You're never gonna believe me xD
I have had several "I can't believe I just did that" moments lately, but none of them are bad! So, come join me behind the cut to see if you believe them
....waiting for me to tell you you killed someone or destroyed something, aren't ya??*giggles* To bad, I'm feeling nice today, the world shall remain the way it is :D Anyways, on with the list! (like I always have now xP love'em, hate'em-they don't care. they're aaaaaaalways going to be here *cackles*)
YNGBM moment 1: So, I've been really stressed out about several situations family and friend related happening all at once and my inability to break down n cry about it like a healthy person should do. I, on the other hand, held it all in and tried to be the strong one for everyone to lean on or beat up-which ever helped that particular person out. This resorted in one of my signature migraines and several nosebleeds. Whether the nosebleeds were brought on by the migraine or the stress, I'm not sure, but that doesn't really matter, now does it? This isn't the "You're never gonna believe me" moment obviously.
What is, though, is while I was sitting in the dark bathroom leaning against the wall next to the toilet, blood steadily descending from my nose as I coughed on what food hadn't managed to escape in time to the bowl beside me-my head feeling as if it were collapsing in on itself...only one thing ran through my mind: What would Jake want me to do...hell, what would anyone who cared about me want me to do? (I instantly thought of Jake because moments before this episode I was pacing the living room cursing about how I wanted to see him, to tell him everything to get it off my chest-I didn't care if he had practice) That's when I had the YNGBM moment...I started to look at the positives of everything.
Anyone who knows me knows why this is a slight shocker...I'm a rather cynical person, I can't help it! So the fact that I willingly chose to search for the good things buried deep in the depression and anger is pretty satisfying and amazing to my friends n family. Though I physically couldn't handle the stress of everything, I was fighting with all that I was to be mentally stable enough to deal with it-and I won the battle! No cutting, no over doing my amount of pills, no desperate crys for alil help. I did it all on my own and I'm proud to say that. For once in a very long time, I took control of the pain and twisted it so it didn't seem that bad instead of the worst thing possible ^-^
*sighs happily* I really am getting better...I've been working so hard for the last year or so now to get better, to be were I am now...The pills have helped, yes, but they only stabilize my moods so that I could work on this self improvement of mine. And it's going so well...yes, I know, I still have a way to go, but you can't rush good progress!! xP
YNGBM moment 2: Well...I wasn't immune to the hurt during all this, ya know. I was still upset with no one to really turn to, I'd just managed to find things to look for when I started to loose my grip again. At one of these..."slipping" points, I was unfortunate enough to be messing with my hair-very angry with it for not working the way I wanted it to. Already sick of how things seemed out of my control-I took my moms sewing scissors to my hair. Yes, gasp all you want-I cut my hair. BUT! Before you think too drastically, I only made my layers...more defined.
At first, after the chopping was done, I was devastated by what I'd just finished. My hair has always been something I used to express myself; when I was depressed, I let it get real long to express my lack of concern for anything and everything-when I wanted to get away so desperately from everything I'd made for myself, I chopped 18 inches off my hair so that is was shoulder length-so on n so forth. Now, I apparently decided I needed to improve something old, so I cut my wavy, faded layers into drastic divisions. It didn't fit how I knew I'd feel at all after everything was settled, but I'd have to live with it cuz there was no way to fix what had been done. Thankfully, when I was much calmer, I managed to fix it into a style that I really love. In some ways I'm now grateful for what I'd done-my hair feels thinner now and it's something new that I think I needed. Something new that I could control anyway (yes, Mrs. C-you were right. I have control issues-I need to feel like I have a handle on things or I get lost, I get it! >.<')
YNGBM moment 3: Kiki came over Wednesday!! *claps wildly* Ok, so yea-you spent the night at her house a few days before then, big woop?? That is very true my overly apathetic audience, BUT! What makes it great is we actually did things!! We usually sit around arguing who's turn it is to pick what we do or watching things on the computer to ever really do anything constructive. When she first came over at about 1 or 2, it seemed very much like that's what we were going to do for the rest of the time she was over-instantly putting in Taken to watch (AMAZING MOVIE!! Rent it, watch it, love it, buy it!! xD) We finish the movie...then argue about who's turn it is to pick -_-' That's when it all turned around.
