July 2009 Week 3
Title:How It Could Have Been; ch 65, Lament for Izayoi
Author:petalears
Universe:AU
Rating:PG
Summary: Days after a mother's death.
Quote:Nature's first green is gold,/Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower/But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf./So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day./Nothing Gold can stay. - Robert Frost
Lament for Izayoi
Inuyasha kept watch over his mother’s mortal remains. Of course he didn’t describe her that way to himself, but he couldn’t call her Mama anymore. This shell no longer held his Mama’s laughing, loving spirit and he hardly recognised the cold lifeless body as the same one who the night before had held him against her warm heart. He didn’t even recognise her face very well, and for the first time he noticed the signs of aging; he’d never seen her as any different while she’d been alive. She had always been Mama.
Now he knew, because he’d been told, that her whitening hair was not because she was turning Inu, but that she was getting older for a human. Now he could see that her skin was wrinkled and he could remember if he thought back hard enough, when her flesh was as firm as any youkai he knew. None of it mattered however and although these new found truths were trying to tell him something else, something sinister, he didn’t want to think on them, so pushed them to the back of his mind. It wasn’t difficult to do with the body of his mother lying in front of him and her last words echoing in his brain.
Inuyasha wasn’t alone in his vigil, Sesshoumaru stood silently in the shadows; he too was shocked, as he remembered the lively young girl who had given birth to his brother. He remembered with greater clarity however and even though he had seen her as she aged, noting the changes in a way that her son had not, this shell was not Izayoi as he knew her. Sesshoumaru had come to stand with Inuyasha and offer him support; he’d overheard his parents speaking about their concerns in how to comfort Inuyasha.
Neither Inu no Taishou nor his Lady had dealt with the death from old age of loved ones, their parents still lived; youkai rarely died unless it was violently and that hadn’t happened recently under the general’s rule, at least not at the Palace. It was true that neither set of grandparents were seen much anymore, as they generally preferred to keep out of society at their ages; but they were all around if their offspring ever needed guidance still. Inu no Taishou felt despondent that he could not empathise with his pup over this; he could sympathise, but it was not quite the same.
But there was one youkai close by who did know the pain of losing a parent; for however brief a time, Sesshoumaru had known that agonising pain deep in his soul, and he could feel the same pain within Inuyasha’s youkai. Sesshoumaru made his presence known to his parents and waited to speak; the words would be difficult, revealing more than he had ever meant to do again.
"Papa...I understand a bit of what he will suffer; he already is, his youkai knows what is happening to Izayoi..."
"You understand...I don’t know how..." Inu no Taishou began to say and then he remembered what his mate had told him about his sons’ reactions at the time of Inuyasha’s birth and how proud she was of their eldest, who despite his fear and misery, accepted regency of the West at his young age. And of course the reason the boys’ bond was so strong now was because of their shared trauma at the time.
"Of course, My Sesshoumaru; I do know you have been through some of the same. You will be ideal to stay close to Inuyasha for a while; I fear he will not want either of us at the moment." Inu no Taishou said gratefully and knowing full well that when his mother passed, the last thing Inuyasha would be was youkai reasonable. Sesshoumaru too was very grateful that his father was quick on the uptake, he didn’t like to speak so openly of a time his youthful pride found embarrassing. But when he reached the farm he found that Inuyasha didn’t want to see anyone from the Palace, not even his beloved Shu.
Inuyasha was afraid that he would be taken away to become his Aunt’s son immediately and would never see his human family again. The boy was upset and confused as he rudely pushed his brother and ran to where his mother’s body lay. Thankfully Sesshoumaru was older and wiser now, he could tell that Inuyasha was grieving and Yori came to speak with him, thanking him for coming and asking him to help their brother. Inuyasha was getting angry in his sadness, similar to the youkai way, but dangerous for the young hanyou.
