(no subject)
last night i got inspired, with weeks of dreams about boys.
a personal journal will be comming soon.
as i get into coles charger, im still reeling from the last two kisses and i recieve another. Cole is the star footballer at school. weve been going out for a year. Cole isnt that tall stocky. hes from a rich family inland. hes blonde with short hair and big blue eyes. i cant say that i dont love cole. he is the only boy ive ever loved. over the last few months ive grown from cole. i started to not like my prim life. i started drinking and trying anything i get my hands. i do have rules though. i dont smoke or shoot anything. thats just gross. being a ballet dancer i would never smoke. "how was laceys party?" i turn on my most popular gilr in school charm "it was pretty great." i remind myself to text cathy and tell her to tell him i was at the party. "you look great grams is gunna love you." oh shit i thought his grandma. " its fucking hot out" cole examined. i turned up the music so i wouldent have to talk anymore. cole is a really good boyfriend he opens my door when we pull up to the vallet. "remember not to wear your sunglasses unless were outside grams likes to see people eyes...dont ask me why..." his voice trails off and i remeber kenny stuffing something in my back pocket. i dig inside and find three roxys. im cought off gaurd. "yes" i say outloud cole catches me and says "what?" i start to laugh and say "oh, just answering mental questions. he grabs me, looking into what i assume is his rflection in my sunglasses he says "are you ok?" i think oh shit he knows im using/cheating on him? "im fine cole, lets go meet you grandma?" we walk holding hands untill we reach a short lady in a yellow sweater and madras shorts. "coley baby darling hunny bun! how arrrrre youuuu?" it almost makes me gag with the insest vibe im getting. after hardly paying attention and wondering where i can do my blue i hear " grams this is stacy my girlfriend. "nice to meet you mrs.tomson" i say in a upper class voice ive perfected. "i am very pleased to meet you also stacy ive heard soooooo much abooout you! you stunning! you and just beautiful! let me see your eyes lovely." uh oh i think to myslef what if my circles are still there i was in such a rush oh man i dont want cole to think somethings up. i take them off. "OH stunnnnning your lovley daaarling." after listening to stories and things i do not care about at all i leave for the bathroom. i crush up the little blue pill with to quaters and a bill then roll up another bill to snort it. blues are different then coke. you get high instantly you dont get numb. you cant pee. you cant eat if your used to them. and you can fall alseep and wake up so nicely. i like them. coke is expensive and too habbit forming. we end the lunch and go home. i play music to divert from talking. "so what are you doing tonight babes?" i try to think of something fast... "uh i was gunna walk to the ballet studio and exercise" good one "oh kay you need a ride?" lie..."no i like to walk." "ok have fun im going out with the guys tonight, love you" he kisses me and opens my door "love you" for cole a night out is going to play video games at his best friend travis'. travis is a nerd who plays video games all day and night. theyve been friends forever. its nice that cole doesnt forget his friends even tho hes the most popular guy at school. cole doesnt do drugs or drink he wants a carrier out off football. hes a really good guy. cole pulls away and i remember Danny.
Danny is shirtless and reading the newspaper. when he sees me he nearly jumps. "aw babes you scared me, whered you go?" "i had a lunch date...look umm this is hard to say but i have to say it." i have no idea how im going to get myself out of this mess. "then dont, k is comming over, he got money from his mom and stole a bottle of jack from his uncle were gunna go walk around and sell some blues, you in?" uh..jack and blues uh this could be allot of fun and its really nice out and walking is exercise. i smile and almost scream "yes! let me get changed" "you need help with that?" "no" i yell from the stairs. i didnt notice last night but danny has a huge tattoo of an eagle across his chest no color just black. i change into grat shot shorts and keep the white tank but i change my bra to a neon pink one so you can see it through. but on some necklaces and put heavy eye makeup on. i turn up some music really loud and danny walks up. "damn your one sexy babe." the way he uses his words is kinda funy but i like it. he grabs my hips and licks his lips i cant resist. we kiss this time more intence then this morning. his breath is so nasty and he smells discusting. this makes me like him more. hes all over me. he starts to unbutton my shorts i have to stop him. so i do."im sorry not now." he understands "i can wait" ugh i cant believe im in this deep. we go downstairs. "we cant just carry around jack, paper bags?" danny starts to laugh "really, babes we can do whatever we want." he screams "we have no limits WE ARE GODS!" as he finishes his sentence kenny walks in. "oh, is that right dan?" he looks even better then this morning. as he stepps into the kitchen he winks at me and i turn around so they dont see me blush. were all wearing hoodies with the hoods up as we walk towards the bay. i get a call from cathy: hey cath. um hey where are you? im walking around harbor. oh um why? cos theres nothing better to do. doug said you left with boys last night? i did they walked me home. oh, lacey said that they were druggies. laceys is stupid what does she know? stac she knows they go to her school. seilence... stac are you ok? yeah cath im fine call me when