Pecuniary Value

[irish_channel]

Here's a story I wrote about a man in the late 1930s trying to make a statement, but faltering. Please please give me feedback. This is very different from any of my other works.

Comments

[artaxastra]

As usual, your style is lovely and your writing is evocative. You're playing with some interesting images, and I think they would be very effective if there were more context. As it is, they make me curious, as though this were the first few paragraphs of a novel from that period. I want to turn the page and read the rest, follow the trail and see where the images are going.

I hope this is useful. I think it's quite good!

[ima_pseudonym]

Oooooh. I got goosebumps from this. Dancing on his grave...

I like where it's going (even if I have absolutely no idea where that might be, but the point is, it made me 'want' to know.) Who, exactly, is this rotting man? What, precisely did he die for/of? And in an unmarked grave? He was thinking about sex? :p Twice...

Jones is an interesting first name. Ummm... I couldn't offer you any advice for changes, though. Grammatically, it appears solid to me, and the similes and metaphors are very specific to your style. So, I'll just say nicely done, of course, and that I'm sorry I couldn't offer any more useful feedback. :(