[Fanfiction]the GazettE-Reason-Chapter 1

[inuoloz]

Title: Reason
Chapters: 1/?
Author: inuoloz [Oloz-san]
Genre: Action/Serious [if that's a genre]/Angst
Warnings: Gore, Violence, Smut, Death, Language, Sexy men
Rating: NC-16 [for this chapter] R [for series, just to be safe]
Characters: [main] Ruki, Uruha, Reita [sub] Aoi
Pairings: RukiXReita, UruhaXReita, ReitaXUruha
Disclaimer: There's a reason why

Comments

[neonberries]

Wonderful, darling! Like I said, yes I would comment :3 Oh teh PLOVE. But what's with referring to them by hair color?...and drunk Uruha XD

[inuoloz]

Referring to them by there hair color lets me tell the reader who it is I'm talking about without overusing their names or "he"....I love drunk Uruha too X3

[neonberries]

Ed-Sama here. I likey :3 ♥♥PLOVE♥♥

[inuoloz]

Thank you! *grins stupidly*

[xenocia]

So far I'm really enjoying your dynamic and the flow of the story progression. In particular, I liked Reita's inner monologue in the prologue. You've got some really good concepts and imagery floating about :)

That said, you do have a few tense inconsistencies and a couple word choices that could be changed to help your writing flow better.

Um...I don't have too many specific examples because I enjoy editing in Word to keep track of my thoughts, but here are two of the first ones I noticed.

He must’ve gotten in a dare with Aoi again.
While this sentence works, it would probably flow better if you said "caught in a dare" or something like that to help bring the action across. It's really a matter of preference though. What you have currently works just fine.

Moving out of the doorway so that Aoi can safely pass through without banging Uruha’s head, Ruki moved over to the couch, preparing the furnishing like a bed.Instead of using "can" in that sentence, it should probably be "could" to match the tense of the rest of the story

[inuoloz]

Thank you so much for your analysis! I knew that that one sentence with Ruki preparing the couch was odd...but couldn't figure it out, haha! I've also spotted several other "air bubbles" as I was reading though it again...and again. But thank you so much!

[bauci]

Intriguing.
I do hope there will be some Uruha/Reita :333

[inuoloz]

Perhaps...*shifty eyes...then hides description* You didn't see anything...

[dream_of_kawaii]

Great chapter. I’m hoping for some Ruki/Reita, lol. X3 I like fiction that doesn’t have an obvious set pairing. ^^

To be honest at the start of this chapter I was a little worried. Ruki seemed too harsh to like and Uruha too silly (granted, he was drunk lol) but you really pulled it around. ^^

I love how your making Ruki’s character… he’s so rough around the edges. Everything he does seems harsh or malicious but actually he’s a real sweetie. I mean he did ask for Uruha’s favourite snack and helped Reita, lol. xP

Reita is already intriguing. I am so looking forward to the next chapter! I’m craving it. ;P

[inuoloz]

To be honest...I didn't really plan out Ruki's character. It's more "intuitive" with him. I kinda play it by ear, but his "I'm an individual" kind of attitude strikes me; I think that's why I made him so loud X3. Thanks for commenting and there will be more on the way...once my classwork's finished X3