An awkward conversation
An awkward conversation
Part of the About a girl 'verse
Complete and total fiction, as the girl here? Not a girl in reality. Nothing here is meant to imply anything about the real folks whose names are utilized.
Teen-rated
~1500 words
I feel like this needs a warning because it's got conversation that I think 20-something guys don't often have. But Bren's a girl, and she's annoyed, and it's Jon, who'll talk to Bren about anything if she gives him puppy-dog eyes, so. Um. Yeah. *hands* I got nothin' else to say that might redeem myself here. There was supposed to be porn next, but clearly that did not happen. YET.
*
Bren tries to avoid conflict whenever possible. As a rule, the big confrontations in her life have not ended well, at least in the short term, but she can't let this slide. She takes a deep breath pushes herself up into Jon's bunk.
"That was a shitty thing to do, Jon."
Jon doesn't stop reading his magazine, and it blocks her view of his reaction. Annoyed, Bren tugs it out of his hands.
"I'm sorry. We were out late, and I didn't want to disturb you." Jon is somehow looking at her without meeting her eyes, which Bren doesn't like at all.
"Bullshit. I'm not talking about the fact that you left us on a hotel night, although we are going to discuss that. I'm talking about not answering when I texted you because you hadn't come back by three AM."
"You had Ryan and Spencer to keep you occupied. You didn't need to wait for me. I didn't think you'd miss me."
And that. That.
That almost makes her lose her temper. But Jon's not looking at her again, and Bren forces herself to consider what he just said. She thinks about the handful of hotel nights (and one attempt in the back lounge, which ended with carpet burn, a sprained wrist, and a decision to save that sort of adventure for nights with a proper bed) that she and Jon have spent with Ryan and Spencer.
She thinks about what he said, and wonders if it translates in his head from "didn't need to wait for me" to "didn't need me".
Maybe she's wrong, and it's just Jon being cranky. That happens, just not as often as Ryan's uncommunicative phases; they've all learned to give him space and silence, and he's usually back to his mellow, genial self in short order. But, well, if she's right...
Bren stretches herself out along Jon's side, careful not to touch him except where her hands can cup his cheeks, steering his face so that he can't avoid her. Jon tries to turn his head away, and ends up with his eyes half-closed, still not looking her in the eye.
"First of all, we do need you. And *I* need you, no matter what happens with Ryan and Spencer."
Jon makes a tentative noise, a wordless sound from the back of his throat, and his eyelashes lift so that he's finally looking full on at Bren. And Bren is maybe a little bit annoyed with herself, because how far gone is she that she notices how long his eyelashes are when she's supposed to be dealing with a serious relationship issue?
Still, she leans closer and presses a kiss to Jon's chin, brushes her lips across his before speaking.
"I thought you were okay with this, with us and Ryan and Spencer." It was your idea, she thinks, but she doesn't want to point out.
"I am. I was! And it's not that I don't want to do it again. But I don't know, somehow thinking it would be okay and actually doing it, seeing it and dealing with any repercussions, those are two different things." Jon's teeth anchor in his lower lip, and he worries it a bit before Bren puts her thumb against it. His lips pucker into a kiss, and she relaxes a little at the show of affection.
"Okay, okay." They can deal with this. It's like the old proverb, right? Be careful what you wish for: you just might get it. "What sorts of repercussions are bothering you?"
Jon turns on his side, so they're facing each other, and his hand moves restlessly from her hip to her shoulder before settling on her waist.
"I didn't think I was possessive of you. I know that they're a part of your life. But there's history there, between you and Ryan and Spencer, and seeing you together reminded me of that, that they have a part of you I don't, a part that maybe would take you away from me."
Bren doesn't even have to think about this.
"Not going to happen, Jon Walker. Never in a million years." She pushes closer to Jon, rests her forehead against his, so close that there's no way for him to back away or mistake what she says. "We do have history. Not all of it's good. And Ryan and Spence have their own history that's nearly a decade longer." She thinks about the scene she walked in on two nights ago, the pair of them in the dressing room after sound check, and added, "Ryan and Spencer are... complicated. They've always had girlfriends or whatever since I've known them, but I think maybe they're in a Ryan-and-Spencer phase right now. I don't know. In some ways they defy classification or description. They're a unit, and I'm okay with my place in relation to that. Spencer understands what Ryan needs better than anyone, even Ryan, I think. But you and me, we have something separate from them; maybe not as much of a foundation, but we're building it."
A heavy sigh puffs out, tickles her lips and chin.
"I just... there's no reason to be insecure, because I know you want me here. But I came to the band later, came to you later. There's a part of me that wonders if I could be replaced as easily as Brent."
"It wasn't easy to replace Brent. Not -- not that it was a hardship to have you join us, because I love having you here, and I think you makes us better. But Brent was ours, and if he hadn't backed out on us, I don't know how that would have ended. If you're asking if I could just abandon you for Ryan and Spencer, the answer is no. I don't know how to reassure you about that. I can only tell you that last night we fell asleep fully dressed, with the TV on, waiting to hear from you." They'd waited for Jon to return, and then when he hadn't, Ryan and Spencer had kept Bren from freaking out.
