Fic: One of Us
Then
"Why you care so much about 'm? They all trash."
Jensen had learned not to give what Joy had to say too much mind. He poured himself some coffee and finished it up in two big swallows. Joy regarded him distastefully but Jensen simply ignored her, putting down his cup. Cup. Chris would have a field day mocking him about this.
"He's innocent until presumed otherwise, Joy," he answered absent-mindedly, his mind still on Chris. It had been months since the wedding and Jensen hadn't heard a word from him. Or his grandma.
"Oh I can guarantee you, Michael Murray is guilty. He's as bad as the rest of the Murrays."
"Michael's only fifteen," Jensen pointed out tiredly. "He can still go to juvenile correction."
Joy huffed. "He might be a boy but he's still a thief."
"Joy. Just. Leave it." Jensen stood up, leaving his breakfast barely touched. Jensen was never one to discuss his cases outside the courtroom.
"Baby?" Joy reached out to him as he passed her at the door.
Jensen grimaced at the endearment and forced himself to turn to her, kissing the top of his wife's head.
"I'll be late. Don't wait up."
“Hey, Jensen.”
Looking up, Jensen saw Drew and sighed. “Hey, what’s up?” He didn't feel like talking to Drew. He was about to get into his car when Drew came up to him, putting his hand on Jensen's arm.
“You have time tonight?” he asked.
Jensen frowned. “I guess. Why?”
Drew smiled. "Tonight's going to be a full moon."
"So?"
"Well, Dad and I thought it was time for you to get to know us better, to take part in what we usually do. You're part of the family now."
"And? What do you usually do under the full moon?"
"We go hunting."
"Hunting," Jensen's voice was flat, thinking What the fuck?
"Yes," Drew was visibly excited. "What do you think the woods on the outside of the town is for?"
What was wrong with a simple Go Green? Jensen was starting to feel sick at the idea of killing animals.
"We'd like you to join us." Drew added.
"Uh." Jensen hesitated, trying to think of a way out of this. The only Fuller he was comfortable with was Joy and spending the night doing what he detested with people that he barely tolerated would be unbearable.
Probably sensing that hunting wasn't one of Jensen's favorite pastimes, he said, "Hey, if this will make you feel better, we don't hunt any deer or any other pretty creatures.”
Jensen let out the breath he'd been holding. "So what do you hunt?"
"Wild hogs."
Jensen glanced at his watch. "All right. I'll be there. And sorry, Drew, I really have to go."
Drew beamed. "Good. Joy'll be delighted that you're going to be there."
Jensen heart froze. His wife was into hunting, too? He had thought that Joy didn't know him but it seemed that he didn't know his wife either.
"No way I'm still mad at you, kid. How you doing?"
Jensen swallowed a smile. "I'm fine, Chris. It's just been so long since we talked. How's grandma?"
"She's doing good. Just misses you."
"Yeah," Jensen sighed, flipping open his notepad.
"What's up, Jen? Work okay?" Jensen couldn't help but smile at the obvious concern in Chris's voice.
"Joy's brother just invited me to join them for a hunting trip," Jensen said, feeling his stomach churn again. "Wild boar hunting."
"Wait a minute. Did you say yes? I know you, boy. You have a hard time looking at bloody evidence. You gave up on your job and returned to the university because of that."
"Chris, you just made me sound like a pussy. I came back to the job, didn't I?"
Jensen heard Chris draw a deep breath.
"Okay, okay. But you didn't agree to go hunting, did you?"
"I did, Chris." Jensen's voice was quiet. "And Joy will be there, too. Apparently it's a family thing."
Silence at the end of the phone. Jensen could only imagine what Chris was thinking.
"Hey, look, Chris. Wish I could talk longer but duty calls."
"Sure, kid, anytime."
"So glad to hear your voice again. Man, I really miss you."
Jensen was about to say goodbye when the door to his room opened and Jensen looked up, thinking that it was the bailiff calling for his presence at the courtroom. Instead, he saw a man standing there, pointing a handgun at him.
"Hang up the phone!" the man snapped.
Jensen stared at the man, frozen in shock.
"Put that down!"
Jensen was dimly aware of Chris shouting through the phone, demanding to know what was going on but he simply couldn't move.
That was when the door burst open and the security guards rushed in, lunging towards the gunman and tackling him, slamming him to the floor. One of them pinned the man's arms with his knees while his partner twisted the weapon out of his hand. Then the first guard wrenched both of the attacker's hands behind him and cuffed them. Together, the guards hauled him to his feet and dragged him out of the room.
Everything happened so fast. Someone came into the room, asking him whether he was alright and he shakily told her that he was alright, what was going on? He looked blankly at the phone in his hand before he remembered, Chris. He put down the phone after reassuring an extremely frantic Chris that he was all right but no, he couldn't talk right now.
God.
Chris hated feeling scared and he hated feeling it when it came to Jensen. And lately that was all he had been feeling where his best friend was concerned. He had said nothing to Jensen's grandmother though, not wanting to worry the old lady with the disturbing things he'd heard about Jensen’s in-laws. He just couldn't. But he'd promised to keep an eye on Jensen and he would.
And now somebody had apparently gotten past security and into Jensen’s room doing God-knew-what to Jensen. He had heard shouts and sounds of scuffling and after what seemed like hours, Jensen had come back to the phone telling him that he'd call later.
Chris couldn’t understand Jensen’s tendency to attract bad things. This was even worse than what had happened to him after he left the firm where he and Chris had worked. Chris had told Jensen that he would get used to the workload. But Jensen - being Jensen - he couldn't stand the pressure anymore so he'd gone back to teaching.
Chris rubbed his face, staring blankly at the files and folders on his table. He covered his face with both hands, making up his mind. He'd go to Killeen first thing in the morning and to hell with what the Fullers think of him.
Jensen refused to adjourn the trial despite what had happened. Chad Murray's attack had shaken him but he would not let anyone scare him or stop him from doing his job.
