like a broken rose (ii/ii)
(part two of this. still untrue. still milito&higuaín. fanmix here, don't forget).
Diego wakes up with his phone beeping on the other side of his bed, because the night-stand is not at his left but at his right. It bothers him for a moment as he remembers why he's not in his bed. With an annoyed sigh he goes shower, not knowing if Gonzalo will wake up on his own or if he'll have to be the one doing it like the morning before.
When he's done showering he feels better, he's even in a better mood than before and every inch of his body is anxious for the game two days from now. He opens the bathroom door and the room is full with light because the curtains are open. Gonzalo is sitting down now on his own bed and he looks up to give Diego a smile.
"Thanks for not making me move from your bed," he says, while getting up. He has his towel and clothes on hand.
"Its fine," Diego nods at him, "but if you do that again, I'm kicking you out and I don't care if you end up sleeping on the floor."
"Awful friend you are, I was wrong about you," Gonzalo laughs while he walks to the bathroom, and before entering he stands in front of Diego for less than a second and gives him a small kiss on the mouth, more like a peck than anything else. Diego barely responds before thinking, but Gonzalo is inside the bathroom before he can say anything about it, and being the time it is, he decides to resume his way downstairs for breakfast.
.
Diego remembers when he first saw Gonzalo in the room they're now sharing, how Higuaín was waiting for him sitting in a chair by the window and he hadn't unpacked anything or moved at all because "I was waiting for you". Diego remembers thinking that it was strange yet it was very polite from Gonzalo's part, and that it spoke very well of his family. Now, knowing Gonzalo more than what he did that day a month and a few weeks ago, he has to take his first statement and shove it up ("don't say ass Diego") - somewhere.
He can't believe no one ever noticed, or cared enough, or (God forbid) found it normal and didn't do anything about it, just like Gonzalo does. It was clear that this had to be taken care of, that someone had to make Gonzalo see that he had to do something about it, and Diego wasn't sure if he was that someone. Fixing people wasn't a part of his job description, and even if he was a good listener, a great brother and a good father, that didn't put him in place to do anything about Gonzalo. Mostly if Gonzalo didn't want to do anything about it in the first place.
"Don't tell me you're still worrying about star-boy," Samuel says with half faked annoyance when they meet leaving the elevator.
"I'm not, I'm worried about breakfast," Diego lies shameless and if Samuel doesn't believe him, he says nothing about it.
They walk in silence to the table, to join the rest of the group. They sit in front of each other, as usual, with Nico and Kun by their sides, and no one actually away from them. They're all sitting closer and closer every day, soon they'll end up eating sitting on each other's laps. Diego is sure this doesn't happen in other National Teams. He likes that, yet he feels a hint of betrayal: if they're this close, how is it that no one ever noticed?. Maybe Gonzalo never wanted them to notice, maybe he's good at hiding it and Diego was just lucky. For some reason the idea of him not noticing, of him not having gotten up that night when he heard Gonzalo, disgusts him more than that first retch he heard. Diego isn't sure why, and Aguero's non-stop chat about soccer that requires his attention doesn't let him think anymore.
Gonzalo takes longer than usual to shower; Diego doesn't ask him why but when he sees him sitting down a few chairs away from him all he gets is a warm smile and a wink. Diego wonders if Gonzalo knows how to ask for help.
He knows the answer is no.
.
Diego is staring at the rest of the players, watching them while he waits for his turn, just standing there and enjoying not having anything in mind besides the ball, besides the training session and the game that's closer every minute that flies by.
A pair of hands surprise him, grabbing his own and drowning him into almost an embrace, but too short and too off to be really that, and after a moment he's holding hands with Gonzalo in the middle of the field. It should be odd, but they all do that, so it's not.
"What are you doing?" Diego presses. He doesn't feel like he should let go of Gonzalo, even if their hands together are sweaty and it's a bit anti-hygienic.
"You looked awkward standing here all by yourself."
"I am awkward," Diego replies, because really, he is.
Gonzalo doesn't reply to that, he barely plays with Diego's hands and arms, moves them with his own in a swing motion. They're quiet and everyone around them isn't. Milito wonders if there's anyone around taking pictures, wonders if they'll care enough about what they're doing like to take one, and if it would make it to the papers.
