Broken Bonds and Healing Balms -- Oneshot
Title: Broken Bonds and Healing Balms
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: invisiblehabits
Genre: Angst/Light romance
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Malexmale sexual interaction, language, violence, mentions of rape
Pairings: Tora/Aki, Kenzo/Aki
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t know. Won’t make money unless you feel like paying me to read.
Summary: “Isn’t that what you want?” came the reply, colder than Tora normally spoke to him and Aki snapped his eyes open. “Pain gets you off, right?”
Comments: Dearest Chriss, I do realise my timing fails as it is now at least three hours past your birthday (four in Sweden) and you have already gone to bed. But with this I am wishing you a belated Happy Birthday! I don’t really know where this came from, but I’m hoping it turned out and that you will like it, because I love you little tall one and I am very happy I got to know you! So yes, Happy Belated Birthday koboshi_ichigo!! ♥
Kenzo carefully dabbed at blood and sweat, trying not to upset the wound further while still trying to see how badly the eyebrow stud had ripped. Aki had gotten rid off so many piercings already, little pieces of silver Kenzo secretly loved, it would be a shame if he had to loose another one unwillingly because of Tora. Tora, the name left a bad taste in Kenzo’s mind just from thinking it.
“I’ll kill him, I swear to fucking god I’ll kill him,” he mumbled and tried to keep angry tears at bay when Aki shook his head nervously, looked up at him with pleading eyes. “This is wrong Aki!”
“I asked him to, remember?” the older said, trying to reason the unreasonable. “He wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”
“You asked for pain, yes,” Kenzo hissed, fury boiling hotter by the syllable. “This is fucking abuse! Don’t try to tell me this is what you wanted, I know it’s not!”
It was true and as much as Aki wanted to deny it, as much as he wanted to defend Tora and say Kenzo was wrong, he wasn’t about to lie to his best friend in the face. He needed Kenzo, needed someone who’s arms he could flee into when things got too bad and the need for comfort, the kind of comfort Tora rarely offered anymore, became too great.
“Just please hold me,” he begged weakly, admitting loneliness if not betrayal. “Let me sleep here tonight?”
Kenzo didn’t know if he ought to laugh or cry, hug or hit the older, his best friend, the friend he was forced to see slowly destroying himself by someone else’s hand and temper. He’d tried to get help, but with Aki not talking and Tora being known for being slightly goofy, open and fun, perhaps a tad bit protective at times, no one believed him.
“I wish you’d spend every night here,” he mumbled half under his breath as he helped Aki up and into his bedroom. Aki slid into an oversized t-shirt, tugging it down in a futile attempt to hide his bruised thighs before slipping between the covers, out of view. Kenzo followed, kept his boxers on on previous requests from Aki and pulled the older close, hoping against hope to shield him from the nightmares he knew would be there. “Anything to keep you away from him... You’re safe here.”
“Let’s just sleep, okay?”
And Aki did, but Kenzo stayed awake for hours, unable to succumb to rest when he knew come morning Aki would get up and go back.
- - -
“Tora please,” Aki whimpered and cowered in the corner behind the bed. He had nowhere to go and with the tall guitarist looming over him he was beginning to feel fear in earnest. “Please, no more, it hurts...”
Tora crouched in front of him and there was that slight shade of pique in his eyes that tore at Aki’s heart almost as bad as the lack of trust between them these days did. “Well that’s what you want, is it not?”
“Not like this,” he whispered, trying to draw strength and courage from Kenzo’s constant pleas he get out even when the younger wasn’t there.
“Don’t ask for what you can’t handle,” came the cold reply, accompanied by an open handed slap to already stinging cheeks as he was hauled up and tossed back onto the bed.
Aki wept. He didn’t mean to, but as he heard Tora’s clothes hit the floor, as the bed dipped and the pants he’d tried to put on were torn off once more, he felt tears sting his eyes and he wondered just how things came to this.
- - -
“Tell me what to do.”
Aki looked up from his newspaper, slightly startled out of their usual morning silence and more than a little puzzled. Tora looked dead serious where he sat across the table, seemingly uninterested in the cultural pages he’d been handed. Just looking at him like that, stern and determined, probably wouldn’t take no for an answer should he did try to dodge the question, had excited shivers going up and down his spine at an alarming pace.
“What do you mean?” he asked and took a big gulp from his green tea to try and disguise his sudden incipient arousal.
“I mean,” Tora leaned his forward a bit, placed his elbows on the table and looked Aki straight in the eye, “we’ve been getting together for eight months now, and clearly something’s lacking in bed.”
He ended up choking on the second sip of tea. “What?! How did you- I mean...no.”
Tora just raised an eyebrow in that infuriating way of his and Aki all but blushed. There was nothing wrong with their sex life, definitely not, and he’d been convinced Tora hadn’t noticed anything. Clearly he’d underestimated the older’s perceptive abilities.
“There’s nothing wrong with our sex,” he tried to elaborate. “It’s not like you don’t make me come!”
“But?”
Should it feel awkward to talk about such things? Probably yes and no. They were both grown men, when you were approaching thirty it somehow seemed like you were supposed to be able to talk about sex with your boyfriend. But truth was they’d never actually stated that they were boyfriends, and they’d only been seeing each other for eight months, and... Well eight months might sound like a long time, but right now Aki desperately wished he’d been given more time to figure out just how to tell Tora what was wrong. Or on his mind, whatever it was supposed to be called.
“Aki, please talk to me.” Tora drew his attention and Aki realised he’d dropped eye contact. Way to prove Tora was actually correct in his assumptions. “What are you not telling me?”
Somehow this was one of those things you were supposed to tell from the start, he knew that and yet he’d never bothered to actually spit it out before now. He’d never meant to end up in bed with Tora, Tora was Pon’s band mate and that sort of put him on the hands off list. But alcohol and boredom had conspired against him and one morning he woke up next to Tora, thoroughly satisfied and not really minding the arm tightening protectively around him when he tried to move. There was not one part of his body Tora hadn’t paid attention to the night before and Aki was still practically tingling in his most sensitive spots.
It was only later, as months passed by, he began to miss other things.
“I...” Swallowing hard he decided that yes, he would be honest, Tora had already figured out something was off after all. “I like pain, Tora.”
“Pain? You mean like...actual pain? In bed?” He seemed just on the brink of understanding, almost as if he did understand but didn’t want to fully accept it and Aki wondered if this was when it all crashed and burned.
“I’m a masochist,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady and managed remarkably well. It wasn’t like he was ashamed of the fact, at least not very often, but he knew a lot of people had a hard time accepting and understanding it. “So yes, I like actual pain in bed.”