But now he wasn’t feeling too sure. He remembered what happened back when he was at the university all too clearly but he was determined not to dwell on that. He thought of Chris and picking up his phone, he dialed his friend's number but to his dismay, there was no answer. Damn.
“You can’t do that to my boy! He’s just fifteen. A kid. Isn't it enough that you just put my other boy in prison?"
Jensen had just finished with the sentencing of Michael Murray and he didn't acknowledge the loud protests coming from the enraged Mrs. Murray. She and her two sons were restrained from getting to him by the guards as he calmly got up to walk towards his chambers.
These people just did not understand that their youngest would fare a lot better in the juvenile correction center where he would be away from their vile influence. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't realize that one of the Murray boys had managed to duck out of the guards' clutches, lunging straight at him and would have been on him when someone else rushed up and swung a chair, hitting young Murray who went down with a sickening thud.
That was when he saw who had come up to intervene. His brother-in-law. “Drew? What’re you doing here?” He hated how his voice was shaking a bit. You didn’t get to be attacked twice in one day but apparently he did.
Drew came up to him, his face worried. He grabbed Jensen, holding him tight in his arms. He didn't seem to care that everyone in the room was watching them. "You okay? I just heard about what happened in your office.”
Jensen tried to pull away but Drew only held him tighter. “Damn it, Drew, let me go. I’m all right, really."
Jensen didn’t want to make a scene but this was too weird, Drew holding him in what was almost like a lover's embrace, his hands rubbing circles on his back. He pushed his hands against Drew's chest and to his relief, Drew finally released him, looking at him with obvious concern. "I'm just worried, Jensen." He patted Jensen on the cheek, the touch soft, intimate. "I’ll see you tonight then. You’re not bailing out, are you?”
The hunting trip. He had forgotten about that. Jensen rubbed his face. He was so screwed.
After mulling it over, Jensen decided to call Drew and tell him that he would just join them after the hunt and maybe take part in the butchering. He just couldn't stomach the idea of killing animals no matter how attractive Drew made it sound like. Drew grudgingly accepted Jensen's reason of being too emotionally exhausted after the double incidents at the office.
He had spoken to Joy, told her about what had happened and she was concerned, but apparently not concerned enough to come see him in person. Jensen was somewhat bemused by that but what the heck. He really couldn't be bothered by the should haves or could haves.
Jensen looked up when the door opened, smiling when he saw Eddie, one of the security men, coming in with paper bags that smelled of lunch.
"Just what I need." He started rummaging through the contents of the bags, waving Eddie to the seat in front of him. "Mmm, they smell so good."
Grinning, Eddie opened up his own bag. "Got you double cheeseburger, fries, and onion rings. That okay?"
"Sounds great. I'm starving." Not relishing the idea of being alone, Jensen was glad to have Eddie for company.
"They'll regret it," Eddie said with his mouth full.
"Huh? Who?"
"The Murrays. Fuller won't simply let this go."
Jensen stopped eating, staring at Eddie. "What are you talking about, Cahill?"
"Drew Fuller thinks the Murrays are all thrash. He'll get rid of them one way or another."
Jensen put down his burger, suddenly losing his appetite. He had a funny feeling that Eddie wasn't only talking about the Murrays. That he was warning Jensen somehow.
Jensen squeezed Joy's hand and she squeezed back. He still wished that Joy wasn't there but she had insisted on coming, saying that she was used to all this.
He looked around him and noted that almost all of the townspeople were there. Men mostly, with a few women here and there. To his dismay, the man who had danced with his wife at their wedding was there, too, the man whose nose Jensen had broken. He was talking to Joy's father, laughing at whatever it was Kurt was saying to him. Jensen felt his temper rising and he quickly looked away from the man.
Jensen was suddenly aware of a prickling sensation at the back of his neck, as if someone were watching him. He glanced back and saw Drew, who lifted his hand in salute, smiling. Jensen felt his face reddening. Reaching for Joy, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Joy leaned into him and he kissed her on the neck, nuzzling her a little. For show or not, Joy was his wife, and he felt safe with her. Eddie hadn't come and Jensen wasn't sure whether he was relieved or disappointed by that.
He felt sweat run down his face and his shirt was plastered uncomfortably to his back. The night was warm and added to that, there was a big bonfire at the centre of the clearing. Jensen's eyes were drawn back again and again to the pile of dead hogs and the carcass hanging upside down beside the fire. He was starting to feel restive when a loud cheer went up as Kurt, Drew and the sheriff moved towards the bonfire, knives in their hands.
Jensen gripped Joy's hand tight, bracing himself to what he knew was going to happen next. The cheer grew louder and through it all, Jensen heard a thick, gristly sound and the next thing he felt was a sudden splash of something warm on his face. He looked around him through the haze in his eyes and he saw red everywhere, gleaming wet and shiny, and that was when he realized what it was.
Blood. Blood everywhere. Spattered on their clothes, on their faces, on the ground, and the sharp, glistening steel of the knives, dripping with blood. Jensen felt his stomach roil and he spun around and retched to the last of his lunch with Eddie.
Now
FBI Agent Jeff Dean Morgan felt like banging his head against the wall. "But how could any of you not notice them when they left? Don’t you have nurses on every floor?"
Dr. Cooke stared at him. "None of us suspected they were running away from anything. Why should we?"
"For your information Jared Padalecki isn't a fugitive," Jeff said in annoyance. "You said he lost his memory, didn't you?"
Dr. Cooke didn't answer and Jeff started to get impatient. "Doctor, I’d like to see the forms Jensen filled out.”
Jeff looked at the forms the doctor gave him, his frustration growing by the minute. There was nothing remotely helpful there. Nothing.
“Do you have any idea where they might be heading? Did Ackles say anything to you in passing?”
"Nope, nothing. He didn't say anything much really. And they didn't sign the release form for Jared. They just ... disappeared."