"When you both are done being girls, we'd like to carry on with training."
Gonzalo laughs to Maradona's mocking voice and Diego can't help but smile a bit, "we're bonding," Milito says, "you wanted us to bond."
Maradona grins to that answer, seems satisfied, "all right, finish with your bonding and let's carry on with the other part of training."
Diego lets go of Gonzalo's hands, ignores the protest sound Gonzalo makes mostly because it sounds like Leandro's protests when they have to do homework, and says "we're done for now," making Maradona smile harder.
"Hey," Gonzalo calls, turning to look at him while they start lining up to kick the ball in direction to Romero as it comes.
"Mhm?"
"Last night, were we bonding too?" Gonzalo says that like the kid he is, playful voice and eyes lost somewhere on the field. Diego enjoys that side of him, makes him think there's nothing wrong with Gonzalo, ever.
"Of course," he says, trying to keep a straight face; Higuaín's laugh is a tiny sound that doesn't bring up many looks, but Diego can feel Samuel's eyes on his back and when he turns to look the defender is there, staring at him. Diego knows he'll have to answer many questions at some point. But Gonzalo scores after that, and he highs five with Diego and maybe, maybe, Milito doesn't care.
.
They're doing it again and it is a bad idea.
It's a really bad idea, because no one is going to interrupt them now, they should be in bed and the game is barely a day away.
"We should rest," Diego says, because he's the one that has to say it, and Gonzalo doesn't really seem to care, because as soon as the words leave Diego's mouth, his lips cover Diego's again, open and hungry and demanding.
Diego kisses him back with alike meaning. Maybe it's a bit of loneliness, maybe it's the fact that with everything that has been going on they've been growing closer. And well, it's not like he dislikes Gonzalo, who's all eager and young and maybe even pretty, in his own way.
"Gonza," he says (he hasn't been calling him Pipa when they're alone, when they're talking, because that's Gonzalo's father, and Diego has decided that he doesn't like him much).
"No," Gonzalo replies and Diego laughs while Gonzalo busies himself into kissing and half-biting Diego's neck.
"You don't even know what I was going to say," he grins.
"I know you're being way too coherent and that means I'm not doing things right."
Diego takes that line too literally, and pushes Higuaín away a bit. Gonzalo stares at him, all big eyes, rosy cheeks and swollen lips from kissing.
"What?"
"You - what did you just say?"
Gonzalo gives him a long look, like he's thinking about it, then he smiles a bit. "Dude," he says, as if he wasn't talking to Diego but to any of the boys, "dude, it was a manner of speech, not every time I think I'm not doing okay means I'm going to end up-I'm going to end up there."
Diego steps away a bit more, they now officially have personal space, while he replies, "well, how the hell am I supposed to know?"
"It's just... God, you worry too much."
"Too much? Do we have to talk about this again? About how it's not right under any concept that you throw up after every failed game or session?" Diego's voice is a little filled with rage, and he doesn't care about hiding it. He's annoyed and also a bit horny, which is not a good mix. "You're twenty-two years old Gonzalo, you have at least ten more years of career, are you going to live your whole life like this?"
"Well, it's not like I can do anything about it!" and that's probably the first time Gonzalo has ever raised his voice to Diego.
"You don't fucking try, you sit there and let it happen, you don't even tell people about it."
"I have told people about it!" Gonzalo answers back, the color on his face now seems to be a mix of shame and annoyance, "everyone thinks I'm overreacting and that it will go away, so I'm waiting for it to go away."
"You can't just do that!" Diego answers back, "what if one day you do awfully wrong? You'll throw up until you pass out and someone finds you in the bathroom?"
"It's not like that!"
"Is exactly like that Gonzalo," Diego's tone isn't mad anymore, it's frustrated, "Do you have any idea how scared I was when I saw you in the bathroom? Sitting down in front of the toilet, so pale I thought you were going to faint, hell I started to think in all I could remember about basic medical-aid, checking pulse and stuff like that."
"I didn't ask you to!" Gonzalo replies to him, "I didn't ask you to hear me or to get up or to bring me that fucking bottle of water, I was fine."
