taxonomites: Application
Your name/crazy internet handle/whatever: Kristin
Personal journal: justspies
Email: thisgray@gmail.com
Characters played (if applicable): N/A
Character name: Tara Maclay
Genre (TV/books/etc): Television
Fandom: Buffy: the Vampire Slayer
Canon point: This Tara will be AU, diverging from canon with the Season Six episode "Seeing Red." In canon, Tara died in this episode; in this AU storyline for Tara, however, it was Willow who died in "Seeing Red" and not Tara. Given that they both had different natures and approaches to magic, Tara did not absorb black magic and react with violence and vengeance as a response to her lover's death. Instead, after Willow's death, Tara severely withdrew from everyone, in danger of becoming reclusive and relapsing back to the painfully shy and quiet Tara she used to be, pre-Willow. With the support and love of the Scoobies, however (primarily Dawn and Giles), Tara is slowly in the process of grieving and healing. So in current canon, Tara is set a month after Willow's death. Whereas in canon, it was Willow who traveled to England with Giles to "detox" after going to the dark side, it is Tara who journeys to England with Giles, meeting with the Coven he's acquainted with there, and coping with her grief by finding comfort amongst kindred spirits.
Programmed Possession: Given what has so recently happened to Willow, Tara's programmed possession will be the Summers's house as it was, when Tara and Willow lived there prior to Willow's death.
Abilities/Weaknesses: Tara is a powerful witch, though she is careful not to abuse that power, or use it for conveniences. Though she knows many spells, and has grown skillful with casting them, Tara seems to have a greater affinity for the religion and tradition of Wicca, more than the practice of spells. Tara also has telekinesis, an ability which is even more powerful when both she and Willow are in physical contact. Tara also has an unusual and rare ability known as "The Sight," which allows her to read people's auras and magically sense when something is wrong with someone (i.e. when Buffy was possessed by Faith). She's an intelligent, studious person, and beyond her magical abilities, Tara also has a decent, fairly thorough knowledge of Latin. As far as weaknesses go, Tara is mortal/human, and can therefore be killed like any other human can be killed.
Psychology/Personality: When we first meet Tara Maclay in the Fourth Season Buffy episode entitled "Hush," the young, practicing Wiccan is painfully shy and quiet, almost taciturn. Her silent nature leads one to believe, initially, that she is reclusive in nature, despite the fact that she's in attendance at the UC Sunnydale Wiccan group upon the first introduction of her character. At one point during the group meeting, Tara does attempt to contribute an opinion, leading us to believe that she would like to be more vocal at times, but has so often been (and allowed herself to be) suppressed. Sensing a connection with fellow Wiccan, Willow Rosenberg, Tara seeks out the young girl, hoping they could talk about Wicca, its practices and spells, breaking off from the vapid, banal UC Sunnydale Wiccan group ostensibly devoted to the religion, but far more focused on college politics and popularity. When they run into each other, literally, as Tara is attempting to escape from The Gentlemen, the two quickly realize they both have magic power, and that combined, they could further hone and enhance their own inherent abilities. As time wore on, it seemed that finding a kindred spirit in Willow was almost kismet; it began to change both of them in different ways, as they grew closer and stronger together while concurrently changing and evolving independently, beyond their burgeoning romantic relationship. In many ways, when we first meet Tara, she mirrors in some ways the Willow of early seasons, and her evolution throughout her character run continues to reflect that similarity. Tara starts out as a character who is shy to an extreme degree; though she always retains that quieter nature, she becomes more vocal, more involved, and more confident.
Her romantic relationship with Willow seems to have been the catalyst for Tara "coming into her own", so to speak, and truly realizing her potential and the intrinsic, inexorable beauty within her. However, regardless of the very obvious positive impact Willow has had on Tara's self-esteem and her perception of herself, Willow seems to be the one more dependent on Tara, and not vice versa. Though that's supposition on my part, I believe there's evidence of this primarily in Season Six when Willow begins abusing magic as a drug, at first as a pursuit of physical and cerebral pleasure, and then more earnestly (as a refuge) when her with relationship with Tara starts falling apart. And though in the episode "Once More, With Feeling," Tara sings to Willow that "you make me complete," Tara is still independent, strong, and pragmatic enough to realize that the relationship at that point cannot continue down the path it's been going, that it must change or be ended entirely. So even though Tara grew more confident and outspoken in her time with the Scoobies, I believe her inner fortitude and independence had existed for quite some time, most likely developed in her childhood as a reaction to her dictatorial, and possibly abusive, family. Tara doesn't seem to have any apparent trust issues, but if we examine how she initially approached the Scooby gang, we can see that her slow, delayed assimilation into that family unit was primarily a result of the almost debilitating self-doubt she had at that time. It isn't until the Season Five episode "Family," that Tara seems to truly feel that finally belongs with the Scoobies, and not just Willow, as she was embraced by them as her "family" and cast aside by her blood relatives.