Jeff had been told about the extent of Jared's injuries and the surgery he had to go through. And that only increased his concern, Jared being incapacitated like that.
They were interrupted by an agent coming into the room. “Agent Morgan, sir? We just found out that someone had sold an old Toyota to Ackles."
Morgan nodded, pleased that they now might have an actual lead. “Where’s this man? Take me to him.”
“Certainly, sir.”
They didn't look at the doctor as they went out of the room.
The smell of freshly-brewed coffee woke Jared up. He stumbled his way towards the back of the house, yawning and scratching at his belly as he entered the kitchen. The kitchen had a Southern feel to it, a bit cluttered but clean and airy. A simple breakfast had been laid on the table and Jared's tummy rumbled at the sight of it. Jensen was at the sink with his back to him, washing up.
“Coffee?” Jensen said without turning around.
“Yes, sure.” Jared looked around him. “Where’s Tristan?”
"Still sleeping. He usually doesn't wake up until ten."
"I see that you have everything you need here."
Jensen turned towards him and Jared immediately regretted his somewhat brusque comment. Jensen looked exhausted. He had dark circles under his eyes and his freckles stood out starkly amidst the pallor of his skin.
“I’ve just been to the store.”
"Without Tristan?" Jared couldn't help but feel discomfited, knowing that he had been left alone in the house with the baby.
"Yes, Jared." There was a hint of a smile in Jensen's voice. "It's much easier to go shopping without a baby in your arms, you know."
For some inexplicable reasons, Jared felt irritated. “Did you wish you had taken Tristan so you could just leave me here?”
Jensen sighed. “I’m not going anywhere, Jared. Not without you.”
"And we're hiding here. Why?"
"We're not hiding from anyone.”
"Aren't we? I don’t see any phone or radio or a computer here. Staying in a place without any means of communication is called hiding, Jensen.”
Jared continued when Jensen didn't answer him. “Is Tristan the reason why you’re running?”
“What? No.” Jensen protested, tilting his chin up, his eyes stormy. "Why is it so difficult for you to believe me, Jared?"
Jared helped himself to a mug of coffee from the coffee maker and sipped from it. He sat at the table, placing his mug by the plate of food there. He was hungry and his wounds hurt but he was more tired of what Jensen was saying. Or not saying. Jensen was lying, he was sure of that. Jared had touched him, had held him intimately, and while they had both got off last night, he didn't really feel any kind of familiarity and closeness that he should have felt if Jensen were really someone he was married to. He sighed.
Jensen moved to his side, putting his hand on Jared's arm. "I just want you to get better. I want you to remember who you are. Who I am. Dr. Cooke said this amnesia isn't permanent. You’re going to heal given the time. You must believe me that I’ve never meant you any harm.”
Looking up at Jensen, Jared knew, in that at least, Jensen was telling the truth.
“Jensen…”
Jensen put a finger to his lips while his other hand continued rocking his baby. Jared nodded and backed away from the room, deciding to go back to the kitchen to wait.
Jared was still wary of the baby. Babies. Yet looking at Tristan sleeping peacefully in Jensen's arms made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. The baby looked so little yet safe and protected. Perhaps it was Jensen who made Jared forget his mixed feelings towards babies. The silent care and love Jensen lavished on his son might have compelled Jared to feel differently toward Tristan. And that had forced him to rethink his actual feeling towards Jensen. His frustration grew and Jared felt like lashing out.
“Jared, what is it?”
Jensen appeared at the door, his eyes widening in shock.
Jared was holding a gun and pointing it directly at Jensen.
Then
Jensen swirled the beer bottle in his hands. Sitting down on a rock, he stared vacantly around him. People were putting up more hogs for beheading, chopping them up, and dividing them amongst those present. Jensen was past retching but the nausea in his stomach would not subside, it just seemed to get worse and worse, and he downed more of his beer.
He caught a glimpse of a man standing apart from the others who looked familiar. He knew the guy. He just had to remember where he’d seen…
It was the man who had been with Joy on their wedding day.
Jensen slammed the bottle down and charged forward.
“Hey!” he shouted. “What are you doing here?”
The people around him went silent, watching with avid interest.
Joy grabbed hold of his arm. “Jensen, what’re you doing?”
Jensen shook her off. “Did you invite him here, Joy?” Jensen pointed at the man. “Or did the two of you come here together?”
“Jensen, are you drunk?”
Jensen ignored her and continued walking towards the man who seemed to be frozen in place.
“Dude, I-”
Jensen answered that with a blow to the man's face. It felt good. The pain that flared in his fist felt good. He threw another punch and the other man went down.
“Jensen, stop it!”
It was Drew who grabbed him and held him back. “What’s wrong with you, man? You’re drunk. Come on. I’ll drive you home, okay?"
"No," he spat. Jensen struggled out of Drew's clutches, pushing him away. “I’m going home with Joy.” Jensen looked around and saw her surrounded by her friends, looking distressed. Jensen strode towards her and took her elbow. “We’re going, honey.”
Ignoring her protests, Jensen dragged her to where his car was. He swayed as they reached it, feeling dizzy, and he shoved the keys into her hand. "You drive."
“You don’t want to do this, Jensen. I know you. You’re not like this." Joy backed away from Jensen, afraid.
“Yeah? Well let me tell you something. You have no idea how I am. Who I am.” Jensen edged closer, fingers slowly unbuttoning his shirt, shrugging it off. He began to unbuckle his belt.
Joy stared at him as she stumbled backwards on the bed. She crawled up the bed and lay down on her back, fumbling with her blouse and skirt.
Jensen was on her before she could get them off.
Joy stirred and opened her eyes. Turning to her side, she looked at Jensen. She watched him as he slept on, his lips slightly parted, his lashes long and thick fanning his freckled cheeks. He's beautiful, she thought. Almost too beautiful, this man she had just married.