"Fine?!" Diego would hit him, really, "are you-you really believe that don't you?" he asks, but he doesn't wait for an answer and he starts walking away from the room.
"Where are you going?" Gonzalo asks, he sounds afraid.
"With Carlitos, he has an extra bed; I can't sleep in the same room with you right now."
"Diego," Gonzalo calls, and his voice is soft and Diego thinks hey, I'm being an asshole, maybe he needs my help and he'll ask me now, he'll hear me and understand that this isn't good for him, that he deserves better and that I can be here for him, if he asks me to.
"Yes?" he asks, turning to see Gonzalo.
"Don't tell anyone."
Diego can't believe him, "fuck you," he says, and walks away.
Carlitos doesn't ask why he's there, he just says "take the bed by the window, do you mind the iPod on?" and smiles his best friendly smile. Diego says "thank you," and then "no, I don't, sorry I woke you". He takes off his shirt, and puts his phone and his watch on the night stand before trying to get comfortable in the cold, unknown bed.
It's stupid to try to fall asleep soon; Gonzalo is the only thing on his mind. He doesn't feel like he should apologise or anything because he meant every word he said, but maybe he shouldn't have left the room. His phone shines and vibrates with a text when he's still wide awake, a little after midnight.
It says "please come back" and nothing else. Diego considers his options: staying there and pretending he never saw the text until the morning, when everything will be uncomfortable and when he'll feel guilty as hell; or getting up, thinking about an excuse to give Carlos later, walking to his room to find Gonzalo in heaven knows which state and try hard not to pick up a fight with him even if all he wants to do right now is scream at Higuaín.
Even if it is the worst option and he was the one that left, he gets up, dresses again, and leaves the room humming the song that was playing on Tevez's iPod, walking as slowly as he can while trying to think why he's going back.
When he enters the room Gonzalo is sitting cross-legged on the floor, blank stare on the door that just opened.
"You're back," he says, and a mix of surprise and hope stains his voice.
"I still don't think I even want to be in the same room with you."
"I'm sorry for what I said."
Diego nods, then, "I'm not."
"I assumed you weren't," Gonzalo tries to smile, "I don't know what to do Diego."
"I've noticed," he offers Gonzalo a hand to get up and the younger one takes it.
They sleep in the same bed that night; Diego thinks that this is the closest it'll get to Gonzalo asking for help, so he takes it. Maybe after the game he can talk him into getting some real help. Definitely, he thinks before falling asleep with Gonzalo breathing on his chest, near one am on his clock.
.
Diego thinks the real reason behind the fight from last night is that they're jumpy. All of them, and it makes sense. The game is a huge thing, heavy on their backs, so everything is affected by it; every action they take is somehow connected to the game. Diego is pretty sure that three or four days ago he wouldn't have screamed that much to Gonzalo. Even if that's exactly what he feels on the matter, he would have been his composed self and talked to Gonzalo about it (even if Higuaín didn't want to hear him).
"Hey," Gonzalo says, voice thick because of sleep.
"Hey," Diego echoes, he's not sure since when Gonzalo has been awake.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Not much," Diego lies, "the match."
"Don't, tomorrow is tomorrow," Gonzalo yawns and moves a bit on the bed, presses himself to Diego, "Maradona always says stuff like that, you know how he is..."
"I know," Diego agrees, because he does and he's not in the mood to talk about what he's been thinking, he's worried they'll get in dangerous territory and they'll end up fighting. "We should get up."
"I'm comfortable," Gonzalo protests vaguely and grins before adding, "you're comfortable."
"am not," Diego corrects, "I have a twenty-two year old football player blocking half of my bed."
"We're sharing," Gonzalo says, pokes Milito's ribs while he talks making the older man half yelp, half curse.
"Don't be so childish," Diego orders, "come on, we have to shower and go get some breakfast."
"Still early," Gonzalo yawns again and Diego rolls his eyes.
"Fine, I'm showering first anyway, get off of me."
"Can I shower with you?" there's something about the way in which Gonzalo says it that makes Diego want to say 'of course you can', as if Gonzalo was this sweet human being that deserved to be treated with extra care and conceded everything he wanted.
