inuyasha crackfic || the negotiation line;
crackfic written for inucomedyclub . there was an original but im too lazy to copy and paste it from microsoft werd.
characters: inuyasha, sesshoumaru
rating: PG-13
"But I hate you," Inuyasha said, eyes skeptical at the proposition.
"That's not," Sesshoumaru answered, "mutually exclusive."
There was silence in the room against the radio scratch. "...But I hate you."
The two exchanged flat stares.
Inuyasha had access to the backyard. Sesshoumaru was a princess, and had claimed the most princessly room: one that looked on the lovely expanse of the sidewalk. It was the perfect setting for a young beautiful maiden to look upon all the perfect world at dawn.
However, having a front window was risky. Looking for escape, he appropriated use of his little brother's window, and the rest, as they say, was history.
"Why the fuck are you dressed like that?" Inuyasha scoffed, jumping onto the flowerbeds.
"Style, little brother," Sesshoumaru said, touching his shirt as though it was made of butterflies, "Something you are ignorant of."
"Oh, excuse me, I've never been a beautiful milk maid like you, so I wouldn't know."
Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha blankly- then tugged on the blanket rope Inuyasha had fashioned. It came tumbling down, chuckling evilly as it fell- maybe Inuyasha was imagining that last part, but in any case he shoved Sesshoumaru out of the way...
"YOU FUCKING HOOKER!" Inuyasha yelled, gazing upon his dead blanket and whirling around to Sesshoumaru-
Who swiftly pressed his hand over Inuyasha's mouth- flash of lightning gold- throat to throat, inches away-
Inuyasha looked toward the audience. "OH MY GOD," he groaned in dismay, "You sick fucks thought this was going to be incest!"
"Nevermind that." Sesshoumaru manuevered out of the precarious fanservice position and lit a cigarette. "Good bye."
"Good bye!? What the Hell?! I can't fucking get up into my room! Who the fuck do you think I am, Spiderman?! You were the one who said you wanted backup!" Inuyasha yelled, as Sesshoumaru took a drag, looking fabulous, "You fucking prostitute! This is what I fuckin' get for bein' nice- Imma tell Dad! See ya in Hell, sucker!"
A heavy pause ensued. Sesshoumaru looked over him placidly. Smoke like vines curled around him, the moon was full overhead...
"No uuuuuu," Sesshoumaru replied, and started toward the gate.
Inuyasha's brain cracked. Sesshoumaru? Using chatspeak? What?
Sesshoumaru's retreating form gave no answers. "Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse," Inuyasha grumbled; shoved his hands into his pockets and headed to the nearest 7-11 to get himself a coke slurpee.