Sadly, he was never really going to be wholly hers. The vows they'd made to each other that day were only a way out for both of them, a marriage of convenience. Joy could only be grateful that she had Alan who loved her unquestionably. She wondered if Jensen had someone who would love him like Alan loved her. If he had a special someone, Joy had never seen her. Or him. Joy had long suspected that was how Jensen was and she believed that her father and brother knew about it, too.
If only her father could have just accepted Alan to be his son-in-law. Joy would have been happily married to a man she loved and who loved her in return. But her dad would never agree. Alan wouldn’t ever be good enough for the daughter of Kurt Fuller, Alan being just a lowly store clerk with no prospect whatsoever.
Tonight shouldn’t have happened. She'd been shocked when she saw Jensen. She'd never thought Drew would invite him. And that had ruined everything.
Jensen had seen Alan, had hit him without a second thought. She didn't even get the chance to check whether Alan was alright before Jensen dragged her away, and she still hadn't called him yet. She had fallen asleep after Jensen had finished with her, tired and sore all over.
Slowly creeping out of bed, trying not to wake Jensen, Joy grabbed her blouse and skirt up from the floor and put them on. Silently, she opened the door and slipped out of the room.
The pounding in his head intensified as Jensen remembered what had happened the previous night. God, he shouldn't have let that happen. He'd practically forced himself on Joy, something he'd never done to anyone, something he'd never imagine he'd ever do. Had he sunk that low, reduced to being like those who'd done the same thing to him - no. He wasn't going there, ever.
Jensen looked around the bedroom and closed his eyes tight when he saw that he was alone. He wasn't surprised. Of course Joy would be gone after what he'd done. They should have called it quits. He should just say to hell with everything, his job, her father, and just walk away.
He felt bile suddenly rising up in his throat and Jensen dashed to the bathroom. He dry-heaved into the sink as memories piled up into his mind one after the other. The slaughter, the blood, the dead animals, Joy, his own colleagues circling around him, laughing, mocking him… God. Jensen could no longer stop his mind from going there, a place where he’d rather never return to in his life. He continued to retch but nothing came up. His mind turned to Chris, the only one who knew what had happened to him. He had refused to talk to anybody else, had refused to go to a shrink. He’d chosen to bury it deep and get on with life. Life that was as screwed as the one he had now.
Gasping, Jensen looked up and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked totally wrecked. He turned on the tap, rinsed out his mouth and washed his face, rested his face against the porcelain sink while he took deep breaths to calm himself.
The telephone was ringing as he stumbled back into the bedroom. Frowning, Jensen picked it up hoping it wasn’t Joy or Drew, he just didn't feel up to talking to either of them.
“Mr. Ackles?”
“Who’s this?” he rasped into the receiver, his throat raw from all the retching.
"Eddie here. Judge, I know it’s not appropriate to call you on a Sunday morning like this but ...,” the voice at the end of the phone paused, "It’s Murray, Judge. Michael. He’s been - there has been…”
“Eddie, what’s going on?” Jensen spoke sharply, his voice raised.
“He’s dead, Judge. Someone shot him on his way to the correction center from the city jail.”
Michael Murray. The kid Jensen thought he was helping by sentencing him to do his time just so that the kid could get away from his dysfunctional family. And now he was dead.
“Judge, you have to be careful.”
“What do you mean?”
You don’t think Michael’s family will just accept this, do you?”
"You think they're going to come after me?"
"Judge, listen to me. You have to be careful. And I don’t mean just of the Murrays.”
Jensen was startled. There was something else Eddie was trying to tell him, reminding Jensen of his words the other day. Was Drew Fuller involved in all this? Jensen shook his head. He needed proof, solid evidence and not just some implied talk from employees of the court. He put down the phone and slumped down on the bed, feeling sick to his stomach.
Now
“That’s-” Jensen began, then stopped.
“I know. It isn't loaded.” Jared brought the gun down, and placed it on the table in front of him. “Whose is it?”
“Mine.” Jensen took it and put it back inside the drawer. “What are you doing rummaging through my stuff?”
Jared had been looking for a phone when he'd found the gun. “What do you need a gun for?” he asked back instead.
“What do you think? Self-protection, what else?”
“Why do you need it?” Jared repeated. “Does it have anything to do with us sneaking out of that hospital in the dead of the night?"
Jared was feeling even more uneasy than usual. Finding the gun was one thing, but the familiarity that he felt when he was holding the gun, like it belonged in his hand, that he couldn't explain.
"Don't be silly, Jared. Everyone has guns nowadays. Let it go, okay?” Jensen looked at Jared in the eyes.
Jared wasn't happy with the answer, but decided to let it slide, for now. “As you wish.”
Jensen nodded. “Good.”
“Where are you going?” Jared asked as Jensen turned away.
“The bandage on your head, it needs to be changed.”
"Do you know how to? Don't we need to go to the hospital for that?"
“I’m not going to the hospital again.”
"Why not?” There was a challenge in Jared's voice, a tilt to his chin.
"C'mon, Jared. It’s nothing. I’m not wasting my time, money, and energy on something as trivial as that. I can do it, okay?"
Jared huffed, relenting. “Oh, all right. Let’s just get it over with.”
"Good," Jensen said, relieved. "And I won't hurt you, I promise."
Jared closed his eyes, trying to concentrate more on the fact that his wounds were being tended by untrained hands rather than the line of Jensen's neck right before his eyes. He was half-hard just from having Jensen so near to him, his heat and his masculine smell enveloping Jared all around that Jared felt like he couldn't breathe. He winced a little when Jensen wiped at the still raw wound, his touch gentle and careful.
Jensen let the wound air-dry for a few minutes, then he covered it with sterile gauze and wrapped it with elastic gauze and taped that to hold it in place.
“There,” Jensen said in obvious satisfaction of his own handiwork. “It’s good, doesn't look infected at all."
“Wait.” Jared caught Jensen’s wrists when Jensen started to pull back and for several seconds they both froze, unable to look away from each other.
"Jared ..."
