(no subject)
i need to edit and add allot to all of this but im on a roll and i cant really stop i think this is all im gunn put up for now
when cole shocked me by showing up at my house while i was dancing in my underwear, i didnt know what to do. i stood there in shock. i was wasted beyond his conprehention. standing in heels and a bra and matching underwear. "Babe, what are you doing?" he said it like he just saw me commit a murder. all i could think is kenny is comming back. kenny is gunna walk in any second now. "umm well um uh...my parents they left i mean you know that and well you know i love to dance umm..." i was soo messed up i couldnt even talk never mind asking why he was here. "i called you five times to just talk and say goodnight and when you didnt answer i thought i'd drive over to see if you were all right." he said with worry in his eyes. i noticed then how much he loves me. he really cares for me. "im fine thanks my phone is upstairs, but thanks for checking in on me." my words almost mummbled as i stgged towards the bathroom he smelled me. "stac, have you been drinking?" oh shit "well umm wel i guess" oh shit "you guess of yes you've been drinking?" i was caught and now hell be mad. "yes, cole ive been drinking look we have to talk." i might as well talk to him while im loose and half naked i mean why not "ive been drinking for awhile and i dont me all night awhile i mean for like three months, cathy drinks and weve been drinking with her boyfriend doug and his friends sometimes and i love you but im not in love with you i will always love you and i mean that but i love you like a brother and i love that you love me and care and i dont want to hurt you but yes i drink now and i like it im young and i want to have fun and im sorry and im just sorry." he tried to take everything i said in and i was crying. and he was about to cry. " can i get you to bed?" i just nodded and he carryied me to my bed and said "i call you in the morning and ill come over and talk." again i nodded. after i hearding his car pull away and the house was quiet i got out Kennys stash and did another pill. i needed it after all that just happend. after that i went and put on a pair of leggings and a big t-shirt. kenny should be here soon so i started to watch some tv in the living room. it felt like i'd been watching old sitcoms for hours before i thought of calling him. no answer and a knock on the door. hey stepped inside without me opening the door and smiled. i turned off the tv and said "lets go upstairs to my room we can hangout there." he said "ok ill meet you up there i gotta oiss." "charming" i replyied and went upstairs. my room is light pink and very swank. i like that word so i use it to describe my room. i have a queen size bed with fluffy pillows and random stuffed animals on it. my walls have pictures of models boys and ballet stuff. i have my medals and various academic awards on my bookshelfd with all my books. i love to read. i have a desk to study and my laptop is on it. i have a small walk in closet, next to ballet, fashion is my next passion. when kenny reaches my room there is the low murmer of indie rock in the background and dim lighting. kenny is wearing a different outfit then before and he has a backpack. he comes and sits on my bed indian style across from me "hi." i say "hey." he returns. "um we have to talk." i say. "i know coz things have been really crazy the last few days but like crazy good and i just want to tell you that umm i kinda am totally into you and..." i cut him off "no dont be im bad like bad for you and danny this is all such a mess i mean we dont really even know eachother at all this is all soo messed up." were quiet for about another min and then he asks "can i do this?" he holds up a roxy. i say sure and he goes over to my desk. then he says something that helps "lets not make anything complicated, and just have fun ok?" i reply with "that sounds awsome kenny but were all into deep right now and everthing is complicated." when he finishes we lay on my bed and talk about everything. hes such a nice guy and his looks get better with every omission. his scar on his nose to his arms there all beautiful. we never talk about addictions past or present.when the talking stops it turns into cuddling and when he kisses my forhead i blurt out " i have a boyfriend." the sits up. "i knew it, it was all too good all of this was like a dream i mean a girl who partys listens to the music i listen to, has a threesome with my and my best bud and can hold her jack, i knew it had to be a dream." i start to cry everything comes rushing to me. who have become in the past two days. i would never do all the things ive done the last two nights a week ago. ive never done this much drugs, ive never drank this much, i dont have threesomes with randoms guys. he holds me while i cry. "im sorry, im soo bad. i told you not to like me." by the time the suns comming up i tell him everything. we cuddle untill we fall alseep. when i wake up hes not in my bed and then i hear talking. cole? oh my god hes talking to cole. could life get any worse?.