For several minutes they just sat there, silently with eyes locked. Aki was nervous, more so than he’d normally be when telling someone his preferences, but truth was he cared about Tora. He might even go as far as saying he’d fallen for him, and that was rare. It also meant he really didn’t want to lose him, but now it was said and out in the open and there was nothing he could do but hope for the best. Unfortunately Tora was not really the type to inflict pain during sex. He’d go rough yes, it was part of the reason Aki hadn’t complained so far, but bruising grips and hard thrusts was still a huge step down from where Aki normally went.
“I...think I need some time to process this,” Tora finally said and Aki felt his shoulders sag. A small but sharp stab in his chest told him that yes, he was most likely in love with Tora and the rejection hurt. “I’m sorry Aki but I think it’s best if you went home.”
Licking his lips he nodded before standing up, trying to smile reassuringly even when it probably wasn’t he should offer comfort. Most likely he failed too. “Sure, I get it. Call me when you.... When you’ve figured it out and know what you want to do.”
Turning went to put on his shoes, not bothering to change out of the sweats and comfy shirt he wore. If this was the end of his relationship with Tora he’d need to come back at another time to gather up all the random items he’d spread across the older’s apartment anyway. Just as he was about to exit the apartment however, Tora grabbed his wrist from behind.
“Hey,” he pulled Aki into a hug, held him close and offered the comfort Aki really needed right then. Leaning back slightly he cupped Aki’s face, pulled his thumbs softly over his cheekbones. “I’m sorry okay? This...it’s not what I expected. I just need some time to think, okay?”
“Yeah, I get it.” The smile was a bit more genuine this time and Aki placed a hand in the bend of Tora’s arm. “Call me.”
He dared to reach up and place a chaste kiss on Tora’s lips before slipping out the door with a final smile, hope burning a bit brighter than before in his chest.
- - -
It took almost two weeks for Tora to pick up the phone, but when he did it was with a request of Aki coming over. Aki didn’t know whether to be relieved or nervous, still in the dark as to what Tora’s final decision would be. The minute he stepped through the door he was grabbed and thrown against the wall none too gently, pale eyes meeting his questioningly as he gasped in surprise and slight pain from the rough impact, wrists pinned to the wall on either side of his head.
“Is this what you want?” Tora asked, a tint to his voice that could be dark but also sad, Aki didn’t know which. He definitely knew Tora was out of his element and not completely comfortable though.
“Yes,” he whispered, licked his lips and watched pale eyes follow the movement of his tongue. “Pain and pleasure mix together for me.”
Not wanting to hear more, perhaps afraid to lose his nerve, Tora crushed their lips together, licked his way into Aki’s mouth before pulling back to bite into soft flesh. A shocked groan escaped Aki and he tried to arch against the warm body but was not allowed. Tora held him in place, bruising grip on wrists and hips pinning hips. Nervous or not he was doing a good job at dominating at least, but that he’d done before so.
They made it to the bed, clothes ripped off and possibly torn in a place or two, but once Aki landed on the bed, trembling with excitement and already more than half hard, Tora didn’t join him. He remained standing, clearly effected by the make out session himself, but the weird look was back in his eyes. Stronger this time, more obviously uncomfortable.
“Tora?” Aki didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to force the older to do something he was uncomfortable with, but at the same time his body was aching for the kind of release only brought by pain.
The bed dipped as Tora sat down with a sigh, shifted around and rested his weight on one arm. With the other he carefully stroke a knuckle over Aki’s brow, down the temple and cheekbone. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “Am I supposed to hit you or what?”
“Not hit,” Aki frowned slightly. “There’s too much humiliation in that. I like pain and to be dominated, but not humiliated.”
“So what do I do then?” Another shift and Tora was kneeling between his thighs, instinctively spread to make room. “I want to give you what you need, but you have to tell me how.”
Aki’s heart skipped a beat at that. Tora rarely displayed weakness or uncertainty and seeing it now made him feel special. “You are dominant by nature, just....take it further. Bite, scratch, bruise, those kind of things. Go rough, if that makes sense?”
Somehow It did, a little bit, and Tora nodded slowly. Leaning down he connected their lips, softly at first but before long he sucked the lower lip into his mouth and bit down. Harder than before, drawing blood even and he was just about to pull back when Aki moaned and hooked his legs around strong hips, pulled him closer. The fact he was hard gave Tora a little more confidence and he ground their hips together, offering himself some friction to build up desire further.
It wasn’t perfect, first times rarely are. But Tora pulled blunt nails over thighs and down sides, drawing needy whines and gasps for more from Aki. He had marked lovers before, left hickeys you could and couldn’t hide and revelled in the knowledge someone would see them. But never before had Tora deliberately sunk his teeth into skin, sucked and marked so deeply, and never had he believed someone would cry out the way Aki did because of it. So clearly in pain but still writhing in pleasure beneath him. It was confusing, disturbing even, yet at the same time oddly beautiful somehow.
By the time he sunk into heat, barely allowed to slick them both up before hand, Aki had been begging for a long time. There were viciously red and purple marks on his neck and collarbones, scratches going crisscross over the rest of his body, and still the eyes meeting Tora’s were dilated with lust and want before they rolled back in his head, showing nothing but white as his body shook with the hard thrusts.
Aki couldn’t even remember the last time he came so hard. Certainly never by Tora’s doing, though honestly part of the reason was because it was Tora! Tora giving him what he truly wanted, Tora hurting him. The fact he was still thrusting hard inside him, making his oversensitive body tingle in a perfect mixture of discomfort and pure bliss.
Afterwards they lay tangled together, Aki boneless beneath Tora’s slightly shivering body. “Thank you,” he whispered dryly, voice nearly gone from moaning too much and just enough. “Thank you, that was just... Thank you.”
He really was too tired to move, but he still forced his arms up and wrapped them around Tora, hugging him weakly in a meek attempt to stop the older’s tremblings. Tora pushed up slightly, just enough to look down on him and the look in those pale eyes was still confused, hints of discomfort shining through the attempted veil.
“Is this what you want?” he asked lowly, knowing the answer even before Aki nodded just twice.
“It is, not every time, but sometimes.” He didn’t want to push Tora, ask more of him than he could give. Aki failed to see he might’ve already done so.
- - -
Aki whined long and keening when Tora pulled back, looked over his shoulder where a bite mark was slowly leaking blood with eyes completely lost in pleasured pain. Tora sat on his knees behind his thighs, lips smeared red and a look of horror on his face as his fingers came back bloody from having touched them.
“You’re bleeding.” It was the first time he’d actually made Aki bleed anywhere other than his lips and suddenly the coppery taste was making him sick.