Sesshoumaru assured Yori that Inuyasha would not lose himself to his youkai because his father had made provision for the pup’s safety. He told Yori that he was not as liberty to say what had been done, but to trust Inu no Taishou where it concerned his son. Yori was no fool and bowed to the Prince, knowing now that Inuyasha wouldn’t be in danger, even though he was bottling up as he did after Hanako’s death. When Sesshoumaru followed Inuyasha into the room where he stood silently, the pup didn’t acknowledge him, but he didn’t tell him to leave either.
The older brother could tell that tears had been shed, but not many; in fact Inuyasha was outwardly calm, but inside his youkai was in turmoil and it called to his brother, not knowing what to do. It could not take over the hanyou because of Tessaiga, but Sesshoumaru could still feel the pull and cautiously raised his own youki to calm him down. Inuyasha was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realise that his brother was calming his inner turmoil. He stood while everyone else came and went, never removing his often unseeing eyes from Izayoi.
Finally Inuyasha fell asleep where he stood and didn’t realise that he was caught from hitting the floor by Sesshoumaru’s tail. The youkai then used it to create a soft bed and cover for the boy as he’d used to do regularly when his brother was much younger. Inu no Taishou found them this way when he came in to see how Inuyasha was faring; then he sighed as he viewed Izayoi and spoke softly, lamenting how quickly human life changed. He remembered as he spoke with Sesshoumaru, the lovely girl and how careful and protective she was always over her small son.
Sesshoumaru admitted to being surprised at how quickly her beauty had faded and how transient was her strength. He was genuinely puzzled at how humans could accomplish anything when they spent their brief lives like a burning candle, shining brilliantly for such a short time. He said that it was strange to him to speak with Yori, whom he used to look after, and now who seemed more like his grandfather when they spoke. In fact his father could tell that Sesshoumaru was quite shaken, he hadn’t yet come face to face with the true death of someone he knew very well either.
It was a good sign for the father of the proud youth; Inu no Taishou often worried privately about the boy’s embryonic feeling of compassion for others not as well blessed as him. So he decided a lesson was in order to reinforce the new empathy in Sesshoumaru and he reminded him that Inuyasha would need a lot of understanding in the days to come, and not just because he had lost his mother; there was the rest of his little brother’s family to consider. The older brother shuddered and once again was thankful that he was superior to Inuyasha and had no human taint in his own blood; not that he voiced that to his father, it would not be appropriate at the moment.
Further discussion was stopped in any case by a small snarling yawn from Inuyasha whose brief respite of unconsciousness had left him. He came round to the certainty once more that his whole world had been drastically changed. Inuyasha realised that his father was with him and with a wail he flew at Inu no Taishou, who leaned down to pick up and comfort his distraught son while Sesshoumaru crept out leaving the pair. He was uncomfortable with this particular grief, as for some strange reason it brought back to him the sheer and utter misery of the minutes when he believed his father was dead, making a lump come to his throat.
Even worse was that Sesshoumaru knew that Inuyasha was still not balanced in his mind and body; his youkai was straining against Tessaiga’s influence. There was no way that the pup could tap into the full power of his youki with the restraint, but it made Sesshoumaru very aware of the bond with his brother and he longed to help, but he wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t do anything at the moment anyway, Inuyasha was with his father and then he stood with the rest of his family for the funeral.
Inuyasha was very quiet and composed during the funeral, managing to hide amongst the crowd of family and friends who had come to pay their final respects. By doing this everyone thought that he was with someone else, and he was able to sneak away with no one seeing him...or so he thought. He wandered a long way off into the forest; far beyond his bounds and if he’d been thinking straight or cared at the moment, he would have known he could have been in danger and therefore serious trouble. But there was no escaping his bonded brother, who faithfully followed the younger because his own youkai would allow nothing else when it could feel the disturbed aura so easily.
