Particularly Long convo which I'm somewhat proud of (please do read)

Nov 22, 2008 23:18

I'm duality and my friend is kyoya
I'm sure you can guess what it's about once you read it.

••duality•?????np•• says:
here goes
••duality•?????np•• says:
1) stop being so fucking emotionally invested in girls. find yourself for fucks sake, and i say this because you remind me of my friend who did the same and myself who used to do the same

2) stop making yourself out to be a victim. it's a sad trait exhibited by a person with histrionic personality disorder
••duality•?????np•• says:
3) dont move so damn fast. we hate that. it make our creep radar go BZZT BZZT BZZT ALERT GODDAMNIT RUN THE FUCK AWAY and then we just give you this look and tell you not to mention it. what we dont add is "ever again" Classic stalker behavior
Kyoya says:
so by that i should just quit on her and just leave it alone..
••duality•?????np•• says:
pretty much
••duality•?????np•• says:
ban yourself from liking anyone till you know what the hell youre all about
••duality•?????np•• says:
how long have you liked her?
Kyoya says:
lol i know what i am about, i joined the army
Kyoya says:
and i plan to leave this fosaken world within the time im in it
••duality•?????np•• says:
there you go again
Kyoya says:
its jus she came along and made me wonder if there was something more
••duality•?????np•• says:
god, stop with the martyr im a tragic hero blahblahblah like stuff
Kyoya says:
lol i actually did sign up
Kyoya says:
for 4 yrs
••duality•?????np•• says:
is that supposed to wow me?
Kyoya says:
no
••duality•?????np•• says:
i have friends in jrotc who are signing up and planning to make careers out of it
••duality•?????np•• says:
they dont sign up to hopefully die
Kyoya says:
ur saying stuff bout a tragic hero
••duality•?????np•• says:
they do it for love of country, i can respect them but you, not so much.
••duality•?????np•• says:
i know people like you
••duality•?????np•• says:
hell i was like you
••duality•?????np•• says:
difference: i tried and almost succeeded at suicide
••duality•?????np•• says:
i did it
••duality•?????np•• says:
myself
••duality•?????np•• says:
T_T
••duality•?????np•• says:
and yes
••duality•?????np•• says:
tragic hero
••duality•?????np•• says:
look at your language
Kyoya says:
i dont want to be a hero
••duality•?????np•• says:
the way you use it, you make yourself sound noble
••duality•?????np•• says:
and righteous
Kyoya says:
lol hell no i know im not
Kyoya says:
so why the hell would i pretend
••duality•?????np•• says:
i dont know, but do you really know yourself
••duality•?????np•• says:
whats the real reason you want to die so much
••duality•?????np•• says:
can you tell me that
••duality•?????np•• says:
right noq
••duality•?????np•• says:
w
Kyoya says:
yes
••duality•?????np•• says:
without thinking for a while
Kyoya says:
i could
••duality•?????np•• says:
then do so
Kyoya says:
my first left for for some one else
••duality•?????np•• says:
thats it
••duality•?????np•• says:
thats your reason?
Kyoya says:
ok im 18 and i only had 1 girl and i thought it was her
••duality•?????np•• says:
T_T
••duality•?????np•• says:
dude
••duality•?????np•• says:
your reason
••duality•?????np•• says:
sucks
••duality•?????np•• says:
i can understand beingdepressed
••duality•?????np•• says:
thats a shit thing for her to do
Kyoya says:
everybody needs someone nobody can live a lonley life
••duality•?????np•• says:
but youre still just adding fuel to my reason's fire
••duality•?????np•• says:
you
••duality•?????np•• says:
dont
••duality•?????np•• says:
know
••duality•?????np•• says:
yourself
••duality•?????np•• says:
if you really did
••duality•?????np•• says:
you would know that thats a shit reason
••duality•?????np•• says:
and yeah
••duality•?????np•• says:
everyone needs someone
••duality•?????np•• says:
but she was OBVIOUSLY NOT IT
Kyoya says:
maybe i just dont care bout myself ne more
••duality•?????np•• says:
if youre man enough to sign up for the USARMEDFORCES (or navy marines etc)
••duality•?????np•• says:
then youre man enough to do one of two things
••duality•?????np•• says:
1) shut the hell up and commit suicide yourself. if you cant, youve just proved me right that youre stronger than that (and i know you are)
••duality•?????np•• says:
2) find yourself without trying for dead, and its a girly shitty phrase but its basically what im asking you to do
Kyoya says:
y do you think i joined the army i can get ahold of a gun
••duality•?????np•• says:
youre old enough to buy one to do it yourself
••duality•?????np•• says:
shit, you can go to a shooting range and borrow one if youre that desperate
••duality•?????np•• says:
if you wanted to
••duality•?????np•• says:
really wanted to
Kyoya says:
i dont have money u dont know my family
••duality•?????np•• says:
nothing would stop you
••duality•?????np•• says:
and you wouldnt tell anyone
••duality•?????np•• says:
i dont either
••duality•?????np•• says:
didnt stop me
••duality•?????np•• says:
i got any and all drugs in my home and just ingested them all
••duality•?????np•• says:
i did want to
••duality•?????np•• says:
nothing stopped me then
Kyoya says:
if there was a gun in my house i honestly wouldnt be here
••duality•?????np•• says:
if you really wanted to you wouldve found some way
••duality•?????np•• says:
to do it
••duality•?????np•• says:
period
••duality•?????np•• says:
no excuses period
Kyoya says:
i tried getting hit by a car guy got out and yelled at me, tryed taking pills but theres nothing at my house, tried cutting my wrist passed out b4 i got deep enuff
••duality•?????np•• says:
._.