"I feel guilty for being a little bit glad about that." Jon hesitates before saying anything else, but Bren knows they're not done. That can't be the only issue to have contributed to the failure of Jon's equanimity. She pokes a finger into his cheek.
"There's more, right?"
"Bren. It's just. I'm not homophobic, you know I'm not. But I'm not gay, either. Seeing you with them is hot, so fucking hot. Even when Ryan and Spencer are focused on each other, it's still hot. But I don't know if I'm going to be able to do anything with them just them. I mean, I appreciate them aesthetically, and a mouth is a mouth and a hand is a hand, but watching them together doesn't inspire a desire to suck cock or to have one in my ass."
"Jon..." Bren bites her lip, thinks about the times the four of them have been together, how it's mostly been her with Ryan and Spencer while Jon watches or joins, and decides she needs to pay more attention to what Jon wants, instead of getting distracted by being the center of attention. "Why didn't you just say so? I don't want you to do something that doesn't turn you on. If you want to watch, or touch, or kiss, or whatever, that's good, we can probably work with that. You just need to tell me -- tell us what you're comfortable with. Or, you know, let us try to push your boundaries a little." Bren's pretty sure there's not much she wouldn't do or allow done to her for Jon. "And if you decide it's too much for you, we can just stick with the you-and-me stuff."
"I'll be okay with it. I think maybe I just want to have you/me hotel nights sometimes."
It must be the lack of caffeine or sugar that's making her heart do this crazy squeeze-flutter thing in her chest.
"I'm sure we can work something out."
Jon's arm tightens around her until her breath rushes out.
"I still want you to have what makes you happy."
"You make me happy. This band working makes me happy. Anything else is just icing."
Jon's silent, and Bren would think he's fallen asleep, but his thumb moves slowly, gently, just under the seam of her shirt.
"So. Anything else we need to address?"
"That's not enough?"
"I don't know. Maybe we should start a list."
"Nice. Make me seem even more dysfunctional: so screwed up there's an official list of my neuroses."
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with lists!" Bren's a compulsive list-maker; she'd never remember half of her shit without a Post-It or Zack directing her throughout the day.
Jon makes a disgruntled protest when Bren rolls away from him and clambers down to her bunk, but she's only gone long enough to find a pen and scrap of paper, then she's curling back up next to him.
Part of the About a girl 'verse
Complete and total fiction, as the girl here? Not a girl in reality. Nothing here is meant to imply anything about the real folks whose names are utilized.
Teen-rated
~1500 words
I feel like this needs a warning because it's got conversation that I think 20-something guys don't often have. But Bren's a girl, and she's annoyed, and it's Jon, who'll talk to Bren about anything if she gives him puppy-dog eyes, so. Um. Yeah. *hands* I got nothin' else to say that might redeem myself here. There was supposed to be porn next, but clearly that did not happen. YET.
*
Bren tries to avoid conflict whenever possible. As a rule, the big confrontations in her life have not ended well, at least in the short term, but she can't let this slide. She takes a deep breath pushes herself up into Jon's bunk.
"That was a shitty thing to do, Jon."
Jon doesn't stop reading his magazine, and it blocks her view of his reaction. Annoyed, Bren tugs it out of his hands.
"I'm sorry. We were out late, and I didn't want to disturb you." Jon is somehow looking at her without meeting her eyes, which Bren doesn't like at all.
"Bullshit. I'm not talking about the fact that you left us on a hotel night, although we are going to discuss that. I'm talking about not answering when I texted you because you hadn't come back by three AM."
"You had Ryan and Spencer to keep you occupied. You didn't need to wait for me. I didn't think you'd miss me."
And that. That.
That almost makes her lose her temper. But Jon's not looking at her again, and Bren forces herself to consider what he just said. She thinks about the handful of hotel nights (and one attempt in the back lounge, which ended with carpet burn, a sprained wrist, and a decision to save that sort of adventure for nights with a proper bed) that she and Jon have spent with Ryan and Spencer.
She thinks about what he said, and wonders if it translates in his head from "didn't need to wait for me" to "didn't need me".
Maybe she's wrong, and it's just Jon being cranky. That happens, just not as often as Ryan's uncommunicative phases; they've all learned to give him space and silence, and he's usually back to his mellow, genial self in short order. But, well, if she's right...
Bren stretches herself out along Jon's side, careful not to touch him except where her hands can cup his cheeks, steering his face so that he can't avoid her. Jon tries to turn his head away, and ends up with his eyes half-closed, still not looking her in the eye.
"First of all, we do need you. And *I* need you, no matter what happens with Ryan and Spencer."
Jon makes a tentative noise, a wordless sound from the back of his throat, and his eyelashes lift so that he's finally looking full on at Bren. And Bren is maybe a little bit annoyed with herself, because how far gone is she that she notices how long his eyelashes are when she's supposed to be dealing with a serious relationship issue?