you your not on the rag k? click. ugh. i need another sip and another line. when we get to the bay kenny reads my mind. "go into the bathroom and you know" danny who always has a smart comment screams "PUT IT UP YA NOSE" thank god theres no one around. i do exactly that and i assume that they do the same. kenny comes into the girls room. "hey, um" hes really close and he smells so good. we start to kiss but then danny comes in. oh god i how he didnt see us. please please. "yo, hurry up lets go five oh is hot in this area" i guess he didnt see. the rest of the night is a blur. we got so wasted. and kept going to random public bathrooms to take lines. dannys brother calls him and flips out on him he has to go home home tonight he has work tomorrow. he has to start walking home. danny has some control over kenny and makes kenny go home with him after they walk home. there walk is two hours. kenny did it twice today. i smile at bolth of them on my porch. kenny comes running back and out of breath "i told danny that i left my stash..here.." he hands me some pills "take these same them ill be back you dont have to wait up but i have nothing to do tomorrow can we spend it together?" i think about what i have to do tomorrow...nothing its summer break. "yeah you can come over" with that he kisses my forhead and runs back to danny whos waiting at the corner yelling for him. im wasted, and i feel like dancing as i walk into my house i turn up the radio and start dancing. i have no idea what im doing with these boys but free drugs and booze. in my black lace bra and matching underwear dancing around to the loud music.i dont think life could get better then dancing to your favorite song half naked. for the first time in two days i look in the mirror. i have huge purple circles under my eyes. my long chocolate colerd hair is messy. im to skinny but thats what ballet dancers look like. my tatto on my shoulder is very bright and freckles are everywhere. i go put on my highest platforms and start to free style all over the house. al i go into a huge spin and jump i see cole standing there with his mouth open. i scream "ahhhh" and run he tries to yell over the music "babe is just me" i turn off the music and try to collect myself.
a personal journal will be comming soon.
as i get into coles charger, im still reeling from the last two kisses and i recieve another. Cole is the star footballer at school. weve been going out for a year. Cole isnt that tall stocky. hes from a rich family inland. hes blonde with short hair and big blue eyes. i cant say that i dont love cole. he is the only boy ive ever loved. over the last few months ive grown from cole. i started to not like my prim life. i started drinking and trying anything i get my hands. i do have rules though. i dont smoke or shoot anything. thats just gross. being a ballet dancer i would never smoke. "how was laceys party?" i turn on my most popular gilr in school charm "it was pretty great." i remind myself to text cathy and tell her to tell him i was at the party. "you look great grams is gunna love you." oh shit i thought his grandma. " its fucking hot out" cole examined. i turned up the music so i wouldent have to talk anymore. cole is a really good boyfriend he opens my door when we pull up to the vallet. "remember not to wear your sunglasses unless were outside grams likes to see people eyes...dont ask me why..." his voice trails off and i remeber kenny stuffing something in my back pocket. i dig inside and find three roxys. im cought off gaurd. "yes" i say outloud cole catches me and says "what?" i start to laugh and say "oh, just answering mental questions. he grabs me, looking into what i assume is his rflection in my sunglasses he says "are you ok?" i think oh shit he knows im using/cheating on him? "im fine cole, lets go meet you grandma?" we walk holding hands untill we reach a short lady in a yellow sweater and madras shorts. "coley baby darling hunny bun! how arrrrre youuuu?" it almost makes me gag with the insest vibe im getting. after hardly paying attention and wondering where i can do my blue i hear " grams this is stacy my girlfriend. "nice to meet you mrs.tomson" i say in a upper class voice ive perfected. "i am very pleased to meet you also stacy ive heard soooooo much abooout you! you stunning! you and just beautiful! let me see your eyes lovely." uh oh i think to myslef what if my circles are still there i was in such a rush oh man i dont want cole to think somethings up. i take them off. "OH stunnnnning your lovley daaarling." after listening to stories and things i do not care about at all i leave for the bathroom. i crush up the little blue pill with to quaters and a bill then roll up another bill to snort it. blues are different then coke. you get high instantly you dont get numb. you cant pee. you cant eat if your used to them. and you can fall alseep and wake up so nicely. i like them. coke is expensive and too habbit forming. we end the lunch and go home. i play music to divert from talking. "so what are you doing tonight babes?" i try to think of something fast... "uh i was gunna walk to the ballet studio and exercise" good one "oh kay you need a ride?" lie..."no i like to walk." "ok have fun im going out with the guys tonight, love you" he kisses me and opens my door "love you" for cole a night out is going to play video games at his best friend travis'. travis is a nerd who plays video games all day and night. theyve been friends forever. its nice that cole doesnt forget his friends even tho hes the most popular guy at school. cole doesnt do drugs or drink he wants a carrier out off football. hes a really good guy. cole pulls away and i remember Danny.
