(no subject)
i wrote this long joural about someone that really fucked things up, only read it if you care about me.
a few weeks ago someone walked into my life. The only person who could make me feel like complete shit, and the most beautiful princess at the same time. he never walked out of my life. even though he may of phisically. he is still in my head all the time. everybody who knows who he is. knows what im feeling. i think theyve been able to move on. and just not think about him. but i just feel so incontrol of that part of my thought. every day, i think about him. its been about 3 or 4 weeks since he left away from LA. he had me twisted, with my train of thought in knots. i was so confused, he would act one way and tell me another. on several occasions hes told me were just friends, not in person. but when i see him again. it seems that hole conversation is thrown away. and i dont know if i was something to entertain him with. or if i actually ment something to him. iv tryed so hard to get him out of my head. but i just cant help the way i feel. all the people who have heard me mention him know that he hurt me and that i am still not over him. and it really is out of my power. he didnt even tell me he was leaving. he just left. and he still hasnt called me and told me how he is. every time i didnt know whare he was. in the 3 crazy weeks i knew him. i was just so scared, what if i dont see him again. what if someone took him. then it turns out almost every time, he was at a friends house. and i just feel this breath of relief. until the next night he goes missing. and his mother calles me looking for him. when i dont know whare he is. i care about him so much. too much. i know he crosses my mind way more than i cross his. and i know that what he said to me. didnt mean much. especially when its passed out to others. he told me things i believed, and somethings i didnt. but i ment everything i said. i know he didnt. and now that hes gone. i will not know how he feels. i dont really want to know how he feels, because i know its not genuine. he dosnt want people to know how he feels. he dosnt want people to figure him out. well, i figured him out the first night i met him. you seemed shy what do you mean i seemed shy, i kissed you within an hour of knowing you your shy of your feelings. of what you want to say, but dont
and he didnt answer. i knew what i was getting myself into. but i didnt knwo it would really go this far. to the point whare after a month. he is still the one kid that worries me and that i care so deeply about. very few of you know who i am talking about. i just need to vent. the moments we had together were so priceless. it was worth the heartbreak im having now. even though he used me. even though i was taken advantage of. i still care about him so much. and i dont know why, or how. but it wont leave me. the feeling of fear and care for him. will not leave. and i dont think it will for a while. and if he does come back like iv heard. i honelsty dont know what id do other than just cry and be lost like i was those crazy 3 weeks of knowing him. i got pretty close to him. and he got pretty close to me. i thought. but it just feels so fake when he turns arround and says the same thing to you good friend. and other girls. it makes you feel like shit. but when i was with him, i just put that behind me. the last night i saw him, i had the mentality that i am not gunna see him again. lets just make this night really nice and not worry about anything else , thats what i said to myself. and thats what i did. what i didnt know was that, i obviously didnt mean anything to him because i never heard his voice after that night. those of you who know what happen, whare he went. and what he failed to tell me even to today, he didnt tell me hes in nevada. i try to brush it off. but every now and then, the nights i get like this. i just cant help but fall into his horrible game. that consumed me to begin with.
i miss him so very much. even though hes an asshole. and i should hate him and forget about him. i hate him with such a passion but i care about him. i will never forget, how he didnt say goodbye.
i love all of you for reading this if you did. all of my close friends who i love with all my heart<3
a few weeks ago someone walked into my life. The only person who could make me feel like complete shit, and the most beautiful princess at the same time. he never walked out of my life. even though he may of phisically. he is still in my head all the time. everybody who knows who he is. knows what im feeling. i think theyve been able to move on. and just not think about him. but i just feel so incontrol of that part of my thought. every day, i think about him. its been about 3 or 4 weeks since he left away from LA. he had me twisted, with my train of thought in knots. i was so confused, he would act one way and tell me another. on several occasions hes told me were just friends, not in person. but when i see him again. it seems that hole conversation is thrown away. and i dont know if i was something to entertain him with. or if i actually ment something to him. iv tryed so hard to get him out of my head. but i just cant help the way i feel. all the people who have heard me mention him know that he hurt me and that i am still not over him. and it really is out of my power. he didnt even tell me he was leaving. he just left. and he still hasnt called me and told me how he is. every time i didnt know whare he was. in the 3 crazy weeks i knew him. i was just so scared, what if i dont see him again. what if someone took him. then it turns out almost every time, he was at a friends house. and i just feel this breath of relief. until the next night he goes missing. and his mother calles me looking for him. when i dont know whare he is. i care about him so much. too much. i know he crosses my mind way more than i cross his. and i know that what he said to me. didnt mean much. especially when its passed out to others. he told me things i believed, and somethings i didnt. but i ment everything i said. i know he didnt. and now that hes gone. i will not know how he feels. i dont really want to know how he feels, because i know its not genuine. he dosnt want people to know how he feels. he dosnt want people to figure him out. well, i figured him out the first night i met him. you seemed shy what do you mean i seemed shy, i kissed you within an hour of knowing you your shy of your feelings. of what you want to say, but dont
and he didnt answer. i knew what i was getting myself into. but i didnt knwo it would really go this far. to the point whare after a month. he is still the one kid that worries me and that i care so deeply about. very few of you know who i am talking about. i just need to vent. the moments we had together were so priceless. it was worth the heartbreak im having now. even though he used me. even though i was taken advantage of. i still care about him so much. and i dont know why, or how. but it wont leave me. the feeling of fear and care for him. will not leave. and i dont think it will for a while. and if he does come back like iv heard. i honelsty dont know what id do other than just cry and be lost like i was those crazy 3 weeks of knowing him. i got pretty close to him. and he got pretty close to me. i thought. but it just feels so fake when he turns arround and says the same thing to you good friend. and other girls. it makes you feel like shit. but when i was with him, i just put that behind me. the last night i saw him, i had the mentality that i am not gunna see him again. lets just make this night really nice and not worry about anything else , thats what i said to myself. and thats what i did. what i didnt know was that, i obviously didnt mean anything to him because i never heard his voice after that night. those of you who know what happen, whare he went. and what he failed to tell me even to today, he didnt tell me hes in nevada. i try to brush it off. but every now and then, the nights i get like this. i just cant help but fall into his horrible game. that consumed me to begin with.
i miss him so very much. even though hes an asshole. and i should hate him and forget about him. i hate him with such a passion but i care about him. i will never forget, how he didnt say goodbye.
i love all of you for reading this if you did. all of my close friends who i love with all my heart<3