Inuyasha was in pain; his chest hurt and he could hardly breathe and he had a pounding headache. He just wanted to find somewhere cool and peaceful, away from the dreadful fire that took the remains of his mother someplace that he couldn’t go. There were no tears left in him and he felt estranged from the rest of his human family who still wept; he felt worse than he had when Hanako died and yet seemed to grieve less. Yet part of him wanted to scream at the top of his voice, but that would not be seemly for a young prince, even for his beloved Mama, who would have told him he was being too noisy.
He didn’t realise that his breath was coming in heavy pants or that he was on the verge of panic. The obvious sound of hyperventilation reached Sesshoumaru, who approached the small hanyou that had collapsed onto the ground, his forehead in the cool vegetation trying to find some relief from his thudding pain. The older brother scooped up the younger and sat him comfortably in his lap and placed his cool hand on Inuyasha’s brow applying gentle pressure which caused the pup instant relief.
"Tears haven’t eased your pain have they Inuyasha?"
"Shu...? It hurts a lot." The pup moaned.
"I know...it is your youkai...he needs to let out his pain also."
"What do you mean...I can’t shout or let out my youkai, Papa would be cross with me?" Inuyasha whispered and Sesshoumaru knew the boy was confused; it was different for the mixed blooded pup, half human instincts warred with half youkai ones. But neither was out of place and could blend, the problem was that Inuyasha wasn’t allowing his all of his instincts to follow their natural course and this was curbing his youkai which was protesting.
"If I tell you something secret, can I...no, I know you won’t tell anyone."
"I won’t say nothing, Shu." Inuyasha hiccupped.
"The night you were born...I know you know what happened now, but you still don’t know everything and you won’t remember. But maybe your youkai will, a bit." He mused, as Inuyasha leaned back into his brother’s shoulder.
"I know our youkai bonded when I was born."
"That night, when I thought Papa had died...I howled...really howled, my youkai was so upset. You had just been given to me while your Mama kept a barrier up. I didn’t know he was still alive and I was so alone and afraid. Then you heard me and started to howl with me; you gave a mourning howl for a father you didn’t know, but we were already becoming bonded."
"I don’t understand Shu, what’s a mourning howl?"
"It is the way our youkai deal with the death of someone we love and yours wants to howl. Your youkai is instinctive and it is causing your pain; it is in our nature to howl, do you not feel it?" The elder brother asked gently and saw Inuyasha nod his head, but the pup wasn’t sure how, or if it were proper for him to do. "If you don’t the hurt won’t go away. I’ll stay with you if you want." Sesshoumaru encouraged Inuyasha to lift his head up high with his hand and then growled in a low tone calling directly to the pup’s youkai.
It didn’t take long for Inuyasha to howl and Sesshoumaru joined him, just as it had been at the time of the boy’s birth, the young youkai could honestly say that he missed the kind human who had always shown him understanding in those early days. Sesshoumaru noticed a pair of golden glowing eyes watching them from the forest when the howls had ended and his little brother had given in to sleep, his pain reduced although not completely gone.
Sesshoumaru looked intently at the owner of the eyes, who was whining in sympathy with the mourning howl. She had been drawn out of the forest to search out the puppy that had been grieving, but saw that he was not alone. But she couldn’t just leave until she’d made sure he was alright, hiding behind a bush where she couldn’t be seen by the strange creatures that were not the same sort of pups as she. The older one was dangerous, she knew, but he cared for the little one and she crept out, approaching them.
Sesshoumaru didn’t permit her to come too close but he was not unkind and spoke to her in Inu, knowing she would understand;
"Go home Little Bitch, go back to your master."
"Bitch has no owner."
"Leave us, Pup is well. Alpha brother cares for Pup. Go home." Sesshoumaru watched as the gangly near grown bitch bowed her head to him, acknowledging his status before vanishing once more into the undergrowth. The bitch was no threat to either of them, but who knows what sort of unsavoury things she might be harbouring; Sesshoumaru was glad Inuyasha was asleep or his animal loving brother might have wanted to make friends with her.