when cole shocked me by showing up at my house while i was dancing in my underwear, i didnt know what to do. i stood there in shock. i was wasted beyond his conprehention. standing in heels and a bra and matching underwear. "Babe, what are you doing?" he said it like he just saw me commit a murder. all i could think is kenny is comming back. kenny is gunna walk in any second now. "umm well um uh...my parents they left i mean you know that and well you know i love to dance umm..." i was soo messed up i couldnt even talk never mind asking why he was here. "i called you five times to just talk and say goodnight and when you didnt answer i thought i'd drive over to see if you were all right." he said with worry in his eyes. i noticed then how much he loves me. he really cares for me. "im fine thanks my phone is upstairs, but thanks for checking in on me." my words almost mummbled as i stgged towards the bathroom he smelled me. "stac, have you been drinking?" oh shit "well umm wel i guess" oh shit "you guess of yes you've been drinking?" i was caught and now hell be mad. "yes, cole ive been drinking look we have to talk." i might as well talk to him while im loose and half naked i mean why not "ive been drinking for awhile and i dont me all night awhile i mean for like three months, cathy drinks and weve been drinking with her boyfriend doug and his friends sometimes and i love you but im not in love with you i will always love you and i mean that but i love you like a brother and i love that you love me and care and i dont want to hurt you but yes i drink now and i like it im young and i want to have fun and im sorry and im just sorry." he tried to take everything i said in and i was crying. and he was about to cry. " can i get you to bed?" i just nodded and he carryied me to my bed and said "i call you in the morning and ill come over and talk." again i nodded. after i hearding his car pull away and the house was quiet i got out Kennys stash and did another pill. i needed it after all that just happend. after that i went and put on a pair of leggings and a big t-shirt. kenny should be here soon so i started to watch some tv in the living room. it felt like i'd been watching old sitcoms for hours before i thought of calling him. no answer and a knock on the door. hey stepped inside without me opening the door and smiled. i turned off the tv and said "lets go upstairs to my room we can hangout there." he said "ok ill meet you up there i gotta oiss." "charming" i replyied and went upstairs. my room is light pink and very swank. i like that word so i use it to describe my room. i have a queen size bed with fluffy pillows and random stuffed animals on it. my walls have pictures of models boys and ballet stuff. i have my medals and various academic awards on my bookshelfd with all my books. i love to read. i have a desk to study and my laptop is on it. i have a small walk in closet, next to ballet, fashion is my next passion. when kenny reaches my room there is the low murmer of indie rock in the background and dim lighting. kenny is wearing a different outfit then before and he has a backpack. he comes and sits on my bed indian style across from me "hi." i say "hey." he returns. "um we have to talk." i say. "i know coz things have been really crazy the last few days but like crazy good and i just want to tell you that umm i kinda am totally into you and..." i cut him off "no dont be im bad like bad for you and danny this is all such a mess i mean we dont really even know eachother at all this is all soo messed up." were quiet for about another min and then he asks "can i do this?" he holds up a roxy. i say sure and he goes over to my desk. then he says something that helps "lets not make anything complicated, and just have fun ok?" i reply with "that sounds awsome kenny but were all into deep right now and everthing is complicated." when he finishes we lay on my bed and talk about everything. hes such a nice guy and his looks get better with every omission. his scar on his nose to his arms there all beautiful. we never talk about addictions past or present.when the talking stops it turns into cuddling and when he kisses my forhead i blurt out " i have a boyfriend." the sits up. "i knew it, it was all too good all of this was like a dream i mean a girl who partys listens to the music i listen to, has a threesome with my and my best bud and can hold her jack, i knew it had to be a dream." i start to cry everything comes rushing to me. who have become in the past two days. i would never do all the things ive done the last two nights a week ago. ive never done this much drugs, ive never drank this much, i dont have threesomes with randoms guys. he holds me while i cry. "im sorry, im soo bad. i told you not to like me." by the time the suns comming up i tell him everything. we cuddle untill we fall alseep. when i wake up hes not in my bed and then i hear talking. cole? oh my god hes talking to cole. could life get any worse?.