“Don’t stop, please,” Aki whispered, a pleading tone to his voice that tugged at Tora’s heart for double reasons. “I can’t make the ache go away, please Tora...”
He knew what ache Aki was talking about. Over the past months he’d learnt more about sadomasochism than he’d ever wanted to know, about the burning arousal Aki felt that nothing but pain could satisfy, about his role as the dominant partner, the...sadist. It left a bad taste in his mouth, like bile mixed with self-contempt.
“I don’t think I can do this Aki...”
Tora moved to get off the bed, but a hand shot out and caught his wrist. “Please... It’s perfect, I need it so bad tonight and you were doing it so good.”
“You’re bleeding, I don’t-” Tora began but Aki cut him off.
“It’s okay, you’re not the first one to make me bleed,” he promised, failing to see his own selfishness through the craving clouding his judgement. “I’ll show you how to tend to them later, I promise.”
Something broke a little inside Tora as he allowed himself to be pulled down on the bed again. He wasn’t sure what, but he used it to give Aki just what he wanted.
- - -
“That hurts,” Aki hissed slightly as Tora grabbed his still bruised hip, used the hold to roll him over onto his back. “Be careful okay, I’m still sore.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” came the reply, colder than Tora normally spoke to him and Aki snapped his eyes open. “Pain gets you off, right?”
Aki frowned and tried to push Tora off, deciding the other was clearly in a foul mood and that it was probably best not to get into arguments now. He was still sore from two nights ago when Tora had fucked him good and hard, and he definitely wasn’t up for pain today. Sex yes, he loved it when Tora treated him like a porcelain doll on days like this, worshipped his entire body and kissed all the aches better. But now he’d lost the mood thanks to Tora’s snarky comments.
“What? You don’t want it when I offer it?” Tora asked as he walked away. “It’s only good when you ask for it, when you can dictate the terms?”
Cold words meant to hurt and definitely hitting home. Aki looked like he’d been kicked to the ground and spat on. “Where the fuck did that come from? I’m still sore as hell from last time, which was amazing, but right now the pain would be just that; painful.”
“So there’s a difference between pain and pain now?” Tora got up as well and walked closer.
“If you haven’t understood that, then clearly you don’t get me half as well as I thought you did.”
The slap wasn’t hard but it shocked Aki more than anything could’ve done. He felt his lip split just a tiny bit and tasted copper in his mouth. Holding a hand to his mouth he looked up at Tora and he looked as shocked and appalled as Aki felt.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Aki,” he said and wrapped his arms around the younger, pulled him in and hugged him close to his chest, mumbling apologies into his hair. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened. Please baby, I’m sorry.”
Aki let him hold him, too shocked to move for several minutes. When he finally pulled back from the firm but gentle hold, smiled weakly at Tora’s constant whispers and nodded his acceptance to the apologies he saw nothing but love and genuine remorse in his lovers eyes. He kissed Tora softly and went to take a shower, assuring the older it was okay.
Only later did he realise he should’ve left at the first blow.
- - -
Things escalated quickly after that. Or at least after the first few weeks of complete peace between them. But once he asked for pain again, Aki got more than he’d bargained for. He covered the bruises, told himself it was what he wanted and that Tora had simply gotten carried away. When the next blow came he tried to talk to the older, remind him he didn’t like to be hit, humiliated. And he accepted the apologies once more.
The first bruise from being struck he covered with makeup and sunglasses, when Mao caught him with a split brow he laughed it off by saying he’d walked into a door. Classic excuse, but the first time it sounds believable and after that Aki became paranoid not to show any marks.
Until the night he first fled to Kenzo and everything was revealed under promise the drummer wouldn’t tell a soul. By now Aki had long forgotten how many nights he’d slept in Kenzo’s arms, shielded and safe for a few hours, hours when he could actually sleep properly. And still, he always returned to Tora come morning.
- - -
Absolutely everything in his body hurt, but Aki still forced himself to move. ‘Get up, get out!’ The words had been there before, whispered at the back of his mind, but now they were practically screaming. Tora had hit him before, used him when he should’ve been resting up, but Aki had never felt quite as raped as he did tonight. He’d begged to be left alone, said no and been ignored. It hurt, maybe it shouldn’t but it did.
Fumbling through his discarded pants he found his phone and dialed the only number he felt comfortable calling.
- - -
”Kenzo?”
The fact Aki had obviously been crying broke Kenzo’s heart.
“Where are you?” he asked and signalled for the bus to let him off at the next stop. “I’ll come get you.”
“I’m at Tora’s, he went out to get cigarettes.”
He was already hailing a cab, eager not to waste a moment more than necessary. “I’m on my way, okay Aki? I’ll be there in twenty minutes, tops.” He hung up the call after a sniffled acceptance and turned to the driver. “I’ll pay double if you make it there quicker.”
- - -
Tora was obviously back once Kenzo got there, as he was the one who opened the door. Blood boiling Kenzo took him by surprised and shoved him backwards into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him to make it at least a little harder for Tora to throw him out. He was a lot smaller and though stronger than met the eye no real match for the tall guitarist. But he had fury on his side.
“You son of a bitch!” he yelled out and tried to kick him in the gut, but Tora shielded it with his arms.
“What the hell Kenzo!” he asked and tried to get up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Aki came stumbling out of the bedroom, sweats and oversized t-shirt not nearly enough to cover his limp and bruises, the obvious signs of abuse.
“Me?” Kenzo hissed and pointed at Aki. “Look at him, fucking look at him Tora! You’re the one who is fucking wrong!”
There was a small whimper from Aki but both Tora and Kenzo ignored him, too occupied with each other for the time being. Tora even refused to look at him, knowing all too well just how true Kenzo’s accusations were.
“I only did what he asked me to do,” he growled back.
“Like hell you did!” Kenzo exploded. “You beat him up Tora! Try telling me he asked for that, I dare you.”
“He asked for pain so I gave it to him.” It didn’t sound as confident, if any of his defences had sounded confident. He didn’t believe in them after all, not really.
“I...” Aki swallowed and looked to Kenzo for strength, finding it more easily now he was actually there. “I told you, the first time, I didn’t want to be hit. That I found it humiliating...”
He sounded so broken when admitting it, words he’d never even told Kenzo, and he looked down to the floor once more. Arms wrapped around him, small arms that offered comfort and strength, pulled him close and kept him safe. Aki knew Kenzo couldn’t protect him against Tora, but he leaned into the hug nonetheless, returned it by weaving his bruised arms loosely around the drummer shoulders.