I eventually chose to go on a bike ride, so we went out-got our bikes around (I have a flat tire so I had to borrow my older sisters bike), headed up to 24, and just like that we were on the back road breaking off of the heavily trafficed 24 (after Kiki freaked out several times because of the Semi's >.< Sry about that buddy!) The day was cloudy and slightly humid, but there was a breeze that was absolutely divine and the scenery was just perfect-so needless to say it was very calming, especially after the last few weeks we'd just had. We ended up stopping at Bambi n Ice's house and they joined in on our bike ride for about another hour, all tranquility from before gone -_-' By the time Kiki n I said goodbye to the two and we were pulling into our driveway-3 hours had passed! My butt was killing me xD it sucked, don't laugh...teehees. ANYWAY!
We got on the computer to look at somethings in my documents for a split second, then headed back to the bedroom cuz Kiki wanted to work out (for some god forsaken reason >.<) So! *laughs manically* I put her through my work out regiment! Yes, you may have weights and a machine, my friends, but that doesn't beat persistence! :D We didn't even go through the entire routine-nor did she do as many reps as I did-and she got tired xD Lets just say we sat quietly and watched Jumper after that (another good movie, not as good as Taken, but still good)-which she fell asleep during anyway *shakes head* Tsk tsk, lady xP
Fast forward to the next day, and you have Kiki n I back at the pond-laying out tanning. In our eyes, that is something productive. Now, we don't do it to be cool or any of that jazz (otherwise we'd get the fake ass orange tans you get in a tanning bed to fit in with the rest of you out there), it's just nice to have a soft glow to your skin like that...especially when you're me and you're legs (typically concealed by pant legs) are paler than snow. They look better now, but for some reason they just never want to tan! *shakes fist at the cruel joke fate has played* After a good...god, I don't even know how long we laid there flipping back n forth from front to back like friggin pancakes, but afterwards we waded into the pond n started to haul out seaweed weed with the ho's my sisters left in the gazebo. Yes, from several summers of no one swimming in it, the seaweed population in our pond has gotten out of control. So, slowly we've managed to pull out a good majority of it in the shallow end-greatly finished off by Kiki and my's work! ^-^
THAT was our eventful time with eachother :D Which I do have to admit was the most fun I've had in awhile, so the pain right now is so totally worth it, lol.
Well, those my YNGBM moments for now...I may have more later, I don't know-just wait n see. God! Stop being so pushy xP We just went to a family reunion Saturday and I had a friggin blast, but no YNGBM happenings...I was attacked alot by sisters as well as OTHER family members *glowers at them all as I tend to my bruises n headache* but no shocking moments. So, I end my entry here. Sayonara y'all!! *waves, scurrying off to work on some art* Peace
....waiting for me to tell you you killed someone or destroyed something, aren't ya??*giggles* To bad, I'm feeling nice today, the world shall remain the way it is :D Anyways, on with the list! (like I always have now xP love'em, hate'em-they don't care. they're aaaaaaalways going to be here *cackles*)
YNGBM moment 1: So, I've been really stressed out about several situations family and friend related happening all at once and my inability to break down n cry about it like a healthy person should do. I, on the other hand, held it all in and tried to be the strong one for everyone to lean on or beat up-which ever helped that particular person out. This resorted in one of my signature migraines and several nosebleeds. Whether the nosebleeds were brought on by the migraine or the stress, I'm not sure, but that doesn't really matter, now does it? This isn't the "You're never gonna believe me" moment obviously.
What is, though, is while I was sitting in the dark bathroom leaning against the wall next to the toilet, blood steadily descending from my nose as I coughed on what food hadn't managed to escape in time to the bowl beside me-my head feeling as if it were collapsing in on itself...only one thing ran through my mind: What would Jake want me to do...hell, what would anyone who cared about me want me to do? (I instantly thought of Jake because moments before this episode I was pacing the living room cursing about how I wanted to see him, to tell him everything to get it off my chest-I didn't care if he had practice) That's when I had the YNGBM moment...I started to look at the positives of everything.
Anyone who knows me knows why this is a slight shocker...I'm a rather cynical person, I can't help it! So the fact that I willingly chose to search for the good things buried deep in the depression and anger is pretty satisfying and amazing to my friends n family. Though I physically couldn't handle the stress of everything, I was fighting with all that I was to be mentally stable enough to deal with it-and I won the battle! No cutting, no over doing my amount of pills, no desperate crys for alil help. I did it all on my own and I'm proud to say that. For once in a very long time, I took control of the pain and twisted it so it didn't seem that bad instead of the worst thing possible ^-^
*sighs happily* I really am getting better...I've been working so hard for the last year or so now to get better, to be were I am now...The pills have helped, yes, but they only stabilize my moods so that I could work on this self improvement of mine. And it's going so well...yes, I know, I still have a way to go, but you can't rush good progress!! xP
YNGBM moment 2: Well...I wasn't immune to the hurt during all this, ya know. I was still upset with no one to really turn to, I'd just managed to find things to look for when I started to loose my grip again. At one of these..."slipping" points, I was unfortunate enough to be messing with my hair-very angry with it for not working the way I wanted it to. Already sick of how things seemed out of my control-I took my moms sewing scissors to my hair. Yes, gasp all you want-I cut my hair. BUT! Before you think too drastically, I only made my layers...more defined.