Whereas Willow has a well-established affinity for technology, Tara seems to favor books/literature over computers, once remarking that the preponderance of bad spelling and grammar on the Internet depressed her. I would assume, given what we know about her nature, and her past, that books were likely a refuge and a method of escape for her. Much like Willow, Tara is studious, with a proclivity for research and observation, favoring quiet activities over the more violent ones with which her life seems to be so often filled. Though not every character on Buffy is as close to Tara as Willow, Tara seems to be seen by everyone, for the most part, as the sensible, gentle, amiable one with a pure heart and a radiant soul full of light. She seeks the best for everyone, and despite her own personal feelings, would rather see someone healthy and happy than risk anything else for her own selfish reasons. I'm thinking specifically of the Season Six break-up between Willow and Tara; though it was obviously a difficult thing for Tara to initiate and go through with, she saw the dangerous path Willow was going down, and hoped that the break-up would precipitate an awakening for Willow, making her realize what she was doing was wrong. Emotionally, it would have been less traumatic to simply stay with Willow, but eventually, Willow would've continued to use magic, the relationship would have suffered anyway, and the destruction wrought may have been more severe. Tara lives her life selflessly, with a strong moral compass guiding her actions. Her love for her family, the Scoobies, is her touchstone and resolve, and though she does not display her protectiveness of them quite as overtly as people like Buffy or Xander, she will do anything for the people she loves. There was an article published in Salon by Stephanie Zacharek, in which she described Tara as a character who "quietly and sympathetically stood for the right of all people to choose their own path and make their own mistakes"; Tara seemed to be a proponent of people finding themselves, journeying through their soul to discover who they really were and what they really seek in life. She would seem, then, to recoil against those who have a duplicitous nature, or who mold themselves on what others want, rather than being true to themselves.
History: Not much is known about Tara's life prior to meeting Willow; Tara is private enough at times that we get the sense not even Willow knows everything that happened in Tara's past, even after the episode "Family" when more of Tara's past is inadvertently divulged to the Scoobies. However, we do know that Tara's gift for magic seems to have been inherited from her mother, who was similarly gifted. That "gift" was a point of ire in the Maclay family, it would seem, and something which the men certainly did not approve of, and indeed, used as a reason and excuse to suppress the Maclay women. Tara's mother died when Tara was 17; we do not know how her mother died, but afterwards, Tara went through a short-lived rebellious stage. Given her understanding of Buffy's grief in "The Body," it's possible that Tara's mother died from a terminal illness, like cancer, as well, although Tara is empathetic anyway, and could've related to a shared loss regardless of whether or not their mothers died under similiar circumstances. Tara seems embarassed of her family and what she came from, one reason she was so secretive about her past. We come to realize that Tara had erroneously believed herself to be a demon, just like her mother was, although we find out the truth, that neither Tara, nor her mother, nor any of the Maclay women are, in fact, demons; rather, the Maclay men used this myth as a means to suppress and control the women of their family. It's hinted at by Tara's brother that there may have been some abuse in Tara's past, though whether this was only mental in nature is not known. Given her extreme self-doubt, I would lean more towards believing that the manipulative environment in which she grew up was a mental abuse, and played a part in making her doubt that anyone could love her.
She did, at least, leave her family, refusing to live under their rule and allow herself to be controlled like her cousin Beth is. We know, too, that Tara rode horses in her childhood, but very little else is known prior to her arrival at UC Sunnydale. It's not even clear with whom she lived, or where, since her break-up with Willow meant she was no longer in the Summer's house. It's likely that Tara lived a typical life, in that she went to school and grew up with a family, however twisted that family was; she was most likely a studious child in her youth, and continued to place a great deal of emphasis on her studies in college. In many ways, her up-bringing may have mirrored that of Xander Harris's, in some ways, though she very likely did not have refuge in a friend, the way Xander had Willow. Tara also seems to have been certain of her sexuality earlier than Willow, as Willow implied as much in one episode, indicating that Tara may have had a girlfriend, or multiple girlfriends, before Willow.
First Person Sample:
It had been raining steadily the last two days, and seemed eerily fitting given the pervading gloom Tara had felt for the last month. Had it really been only a month? Officially, it was, but time had a way of prolonging grief, making it seem as though each day was actually the length of a week. She'd come to appreciate tea even more than she previously had, turning to it in the mornings as a way to awaken her senses, and seeking it at night as a sort of panacea to soothe the wretched thoughts which seemed to surge forth with more strength as evening approached. The kettle was howling, which meant that Giles was awake and, if she was lucky, already had scones with cream and jam ready.