“Fuck you Tora,” Kenzo mumbled and didn’t release his hold even as he turned to look at the oldest of them. “Fuck you for what you are doing to him.”
Tora stared at them, saw the way Aki leaned into Kenzo and all the anger just seemed to drain out of him. It left a lot of room for sorrow though, because he recognised what he saw before him. Once it had been him Aki turned to like that, for comfort and warmth and safety. They’d been lovers, sharing hugs and kisses in the hall before going out into the world where they had to hide those feelings, sending text messages back and forth to tease and arouse before they could meet again. When was the last time he got a text message from Aki? When was the last time he sent him one?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered wetly, tried to swallow the lump in his throat that wouldn’t go away.
“Do you really think ‘sorry’ ‘s gonna cut it?” Kenzo sneered and Aki still wouldn’t look at him. Kenzo could feel tears wetting his scalp and knowing Aki was crying soundlessly made it harder to breathe. “You’re abusing him, saying ‘sorry’ just makes you sound pathetic.”
He didn’t even know when he’d moved to lean against the wall, but Tora was glad he had because his knees sort of gave up and he sank to the floor. “I know,” he said lowly and felt the first tears leave burning tracks down his cheeks. “I don’t want to, but I can’t stop. I-”
The sobs tearing free from his chest made it impossible to speak. Tora had wanted to cry for so long, just to try and vent the turmoil of anger and sadness inside him somehow. “I only did this, any of it, because Aki asked me to. It made me uncomfortable, it’s not who I am! But I kept doing it, because....because he begged me.”
Somehow it was easier to talk to Kenzo than Aki, explain to someone less involved even when he knew Kenzo was probably the only person besides Aki and himself who knew, and that made him very much involved. He kept wiping at tears which only kept falling and failed to notice how Aki turned to look at him too, didn’t see the shock of realisation that crossed his face.
“I wish I’d stopped a long time ago,” Tora went on. “That I’d never done it in the first place. Maybe I would’ve lost Aki anyway, but.... I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
A soft sob escaped Aki and he released himself from Kenzo’s hold, walked over to Tora and sank down to his knees in front of him. He wanted to hug him, but at the same time he couldn’t quite bring himself to do so. Tora looked up, clearly surprised and for the first time in weeks their gaze met without anger or fear involved.
“I’m sorry,” Aki whispered wetly and Kenzo hissed.
“You’re not the one who should be asking forgiveness, Aki,” he said lowly, but he was ignored.
“I never realised how selfish I was,” Aki went on, voice low as if only meant for Tora even when clearly audible in the mostly silent room. Silent save for soft crying and random sniffles. “I wanted pain yes, but I never wanted to lose you...”
Tora didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want Aki to blame himself and at the same time he did too. At least partially, be it justified or not. Slowly he reached out a hand, aimed to caress Aki’s cheek the way he used to do, before all this began, but Aki flinched away from him and it was another tiny stab to Tora’s heart.
"It isn’t fair, I loved you enough to hurt you and now you are afraid of me," he whispered, perhaps for the first time thoroughly heartbroken as he knew where this was going.
“I loved you too,” Aki said, looked up and allowed eyes to meet again. Loved, they’d both said it in past tense and the lack of it was evident in their gaze. “I loved you, but I can’t do this anymore.”
Despite everything Tora wished he could’ve kissed him goodbye, one proper kiss for old times sake, but he didn’t ask for it. He just smiled sadly and looked across Aki’s shoulder, up at Kenzo who had remained silently in the background. The younger nodded a few times in understanding, his silence a sort of acceptance.
“Come on Aki,” he said and took the few steps needed to cross the distance between himself and the two on the floor, keeping Tora’s gaze until he placed a hand on Aki’s shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
Aki slowly got to his feet, aided by Kenzo when the pain threatened to send him crashing down again, and found shoes and his jacket. Tora remained on the floor, looking at the two of them as they left without looking back. He didn’t try to apologise again.
- - -
Kenzo banged his toe on threshold and cursed vilely as he stumbled into the kitchen. Dressed only in one of Aki’s shirts and with hair standing all directions imaginable and then some he looked quite adorable though. Aki chuckled and placed a cup of coffee, the sugar basin, and an ash tray in front of Kenzo’s chair.
“Morning sleepy head,” he said and kissed him quickly on the lips. “I have to run a few errands, some work and some private, I’ll be back in a few hours. Okay?”
“No,” Kenzo grumbled and fisted his hand in Aki’s shirt, pulled him down and gave him a proper kiss. “Okay. Except it’s too fucking early to be up.”
Aki snorted. “It’s almost lunch time!”
“Your point? It’s my day off.” But Kenzo plopped down on his chair and immediately reached for the cigarettes. “Pick up some for me while you’re out, okay?”
He nodded and went to put on his shoes and jacket, found his wallet and train pass and with a “Love you!” he was on his way.
- - -
He was on his way home when he heard an achingly familiar voice call out to him. Or rather, he’d almost walked into Tora on his way out of the music store and his former lover simply spoke his name. Aki looked up, met pale eyes he recognised once more. It’s been almost a year since he saw Tora and he was genuinely happy to see the confusion Aki knew he’d put in Tora’s eyes completely gone.
“Oh, hello Aki,” someone said and drew his attention.
“Hey Hiroto,” he greeted, immediately registering tiny details like where the younger stood and how Tora shifted his footing, a sign of slight nervousness. “It’s been long.”
“It has,” Hiroto agreed and somehow they seemed to run out of things to say.
“Go on in Pon,” Tora said and nodded towards the store, a suggestion the young blonde happily accepted with a quick bow towards Aki. “You look good, Aki.”
“I am good, Kenzo’s been a huge help.” He didn’t know if Tora knew about him and Kenzo, but it was likely he’d heard about it through Hiroto and Karasu. “You and Hiroto, are you...?”
In a way it wasn’t his place to ask, but Aki had a feeling Tora knew why he did. The question was if he’d be angry over that fact or not. “Yes, since a few months back. He gives me what I need.”
“Someone to take care of,” Aki smiled. “I’m happy for you Tora.”
Tora nodded, smiled slightly back. He knew Aki meant it, even if was hard to believe he would say such a thing after everything that happened. Pale eyes wandered to Aki’s left eyebrow, piercing thankfully still intact but also decorated by a small scar if you knew where to look. Tora did, he’d put it there.
Raising a hand, so much like he’d done the night they broke up, Tora hesitated only momentarily before pulling his thumb softly over the brow, the scar. Aki closed his eyes at the touch, kept them closed for a few seconds. When he opened them again there was a flicker of memory in them and the smile he offered was like a healing balm on Tora’s soul.