At first, after the chopping was done, I was devastated by what I'd just finished. My hair has always been something I used to express myself; when I was depressed, I let it get real long to express my lack of concern for anything and everything-when I wanted to get away so desperately from everything I'd made for myself, I chopped 18 inches off my hair so that is was shoulder length-so on n so forth. Now, I apparently decided I needed to improve something old, so I cut my wavy, faded layers into drastic divisions. It didn't fit how I knew I'd feel at all after everything was settled, but I'd have to live with it cuz there was no way to fix what had been done. Thankfully, when I was much calmer, I managed to fix it into a style that I really love. In some ways I'm now grateful for what I'd done-my hair feels thinner now and it's something new that I think I needed. Something new that I could control anyway (yes, Mrs. C-you were right. I have control issues-I need to feel like I have a handle on things or I get lost, I get it! >.<')
YNGBM moment 3: Kiki came over Wednesday!! *claps wildly* Ok, so yea-you spent the night at her house a few days before then, big woop?? That is very true my overly apathetic audience, BUT! What makes it great is we actually did things!! We usually sit around arguing who's turn it is to pick what we do or watching things on the computer to ever really do anything constructive. When she first came over at about 1 or 2, it seemed very much like that's what we were going to do for the rest of the time she was over-instantly putting in Taken to watch (AMAZING MOVIE!! Rent it, watch it, love it, buy it!! xD) We finish the movie...then argue about who's turn it is to pick -_-' That's when it all turned around.
I eventually chose to go on a bike ride, so we went out-got our bikes around (I have a flat tire so I had to borrow my older sisters bike), headed up to 24, and just like that we were on the back road breaking off of the heavily trafficed 24 (after Kiki freaked out several times because of the Semi's >.< Sry about that buddy!) The day was cloudy and slightly humid, but there was a breeze that was absolutely divine and the scenery was just perfect-so needless to say it was very calming, especially after the last few weeks we'd just had. We ended up stopping at Bambi n Ice's house and they joined in on our bike ride for about another hour, all tranquility from before gone -_-' By the time Kiki n I said goodbye to the two and we were pulling into our driveway-3 hours had passed! My butt was killing me xD it sucked, don't laugh...teehees. ANYWAY!
We got on the computer to look at somethings in my documents for a split second, then headed back to the bedroom cuz Kiki wanted to work out (for some god forsaken reason >.<) So! *laughs manically* I put her through my work out regiment! Yes, you may have weights and a machine, my friends, but that doesn't beat persistence! :D We didn't even go through the entire routine-nor did she do as many reps as I did-and she got tired xD Lets just say we sat quietly and watched Jumper after that (another good movie, not as good as Taken, but still good)-which she fell asleep during anyway *shakes head* Tsk tsk, lady xP
Fast forward to the next day, and you have Kiki n I back at the pond-laying out tanning. In our eyes, that is something productive. Now, we don't do it to be cool or any of that jazz (otherwise we'd get the fake ass orange tans you get in a tanning bed to fit in with the rest of you out there), it's just nice to have a soft glow to your skin like that...especially when you're me and you're legs (typically concealed by pant legs) are paler than snow. They look better now, but for some reason they just never want to tan! *shakes fist at the cruel joke fate has played* After a good...god, I don't even know how long we laid there flipping back n forth from front to back like friggin pancakes, but afterwards we waded into the pond n started to haul out seaweed weed with the ho's my sisters left in the gazebo. Yes, from several summers of no one swimming in it, the seaweed population in our pond has gotten out of control. So, slowly we've managed to pull out a good majority of it in the shallow end-greatly finished off by Kiki and my's work! ^-^
THAT was our eventful time with eachother :D Which I do have to admit was the most fun I've had in awhile, so the pain right now is so totally worth it, lol.
Well, those my YNGBM moments for now...I may have more later, I don't know-just wait n see. God! Stop being so pushy xP We just went to a family reunion Saturday and I had a friggin blast, but no YNGBM happenings...I was attacked alot by sisters as well as OTHER family members *glowers at them all as I tend to my bruises n headache* but no shocking moments. So, I end my entry here. Sayonara y'all!! *waves, scurrying off to work on some art* Peace