hey hye ~_^ How's the sex life going?
Q: You and the Ambassador thinking about starting a family?
Q: woo the girl and write a comic about it ifyaknowwhatimean *wink wink*
A: Okay, first of all what the fuck. Second of all, what the actual fuck. And third of all, that's none of your goddamn business. How do you people think this is okay? I don't go nosing around in YOUR sex lives, do I? "Oh hey person I only know the name of, please tell me all about your intimate encounters in explicit detail! I want to know!!!1!!one" Yeah, that's a great way to get thrown in jail on sexual harassment charges. You know that what this is, right? Sexual harassment. Thank you followers and crazy stalkers alike, you are committing a crime against my personal rights andal 'qoijfic;'jich
Hi everyone it's gretchen! or the ambassador, as anon up there has referred to me as, whatever. i first of all want to say that asking about sex lives is not okay on so many levels, not to mention sort of illegal, so all you crazy pervs out there can step off, we will be deleting those messages in the future. the only reason he's answering some now is because today is a bad day on account of some of your other questions. ): he almost punched the computer guys, come on. lay off of the triggering crap, will you?
The second thing i was to do is say that this is the perfect opportunity for a little lesson is sexuality! zim and i have been wanting to post this little discussion for a while, but dib's having none of it because, "they won't understand anyway, just let them be." he has such faith in all of you. for good reason, if all these questions i'm reading aren't actually jokes.
I'm not going to go into a huge huge rant about the fluidity of sexuality and and yadda yadda because irkens probably already know what i'm talking about to some extent already and armians... well, you get the point. but we've noticed that the gossip magazines have all come to one mysterious conclusion, and that is that apparently that dib is only interested in me because i have thrown myself at him with legs open.
???? ?? ???????? ???
>:/
My question is, where the hell did you all come to that conclusion? that would be a very difficult task to do in a literal sense. not to mention that he hasn't really talked to you all about our relationship so what??? Was is something i said? Was it the way i locked arms with him at the council banquet last month? seriously guys, i want to know because you could not be more wrong.
"Oh," you say, "can you prove that?"
I can! i have one sentence and that is my proof. are you ready for it? it's: asexuality is a thing.
That's right, you heard me. i am outing dib as an asexual because that's what he is. what does this mean? it means he feels no sexual desire or finds it unpleasant to think about. or something. he explains it a lot better than I do, but zim has him distracted at the moment. in any case, asexuality does not mean he does not feel physical desire - by god that man can cuddle - but what you all define as "intimate" is not the same thing he defines as "intimate." you get what I'm saying?
So that rumor about me throwing myself at him with legs open is ridiculous because he would push my knees together, open my arms and whisper in my ear, "what do you want for dinner?" then we proceed to spend the rest of the night huddled together and watching terrible movies. our lives are so scandalous! zim sometimes joins us. a cuddle threesome! and then lynn will join and we make a blanket fort and we all laugh about how x-rated and offensive our lives are. we are corrupting the young minds of the universe with our promiscuous ways. shield your eyes, this blog just got nsfw.
As for the question of starting a family, YES!!!!! we totally want to start a family! but first we actually have to get MARRIED. "how will you achieve that?" you ask. about the family, not the marriage. there are several options. we are discussing them. since you're not part of the family and you will most likely not take any part in the creation of life, you can just twiddle your thumbs and wonder about that sort of thing, or you can do some research. i suggest the latter! especially you armians because you're so big on families but you also have SO many infertility conditions that it gets a little ridiculous that you can even has as many children as you do! we marvel at it every day. lynn has tried to explain it to us but zim starts saying "la la la" really loudly and then dib gets distracted by some bright color and then lynn sort of gives up.
Anyway, next question. i'll be answering some now. this is sort of fun!
Q: What's your favorite color?
Mine is purple. Dib changes his favorite color on a minute basis, but he really loves blues and teals. Zim likes maroons and pinks.
This is an awfully silly question to ask of an artist! You're lucky that I took this one on!
Q: I was doing some research on Operation Impending Doom II and many of the sources I used claimed that the Invaders were given assistance in the form of a SIR unit. Many Invaders claimed to having some sort of attachment to their unit. It's a matter of public record that Zim participated in OIDII. Was he assigned a SIR unit and if so what happened to it?
A: Oh dear. time to tag team zim and let him take over this question. i have no idea how to even start to approach this one.
This is now Zim. To answer your questions: yes and his circuitry deteriorated.
Q: Gas leak incident GO
Q: What happened at the gas leak incident
Q: tell us your seeeecreeeeetssss.......
A: No.
Q: How often does water fall from the sky on earth? I'm just wondering.
A: The amount of precipitation depends on the time of "year" on Earth, the location on Earth, the position of Earth's moon, some strange current called "El Nino," and an infinite amount of other factors that are nearly impossible to predict. Precipitation can occur anywhere from a few hours after a previous fall to months later.
((I suddenly got tired. Here you are. I was bored and bluh bluh)