“Take care Tora.”
“You too Aki.”
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: invisiblehabits
Genre: Angst/Light romance
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Malexmale sexual interaction, language, violence, mentions of rape
Pairings: Tora/Aki, Kenzo/Aki
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t know. Won’t make money unless you feel like paying me to read.
Summary: “Isn’t that what you want?” came the reply, colder than Tora normally spoke to him and Aki snapped his eyes open. “Pain gets you off, right?”
Comments: Dearest Chriss, I do realise my timing fails as it is now at least three hours past your birthday (four in Sweden) and you have already gone to bed. But with this I am wishing you a belated Happy Birthday! I don’t really know where this came from, but I’m hoping it turned out and that you will like it, because I love you little tall one and I am very happy I got to know you! So yes, Happy Belated Birthday koboshi_ichigo!! ♥
Kenzo carefully dabbed at blood and sweat, trying not to upset the wound further while still trying to see how badly the eyebrow stud had ripped. Aki had gotten rid off so many piercings already, little pieces of silver Kenzo secretly loved, it would be a shame if he had to loose another one unwillingly because of Tora. Tora, the name left a bad taste in Kenzo’s mind just from thinking it.
“I’ll kill him, I swear to fucking god I’ll kill him,” he mumbled and tried to keep angry tears at bay when Aki shook his head nervously, looked up at him with pleading eyes. “This is wrong Aki!”
“I asked him to, remember?” the older said, trying to reason the unreasonable. “He wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”
“You asked for pain, yes,” Kenzo hissed, fury boiling hotter by the syllable. “This is fucking abuse! Don’t try to tell me this is what you wanted, I know it’s not!”
It was true and as much as Aki wanted to deny it, as much as he wanted to defend Tora and say Kenzo was wrong, he wasn’t about to lie to his best friend in the face. He needed Kenzo, needed someone who’s arms he could flee into when things got too bad and the need for comfort, the kind of comfort Tora rarely offered anymore, became too great.
“Just please hold me,” he begged weakly, admitting loneliness if not betrayal. “Let me sleep here tonight?”
Kenzo didn’t know if he ought to laugh or cry, hug or hit the older, his best friend, the friend he was forced to see slowly destroying himself by someone else’s hand and temper. He’d tried to get help, but with Aki not talking and Tora being known for being slightly goofy, open and fun, perhaps a tad bit protective at times, no one believed him.
“I wish you’d spend every night here,” he mumbled half under his breath as he helped Aki up and into his bedroom. Aki slid into an oversized t-shirt, tugging it down in a futile attempt to hide his bruised thighs before slipping between the covers, out of view. Kenzo followed, kept his boxers on on previous requests from Aki and pulled the older close, hoping against hope to shield him from the nightmares he knew would be there. “Anything to keep you away from him... You’re safe here.”
“Let’s just sleep, okay?”
And Aki did, but Kenzo stayed awake for hours, unable to succumb to rest when he knew come morning Aki would get up and go back.
- - -
“Tora please,” Aki whimpered and cowered in the corner behind the bed. He had nowhere to go and with the tall guitarist looming over him he was beginning to feel fear in earnest. “Please, no more, it hurts...”
Tora crouched in front of him and there was that slight shade of pique in his eyes that tore at Aki’s heart almost as bad as the lack of trust between them these days did. “Well that’s what you want, is it not?”
“Not like this,” he whispered, trying to draw strength and courage from Kenzo’s constant pleas he get out even when the younger wasn’t there.
“Don’t ask for what you can’t handle,” came the cold reply, accompanied by an open handed slap to already stinging cheeks as he was hauled up and tossed back onto the bed.
Aki wept. He didn’t mean to, but as he heard Tora’s clothes hit the floor, as the bed dipped and the pants he’d tried to put on were torn off once more, he felt tears sting his eyes and he wondered just how things came to this.
- - -
“Tell me what to do.”
Aki looked up from his newspaper, slightly startled out of their usual morning silence and more than a little puzzled. Tora looked dead serious where he sat across the table, seemingly uninterested in the cultural pages he’d been handed. Just looking at him like that, stern and determined, probably wouldn’t take no for an answer should he did try to dodge the question, had excited shivers going up and down his spine at an alarming pace.
“What do you mean?” he asked and took a big gulp from his green tea to try and disguise his sudden incipient arousal.
“I mean,” Tora leaned his forward a bit, placed his elbows on the table and looked Aki straight in the eye, “we’ve been getting together for eight months now, and clearly something’s lacking in bed.”
He ended up choking on the second sip of tea. “What?! How did you- I mean...no.”
Tora just raised an eyebrow in that infuriating way of his and Aki all but blushed. There was nothing wrong with their sex life, definitely not, and he’d been convinced Tora hadn’t noticed anything. Clearly he’d underestimated the older’s perceptive abilities.
“There’s nothing wrong with our sex,” he tried to elaborate. “It’s not like you don’t make me come!”
“But?”
Should it feel awkward to talk about such things? Probably yes and no. They were both grown men, when you were approaching thirty it somehow seemed like you were supposed to be able to talk about sex with your boyfriend. But truth was they’d never actually stated that they were boyfriends, and they’d only been seeing each other for eight months, and... Well eight months might sound like a long time, but right now Aki desperately wished he’d been given more time to figure out just how to tell Tora what was wrong. Or on his mind, whatever it was supposed to be called.
“Aki, please talk to me.” Tora drew his attention and Aki realised he’d dropped eye contact. Way to prove Tora was actually correct in his assumptions. “What are you not telling me?”
Somehow this was one of those things you were supposed to tell from the start, he knew that and yet he’d never bothered to actually spit it out before now. He’d never meant to end up in bed with Tora, Tora was Pon’s band mate and that sort of put him on the hands off list. But alcohol and boredom had conspired against him and one morning he woke up next to Tora, thoroughly satisfied and not really minding the arm tightening protectively around him when he tried to move. There was not one part of his body Tora hadn’t paid attention to the night before and Aki was still practically tingling in his most sensitive spots.
It was only later, as months passed by, he began to miss other things.
“I...” Swallowing hard he decided that yes, he would be honest, Tora had already figured out something was off after all. “I like pain, Tora.”
“Pain? You mean like...actual pain? In bed?” He seemed just on the brink of understanding, almost as if he did understand but didn’t want to fully accept it and Aki wondered if this was when it all crashed and burned.
“I’m a masochist,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady and managed remarkably well. It wasn’t like he was ashamed of the fact, at least not very often, but he knew a lot of people had a hard time accepting and understanding it. “So yes, I like actual pain in bed.”
