Fuck.
I seriously hate my life. There's no changing my mind either. I am seriously the unhappiest that I have been in so long. I'm sitting here balling my eyes out. I have the worst luck EVER. With EVERYTHING. My family, my jobs, school, my cars. EVERYTHING. My family fucking sucks. It has since day 1. I cannot stand my family. Say whatever you want. I HATE MY FAMILY. I hate how my grandmother is a selfish conceited bitch and left my sick and basically dying grandfather. I hate how my Aunt always seems to think she knows whats right and what's wrong for me when I'm 19 years old and old enough to know what I should and shouldn't be doing. I hate how no one thinks I'm going to go anywhere in my life. How no one puts any faith into me and my decisions. How my sister thinks the entire world revolves around her, and when she doesn't get her way she'll do whatever it takes to get it. How she's spoiled rotten by each and every single family member of mine. EVERY LAST ONE. How my mom tries to tell me that I need to "suck it up" SUCK UP WHAT? How I've been working since I was 14 years old and I now have NOTHING to show for it because when SHE NEEDED MONEY, I had to give it to her. BECAUSE I ALWAYS PUT PEOPLE BEFORE MYSELF. WELL GUESS WHAT, I'M SERIOUSLY SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT. I'm TIRED of being a wreck. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling this way. I work 40 hours a week at the host and 27[more when the business starts to pick up] at Acker-Pak, and granted, I haven't gotten my Acker-Pak check yet, I still am going to have nothing. Every check I get has to go towards some bill that I have to pay. OR SOMETHING THAT GOES WRONG WITH MY CAR. My sunfire, 3 hours off the lot, blow a head gasket. A year and a half later, some asshole SMASHES into me, totals my car, drives away. What if I died you asshole, and you didn't even stop to see if I was ok. HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF? I don't get it. My accord, that I had to wait over a month for, that I didn't even want, 1 week later, need new brakes and rooters. Bye Bye $500. Now I have the Jimmy, 5 days tops, hit a deer and then today I find out that I need a new Wheel Bearing. The part ALONE cost $215 and it's what's considered a "special labor" so with my part cost and my labor I'm looking at between $400-500. Great Huh? Considering the fact that I have $30 in the bank and I STILL haven't paid my $134 cell phone bill that was due yesterday because I was gonna use this check to do it, but I can't because my car definitely has to come first. So now, my cells gonna be turned off. Great, fucking great. JUST FUCKING GREAT. Allison is pissing me off. Aaron's back in the picture, so that means I'm not. Awesome, actually. I DON'T CARE. Cuz I don't need that fucking shit. And, I'm really considering picking up a third job. Cuz, duh, I obviously need it. With all my fucking bills.
Monthly I pay:
$295 truck payment
$141 insurance
$30 time warner
$160 rent
and whatever my cell is, which is normally $60 but sometimes people are super cool and text message with me and they have cingular so they kill my phone bill. it's okay tho, I promise<3
and it's not good when gas is still $3 a gallon and I drive to Fairport every other day and I drive to the host on the off days. I will have no life if that's what it's going to have to come down to. If it takes me working 3 jobs to have $5 spending money, I'm gonna do it. And if that means that I put off going to school, well then so be it. I cannot afford to go to school and not work 2 jobs. And there's no way I could go to school and work 2 full time jobs. No way. I can't do it and I won't do it.
i don't even want to type anymore because i'm so aggravated so i won't.