Wrapping a thick, brown sweater around her, Tara moved slowly but purposefully down the stairs, lost in thought and a lingering fog of lethargy. As she stepped off the last stair and turned the corner, she found herself no longer in the Giles Family Estate, but something that seemed to be another world entirely. Tara noticed, firstly, that she was elevated on a platform with stairs, and the walls surrounding her where white, making the place seem far too clinical and austere. Looking up, she glimpsed a strange round device above her, and wondered if that had anything to do with how she'd arrived here.
"Giles?" Tara called out, quietly at first. "G-Giles? Are you here?"
No response. No one else was here, or so it seemed. She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself, dropping them when her forearm brushed against something hard. Pulling back the sleeve of her wrist, she noticed an alien device attached to her wrist.
"W-what?"
Looking around, and down, she noted no immediate threat-no walls closing in, no death rays, no homicidal beasts. Just silence. She didn't know what was worse.
"Is anyone here? Wherever...here is."
She considered whether she should walk down the stairs and through the door she could see, but then...who knew where that would lead? What if it was worse? But what if it wasn't?
"Should I?" Tara posed the question quietly, to herself, standing uncertainly at the top of the platform for another moment before deciding to make her way down the stairs and through the door, immediately disconcerted when the door disappeared behind her. This new location at least didn't have the appearance of a room in a mental ward, but it was still far from home, and therefore, not a place she wanted to be.
"Maybe there's...someone..." It was at least a lot larger than the previous room, which bode well for the possibility that someone might come along and be able to tell her what this place was.
Third Person Sample:
This wasn't the first time that something which had happened in their lives seemed so utterly wrong that there was no conceivable way to believe the universe had intended for things to happen this way. Because it couldn't have, surely. The universe was cruel, but it wasn't....yes, it was that cruel, wasn't it? And life was such that even with the blessed delay that time sometimes allowed, all of the hardest, most intolerable truths would inevitably reveal themselves to all. She would heal and move on, eventually, but she never had to accept it completely. Why should anyone have to, anyway? Why should there be a hard, cold granite in place of a vibrant, warm body? Why should she be kneeling on grass, seeking green eyes, and finding merely platitudes etched in stone?
If she looked at just the beginnings, just Willow's name and birthday, it wouldn't be so painful, so wrong. But there's the rest of it, the blunt, thick dash leading to that day, the one a heart stopped, and there was a painful echo, followed by silence that still lingered. And now her own heart was beating, still beating, but missing half of itself. She had felt they were inexorably linked, their connection deeper than that of most couples, perhaps because of the magical bond they shared which was another element of their relationship, even when it nearly destroyed them once. It made it harder, somehow, to accept the loss, feeling like a part of her lover was still inside of her, and would always be, and that...no, she was more rational than that. Willow was gone, her love would not reappear, would not rise from the dead as Buffy had. She would embrace the first light of morning alone, no longer turning over in bed to glimpse her sleeping lover. But she had appreciated those moments, when she'd had them, had felt thankful enough for the chance to watch Willow breathing peacefully, when nothing else in the world demanded her attention, and they could both just be. There would be no more; no more holding hands and finding little niches in skin where they seemed to fit together, no more knowing without speaking, no more drowsy embraces, walking each other onto the edge of sleep.
And when they kissed, and she felt eternity suffuse her blood, it was always the purest, most radiant surge of magic she'd ever felt. That feeling was irreparably lost, but she had clung to it so fervently when she'd had it, that part of it was immutably within her.
This was the hardest part: leaving the graveyard, feeling like each time was another goodbye she didn't want to say. This one was harder than most, because she was leaving for England, and wouldn't be back for a while. It would get dark, and Willow would be alone, and Tara wouldn't be back the next day, or the next day, or the one following that.
"I-I'm sorry, Willow, for so many things. Not for this, but..." She'd apologized so many times, never seeking absolution because she would never receive it.
"I could have...I-I c-could have..."
But I didn't.
She stood then, her eyes glistening as the sun reflected the sheen of moisture collecting in her eyes.
"I'll see you soon. I love you, baby."
Tara kissed her fingers, pressing them to the stone that held the name, the name she could never utter aloud again, expecting a response. The wind howled lowly in sympathy, and the Sun gave her one last nod, one of encouragement.
She's here, the Sun said, haven't you noticed? I'm a little brighter than I was before.