For several minutes they just sat there, silently with eyes locked. Aki was nervous, more so than he’d normally be when telling someone his preferences, but truth was he cared about Tora. He might even go as far as saying he’d fallen for him, and that was rare. It also meant he really didn’t want to lose him, but now it was said and out in the open and there was nothing he could do but hope for the best. Unfortunately Tora was not really the type to inflict pain during sex. He’d go rough yes, it was part of the reason Aki hadn’t complained so far, but bruising grips and hard thrusts was still a huge step down from where Aki normally went.
“I...think I need some time to process this,” Tora finally said and Aki felt his shoulders sag. A small but sharp stab in his chest told him that yes, he was most likely in love with Tora and the rejection hurt. “I’m sorry Aki but I think it’s best if you went home.”
Licking his lips he nodded before standing up, trying to smile reassuringly even when it probably wasn’t he should offer comfort. Most likely he failed too. “Sure, I get it. Call me when you.... When you’ve figured it out and know what you want to do.”
Turning went to put on his shoes, not bothering to change out of the sweats and comfy shirt he wore. If this was the end of his relationship with Tora he’d need to come back at another time to gather up all the random items he’d spread across the older’s apartment anyway. Just as he was about to exit the apartment however, Tora grabbed his wrist from behind.
“Hey,” he pulled Aki into a hug, held him close and offered the comfort Aki really needed right then. Leaning back slightly he cupped Aki’s face, pulled his thumbs softly over his cheekbones. “I’m sorry okay? This...it’s not what I expected. I just need some time to think, okay?”
“Yeah, I get it.” The smile was a bit more genuine this time and Aki placed a hand in the bend of Tora’s arm. “Call me.”
He dared to reach up and place a chaste kiss on Tora’s lips before slipping out the door with a final smile, hope burning a bit brighter than before in his chest.
- - -
It took almost two weeks for Tora to pick up the phone, but when he did it was with a request of Aki coming over. Aki didn’t know whether to be relieved or nervous, still in the dark as to what Tora’s final decision would be. The minute he stepped through the door he was grabbed and thrown against the wall none too gently, pale eyes meeting his questioningly as he gasped in surprise and slight pain from the rough impact, wrists pinned to the wall on either side of his head.
“Is this what you want?” Tora asked, a tint to his voice that could be dark but also sad, Aki didn’t know which. He definitely knew Tora was out of his element and not completely comfortable though.
“Yes,” he whispered, licked his lips and watched pale eyes follow the movement of his tongue. “Pain and pleasure mix together for me.”
Not wanting to hear more, perhaps afraid to lose his nerve, Tora crushed their lips together, licked his way into Aki’s mouth before pulling back to bite into soft flesh. A shocked groan escaped Aki and he tried to arch against the warm body but was not allowed. Tora held him in place, bruising grip on wrists and hips pinning hips. Nervous or not he was doing a good job at dominating at least, but that he’d done before so.
They made it to the bed, clothes ripped off and possibly torn in a place or two, but once Aki landed on the bed, trembling with excitement and already more than half hard, Tora didn’t join him. He remained standing, clearly effected by the make out session himself, but the weird look was back in his eyes. Stronger this time, more obviously uncomfortable.
“Tora?” Aki didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to force the older to do something he was uncomfortable with, but at the same time his body was aching for the kind of release only brought by pain.
The bed dipped as Tora sat down with a sigh, shifted around and rested his weight on one arm. With the other he carefully stroke a knuckle over Aki’s brow, down the temple and cheekbone. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “Am I supposed to hit you or what?”
“Not hit,” Aki frowned slightly. “There’s too much humiliation in that. I like pain and to be dominated, but not humiliated.”
“So what do I do then?” Another shift and Tora was kneeling between his thighs, instinctively spread to make room. “I want to give you what you need, but you have to tell me how.”
Aki’s heart skipped a beat at that. Tora rarely displayed weakness or uncertainty and seeing it now made him feel special. “You are dominant by nature, just....take it further. Bite, scratch, bruise, those kind of things. Go rough, if that makes sense?”
Somehow It did, a little bit, and Tora nodded slowly. Leaning down he connected their lips, softly at first but before long he sucked the lower lip into his mouth and bit down. Harder than before, drawing blood even and he was just about to pull back when Aki moaned and hooked his legs around strong hips, pulled him closer. The fact he was hard gave Tora a little more confidence and he ground their hips together, offering himself some friction to build up desire further.
It wasn’t perfect, first times rarely are. But Tora pulled blunt nails over thighs and down sides, drawing needy whines and gasps for more from Aki. He had marked lovers before, left hickeys you could and couldn’t hide and revelled in the knowledge someone would see them. But never before had Tora deliberately sunk his teeth into skin, sucked and marked so deeply, and never had he believed someone would cry out the way Aki did because of it. So clearly in pain but still writhing in pleasure beneath him. It was confusing, disturbing even, yet at the same time oddly beautiful somehow.
By the time he sunk into heat, barely allowed to slick them both up before hand, Aki had been begging for a long time. There were viciously red and purple marks on his neck and collarbones, scratches going crisscross over the rest of his body, and still the eyes meeting Tora’s were dilated with lust and want before they rolled back in his head, showing nothing but white as his body shook with the hard thrusts.
Aki couldn’t even remember the last time he came so hard. Certainly never by Tora’s doing, though honestly part of the reason was because it was Tora! Tora giving him what he truly wanted, Tora hurting him. The fact he was still thrusting hard inside him, making his oversensitive body tingle in a perfect mixture of discomfort and pure bliss.
Afterwards they lay tangled together, Aki boneless beneath Tora’s slightly shivering body. “Thank you,” he whispered dryly, voice nearly gone from moaning too much and just enough. “Thank you, that was just... Thank you.”
He really was too tired to move, but he still forced his arms up and wrapped them around Tora, hugging him weakly in a meek attempt to stop the older’s tremblings. Tora pushed up slightly, just enough to look down on him and the look in those pale eyes was still confused, hints of discomfort shining through the attempted veil.
“Is this what you want?” he asked lowly, knowing the answer even before Aki nodded just twice.
“It is, not every time, but sometimes.” He didn’t want to push Tora, ask more of him than he could give. Aki failed to see he might’ve already done so.
- - -
Aki whined long and keening when Tora pulled back, looked over his shoulder where a bite mark was slowly leaking blood with eyes completely lost in pleasured pain. Tora sat on his knees behind his thighs, lips smeared red and a look of horror on his face as his fingers came back bloody from having touched them.
“You’re bleeding.” It was the first time he’d actually made Aki bleed anywhere other than his lips and suddenly the coppery taste was making him sick.
