(no subject)
March 27th
"I don't like what my head tells me and I don't like what the world suggests"
"I want a way out of here- a new world completely.
A world where nothing is as it seems
The other side of the looking glass
I give up- I don't want to look through the glass onion, it'll only make my eyes burn
Somebody take me there
Take me home"
March 29th
"..Can I die at an early age with you?"
"I'm finding no point to life..."
"I want to die, nothing is right..."
"I'm serious about dying. If someone wanted to say..go rob a bank right now I'd go. If someone wanted me to go shoot up in a gang war, i'd go. I really don't care.
I need someone to save me but nobody will rescue and I'm causing it all."
"Kill me now"
"Something needs to happen. Now."
April 1st
I wish I could go to a different world. I want to be Alice, Dorothy, or Neo.. :\
Fuck life. I want out.
Everybody thinks I'm depressed lately, and all I can say is YES. YES YES YES YES. :\
Save me and I'll free you, I promise.
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If I were to die on April Fool's, would you laugh and assume it were a joke?
April 7th
So life is..just lame. There's nothing I'm looking foreward to but change. :\
It's funny when I try to imagine all the 'best-case scenarios' that my life can have played out for me, and there's just this infinite number of them, and then when I try and think about the worst thing in life that can happen to me, I shoot blanks. Why is this?
This idea of chemicals is getting to me. Chemicals in the brain. The brain istelf.. I'm left in confusion about the human-machine. I mean, if everything is seriously looked at, all that we do is because of chemicals in our brain making us do that. I really don't think we have any controll over ourselves at all...I can't explain it. Sorry..
April 9
In the past month have you been on : Marijuana, DXM, Some kinda painkillers from Derrick
April 11
Say something about me, I don't care what it is, or even if it makes sense, I just like to know people read
April 12
I went to the hospital today. I just got back about 30 minutes ago. At school I had taken 8 painkillers, but I didn't feel anything too like..unique. So stupidly I decided to take 8 more right after school. I went to Tim's house and played Halo till 4, then I went home to take a nap. A little into the nap I started sweating an ocean, and then Dan came over. He had broken into my house because he wanted to make sure I was okay and nobody was answering the door/telephone. When he got upstairs, I got dressed and we decided to go back to his house, walking to my stairs was the last thing I remember.
I woke up and I was fighting off a paramedic from grabbing my arms, and I was being loaded into an ambulance. The paramedic asked me simple questions and I drew blanks on all of them. I was constantly puking all over myself and into a little barf-bag.. After I got all hooked up to wires and stuff, I had finally reached the hospial. When I got inside there was a police officer waiting to talk to me. He asked me where I got the drugs frim and I said that I didnt know rhe person's name.
My nurse gave me a cup full of crushed coal and water and made me drink it. :\ straight up nasty! Then I puked it all up again and they made me drink another cup, ugh. The nurse then drew blood from my arm and informed my fmily of the whole situation, then he put 4 stitches in my left ear where my head hit the bookshelf when I collapsed. I sat in the hosiptal till about 9 arguing with my parents before they told me I was safe to go. They wanted to keep me for 72 hours because they didn't believe me when I told them I didn't do the pills as an attempt to harm myself.
The story I heard from Dan was that him and Tim were in the house when I was coming downstais to go to Dan's place and they heard a bang and then a thud. They ran upstairs and saw me with blood trickling out from my ear and Tim went into shock. Dan checked my pulse and called 911, and for a few minutes my pulse had completely stopped. I came so close to dying it's just..unimagineable.
I guess the reason I did the drugs was because I was just curious about them, and I really didn't have anything to really life for. At least I thought so anyways. Thanks everybody for worrying, and I'm okay now.