Other golden eyes also watched the brothers, but they didn’t remain hidden either as the Lord and Lady of the West approached. His father lifted the exhausted younger pup into his arms and Sesshoumaru walked sombrely with his mother as they all made their way back to the farm. It would be up to Inuyasha to decide if he wanted to stay with part of his human family, or to go with his father; Makoto was going to stay with Chouko for a while so no one would be at the farm.
Inuyasha decided to stay for one week with each of his siblings in their homes before going back to the Palace where he would live in future. The farm would be looked after by various relatives during the times that Makoto was with his children and of course Inuyasha would visit them all just as he had done before. They would have to see how things worked out and play it by ear as no one knew how Inuyasha would settle. It turned out to be for the best, and two weeks later Inuyasha spent his first human night sandwiched between Sora and his wife. But then when lives started to return to the mundane, Inuyasha returned to the Palace.
For the first few days he was hardly seen by anyone except Sesshoumaru with whom he shared a room for the time being. The older prince was willing to share his feelings and how his youkai reacted to his father’s near death and Inuyasha took full advantage of learning more about his youkai heritage. The crippling hold of his own youkai had eased now, the howl had worked to appease his internal being, but it had also freed his more instinctive behaviour. His youkai didn’t really like to be muffled and relished any chance to exercise his restraints.
Inu no Taishou allowed this for a while, it would help Inuyasha put his mother’s death into perspective and with both of his Alphas close by, it wouldn’t get out of hand. But Inuyasha had changed; the death of Izayoi had shocked him to the core and the boy would never be the same again. This was of course understood and everyone was very understanding; or at least as much as they could be. Youkai grieved differently to humans, their emotion was usually more intense, even destructive, but then it was over.
They didn’t forget the loved one and the pain remained, but buried deep; only to be remembered vividly, as and when they could afford the time to relive it afresh. Life had to carry on; and their lives were so long lived without their loved one, whereas humans often suffered for longer even to the point of wasting their shorter lives away. Inuyasha was caught between the two, part of him wanted to hide away his intense feelings and yet it was too soon and his grief was both expressive and angry.
Author:petalears
Universe:AU
Rating:PG
Summary: Days after a mother's death.
Quote:Nature's first green is gold,/Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower/But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf./So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day./Nothing Gold can stay. - Robert Frost
Lament for Izayoi
Inuyasha kept watch over his mother’s mortal remains. Of course he didn’t describe her that way to himself, but he couldn’t call her Mama anymore. This shell no longer held his Mama’s laughing, loving spirit and he hardly recognised the cold lifeless body as the same one who the night before had held him against her warm heart. He didn’t even recognise her face very well, and for the first time he noticed the signs of aging; he’d never seen her as any different while she’d been alive. She had always been Mama.
Now he knew, because he’d been told, that her whitening hair was not because she was turning Inu, but that she was getting older for a human. Now he could see that her skin was wrinkled and he could remember if he thought back hard enough, when her flesh was as firm as any youkai he knew. None of it mattered however and although these new found truths were trying to tell him something else, something sinister, he didn’t want to think on them, so pushed them to the back of his mind. It wasn’t difficult to do with the body of his mother lying in front of him and her last words echoing in his brain.
Inuyasha wasn’t alone in his vigil, Sesshoumaru stood silently in the shadows; he too was shocked, as he remembered the lively young girl who had given birth to his brother. He remembered with greater clarity however and even though he had seen her as she aged, noting the changes in a way that her son had not, this shell was not Izayoi as he knew her. Sesshoumaru had come to stand with Inuyasha and offer him support; he’d overheard his parents speaking about their concerns in how to comfort Inuyasha.
Neither Inu no Taishou nor his Lady had dealt with the death from old age of loved ones, their parents still lived; youkai rarely died unless it was violently and that hadn’t happened recently under the general’s rule, at least not at the Palace. It was true that neither set of grandparents were seen much anymore, as they generally preferred to keep out of society at their ages; but they were all around if their offspring ever needed guidance still. Inu no Taishou felt despondent that he could not empathise with his pup over this; he could sympathise, but it was not quite the same.
