Death, Loss & Grief
I was informed this afternoon by ScarletSerpent that a former OTO bother was killed in a car crash last night. She heard from littlesebastien here.
I did not know Jason well. He took 1st degree in the late 90's under very interesting circumstances when at the last minute we found out that he was born in the UK. Unfortunetly, I will have to be the bearer of the bad news to some other OTO brethern who were good friends with him. His death got me thinking about death and grief for those who did know him well, in particular, but loss in general. Anyone who has read anything about grief will be told the five stages:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Some of these really hit home in my life when I think about other things. Loss is a powerful emotion. I feel for those who knew and loved Jason. I, myself, wish him well whereever he is now.
[A different perspective about the five stages called Beware the 5 Stages of "Grief" can be found here.]
I did not know Jason well. He took 1st degree in the late 90's under very interesting circumstances when at the last minute we found out that he was born in the UK. Unfortunetly, I will have to be the bearer of the bad news to some other OTO brethern who were good friends with him. His death got me thinking about death and grief for those who did know him well, in particular, but loss in general. Anyone who has read anything about grief will be told the five stages:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Some of these really hit home in my life when I think about other things. Loss is a powerful emotion. I feel for those who knew and loved Jason. I, myself, wish him well whereever he is now.
[A different perspective about the five stages called Beware the 5 Stages of "Grief" can be found here.]