“Huh?”
“Will you let go of my hands? I’m finished here.”
"Oh sure." Jared quickly released Jensen's hands, feeling his face heat up.
Jensen stood up and began clearing the table. He looked distant and troubled. Jared wondered what was going through Jensen's mind. The lies that he had told Jared? Jensen might have said over and over that everything he told Jared was the truth, and Jared himself wanted to believe that Jensen was telling the truth, but Jared couldn't help feeling that Jensen had not been entirely straightforward with him, and it could be anything from them being married to them running away from something - or someone.
"Uh, Jensen," Jared started and stopped when Jensen turned to look at him. "Thanks, you know, for this," he pointed to his neatly bandaged wound. He stood up and without thinking, put his hand on Jensen's shoulder as he walked past Jared but to his surprise, and hurt, Jensen brushed him off abruptly.
"Don't touch me," he said brusquely as he moved away, his face unreadable.
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“’s okay,” Jensen mumbled, averting his eyes. "Tristan's awake. I'll be in his room if you need me."
Jared found Jensen gently rocking Tristan in his arms when he followed him into the room. He was singing a lullaby, his voice low and soothing, and Jared stood for a while at the door, just looking. The baby’s big green eyes, so similar to Jensen’s, blinked at him. Jared smiled, his heart melting at the sight.
“He’s so beautiful,” he whispered, not wanting to disturb the tranquility of the moment.
“He is.”
“He has your eyes.”
Jensen didn't answer him but he smiled as he looked down at Tristan, his face open with so much love in his eyes.
Jared scratched the back of his head. He was hesitant to broach the subject but he needed to know. “I - well. So there was a surrogate mother? We didn’t adopt Tristan, did we?”
Jensen remained silent and there was a momentary look of profound sadness on his face before a veil seemed to go up and he looked guarded, tension lining every inch of his body.
“Jensen?”
“Y-yes. We used a surrogate mother.”
“What happened? Was there ... trouble with her?"
Jared could see Jensen struggling to answer him and he wondered what lies Jensen would give him this time. Jensen paced around the room, Tristan held close to him. The baby was gurgling happily, unaware of the mounting tension in the room.
"No, Jared, there was no trouble," Jensen finally answered. "She was a college student, she needed money and she left after Tristan was born.”
“Have you ever heard from her again?”
"No. And she can't do anything to get him back. She signed all the legal documents, waiving all rights to him. I've got it all covered, Jared, and you know I'm good at that."
“No, Jensen, I don’t. You tell me. Amnesiac here, remember? So what are you? A lawyer? Yeah, that makes sense."
"What do you mean?" Jensen shot at him, his eyes narrowing. The baby whimpered a little and Jensen shushed him, immediately lowering his voice. "What made sense?"
Jared went on as if he didn't hear Jensen. "You're a lawyer, and maybe your clients were the mafia and now you’re hiding out from the FBI or perhaps from the mob themselves?”
Jensen laughed but it sounded strained to Jared's ears. “You watch too many movies,” he said dismissively.
Jared shrugged. “Maybe. Or you know, you can just - tell me."
Jensen slowly and gently put Tristan who had finally fallen asleep inside the crib. He sighed. "Jared, there really is nothing to tell. And you'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and remember everything and you'll see that there's nothing dramatic about all this, about us."
Jensen sounded so convincing that Jared almost believed him. Almost. He groaned in despair. He wanted to remember, damn it. But what if he never did regain his memories. What if. What if. He felt like screaming at Jensen to just tell him what the fuck was going on but one look at Jensen's face and he knew that was all he was getting out of him. At least for now.
Then
Jensen wanted to scream. God, he wanted to jump on the roof of his house and shout this sweetest, most wonderful news to the world. He was going to have a child. He had been so dumbfounded just now when Joy called to tell him that he was speechless for a moment, until she asked if he was still with her.
He'd assured her that he was, and now he was on his way to pick up his wife. He wanted to sweep her off her feet and carry her to the fanciest restaurant in town. Joy had almost said no when Jensen told her they had to celebrate the fantastic news but Jensen wouldn't hear any of that. It was something worth celebrating. A child. They were going to have a baby.
Jensen thought with regret the way he had treated her that night after the hunt. And how their relationship had cooled off in the weeks and months after. Oh they still have sex but it was no longer satisfying for him and he suspected that Joy didn't enjoy it much either. He had buried himself in work, work, and work, coming home late, sometimes sleeping in his office even.
There were times when he had thought of divorcing Joy, of ending their sham of a marriage. He had talked to Chris about it and Chris didn't voice any objection to that.
But there was no such thought in his mind right now. Jensen felt only sheer elation when he heard those words, "Jensen, I'm pregnant," from Joy. It seemed nothing else mattered anymore but that a whole little person, a new life, was growing inside of his wife.
They were curled up together on the couch, Jensen with his arm around Joy, her hand on his chest. Comfortable. Happy. The television was on but neither of them paid it any attention. Jensen ran his fingers through Joy's hair.
"That was a lovely dinner, Jensen," she said softly. "Thank you."
Jensen smiled and said, "Joy, I promise I'll make up to you for all the time I spent at the office." He bent a little and kissed the top of his wife's head. "I love you," he said quietly. "We'll make this work, alright?"
Joy captured his mouth with hers. "Oh, Jensen, we will. And I'm sorry for everything, baby."
Their kisses deepened and Jensen drew Joy into his arms. He reached for the remote control to switch off the television when the phone rang, shrill and loud and insistent.
Muttering his annoyance, Jensen pulled back, looking down at his wife. Joy's lips were swollen red, her eyes full of desire. Don't move, he mouthed to her.
"Hello, Ackles residence."
"Hey, Jensen." It was Drew. "Wanna join me tonight for a drink?"
"I'm, uhh, we're kinda busy, Drew," he said as he glanced over at Joy.
"Oh? At home? Who's we?"