“Don’t stop, please,” Aki whispered, a pleading tone to his voice that tugged at Tora’s heart for double reasons. “I can’t make the ache go away, please Tora...”
He knew what ache Aki was talking about. Over the past months he’d learnt more about sadomasochism than he’d ever wanted to know, about the burning arousal Aki felt that nothing but pain could satisfy, about his role as the dominant partner, the...sadist. It left a bad taste in his mouth, like bile mixed with self-contempt.
“I don’t think I can do this Aki...”
Tora moved to get off the bed, but a hand shot out and caught his wrist. “Please... It’s perfect, I need it so bad tonight and you were doing it so good.”
“You’re bleeding, I don’t-” Tora began but Aki cut him off.
“It’s okay, you’re not the first one to make me bleed,” he promised, failing to see his own selfishness through the craving clouding his judgement. “I’ll show you how to tend to them later, I promise.”
Something broke a little inside Tora as he allowed himself to be pulled down on the bed again. He wasn’t sure what, but he used it to give Aki just what he wanted.
- - -
“That hurts,” Aki hissed slightly as Tora grabbed his still bruised hip, used the hold to roll him over onto his back. “Be careful okay, I’m still sore.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” came the reply, colder than Tora normally spoke to him and Aki snapped his eyes open. “Pain gets you off, right?”
Aki frowned and tried to push Tora off, deciding the other was clearly in a foul mood and that it was probably best not to get into arguments now. He was still sore from two nights ago when Tora had fucked him good and hard, and he definitely wasn’t up for pain today. Sex yes, he loved it when Tora treated him like a porcelain doll on days like this, worshipped his entire body and kissed all the aches better. But now he’d lost the mood thanks to Tora’s snarky comments.
“What? You don’t want it when I offer it?” Tora asked as he walked away. “It’s only good when you ask for it, when you can dictate the terms?”
Cold words meant to hurt and definitely hitting home. Aki looked like he’d been kicked to the ground and spat on. “Where the fuck did that come from? I’m still sore as hell from last time, which was amazing, but right now the pain would be just that; painful.”
“So there’s a difference between pain and pain now?” Tora got up as well and walked closer.
“If you haven’t understood that, then clearly you don’t get me half as well as I thought you did.”
The slap wasn’t hard but it shocked Aki more than anything could’ve done. He felt his lip split just a tiny bit and tasted copper in his mouth. Holding a hand to his mouth he looked up at Tora and he looked as shocked and appalled as Aki felt.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Aki,” he said and wrapped his arms around the younger, pulled him in and hugged him close to his chest, mumbling apologies into his hair. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened. Please baby, I’m sorry.”
Aki let him hold him, too shocked to move for several minutes. When he finally pulled back from the firm but gentle hold, smiled weakly at Tora’s constant whispers and nodded his acceptance to the apologies he saw nothing but love and genuine remorse in his lovers eyes. He kissed Tora softly and went to take a shower, assuring the older it was okay.
Only later did he realise he should’ve left at the first blow.
- - -
Things escalated quickly after that. Or at least after the first few weeks of complete peace between them. But once he asked for pain again, Aki got more than he’d bargained for. He covered the bruises, told himself it was what he wanted and that Tora had simply gotten carried away. When the next blow came he tried to talk to the older, remind him he didn’t like to be hit, humiliated. And he accepted the apologies once more.
The first bruise from being struck he covered with makeup and sunglasses, when Mao caught him with a split brow he laughed it off by saying he’d walked into a door. Classic excuse, but the first time it sounds believable and after that Aki became paranoid not to show any marks.
Until the night he first fled to Kenzo and everything was revealed under promise the drummer wouldn’t tell a soul. By now Aki had long forgotten how many nights he’d slept in Kenzo’s arms, shielded and safe for a few hours, hours when he could actually sleep properly. And still, he always returned to Tora come morning.
- - -
Absolutely everything in his body hurt, but Aki still forced himself to move. ‘Get up, get out!’ The words had been there before, whispered at the back of his mind, but now they were practically screaming. Tora had hit him before, used him when he should’ve been resting up, but Aki had never felt quite as raped as he did tonight. He’d begged to be left alone, said no and been ignored. It hurt, maybe it shouldn’t but it did.
Fumbling through his discarded pants he found his phone and dialed the only number he felt comfortable calling.
- - -
”Kenzo?”
The fact Aki had obviously been crying broke Kenzo’s heart.
“Where are you?” he asked and signalled for the bus to let him off at the next stop. “I’ll come get you.”
“I’m at Tora’s, he went out to get cigarettes.”
He was already hailing a cab, eager not to waste a moment more than necessary. “I’m on my way, okay Aki? I’ll be there in twenty minutes, tops.” He hung up the call after a sniffled acceptance and turned to the driver. “I’ll pay double if you make it there quicker.”
- - -
Tora was obviously back once Kenzo got there, as he was the one who opened the door. Blood boiling Kenzo took him by surprised and shoved him backwards into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him to make it at least a little harder for Tora to throw him out. He was a lot smaller and though stronger than met the eye no real match for the tall guitarist. But he had fury on his side.
“You son of a bitch!” he yelled out and tried to kick him in the gut, but Tora shielded it with his arms.
“What the hell Kenzo!” he asked and tried to get up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Aki came stumbling out of the bedroom, sweats and oversized t-shirt not nearly enough to cover his limp and bruises, the obvious signs of abuse.
“Me?” Kenzo hissed and pointed at Aki. “Look at him, fucking look at him Tora! You’re the one who is fucking wrong!”
There was a small whimper from Aki but both Tora and Kenzo ignored him, too occupied with each other for the time being. Tora even refused to look at him, knowing all too well just how true Kenzo’s accusations were.
“I only did what he asked me to do,” he growled back.
“Like hell you did!” Kenzo exploded. “You beat him up Tora! Try telling me he asked for that, I dare you.”
“He asked for pain so I gave it to him.” It didn’t sound as confident, if any of his defences had sounded confident. He didn’t believe in them after all, not really.
“I...” Aki swallowed and looked to Kenzo for strength, finding it more easily now he was actually there. “I told you, the first time, I didn’t want to be hit. That I found it humiliating...”
He sounded so broken when admitting it, words he’d never even told Kenzo, and he looked down to the floor once more. Arms wrapped around him, small arms that offered comfort and strength, pulled him close and kept him safe. Aki knew Kenzo couldn’t protect him against Tora, but he leaned into the hug nonetheless, returned it by weaving his bruised arms loosely around the drummer shoulders.
“Fuck you Tora,” Kenzo mumbled and didn’t release his hold even as he turned to look at the oldest of them. “Fuck you for what you are doing to him.”