But there was one youkai close by who did know the pain of losing a parent; for however brief a time, Sesshoumaru had known that agonising pain deep in his soul, and he could feel the same pain within Inuyasha’s youkai. Sesshoumaru made his presence known to his parents and waited to speak; the words would be difficult, revealing more than he had ever meant to do again.
"Papa...I understand a bit of what he will suffer; he already is, his youkai knows what is happening to Izayoi..."
"You understand...I don’t know how..." Inu no Taishou began to say and then he remembered what his mate had told him about his sons’ reactions at the time of Inuyasha’s birth and how proud she was of their eldest, who despite his fear and misery, accepted regency of the West at his young age. And of course the reason the boys’ bond was so strong now was because of their shared trauma at the time.
"Of course, My Sesshoumaru; I do know you have been through some of the same. You will be ideal to stay close to Inuyasha for a while; I fear he will not want either of us at the moment." Inu no Taishou said gratefully and knowing full well that when his mother passed, the last thing Inuyasha would be was youkai reasonable. Sesshoumaru too was very grateful that his father was quick on the uptake, he didn’t like to speak so openly of a time his youthful pride found embarrassing. But when he reached the farm he found that Inuyasha didn’t want to see anyone from the Palace, not even his beloved Shu.
Inuyasha was afraid that he would be taken away to become his Aunt’s son immediately and would never see his human family again. The boy was upset and confused as he rudely pushed his brother and ran to where his mother’s body lay. Thankfully Sesshoumaru was older and wiser now, he could tell that Inuyasha was grieving and Yori came to speak with him, thanking him for coming and asking him to help their brother. Inuyasha was getting angry in his sadness, similar to the youkai way, but dangerous for the young hanyou.
Sesshoumaru assured Yori that Inuyasha would not lose himself to his youkai because his father had made provision for the pup’s safety. He told Yori that he was not as liberty to say what had been done, but to trust Inu no Taishou where it concerned his son. Yori was no fool and bowed to the Prince, knowing now that Inuyasha wouldn’t be in danger, even though he was bottling up as he did after Hanako’s death. When Sesshoumaru followed Inuyasha into the room where he stood silently, the pup didn’t acknowledge him, but he didn’t tell him to leave either.
The older brother could tell that tears had been shed, but not many; in fact Inuyasha was outwardly calm, but inside his youkai was in turmoil and it called to his brother, not knowing what to do. It could not take over the hanyou because of Tessaiga, but Sesshoumaru could still feel the pull and cautiously raised his own youki to calm him down. Inuyasha was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realise that his brother was calming his inner turmoil. He stood while everyone else came and went, never removing his often unseeing eyes from Izayoi.
Finally Inuyasha fell asleep where he stood and didn’t realise that he was caught from hitting the floor by Sesshoumaru’s tail. The youkai then used it to create a soft bed and cover for the boy as he’d used to do regularly when his brother was much younger. Inu no Taishou found them this way when he came in to see how Inuyasha was faring; then he sighed as he viewed Izayoi and spoke softly, lamenting how quickly human life changed. He remembered as he spoke with Sesshoumaru, the lovely girl and how careful and protective she was always over her small son.
Sesshoumaru admitted to being surprised at how quickly her beauty had faded and how transient was her strength. He was genuinely puzzled at how humans could accomplish anything when they spent their brief lives like a burning candle, shining brilliantly for such a short time. He said that it was strange to him to speak with Yori, whom he used to look after, and now who seemed more like his grandfather when they spoke. In fact his father could tell that Sesshoumaru was quite shaken, he hadn’t yet come face to face with the true death of someone he knew very well either.