Jensen hated the tone of Drew's voice. He had been keeping tabs on Jensen lately and it annoyed him so much. Jensen wondered what Drew wanted from him.
"It's Joy and me, of course. Why?" Jensen tried to hold on to his temper. "Drew," he said in an undertone to Joy when she raised her eyebrows quizzically.
"Oh, of course." Drew laughed. "Congratulations, you two. Bet you're celebrating it now."
"Yeah. Thanks." Jensen grinned, his good mood restored.
"You take care of her, okay, Jen?"
"Always, man. Don't worry about her."
"Everything okay?" Joy asked after Jensen hung up the phone.
"Yeah. He asked me out for a drink."
Joy linked her fingers behind Jensen's neck, tugging him down towards her and laughed, "If I don't know any better I'd think that Drew has the hots for you."
Jensen spluttered, feeling his face heat up. "Joy!" he said, annoyed, then relented when his wife giggled. She was teasing him of course. "Oh, Drew sent his congratulations. He was happy for us."
The blood drained from Joy's face and she pushed him away from her, her body trembling.
"Honey, what's wrong?"
"I haven't told anyone else about it," she whispered.
Jensen didn't understand it. Joy looked absolutely terrified. Okay, maybe Drew knowing about the pregnancy without Joy telling him was a bit freaky but Drew was Joy's brother. Surely she should not be afraid of her own brother?
He grasped her arms and shook her gently. "Tell me." Jensen wasn't sure what he was asking about. Tell me why you're afraid of your brother, tell me what happened, what? What did he need to know?
Tears were streaming down Joy's face. "I - I did the test myself, at home. I told no one but you."
The fuck? Had that creepy brother of hers been spying on her? At their house? But still, it didn't explain why Joy should look like death warmed over on learning that Drew knew about her pregnancy. Unless -
"Joy," he choked, feeling sick. "Is this - really my baby?"
Joy gasped. "How - how dare you!" She jumped out of the sofa but Jensen caught her arm.
"Then why the freak-out? There's must be dozens of explanations how Drew knew, but what I want to know now is why are you so afraid?”
"I’m not-"
Jensen went on like he didn't hear her, his voice cold. Clinical. "A daughter of one of the most respectable people in town. Married to a judge." He released Joy's arm and stood up. "The baby may be Alan's, right?" he said tiredly. "And Drew knows. He knows that you're seeing that son-of-a-bitch. And now you're afraid that he thinks the baby's Alan's, afraid of what he might tell your father."
He didn't wait for her to answer, just rose and headed for his bedroom. "Well done, Joy," Jensen said without looking back, ignoring his wife’s pleading tone as she called out his name.
Jensen spent more time at his office than at home now. They slept in separate rooms though to outside eyes, they were still together. They said nothing to Joy's father and brother. Once, when Drew caught Jensen alone in a bar, he had asked how the baby was doing and something in his eyes made Jensen think that Drew might have suspected something was amiss.
"Hey, you're keeping your word, aren't you?"
"What word?" Jensen asked tiredly. He was in no mood for small talks, and certainly not with Joy's brother.
"That you're going to look after her."
Jensen didn't bother to answer him. He put his bottle down on the table a little harder than necessary, thinking of ways to get away from his brother-in-law when Drew's next word froze him on the spot.
"Come on, Jen," he shifted closer, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial tone. "I know where she's going every day when you're busy staring at Eddie's ass in the courtroom."
"What? You -" Jensen was too stunned to say anything more coherent. He stared at Drew, but Drew only looked back at him, his gaze knowing and unyielding. A slight smile played across his lips, audacious and borderline cruel.
Jensen's head started to pound. What Drew was saying - what he was implicating - not only about Joy but Jensen as well. He'd never, ever. He and Joy, they didn't talk much lately but he had been there when she needed him. Joy was in her fifth week and she didn't suffer much in terms of morning sickness but he was there in other ways. And to have Drew suggesting that Jensen was playing around ...
"You're her husband, Jensen." Drew's voice was heavy with disappointment and Jensen felt like he was being kicked in the gut. "It's your job to be with her, put her in line. If anything bad happens, Jen, it's your fault."
"You threatening me?" Jensen asked, his voice shaking.
"What? No, of course not."
"What do you want from me, Fuller?"
Drew tipped his bottle to Jensen, smiled and rose from his stool. "You're a good man, Jensen. We need someone like you."
Jensen stared at his retreating back, unsettled and ill at ease. He had a bad feeling about all this.
For the next couple of months, Jensen hardly let Joy out of his sight. So much so that she began to complain about feeling smothered by his over-protectiveness. But Jensen didn't care, she and her child were his responsibility. He still had his doubts about who the father of the baby really was, but Joy was his wife. And he couldn't get what Drew had cryptically said to him that night in the bar out of his mind.
The phone on his office desk rang. It was Drew.
"How's the future daddy?" Jensen could hear the smirk in Drew's voice.
"I'm fine," he answered tersely, wanting to end the conversation as soon as possible. "What's up?"
"Nothing. You busy?"
"Same old, same old."
"No time for hog hunting tonight?"
It was that time again? Jensen sighed.
"Look, Drew. I'm not really a hunting person…" He halted when he heard Drew's derisive laugh. "I'm very busy, Drew. We have-"
"Yeah, yeah. I know. That Murray murder isn't solved yet, right?"
Damn it. Jensen stiffened and unconsciously clenched his fist. He knew Drew knew almost all the happenings in town but it still made him feel uncomfortable when Drew shoved it in his face like that.
"None of your business, man. Look, I can't go tonight, all right? If you have nothing else to talk about, I really have to go." Jensen glanced at his watch. It was almost eight. He wondered where Eddie was. When he had to work late, Jensen preferred having Eddie with him rather than the other guards.
"Wait, Jensen." Something in Drew's voice made Jensen's blood suddenly run cold. "Say hi to Cahill for me."