Tora stared at them, saw the way Aki leaned into Kenzo and all the anger just seemed to drain out of him. It left a lot of room for sorrow though, because he recognised what he saw before him. Once it had been him Aki turned to like that, for comfort and warmth and safety. They’d been lovers, sharing hugs and kisses in the hall before going out into the world where they had to hide those feelings, sending text messages back and forth to tease and arouse before they could meet again. When was the last time he got a text message from Aki? When was the last time he sent him one?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered wetly, tried to swallow the lump in his throat that wouldn’t go away.
“Do you really think ‘sorry’ ‘s gonna cut it?” Kenzo sneered and Aki still wouldn’t look at him. Kenzo could feel tears wetting his scalp and knowing Aki was crying soundlessly made it harder to breathe. “You’re abusing him, saying ‘sorry’ just makes you sound pathetic.”
He didn’t even know when he’d moved to lean against the wall, but Tora was glad he had because his knees sort of gave up and he sank to the floor. “I know,” he said lowly and felt the first tears leave burning tracks down his cheeks. “I don’t want to, but I can’t stop. I-”
The sobs tearing free from his chest made it impossible to speak. Tora had wanted to cry for so long, just to try and vent the turmoil of anger and sadness inside him somehow. “I only did this, any of it, because Aki asked me to. It made me uncomfortable, it’s not who I am! But I kept doing it, because....because he begged me.”
Somehow it was easier to talk to Kenzo than Aki, explain to someone less involved even when he knew Kenzo was probably the only person besides Aki and himself who knew, and that made him very much involved. He kept wiping at tears which only kept falling and failed to notice how Aki turned to look at him too, didn’t see the shock of realisation that crossed his face.
“I wish I’d stopped a long time ago,” Tora went on. “That I’d never done it in the first place. Maybe I would’ve lost Aki anyway, but.... I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
A soft sob escaped Aki and he released himself from Kenzo’s hold, walked over to Tora and sank down to his knees in front of him. He wanted to hug him, but at the same time he couldn’t quite bring himself to do so. Tora looked up, clearly surprised and for the first time in weeks their gaze met without anger or fear involved.
“I’m sorry,” Aki whispered wetly and Kenzo hissed.
“You’re not the one who should be asking forgiveness, Aki,” he said lowly, but he was ignored.
“I never realised how selfish I was,” Aki went on, voice low as if only meant for Tora even when clearly audible in the mostly silent room. Silent save for soft crying and random sniffles. “I wanted pain yes, but I never wanted to lose you...”
Tora didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want Aki to blame himself and at the same time he did too. At least partially, be it justified or not. Slowly he reached out a hand, aimed to caress Aki’s cheek the way he used to do, before all this began, but Aki flinched away from him and it was another tiny stab to Tora’s heart.
"It isn’t fair, I loved you enough to hurt you and now you are afraid of me," he whispered, perhaps for the first time thoroughly heartbroken as he knew where this was going.
“I loved you too,” Aki said, looked up and allowed eyes to meet again. Loved, they’d both said it in past tense and the lack of it was evident in their gaze. “I loved you, but I can’t do this anymore.”
Despite everything Tora wished he could’ve kissed him goodbye, one proper kiss for old times sake, but he didn’t ask for it. He just smiled sadly and looked across Aki’s shoulder, up at Kenzo who had remained silently in the background. The younger nodded a few times in understanding, his silence a sort of acceptance.
“Come on Aki,” he said and took the few steps needed to cross the distance between himself and the two on the floor, keeping Tora’s gaze until he placed a hand on Aki’s shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
Aki slowly got to his feet, aided by Kenzo when the pain threatened to send him crashing down again, and found shoes and his jacket. Tora remained on the floor, looking at the two of them as they left without looking back. He didn’t try to apologise again.
- - -
Kenzo banged his toe on threshold and cursed vilely as he stumbled into the kitchen. Dressed only in one of Aki’s shirts and with hair standing all directions imaginable and then some he looked quite adorable though. Aki chuckled and placed a cup of coffee, the sugar basin, and an ash tray in front of Kenzo’s chair.
“Morning sleepy head,” he said and kissed him quickly on the lips. “I have to run a few errands, some work and some private, I’ll be back in a few hours. Okay?”
“No,” Kenzo grumbled and fisted his hand in Aki’s shirt, pulled him down and gave him a proper kiss. “Okay. Except it’s too fucking early to be up.”
Aki snorted. “It’s almost lunch time!”
“Your point? It’s my day off.” But Kenzo plopped down on his chair and immediately reached for the cigarettes. “Pick up some for me while you’re out, okay?”
He nodded and went to put on his shoes and jacket, found his wallet and train pass and with a “Love you!” he was on his way.
- - -
He was on his way home when he heard an achingly familiar voice call out to him. Or rather, he’d almost walked into Tora on his way out of the music store and his former lover simply spoke his name. Aki looked up, met pale eyes he recognised once more. It’s been almost a year since he saw Tora and he was genuinely happy to see the confusion Aki knew he’d put in Tora’s eyes completely gone.
“Oh, hello Aki,” someone said and drew his attention.
“Hey Hiroto,” he greeted, immediately registering tiny details like where the younger stood and how Tora shifted his footing, a sign of slight nervousness. “It’s been long.”
“It has,” Hiroto agreed and somehow they seemed to run out of things to say.
“Go on in Pon,” Tora said and nodded towards the store, a suggestion the young blonde happily accepted with a quick bow towards Aki. “You look good, Aki.”
“I am good, Kenzo’s been a huge help.” He didn’t know if Tora knew about him and Kenzo, but it was likely he’d heard about it through Hiroto and Karasu. “You and Hiroto, are you...?”
In a way it wasn’t his place to ask, but Aki had a feeling Tora knew why he did. The question was if he’d be angry over that fact or not. “Yes, since a few months back. He gives me what I need.”
“Someone to take care of,” Aki smiled. “I’m happy for you Tora.”
Tora nodded, smiled slightly back. He knew Aki meant it, even if was hard to believe he would say such a thing after everything that happened. Pale eyes wandered to Aki’s left eyebrow, piercing thankfully still intact but also decorated by a small scar if you knew where to look. Tora did, he’d put it there.
Raising a hand, so much like he’d done the night they broke up, Tora hesitated only momentarily before pulling his thumb softly over the brow, the scar. Aki closed his eyes at the touch, kept them closed for a few seconds. When he opened them again there was a flicker of memory in them and the smile he offered was like a healing balm on Tora’s soul.
“Take care Tora.”
“You too Aki.”