It was a good sign for the father of the proud youth; Inu no Taishou often worried privately about the boy’s embryonic feeling of compassion for others not as well blessed as him. So he decided a lesson was in order to reinforce the new empathy in Sesshoumaru and he reminded him that Inuyasha would need a lot of understanding in the days to come, and not just because he had lost his mother; there was the rest of his little brother’s family to consider. The older brother shuddered and once again was thankful that he was superior to Inuyasha and had no human taint in his own blood; not that he voiced that to his father, it would not be appropriate at the moment.
Further discussion was stopped in any case by a small snarling yawn from Inuyasha whose brief respite of unconsciousness had left him. He came round to the certainty once more that his whole world had been drastically changed. Inuyasha realised that his father was with him and with a wail he flew at Inu no Taishou, who leaned down to pick up and comfort his distraught son while Sesshoumaru crept out leaving the pair. He was uncomfortable with this particular grief, as for some strange reason it brought back to him the sheer and utter misery of the minutes when he believed his father was dead, making a lump come to his throat.
Even worse was that Sesshoumaru knew that Inuyasha was still not balanced in his mind and body; his youkai was straining against Tessaiga’s influence. There was no way that the pup could tap into the full power of his youki with the restraint, but it made Sesshoumaru very aware of the bond with his brother and he longed to help, but he wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t do anything at the moment anyway, Inuyasha was with his father and then he stood with the rest of his family for the funeral.
Inuyasha was very quiet and composed during the funeral, managing to hide amongst the crowd of family and friends who had come to pay their final respects. By doing this everyone thought that he was with someone else, and he was able to sneak away with no one seeing him...or so he thought. He wandered a long way off into the forest; far beyond his bounds and if he’d been thinking straight or cared at the moment, he would have known he could have been in danger and therefore serious trouble. But there was no escaping his bonded brother, who faithfully followed the younger because his own youkai would allow nothing else when it could feel the disturbed aura so easily.
Inuyasha was in pain; his chest hurt and he could hardly breathe and he had a pounding headache. He just wanted to find somewhere cool and peaceful, away from the dreadful fire that took the remains of his mother someplace that he couldn’t go. There were no tears left in him and he felt estranged from the rest of his human family who still wept; he felt worse than he had when Hanako died and yet seemed to grieve less. Yet part of him wanted to scream at the top of his voice, but that would not be seemly for a young prince, even for his beloved Mama, who would have told him he was being too noisy.
He didn’t realise that his breath was coming in heavy pants or that he was on the verge of panic. The obvious sound of hyperventilation reached Sesshoumaru, who approached the small hanyou that had collapsed onto the ground, his forehead in the cool vegetation trying to find some relief from his thudding pain. The older brother scooped up the younger and sat him comfortably in his lap and placed his cool hand on Inuyasha’s brow applying gentle pressure which caused the pup instant relief.
"Tears haven’t eased your pain have they Inuyasha?"
"Shu...? It hurts a lot." The pup moaned.
"I know...it is your youkai...he needs to let out his pain also."
"What do you mean...I can’t shout or let out my youkai, Papa would be cross with me?" Inuyasha whispered and Sesshoumaru knew the boy was confused; it was different for the mixed blooded pup, half human instincts warred with half youkai ones. But neither was out of place and could blend, the problem was that Inuyasha wasn’t allowing his all of his instincts to follow their natural course and this was curbing his youkai which was protesting.
"If I tell you something secret, can I...no, I know you won’t tell anyone."
"I won’t say nothing, Shu." Inuyasha hiccupped.
"The night you were born...I know you know what happened now, but you still don’t know everything and you won’t remember. But maybe your youkai will, a bit." He mused, as Inuyasha leaned back into his brother’s shoulder.
"I know our youkai bonded when I was born."
"That night, when I thought Papa had died...I howled...really howled, my youkai was so upset. You had just been given to me while your Mama kept a barrier up. I didn’t know he was still alive and I was so alone and afraid. Then you heard me and started to howl with me; you gave a mourning howl for a father you didn’t know, but we were already becoming bonded."
"I don’t understand Shu, what’s a mourning howl?"