Kyoya says:
got ne other ways im willing to try
••duality•?????np•• says:
i do but id rather you take two years trying to find yourself then know any other ways
••duality•?????np•• says:
and by the way
••duality•?????np•• says:
i know surefire ways
••duality•?????np•• says:
._.
Kyoya says:
then tell me, i just want to commit suicide already
••duality•?????np•• says:
then find the way yourself
••duality•?????np•• says:
im not helping you do that
••duality•?????np•• says:
im just telling you what you dont want to hear
••duality•?????np•• says:
and you dont want to hear it
••duality•?????np•• says:
do you?
Kyoya says:
i tried google but they only have dying on the news ones
Kyoya says:
i dont want to be on the news
••duality•?????np•• says:
i told you, not gonna help you with finding a way
••duality•?????np•• says:
and tough luck
••duality•?????np•• says:
either way you will be
••duality•?????np•• says:
either as one soldier killed or man committing suicide
Kyoya says:
lol i ship out in erm about, nov,.. dec..7 months
Kyoya says:
i dont want to stay in this crappy house with my crappy life
••duality•?????np•• says:
then make it better
••duality•?????np•• says:
fuck stop whining and GET OFF YER BUTT AND MAKE IT BETTER
••duality•?????np•• says:
IT ISNT EASY
I KNOW
••duality•?????np•• says:
BUT IM TRYING
••duality•?????np•• says:
atleast
••duality•?????np•• says:
I can say
••duality•?????np•• says:
i tried
••duality•?????np•• says:
what can you say?
Kyoya says:
i tried as well but everytime i take 2 steps forward i fall 3 steps back
••duality•?????np•• says:
thats quitters mentality
••duality•?????np•• says:
and i know
••duality•?????np•• says:
youre better
••duality•?????np•• says:
than that
Kyoya says:
lol if u think im better then this then u dont know me
••duality•?????np•• says:
okay then
Kyoya says:
ive been depressed way b4 we met
••duality•?????np•• says:
fine
••duality•?????np•• says:
i can give you that
••duality•?????np•• says:
so was i
••duality•?????np•• says:
guess what, fucker, i almost died thrice
••duality•?????np•• says:
because of overdoses
••duality•?????np•• says:
you know what
••duality•?????np•• says:
2 times
••duality•?????np•• says:
i was found by friends
••duality•?????np•• says:
and forced to vomit
••duality•?????np•• says:
1 time
••duality•?????np•• says:
i stopped myself
••duality•?????np•• says:
that was the ;ast time
••duality•?????np•• says:
and before you say anything
••duality•?????np•• says:
let me type out the story
••duality•?????np•• says:
i wont say that i saw angels...or family... or friends
••duality•?????np•• says:
or that god told me not to
••duality•?????np•• says:
nothing spiritual happened per se
••duality•?????np•• says:
but i did hallucinate like hell
••duality•?????np•• says:
and whatever
••duality•?????np•• says:
i know its a hallucination
••duality•?????np•• says:
but it was me
••duality•?????np•• says:
the me that i wanted to be
••duality•?????np•• says:
looking at me
••duality•?????np•• says:
disgusted
••duality•?????np•• says:
for being so fucking weak
••duality•?????np•• says:
taunting me and making fun of me
••duality•?????np•• says:
and calling me all the names i hated and still hate
••duality•?????np•• says:
fucking child stupid slut goddamn bitch
••duality•?????np•• says:
weak
••duality•?????np•• says:
mainly weak
••duality•?????np•• says:
im stubborn
••duality•?????np•• says:
i think you are too
••duality•?????np•• says:
and i hate
••duality•?????np•• says:
when people tell me i cant do something
••duality•?????np•• says:
theres one line i remember her saying to me.