He snaps out of his weird mood before answering, "no," with a easy tone while sitting up on the bed, Gonzalo's hand is slightly touching his back.
"Why?"
Milito is torn between smacking him saying 'dude, really?' and actually explaining what could be wrong with them showering together. Many scenarios take place in his head. In two of them, for example, their teammates walk in (once it's Verón, the other time it's Samuel) and it's as discomfited as it gets.
"You realize what you're asking, right?" Diego plays it cool.
Gonzalo beams before talking, Diego can't see him but feels the smile on his voice, "I'm just talking about shower, I don't know where your dirty head took you; I mean it's not like we've never seen each other naked before."
"Glad to know you were paying attention to all the important things after practice or games," Milito answers, sarcasm heavy on his voice making Gonzalo laugh a little.
"Let's make a bet," Gonzalo says.
"No," because really, no.
"You are not fun Diego Milito!"
"I know," Diego says very matter-of-factly, "I never said I was."
Diego finally leaves the bed after that, walks to the bathroom even if Gonzalo keeps making pleading noises from the bed and laughing at himself. Diego can't fully understand how this is the same guy that last night was screaming with (and at) him, but then again, this is also the same one that asked him to come back.
He's starting the shower with only his boxers on when the bathroom door opens; Diego rolls his eyes before turning.
"This is an awful idea," he starts, and Gonzalo nods, but still walks inside and kisses Diego.
The difference between this kiss and the others they've shared is the motive: the reason is clear this time, this isn't just a kiss, this won't end with lips on lips. Diego knows this, confirms it when Gonzalo takes off his shirt and rests his hands on the hem of Diego's underwear.
"I didn't think you would be this easy," Gonzalo says into Milito's mouth.
"Astonishingly enough, I knew you would," Diego replies.
They're fully naked before entering the shower, the water hits Diego's back and it doesn't feel very warm. He doesn't know if that's because he feels heat already or because the water isn't ready yet. He doesn't think about it much, Gonzalo is kissing him again, making tiny desperate noises all the time against Diego's lips, jaw, neck, skin...
"Shh," Diego says, mouth heavy and wet with the taste of water and Gonzalo's skin, "and stop moving."
But Gonzalo doesn't stop, because he can't, and his hands are on Diego's sides, and on his back and on his legs and close to his ass. He clearly needs to touch him everywhere, and his mouth keeps doing the same noises than before, as breathy hurried hiccups on Diego's skin that make him shiver at the mixed temperatures in contact: cold air, Gonzalo's breath and the water.
They're really doing this, and Diego should be the smart one, the older one, and stop it right this second, but he can't, he doesn't feel like doing it, not when he manages to hold Gonzalo's wrists with his hands and push him against the cold tiles, with the water falling fully into both of them, making them completely wet.
"Diego," Gonzalo's voice sounds like he's asking for something and Diego isn't sure he can give him whatever he needs. He's not even sure he has it, so instead of thinking or asking, he kisses Gonzalo again.
.
They're late for breakfast, but they're not the only ones, so it's not like anyone gives them a lecture or even notice, but when they're going to sit Samuel asks Diego if he feels like sharing some mate outside, since it's such a great day to look at, which Milito can easily understand as "this is the time when you give me explanations".
And it's exactly that.
"You fucked him yet?" Samuel asks with the same non-committal look he has for these kind of things, he's not even looking at Diego but at the hot water he's serving.
"No," Diego answers, and that's actually true. Samuel doesn't need details, he's asking about one particular thing and the answer is the one Diego gives him.
Walter looks up at him, as if he was studying him, deciding if what he said was true or not. After a few seconds he nods, "yet" he says again, and Diego isn't sure if he's offended or not.
He accepts the mate and says nothing, he knows Samuel isn't done.
"So, are you going to elaborate?"
"We kissed," Diego says, and looks very still when answering, "do you want me to tell you how many times and to what extent?"
"Oh, fuck you," Samuel replies, but he's smiling a bit and Diego is glad that his comment worked as it was aimed to: lighting up the mood. "What are you doing here Diego?"
Diego considers lying to him, telling him there's nothing there and that he's reading too much into nothing, but this is Samuel, he trusts him and he knows Walter will notice sooner or later.