"It is the way our youkai deal with the death of someone we love and yours wants to howl. Your youkai is instinctive and it is causing your pain; it is in our nature to howl, do you not feel it?" The elder brother asked gently and saw Inuyasha nod his head, but the pup wasn’t sure how, or if it were proper for him to do. "If you don’t the hurt won’t go away. I’ll stay with you if you want." Sesshoumaru encouraged Inuyasha to lift his head up high with his hand and then growled in a low tone calling directly to the pup’s youkai.
It didn’t take long for Inuyasha to howl and Sesshoumaru joined him, just as it had been at the time of the boy’s birth, the young youkai could honestly say that he missed the kind human who had always shown him understanding in those early days. Sesshoumaru noticed a pair of golden glowing eyes watching them from the forest when the howls had ended and his little brother had given in to sleep, his pain reduced although not completely gone.
Sesshoumaru looked intently at the owner of the eyes, who was whining in sympathy with the mourning howl. She had been drawn out of the forest to search out the puppy that had been grieving, but saw that he was not alone. But she couldn’t just leave until she’d made sure he was alright, hiding behind a bush where she couldn’t be seen by the strange creatures that were not the same sort of pups as she. The older one was dangerous, she knew, but he cared for the little one and she crept out, approaching them.
Sesshoumaru didn’t permit her to come too close but he was not unkind and spoke to her in Inu, knowing she would understand;
"Go home Little Bitch, go back to your master."
"Bitch has no owner."
"Leave us, Pup is well. Alpha brother cares for Pup. Go home." Sesshoumaru watched as the gangly near grown bitch bowed her head to him, acknowledging his status before vanishing once more into the undergrowth. The bitch was no threat to either of them, but who knows what sort of unsavoury things she might be harbouring; Sesshoumaru was glad Inuyasha was asleep or his animal loving brother might have wanted to make friends with her.
Other golden eyes also watched the brothers, but they didn’t remain hidden either as the Lord and Lady of the West approached. His father lifted the exhausted younger pup into his arms and Sesshoumaru walked sombrely with his mother as they all made their way back to the farm. It would be up to Inuyasha to decide if he wanted to stay with part of his human family, or to go with his father; Makoto was going to stay with Chouko for a while so no one would be at the farm.
Inuyasha decided to stay for one week with each of his siblings in their homes before going back to the Palace where he would live in future. The farm would be looked after by various relatives during the times that Makoto was with his children and of course Inuyasha would visit them all just as he had done before. They would have to see how things worked out and play it by ear as no one knew how Inuyasha would settle. It turned out to be for the best, and two weeks later Inuyasha spent his first human night sandwiched between Sora and his wife. But then when lives started to return to the mundane, Inuyasha returned to the Palace.
For the first few days he was hardly seen by anyone except Sesshoumaru with whom he shared a room for the time being. The older prince was willing to share his feelings and how his youkai reacted to his father’s near death and Inuyasha took full advantage of learning more about his youkai heritage. The crippling hold of his own youkai had eased now, the howl had worked to appease his internal being, but it had also freed his more instinctive behaviour. His youkai didn’t really like to be muffled and relished any chance to exercise his restraints.
Inu no Taishou allowed this for a while, it would help Inuyasha put his mother’s death into perspective and with both of his Alphas close by, it wouldn’t get out of hand. But Inuyasha had changed; the death of Izayoi had shocked him to the core and the boy would never be the same again. This was of course understood and everyone was very understanding; or at least as much as they could be. Youkai grieved differently to humans, their emotion was usually more intense, even destructive, but then it was over.
They didn’t forget the loved one and the pain remained, but buried deep; only to be remembered vividly, as and when they could afford the time to relive it afresh. Life had to carry on; and their lives were so long lived without their loved one, whereas humans often suffered for longer even to the point of wasting their shorter lives away. Inuyasha was caught between the two, part of him wanted to hide away his intense feelings and yet it was too soon and his grief was both expressive and angry.