Synagogue Woes

[iolanthe_rosa]

I'm having such a crisis of faith right now. Actually, it's not a crisis of faith, because I'm a fairly hardened atheist, but I've always nevertheless had a part of my brain that demanded spiritual care and feeding, and I find that it is no longer being fed by my synagogue. There are three legs to my problem's stool:

Comments

[jansong]

There is a Reform synagogue in town, and it's a definite option.
Seems like the direction you may find right out of all of this. I really appreciated your post. We've all experienced versions of your experience. You've provided me with some food for thought as we ride the train today.

[iolanthe_rosa]

I guess that's all "culture" is, really, is the conveyor belt you get put on in your particular time and place. I wish I weren't such an iconoclast. My life would be a lot easier.

*hugs*

[elanorkat]

A very, very interesting post. I'm honestly not sure what to suggest, aside from backing up other suggestions that you maybe quit the Conservative synagogue and try the Reform one? It does sound as if it might be more accommodating, and perhaps you do really need a clean change. Would it be a massive upheaval to change allegiances? I know absolutely nothing about this, not ever having been really part of any church or religious organisation to the extent that you are, but I can imagine it might be like a family break-up, moving synagogues. But perhaps the larger congregation at the Reform one would also be good for you - not only would you not have the baggage of being a 'past employee' but you'd also benefit from a little less prominence in a far larger pool. perhaps.

As a matter of genuine interest, what do you get from services, as a 'hardened atheist'? I know that you set a lot of store by maintaining cultural traditions for you and your children - which I think is grand, incidentally - but what is it you love about services if

[iolanthe_rosa]

I do like the idea of being a little fish in a big pool. I think I would benefit from a greater degree of anonymity at this point. Even before I became an active board member/volunteer, I always felt very exposed at services, because there were so few people there, and I hate the socializing

[starfishchick]

I really think I would like to be a part of Judaism as a culture/religion.

[iolanthe_rosa]

It's a wonderful "way," but it's almost impossible to get an "A" in Judaism, because there is just so much to it, so many rules and regulations, so for us Hermione Grangers out there it can be frustrating. It's good that I'm standing back for a minute and regrouping, because I think I was getting lost in the weeds.

[gentlehobbit]

Wow. That was a fascinating post. I know that you're all wrapped up in the frustration, but you have also painted a picture of a religion that I know very little about but have always found fascinating.

I think that you should move to the more relaxed synagogue. That more conservative "conveyor belt" seems rather ridiculous. There are some valuable things in there, yes, but a lot of it doesn't seem particularly connected to or necessary for a rich spiritual life.

I saw comments above about the conservative synagogue's membership declining. I think they really need to take a good look at that and ask themselves why.

[iolanthe_rosa]

The "Jewish Way" is a good one, and it's too bad we can't proselytize, because I think a lot of people would like it!

I like your description of the other place as the more "relaxed" one. I think that's exactly what I need: to get away from what feels like a place with a lot of pressures (of course, I put those pressures on myself more than they do).

Thanks for reading and commenting. You are a very patient person!

[xclairedelune]

Yeah..Sue had not been happy with our synagogue for a couple of years, but daughter #1 had been bat mitzvahed a couple of year ago and then was daughter #2's time last year, and every aspect of the hoops she had to go through were like fingernails on glass for her. She basically has not returned since #2's bat mitzvah and is retaining membership only because it has meaning for her husband. She has, however, entered the marathon conveyor belt, so maybe there are those who need to be on the belt in one form or another

[iolanthe_rosa]

Yes, I think you're exactly right that my control freak nature is offended on every level by this process.

Well, Bea has informed me that she is getting off the Judaism belt as soon as her bat mitzvah is over, which makes me sad, but it's her choice.

[zarchasmpgmr]

Well, Bea has informed me that she is getting off the Judaism belt as soon as her bat mitzvah is over, which makes me sad, but it's her choice.

Could this possibly be from her own experiences with the Conservative shul? It's an just an idea from this latent Episcopalian, but exposing her to the more open environment of a Reform synagogue might be a good change of pace.

[elanorkat]

Ooh, by the way, I forgot to comment on the prayer shawl. I don't really know anything about these, only that the fringes are important :-), but I do remember reading on some crafty person's blog that she was commissioned to do one, and I was surprised by the appearance, having expected something woven and sort of traditional-looking. This one was mostly ... pink. It was very beautiful, sort of a patchwork of differently-textured silks, but I had no idea that they looked so modern or so - girlie! I can see that a crafty textile person would have a lot of enjoyment making one for a relative. (And in charging $300 for one - eek!) So if you don't commission the delightful lady down the road to do one, what are the alternatives? And what does one do with a Bat Mitzvah prayer shawl afterwards? Does it get used at regular services, or for special occasions, or is it hoarded away like my wedding dress? :-( See, I know zilch about Judaism, aside from what I've picked up from novels along the way.

[iolanthe_rosa]

I made my own prayer shawl using silk paints and it's absolutely gorgeous. It has sweet peas on it and poppies. You wear them for Saturday morning services. They are optional for both men and women in the Conservative congregations, but mandatory if you go up to the bima (the place where the Torah is kept during services). So the bat/bar mitzvah boy or girl has to have one, because their whole ceremony is spent at the bima. Then they can wear it for the rest of their lives when they go to Saturday services

[zarchasmpgmr]

synagogue gift shops

Why am I drawing a very strange parallel between this and the fact that most special exhibits in museums (or single-purpose museums, cf. the California State Railroad Museum in Old Town Sac) at their end open into the gift shop?

[iolanthe_rosa]

Indeed! Our gift shop is a money-maker for the synagogue (one of the few). There's a huge world of Judaica out there, and we want our piece of the blintz pie!