"What -" Jensen started to say when Drew hung up the phone, the silence that followed was like thunder in Jensen's ears. He slammed his phone down and ran to the door. It was eerily quiet outside in the hall.
"Eddie?" he called out. No one was outside his office. "Eddie, where are you?" He took out his cell phone from his pocket and dialed security's number. To his dismay, the line was dead. He was about to call Drew when it rang. Joy.
"Jensen?" She sounded hysterical. And frightened.
"Yeah. What's up?"
"Jensen, it's Alan. Alan - I can't contact him. None of his numbers are working. Been trying the whole day now, but he’s not anywhere."
And you’re telling me? Why? he thought, but he didn't say it out loud. "Joy -"
Joy started to sob. "Jen, I'm worried about him."
Joy stammered and cried and Jensen could hardly make out what she was saying. His mind began to spin. First it was Eddie, and now Alan. What’s going on here? In between Joy’s sobs and hiccups he finally figured it out.
Drew.
Jensen knew where Drew was.
The night was unusually dark when he reached the place. Jensen looked warily out of the car window. He was going to need his flashlight. Getting out of the car, Jensen wondered if he could still recall the way to the clearing where the slaughter took place. Turning on his flashlight, he aimed the beam around him. The dense woods and their dark, looming trees looked even more menacing than what he remembered from before. Jensen took a deep, steadying breath, bracing himself as he stepped toward the daunting darkness, leaving the road behind him.
It felt like he'd been walking for miles before he finally arrived near the place. He could see a faint glimmer of light through the trees. Must be the bonfire, he thought. A faint sound of chanting filled the air, slowly getting louder and louder as he got closer. Turning off his flashlight and trying to be as stealthy as he could, he crouched behind a bush and peered cautiously over the edge. He swallowed a gasp, his eyes widening in shock at the sight before him.
There were people slowly walking around a burning flame and they were chanting and singing. More people were in the middle and they were bending over something Jensen couldn't see. He squinted, trying to spot Drew among them. He recognized a number of the townspeople there - Kurt, the high school football coach, the school principal, the police chief - before he finally saw Drew.
When the people in the inner circle straightened up, the singing group clapped and cheered and their singing grew more enthusiastic, vociferous.
Jensen gasped in horror.
A huge wooden cross was pulled up from the ground, raised to a vertical position. On it, a naked man lay stretched out, head lolling down to his chest. Alan. Blood was gushing out from a slash across his neck. He was obviously dead.
Jensen jammed his fist over his mouth to keep from screaming. He had to get the hell out of the place right the fuck now. But his entire body refused to move, it was like he had been locked on the spot, his limbs cold and rigid with shock.
His mind went to Murray, and Eddie with his warning. What kind of people were they? Worshippers of the darkness?
But why Alan?
He really should get out of here. He should get Joy, take her away as far as possible from this cursed town. Jensen staggered back, trying to slip away as silently as he'd come. His heart pounding in his chest, Jensen clambered up, and scrambled away as fast as he could, praying they wouldn't hear the crunching twigs and leaves beneath his feet.
He had dropped his flashlight in his scramble to get away and he couldn't really see where he was going. He stumbled over a chunk of root, lost his balance and fell down, sprawled forward. Rotten, nasty smell assaulted his nostrils. Breathing hard, he looked up and that was when he saw him.
Eddie, his eyes dead and vacant staring sightlessly at Jensen.
Now
Jared Padalecki frowned as he stepped out of his car and joined his partner, Jeff Morgan, who'd been on the location earlier.
“Jeff, we need to move fast. It’s bad enough the robbers don’t even want to consider the offer of a clear out.”
“Jay-”
Jeff couldn’t carry on but Jared knew what he meant to say. Jeff didn’t want Jared to get in but this was their duty and it wouldn’t be the first time for Jared to go face to face with those thugs whether to have a direct negotiation or simply to neutralize them. Mostly it had been the latter, though. Jared was wired so people would be able to hear what was going on. Still it didn’t feel like it was enough to guarantee his safety.
“I’ll be fine, Jeff. I promise.” Jared got out his Glock and handed it to his partner. “Take good care of my baby, okay. It’ll be yours if I don’t make it.”
“Shut up, Sasquatch.”
Jared grinned but his eyes softened at the concern in Jeff’s. He patted Jeff on his back. “Sorry, man,” he muttered and went toward the bank’s double-glassed entrance.
Getting into the bank, Jared was greeted by guns pointed at him and his breath caught at the sight of a man sprawling face down on the floor a bit to his right. He and the team were all stunned to silence when the shooting happened. That had been one of the reasons why they decided to send someone in and being the one with, the most experience in negotiations, Jared had offered to go himself.
One of the robbers nudged him and Jared raised his hands while the thug frisked him.
“Alright. No more playing games.” A man that seemed to be their leader grabbed a woman’s arm and shoved her toward Jared without letting her go. “Don’t try to play hero like our friend there,” he nodded at the dead body.
Jared lifted an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. He thought he recognized the woman, but he tried not to show it.
“What do you want?” Jared asked carefully.
The leader smirked in his friends’ direction and they all sniggered. “Dude, with what we have here? The sky’s the limit.”
“What are you talking about?”
The leader shook the woman hard enough to rattle her teeth.
“Hey!” Jared pushed forward but a man poking his gun into his side stopped him. Jared tried to chill out. “Let her go, man. You wanna get out? You got it.”
The leader ignored him. “How much you be willing to pay for the DA’s wife and her baby?”
Jared gulped involuntarily. He knew it. He thought he’d met Ben MacLean, their District Attorney, and his wife, Amy, at one of the city’s functions. Of all the banks around, how lucky were the robbers to have picked to rob the one where the DA’s wife just happened to be?
Jared looked at Amy. She looked calm and composed but Jared knew she must be terrified. When their eyes met, Amy seemed to want to convey something to him. Jared’s brow crinkled.
“You don’t want to bring a baby into this, man,” Jared turned to the leader before looking back at Amy, asking silently where the baby was.