Still, she leans closer and presses a kiss to Jon's chin, brushes her lips across his before speaking.
"I thought you were okay with this, with us and Ryan and Spencer." It was your idea, she thinks, but she doesn't want to point out.
"I am. I was! And it's not that I don't want to do it again. But I don't know, somehow thinking it would be okay and actually doing it, seeing it and dealing with any repercussions, those are two different things." Jon's teeth anchor in his lower lip, and he worries it a bit before Bren puts her thumb against it. His lips pucker into a kiss, and she relaxes a little at the show of affection.
"Okay, okay." They can deal with this. It's like the old proverb, right? Be careful what you wish for: you just might get it. "What sorts of repercussions are bothering you?"
Jon turns on his side, so they're facing each other, and his hand moves restlessly from her hip to her shoulder before settling on her waist.
"I didn't think I was possessive of you. I know that they're a part of your life. But there's history there, between you and Ryan and Spencer, and seeing you together reminded me of that, that they have a part of you I don't, a part that maybe would take you away from me."
Bren doesn't even have to think about this.
"Not going to happen, Jon Walker. Never in a million years." She pushes closer to Jon, rests her forehead against his, so close that there's no way for him to back away or mistake what she says. "We do have history. Not all of it's good. And Ryan and Spence have their own history that's nearly a decade longer." She thinks about the scene she walked in on two nights ago, the pair of them in the dressing room after sound check, and added, "Ryan and Spencer are... complicated. They've always had girlfriends or whatever since I've known them, but I think maybe they're in a Ryan-and-Spencer phase right now. I don't know. In some ways they defy classification or description. They're a unit, and I'm okay with my place in relation to that. Spencer understands what Ryan needs better than anyone, even Ryan, I think. But you and me, we have something separate from them; maybe not as much of a foundation, but we're building it."
A heavy sigh puffs out, tickles her lips and chin.
"I just... there's no reason to be insecure, because I know you want me here. But I came to the band later, came to you later. There's a part of me that wonders if I could be replaced as easily as Brent."
"It wasn't easy to replace Brent. Not -- not that it was a hardship to have you join us, because I love having you here, and I think you makes us better. But Brent was ours, and if he hadn't backed out on us, I don't know how that would have ended. If you're asking if I could just abandon you for Ryan and Spencer, the answer is no. I don't know how to reassure you about that. I can only tell you that last night we fell asleep fully dressed, with the TV on, waiting to hear from you." They'd waited for Jon to return, and then when he hadn't, Ryan and Spencer had kept Bren from freaking out.
"I feel guilty for being a little bit glad about that." Jon hesitates before saying anything else, but Bren knows they're not done. That can't be the only issue to have contributed to the failure of Jon's equanimity. She pokes a finger into his cheek.
"There's more, right?"
"Bren. It's just. I'm not homophobic, you know I'm not. But I'm not gay, either. Seeing you with them is hot, so fucking hot. Even when Ryan and Spencer are focused on each other, it's still hot. But I don't know if I'm going to be able to do anything with them just them. I mean, I appreciate them aesthetically, and a mouth is a mouth and a hand is a hand, but watching them together doesn't inspire a desire to suck cock or to have one in my ass."
"Jon..." Bren bites her lip, thinks about the times the four of them have been together, how it's mostly been her with Ryan and Spencer while Jon watches or joins, and decides she needs to pay more attention to what Jon wants, instead of getting distracted by being the center of attention. "Why didn't you just say so? I don't want you to do something that doesn't turn you on. If you want to watch, or touch, or kiss, or whatever, that's good, we can probably work with that. You just need to tell me -- tell us what you're comfortable with. Or, you know, let us try to push your boundaries a little." Bren's pretty sure there's not much she wouldn't do or allow done to her for Jon. "And if you decide it's too much for you, we can just stick with the you-and-me stuff."
"I'll be okay with it. I think maybe I just want to have you/me hotel nights sometimes."
It must be the lack of caffeine or sugar that's making her heart do this crazy squeeze-flutter thing in her chest.
"I'm sure we can work something out."
Jon's arm tightens around her until her breath rushes out.
"I still want you to have what makes you happy."
"You make me happy. This band working makes me happy. Anything else is just icing."
Jon's silent, and Bren would think he's fallen asleep, but his thumb moves slowly, gently, just under the seam of her shirt.
"So. Anything else we need to address?"
"That's not enough?"
"I don't know. Maybe we should start a list."
"Nice. Make me seem even more dysfunctional: so screwed up there's an official list of my neuroses."
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with lists!" Bren's a compulsive list-maker; she'd never remember half of her shit without a Post-It or Zack directing her throughout the day.
Jon makes a disgruntled protest when Bren rolls away from him and clambers down to her bunk, but she's only gone long enough to find a pen and scrap of paper, then she's curling back up next to him.