••duality•?????np•• says:
I remember her saying
••duality•?????np•• says:
"you fucking weak bitch. whats the matter...you cant live anymore? whats so hard? are you seriously that stupid and weak, you useless littrle girl?"
••duality•?????np•• says:
little
••duality•?????np•• says:
and i got up
••duality•?????np•• says:
i got off of the floor
••duality•?????np•• says:
and puked up everything
••duality•?????np•• says:
and passed out
••duality•?????np•• says:
and bysome fucking miracle
••duality•?????np•• says:
or possibly justmy awesome immune system
••duality•?????np•• says:
i was fine
••duality•?????np•• says:
and guess what
••duality•?????np•• says:
i failed at finding myself
••duality•?????np•• says:
twice
••duality•?????np•• says:
i tried to live through another
••duality•?????np•• says:
failed that
••duality•?????np•• says:
i tried getting support from another (i.e. relationship)
••duality•?????np•• says:
and they failed miseraly
••duality•?????np•• says:
because i didnt fix the problem at the source
••duality•?????np•• says:
yeah, something was wrong with me, still is a little bit
••duality•?????np•• says:
but atleast im stronger
••duality•?????np•• says:
i can say
••duality•?????np•• says:
yeah
••duality•?????np•• says:
i lived through that
••duality•?????np•• says:
got a problem?
••duality•?????np•• says:
whatever
••duality•?????np•• says:
so then
••duality•?????np•• says:
after a particularly
••duality•?????np•• says:
nasty
••duality•?????np•• says:
and harsh
••duality•?????np•• says:
breakup
••duality•?????np•• says:
which cause me a lot of tears
••duality•?????np•• says:
i figured it out
••duality•?????np•• says:
i dont know how
••duality•?????np•• says:
i really dont
••duality•?????np•• says:
so i cant help there
••duality•?????np•• says:
but i just stopped crying
••duality•?????np•• says:
picked myself up off of the floor
••duality•?????np•• says:
and thought
••duality•?????np•• says:
"what the hell have i been doing"
••duality•?????np•• says:
and after that
••duality•?????np•• says:
i started taking care of myself
••duality•?????np•• says:
working out, pushing my limits, learning new things, discovering stuff i didnt even know
••duality•?????np•• says:
i didnt know that purple is my favorite color because it reminds me of my mother and the times she loved me
••duality•?????np•• says:
i didnt know that till then
••duality•?????np•• says:
i didnt know that the reason i wanted someone was because i was afraid to do it on my own
••duality•?????np•• says:
ill tell ya a secret
••duality•?????np•• says:
sometimes, im still afraid
••duality•?????np•• says:
im still afraid that i cant do it even though i have support
••duality•?????np•• says:
im afraid of failure, but atleast
••duality•?????np•• says:
now i try
••duality•?????np•• says:
but if i had just layed there on that floor
••duality•?????np•• says:
i wouldnt have met any of my new friends
••duality•?????np•• says:
i wouldnt know all this about me
••duality•?????np•• says:
i wouldnt think about anything important
••duality•?????np•• says:
i wouldnt have seen a historical event
••duality•?????np•• says:
guess what
••duality•?????np•• says:
if you want to help yourself
••duality•?????np•• says:
you have to do it (big surprise)
••duality•?????np•• says:
by yourself
••duality•?????np•• says:
mainly, atleast
••duality•?????np•• says:
i will help you along, if you want me to
••duality•?????np•• says:
i will be your support
••duality•?????np•• says:
fuck, ill get my friends w
••duality•?????np•• says:
who have gone through this hell as well
••duality•?????np•• says:
to help you too
••duality•?????np•• says:
it may not be appealing
••duality•?????np•• says:
and its not the easy way out
••duality•?????np•• says:
but atleast im offering that to you
••duality•?????np•• says:
make a choice now
••duality•?????np•• says:
do you want a helping hand or are you just gonna take the easy way (and the cowards way) out?
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