“No?” The leader gestured to one of his accomplices, who snatched a baby from the hands of a man sitting on the floor against the bank counter, handing it to the leader. He grasped the baby carelessly and the carefully composed mask on Amy’s face crumbled.
“Let him go, please,” Amy sniffled.
Jared couldn’t let the situation escalate any further. “Just say what you want.”
“All right.” The leader carried the baby in mocking gentleness. “A million dollars is enough for now, and another million when I get to Mexico. A chopper to get me there, of course, and oh! The baby stays with me.”
The last thing mentioned rendered Jared speechless while Amy twisted in the hands of the man who held her.
“No!” she screamed, reaching out for her baby. “Please. Let Jamie go.”
The leader ignored her pleas, merely stepping back to fix a cold stare on her face. “You love him so much, don’t you? You’ll do anything for him.”
Amy began to cry. “Anything. Yes, anything. But please, don’t take him away.”
Jared cut in. “No one will take anyone away. You’ll get your money. Two million. Now. But give me the baby.”
The leader flinched backward. “I won’t. Money now and later, or I’ll kill him now.” He snatched his gun from the back of his waist and rammed it to the baby’s temple. Jamie started to bawl and Amy was completely beside herself.
“Hey, easy.” Jared raised his hands higher. “We’ll talk about it, okay? I’ll make sure you’ll get your money.”
There was no time to find out the leader’s answer. A swishing sound followed by the unmistakable cracking of glass was the only warning they got as the windows exploded around them. One of the men yelled and suddenly the situation turned into chaos with the squad breaking into the building through the roof and windows.
Jared’s thoughts fleetingly went to Jeff and he regretted the hasty decision to walk into the bank so soon. Yet mostly Jared was afraid for Amy and Jamie, and the rest of the hostages. He jumped toward the MacLeans as he saw Amy try to wrestle Jamie from the leader’s clutches. The place echoed with shouting and crying from the SWAT, the robbers, and the hostages, before all of a sudden gunfire shut them all up.
Jared had no idea who had fired and who might have got shot before a heart wrenching scream tore into the air.
“Jamie!”
No. No way.
But that was it. Jared could only stare in disbelief at Amy tightly holding her baby - red all over with blood.
“No.” Jared yelled. He clamped a hand over his mouth, feeling like throwing up as the floor seemed to be spinning beneath his feet.
Everything dimmed and faded into the background, and Jared froze, only half aware as the troops overpowered the robbers who had surrendered. Jared’s eyes were only focused on Amy who was crumpled on the floor. Tears ran unchecked as she held Jamie fast. Jared crawled to her.
“Come on. We - we should check on him.” He almost didn’t believe what he heard himself saying.
But Amy didn’t budge. She didn’t even look at Jared. She kept Jamie, still wrapped in his blanket, close to her breasts, as if she could ensure herself Jamie was all right that way. It was pointless. Jared could see that the baby was no longer breathing. He clambered up and seized Jeff’s shirt when he found that the man was standing there.
“Jared, thank God you’re all right-”
“Damn it, Jeff, what the hell,” he snapped and took off without looking back, and whirled around as Jeff grabbed his arm. “Let go of me.”
“Listen to me. It’s not my fault. The SWAT Captain…”
Jared pointed a finger at him. “I don’t care whose fault it is. Jesus, Jeff. A baby was killed and it’s all because someone wasn’t patient enough to wait for me to do my job!”
Jeff shut his mouth, and rubbed his sweat-soaked face.
“You just murdered the district attorney’s son. I can’t even…” Jared pulled his arm off Jeff’s grip. There would be an internal investigation for this and Jared would not be a part of it. He turned away, looked back at Amy MacLean who was now being led outside, still with baby Jamie in her arms. Jared could not even begin to understand what she must be feeling.
Jared Padalecki woke up with his memory intact. He remembered everything about himself. He knew he was a field agent with the FBI and he remembered the latest assignment he had been given, the assignment he still hadn’t finished. The bitterness of it and the days and weeks filled with unending questioning and the hearing afterwards. Jared was almost done working with Jeff Morgan but when it was verified that none of them was responsible for the incident, his work relationship with the man gradually recovered.
And Jared recalled who Jensen Ackles really was and why he'd been stranded in the car with the man and his baby.
He remembered everything. Including that one thing Jared would rather not have remembered.
It had happened the evening when he returned home from the hostage situation. Jared had walked in to find his boyfriend, Justin, in bed with another man.
Jared was dog-tired and his body and mind were screaming for rest. Finding his boyfriend with another man had been a shocker. They had had a good relationship, he and Justin. Or at least he had thought so. Justin had complained now and then about Jared’s busy, irregular schedule but it had never occurred to him that Justin would cheat on him.
The one good thing about his amnesia was that he had been able to forget the pain of being miserable and betrayed, and now it all came rushing back to him - the lonely, sleepless nights, the ache in his heart. The memories of those dark, bleak months following the break-up with Justin now flooded his senses, overwhelming him with a desire to curl in upon himself and to forget everything and everyone all over again. Except Jensen.
Jensen.
Jared wasn’t sure what he should do next. Telling Jensen that his memory had returned would jeopardize the case, but keeping up the pretense of believing the lies Jensen had told him would be taxing to say the least, and Jared wasn't sure that he could do it.
There was a knock at the door and Jensen peered in. “Jared, you awake? Breakfast is ready.”
Jared must have looked at him strangely because Jensen paused and asked, “Is something wrong? Are you hurting?"
“Huh? Oh, no. No, it’s okay.” Jared caught himself before Jensen realized something really was wrong. He stood up from the bed and reached for his crutch. “I need to take a leak.”
Jensen looked unconvinced but he nodded and turned back, "Just holler if you need anything.”
Jared took a deep breath. That had been close. He slumped back on his bed, feeling tense and edgy, his nerves frayed. He needed to contact Jeff, even if he had no idea how he was going to manage that.
