I agree they need to understand, but how do I make them see what they are doing?
I went as far as flatly telling Eagle, "I know you have your priorities."
I do not want to hurt the people I care about, but I am coming to the conclusion that it make take me saying some very hurtful things to make them understand. It is not in my nature to be deliberately unkind and this bothers me.
I would hope the answer to that question would be yes, but I honestly do not know. Not knowing the answer is my own fault as I have, in the past, always swallowed the hurt and disappointment.
Eagle has admitted to me that he knows he has treated me poorly when he was married to PB and promised never to do so again. Obviously a pie crust promise (easily made easily broken)
Cat too has said she knows she has been a poor friend.
The funny thing is I do know were it life and death they would be there for me. Why should it have to come to that? What ever happened to spending time with people for the sake of sharing in their company? I think many people have forgotten the greatest gift we can give to one and other is the gift of our time.
I used to tell people that I was a bitch and I used to think I was a cold person. Over the years, at the risk of sounding immodest, I have come to discover I am probably one of the warmest people I know and I am far from a bitch.
Do I expect too much from the world and the people in my life that I wish to be treated as I treat them?
I think I really need to steal that icon from Lariope that says, "I love my computer because that is where my friends live." I am discovering more and more this to be the case.
I know that is probably one of the better things I could do, but the problem is I have a habit of putting people first.
If you need a helping handing I am there, If you need 20 bucks to fill your gas tank I will give it to you, if you need a shoulder to cry on I have two and they are reusable.
I have never been able to turn from a person in need.
I appreciate the fact you called yourself "stern" rather than mean, hard or cold.
You are right. I did not say to him what I was feeling which was more along the lines of "nice to know putting weed and feed on your lawn is more important to you than our friendship." Rather blunt and to the point. The really funny thing in all of this is, this is the man who 18 years ago described me as "abrasive" because he felt I was too in your face honest. Apparently, being subversive is not going to get my point across so perhaps I need to dust off the "old Irish".
You are not a doormat or even remotely expendable. It's just a really hard balance to maintain. I've been thinking about situations recently where I've been on one side or the other of these tricky human equations
( ... )
I prescribe chocolate (or the indulgence of your choice) and a nice big dose of fanfiction.
(Hell, I'll even write you something, as long as you'd be happy with SSHG and no more than a PG-13 rating.) But if your OTP is other and/or your inclination is racier, there's a lot of wonderful stuff out there to take your mind elsewhere and reward your wonderfulness appropriately and appreciate you for the incredible person that just shines through everything you write on LJ.
Honestly, if I were you, the Eagle and his Twit's change of plans would hurt me beyond belief. You had plans, but they changed them for reasons that really aren't that important. That's a capital offense in my books, especially if it happens on a regular basis. If their reasons weren't actually that, but more important (like he's feeling like crap again), they owe you the respect of an honest answer.
Be angry with him. He's treating you like shit and deserves your anger.
But that's me. I value honesty and loyalty so incredibly highly.
Did you make plans with Cat while you were on the phone? Or make plans to make plans? Because casual visits are a tricky thing nowadays. I understand that you might be willing to drop everything for a casual visit, but not everyone is. That's a difference in priorities. Your friends are your priorities because they give you pleasure, that is your form of relaxation or recreation. For some people, it's not. Friends are still important, but their special "me" time isn't necessarily
( ... )
Since I spoke to Eagle on the phone and HE is the one to have put me off I know that their change of plans was for "chore day," as he put it. And, you are right, I am pissed. This is a regular occurrence. It happened 5 consecutive weekends after I helped them move her stuff from Iowa. I had not seen them since late February when I got the call that he was in ICU. After the fifth weekend cancellation I basically said screw it. I would love to be able to confront him on the issue, but am afraid to all the same because he is very fragile health-wise and I do not want to cause him any added distress.
Cat, on the other hand, will be directly confronted on her actions. She has actually stated she is pissed at Eagle for his treatment of me and then she does this... Errr.
Thanks for your input. It is good to know my feelings are not unjustified. Hugs Irish
Comments 37
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I went as far as flatly telling Eagle, "I know you have your priorities."
I do not want to hurt the people I care about, but I am coming to the conclusion that it make take me saying some very hurtful things to make them understand. It is not in my nature to be deliberately unkind and this bothers me.
Reply
Reply
Eagle has admitted to me that he knows he has treated me poorly when he was married to PB and promised never to do so again. Obviously a pie crust promise (easily made easily broken)
Cat too has said she knows she has been a poor friend.
If they know this why do they continue?
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It isn't wrong to hope that thoses you are there for will be there for you when you need them.
*passes drink of choice*
*more hugs*
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The funny thing is I do know were it life and death they would be there for me. Why should it have to come to that? What ever happened to spending time with people for the sake of sharing in their company? I think many people have forgotten the greatest gift we can give to one and other is the gift of our time.
I used to tell people that I was a bitch and I used to think I was a cold person. Over the years, at the risk of sounding immodest, I have come to discover I am probably one of the warmest people I know and I am far from a bitch.
Do I expect too much from the world and the people in my life that I wish to be treated as I treat them?
Hugs
Irish
Reply
I try to be there for my friends, I'm not perfect by a long stretch, but I do try to be there for them, like they are there for me when I need them.
*more hugs*
Sav
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Want to move to Wisconsin so we can do coffee?
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(The comment has been removed)
If you need a helping handing I am there, If you need 20 bucks to fill your gas tank I will give it to you, if you need a shoulder to cry on I have two and they are reusable.
I have never been able to turn from a person in need.
I guess that makes me the perfect doormat.
Hugs
Irish
Reply
Reply
I appreciate the fact you called yourself "stern" rather than mean, hard or cold.
You are right. I did not say to him what I was feeling which was more along the lines of "nice to know putting weed and feed on your lawn is more important to you than our friendship." Rather blunt and to the point. The really funny thing in all of this is, this is the man who 18 years ago described me as "abrasive" because he felt I was too in your face honest. Apparently, being subversive is not going to get my point across so perhaps I need to dust off the "old Irish".
Hugs
Reply
Reply
Reply
I prescribe chocolate (or the indulgence of your choice) and a nice big dose of fanfiction.
(Hell, I'll even write you something, as long as you'd be happy with SSHG and no more than a PG-13 rating.) But if your OTP is other and/or your inclination is racier, there's a lot of wonderful stuff out there to take your mind elsewhere and reward your wonderfulness appropriately and appreciate you for the incredible person that just shines through everything you write on LJ.
~mwah!~
Reply
I would be delighted to have a fic written for just little ole me! I have never had that experience, except for exchange, and I love your writing!
Hugs
Irish
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Be angry with him. He's treating you like shit and deserves your anger.
But that's me. I value honesty and loyalty so incredibly highly.
Did you make plans with Cat while you were on the phone? Or make plans to make plans? Because casual visits are a tricky thing nowadays. I understand that you might be willing to drop everything for a casual visit, but not everyone is. That's a difference in priorities. Your friends are your priorities because they give you pleasure, that is your form of relaxation or recreation. For some people, it's not. Friends are still important, but their special "me" time isn't necessarily ( ... )
Reply
Cat, on the other hand, will be directly confronted on her actions. She has actually stated she is pissed at Eagle for his treatment of me and then she does this... Errr.
Thanks for your input. It is good to know my feelings are not unjustified.
Hugs
Irish
Reply
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