"I have no idea," Milito ends up replying.
"That, I figured," Samuel nods, "have you two talked about it or is it the sort of thing that you don't talk about?"
"There's not much to talk about," Diego says, not about that inside his head. "I think he's being a typical twenty-something year old."
"You were a little whore at your twenties too?" Walter asks amused, "man, I got to befriend you at the wrong time of your life."
Diego smiles a bit, "I was at Racing at that time. We won the title, you know... Nice years," he gives Samuel a significant look until the other man makes a disgusted face, which ends up with both of them laughing.
"Now, really," Diego calms down, sips the third or fourth mate they've exchanged, "he's not a whore, he just needs someone around, I happen to be around."
"And he happens to have a school-boy crush on you."
"He doesn't."
"He does, he stares at you a lot. It's a bit creepy actually," Samuel sighs, "Maradona says that he looks up at you."
"You've talked about this with Maradona?" Diego asks, eyes big, feeling like he could start hyperventilating any second now.
"He brought it up," Samuel shrugs, "I think he likes it, he says you two could take the best out of each other. I assume he means in the field, I'm guessing anything you do in the bedroom is a bonus."
Diego rolls his eyes, "Gonzalo needs a helping hand, and don't even dare to twist my words," he warns, and Samuel beams, "but really, he does. I want to be that for him, the rest is…"
"A bonus?"
"Yeah, kinda."
"Does Gonzalo know this?"
"Yes?"
"Man, man talk with the kid."
"What about me?"
They both jump at Lio's voice. He looks amused with his own comment, he's grinning at them, hands on his hips, hair hitting his face and making his eyes tiny.
"You've grown up, we don't call you kid anymore," Samuel says solemnly.
"Lie, you called him a kid yesterday," Diego says and Messi nods enthusiastically at him.
"Whatever," Samuel gets up, "I'm going to change this yerba, the water was too hot and it's kinda ruined now."
When he walks away Diego looks at Lio, he wants to ask why he interrupted them because he's not one to do that.
"You looked tense, is everything all right?" Messi asks, somehow solving Diego's question.
"Yeah, he's just being is usual careful self," Diego smiles a bit, "thanks anyway, we needed the break."
"I noticed," he nods, "so, wanna learn some playstation tricks to beat your brother some day?"
"Oh, shut up," Diego laughs, but follows Messi inside. They both know he's not going to play but end up watching him beat Agüero or Di María, but it's okay.
.
"Uhm," Gonzalo stands in the middle of both beds when Diego enters the room. It's a little before nine but tomorrow is a big day and they need the rest.
"What is it?"
"Are you going to sleep with me again?"
Diego then remembers the talk he had with Samuel, remembers the practice that same day and how he and Gonzalo made a good team in the little bit they got to play together not formally. He hates himself a bit.
"We have a match tomorrow," he says slowly.
"You're right," Gonzalo nods and turns. He's facing Diego now, but he's smiling a bit so Diego isn't worried anymore, "come here," he adds, and grabs Diego from where he can, and as if he had been craving for that, pulls him into an embrace.
"Gonzalo," Diego says carefully, and the younger one laughs a bit into Diego's neck.
"I'll be good, I promise," he says, "I just wanted a hug."
"Sap," Diego says, without bad intention and hugs back because this he can do.
"Just with you," Gonzalo answers, and he's still smiling when he lets go a little of the grip he has on Diego. They're still on each other's personal space and Diego should move away now and talk to Gonzalo about this.
"You're worrying about something," Gonzalo talks first, "you always look at me like you're worrying about something."
Diego gives him a sad smile, "I am," he answers honestly.
"I'm okay, as good as it gets," Gonzalo says, "a bit better than yesterday maybe, the training was good and we," Gonzalo looks up to meet Diego's eyes, "we're friends right?"
"We sort of became that, yeah," he nods, and when Gonzalo gives him a kiss in the cheek before pulling totally away he thinks that at least in this, they're on the same page. Sort of.
.
Diego hugs Maxi because it feels right, because Maxi looks like he needs a hug and Diego is, after all and mostly, an older brother. He lets Maxi sob on his shoulder a moment or two, hide from the flashes, the cameras, the people, hears him mutter "we didn't deserve this" before drifting away from him, before walking away from the lights.
