Shame
The word above speaks of many things related to yours truly. One of these is because I have partly abandoned creative writing in general. I have tried but I have my major major writer's block to be blamed.
Blame. Such an overused word. A defense mechanism.
Writer's Block. Another overused word. A pitiful excuse.
Major major. As popularized by Miss Venus Raj. Not enough for a single 'major' to convey what the heart really wants to.
Anyway, I think I'm digressing. Back to the topic at hand.
Shame.
I have a lot of things to be shameful about. None of them I would disclose right now.
Try, never ever?
Shame.
This word came into mind when my friend and I were done buying stuff from National Bookstore in MOA. Before we even stepped into that large establishment, my friend and I swapped books. One of which were an immaculate book by Bob Ong. It looks almost untouched, the price tag still attached. We entered the bookstore from the entrance inside the mall. There was nothing out of the ordinary. There were a lot of people lining up at the cashiers'. There were a lot of books (but I couldn't buy one since I don't have enough money ; ;) and people around. When we were done buying, we decided to go through the door that leads outside the mall. We were talking to each other and we were surprised when the alarm sounded. I was confounded. I looked at my friend who didn't have a clue what's going on. The guard rummaged through our stuff. He found nothing in my friend's bag but my old books and her hardbound Harry Potter. He looked through my things. He asked us if there was a book we purchased in National Bookstore. My friend told him that she had (the book by Bob Ong). I gave him the book since it was in my bag. He examined it. My friend pleadingly explained why her book was like brand new (she's the type of person who takes great care of her things). It took us a great deal of time, saliva and embarrassment before he let us off the hook with a crime we didn't even do.
On the brighter side, at least we have learnt something: 1) we should inform the staff that we brought a book with us; and 2) we remove the price tag of whatever it is so we don't get into that situation again.
Still, there's the state of us being pissed and ashamed for an alleged crime.
As my friend had said (in vernacular), "They can describe me as anything, but the last thing they should do is accuse me of being a burglar/shoplifter."
It is something painful, being accused of. And to be so in public? Nobody in that place, except us knew the truth. They might be thinking that we really shoplifted. They might think it's another incident. They might see it as something that doesn't concern them. Nonetheless, our integrity was questioned. For me, that incident can be compared to being "accidentally" photographed with my underwear exposed without my knowledge until I see that picture in the Internet for the world to see. Again, shame.
(I might be exaggerating. I might be affected with the stuff my friend has said. I might really be feeling and thinking this way. Whatever it is, I can only tell you this: shame. Hahaha)