Title: I Am the Slayer
Author: Sensei
Words: 559
Universe/Genre: Mid-canon wacky adventure
Rating: OT
Summary: Inuyasha is weak and needs Kagome to come to his aid! But why is he weak? And does she really know what she's doing?
Author's Note: For Talon, for me, and for anyone who needs a laugh right now.
Kagome held her breath and stood her ground in the dark forest. She had to keep her mind and her power on the enemy, not let her concentration waver the tiniest bit. She shivered as she felt a droplet of sweat trickle down her brow, but she could not let her attention waver to wipe it away. Not now. Not when Inuyasha was counting on her. So much was at stake. He was weak, and she wouldn't fail him. None of them would.
A voice called from the darkness: "I am the Slayer. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Kagome urged her friend on by feigning a low, menacing chuckle. If Naraku could give his "Ku-ku-ku" to weaken the spirit of his opponents, so could she. It felt good, in fact. She held up her little vial of shards, wishing it could create a barrier around her, a shield or at least the semblance of one to trick her foe. How she wished she could hurl a ball of fire, even a little foxfire magic would help! Right now, keeping Inuyasha's confidence up was the least she could do after all he'd done for her. How weak her poor hanyou was!
Her black-clad companion crept from the bushes, and she knew the moment had arrived. "Sango!" Kagome cried, and tossed the net of rope and brambles at the enemy.
Inuyasha stumbled and fell beneath its weight, flailing and crying out for vengeance.
"Oh for kami's sake!" cried Miroku, stumbling drunkenly from behind a nearby tree. This is the most pitiful, embarrassing thing I've ever seen!" He swigged sake and pointed the bottle in Inuyasha's direction. "And I've seen a lot."
Kagome pointed right back. "I'd like to see you do a better Naraku impersonation, monk!"
"Well, " said Miroku, putting his sandaled foot on top of Inuyasha's writhing slayersuit-clad body, " You look kinda hot in that Naraku get-up. But y'see, the difference 'tween you and me is that I wouldn't play this kinda game when the idiot hit his head on a rock when he was fighting with his dumbass brother. I'd just ignore him until he fell off a cliff and hit it again and got his brains back." He swigged heartily. "Also, Sango is gonna kill you for letting him get it stretched all outta shape."
Inuyasha thrashed about while Kagome spat, "Wait, what? You're the one who snuck it to me in the first place!"
"Yeah, but that's 'cause I thought you were gonna wear it." He winked and smiled sloppily.
Kagome narrowed her gaze. "You tell Sango what happened and I'll tell her you're wearing my underwear!"
"But I'm not!" whined the monk. "No fair when I don't get to do the crime!"
Priestess and monk fell silent then, both bristling as they turned to stare down at the tangled hanyou-cum-slayer, who thrashed about futilely, crying for vengeance for her dead family and "poor zombie Kohaku" in a high, pitiful voice.
"Oh, let's just leave him and get some sleep," Kagome groaned.
"Agreed," said Miroku, holding out his bottle to his compatriot. "And if you let me wear those tiny little pink fundoshi, I'll take the blame with Sango," he added, squeezing Kagome's blue hakama-covered rear.
"Just for that you get the granny panties," retorted Kagome, too tired even to smack the drunk.
~