Danny is shirtless and reading the newspaper. when he sees me he nearly jumps. "aw babes you scared me, whered you go?" "i had a lunch date...look umm this is hard to say but i have to say it." i have no idea how im going to get myself out of this mess. "then dont, k is comming over, he got money from his mom and stole a bottle of jack from his uncle were gunna go walk around and sell some blues, you in?" uh..jack and blues uh this could be allot of fun and its really nice out and walking is exercise. i smile and almost scream "yes! let me get changed" "you need help with that?" "no" i yell from the stairs. i didnt notice last night but danny has a huge tattoo of an eagle across his chest no color just black. i change into grat shot shorts and keep the white tank but i change my bra to a neon pink one so you can see it through. but on some necklaces and put heavy eye makeup on. i turn up some music really loud and danny walks up. "damn your one sexy babe." the way he uses his words is kinda funy but i like it. he grabs my hips and licks his lips i cant resist. we kiss this time more intence then this morning. his breath is so nasty and he smells discusting. this makes me like him more. hes all over me. he starts to unbutton my shorts i have to stop him. so i do."im sorry not now." he understands "i can wait" ugh i cant believe im in this deep. we go downstairs. "we cant just carry around jack, paper bags?" danny starts to laugh "really, babes we can do whatever we want." he screams "we have no limits WE ARE GODS!" as he finishes his sentence kenny walks in. "oh, is that right dan?" he looks even better then this morning. as he stepps into the kitchen he winks at me and i turn around so they dont see me blush. were all wearing hoodies with the hoods up as we walk towards the bay. i get a call from cathy: hey cath. um hey where are you? im walking around harbor. oh um why? cos theres nothing better to do. doug said you left with boys last night? i did they walked me home. oh, lacey said that they were druggies. laceys is stupid what does she know? stac she knows they go to her school. seilence... stac are you ok? yeah cath im fine call me when you your not on the rag k? click. ugh. i need another sip and another line. when we get to the bay kenny reads my mind. "go into the bathroom and you know" danny who always has a smart comment screams "PUT IT UP YA NOSE" thank god theres no one around. i do exactly that and i assume that they do the same. kenny comes into the girls room. "hey, um" hes really close and he smells so good. we start to kiss but then danny comes in. oh god i how he didnt see us. please please. "yo, hurry up lets go five oh is hot in this area" i guess he didnt see. the rest of the night is a blur. we got so wasted. and kept going to random public bathrooms to take lines. dannys brother calls him and flips out on him he has to go home home tonight he has work tomorrow. he has to start walking home. danny has some control over kenny and makes kenny go home with him after they walk home. there walk is two hours. kenny did it twice today. i smile at bolth of them on my porch. kenny comes running back and out of breath "i told danny that i left my stash..here.." he hands me some pills "take these same them ill be back you dont have to wait up but i have nothing to do tomorrow can we spend it together?" i think about what i have to do tomorrow...nothing its summer break. "yeah you can come over" with that he kisses my forhead and runs back to danny whos waiting at the corner yelling for him. im wasted, and i feel like dancing as i walk into my house i turn up the radio and start dancing. i have no idea what im doing with these boys but free drugs and booze. in my black lace bra and matching underwear dancing around to the loud music.i dont think life could get better then dancing to your favorite song half naked. for the first time in two days i look in the mirror. i have huge purple circles under my eyes. my long chocolate colerd hair is messy. im to skinny but thats what ballet dancers look like. my tatto on my shoulder is very bright and freckles are everywhere. i go put on my highest platforms and start to free style all over the house. al i go into a huge spin and jump i see cole standing there with his mouth open. i scream "ahhhh" and run he tries to yell over the music "babe is just me" i turn off the music and try to collect myself.