Diego hugs Lio because he loves him in that way in which everyone else does too. And because Lio takes hugs from anyone right now, needing them like the oxygen he breathes, because he's younger and smaller right now, and all this too big for him. He sees him run to Verón's arms when they're away from the rest of the world and he's sure that there's no one better than Sebastián for him right now (and ever, for the matter).
Diego doesn't hug Gonzalo. Diego doesn't even notice where Gonzalo is at the start, and it's not because he doesn't see him, because he does. He sees him with tears in his eyes, biting down his bottom lip, as helpless as anyone else, walking away from words and arms and barely letting Maradona touch him. Heinze touches his arm, surely noticing just like Diego that he's somehow off, and Gonzalo doesn't pay attention to him. Once he's out the field, he runs to the locker room and Diego is pretty sure he knows what's going to happen and hates it.
They're all in there, crying, suffering, saying words that don't do anything really, trying to help each other with a pain that goes beyond them ("can you hear them crying? can you feel them? I can, I can and it's killing me," Maradona says, and no one knows what to do, because the coach should know, but right now he's just a player, he's just a human, he's just another argentino).
Diego knows the sound, remembers it from each past time, from being in the room or in the bathroom. He identifies it, when he hears the first gag he can't help himself and he gets up before he can think about it. No one notices, or no one finds anything special ("everyone grieves different") when he walks to the bathrooms in the locker room, when he pushes the door open never minding the noise, never minding if he scared anyone else. Milito looks into the stalls for Gonzalo's slim form and finds him just like he remembered from the first time: so pale that it's frightening, inclined over the toilet with a mix of tears and sweat on his face.
He doesn't talk first, and when he wants to say something he notices he didn't even bring water with him, "I'm going to get you a bottle," he says, and ignores Gonzalo's faint "don't." He walks back to where most of the others are, sees Mascherano leave with a straight face and doesn't envy him for having to go and stand up to the press for all of them, he's even kind of sorry for Javier.
"Do you need anything?" Mancuso asks him with a soft voice when he sees Diego searching for the assistant's bags.
"A bottle of water," Diego says with his own mouth dry.
Mancuso reaches somewhere Diego can't see very well and hands him a bottle so cold that it makes no sense in Diego's head, "thanks" he mutters.
"What's going on?" Mancuso's paternal tone is suddenly on.
"Nothing," he says, and he even noticed how much his words lack in conviction as he walks away.
When he's back with Gonzalo, the boy is sitting with his head against one of the walls, eyes closed, a disgusted expression on his face.
"Hey," he calls out, and he hands Gonzalo the water when he opens his eyes, "drink some, and remember to not take the first-"
"I don't feel like it, I'm going to throw it up anyway," comes the icy reply.
"Don't be an idiot, you need this, drink it."
"Don't boss me around, I don't want to drink it, I'm not going to."
Diego takes a breath, none of them is up for this right now, "Gonzalo, drink some water," he says, there's no full authority in his voice, but the gentleness in his tone is a bit forced.
"Diego," Gonzalo mimics the tone fighting against his eyes to keep them open, "fuck off."
"You can be a bitch later. Drink something, you were running, you're tired and you just threw up a lot more food than the one you ate today."
Gonzalo sits up, and Diego thinks he's going to answer, and probably that's the plan, but he gasps and ends up vomiting again. Diego doesn't move a for a second, but in an impulse that he can't precisely control, he puts his hand against Gonzalo's back, showing him he's there, trying to prove that even if Higuaín can't handle it, he'll still stay.
"Don't," Gonzalo says, when he's talking again, after spitting more saliva that surely tasted awful, and a part of Diego wants to punch him with the bottle. "I don't need you."
"Yes, you do," Diego answers back, "you need-"
"I don't need anything, I don't need anyone," Gonzalo mutters mad, "I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me."
"Nothing?!" Diego may have screamed that a bit, but he doesn't care, "nothing my fucking ass, and I'm not going to fight with you when you haven't finished doing your little act. Drink the goddamn water Higuaín."
"I told you not t-" Gonzalo doesn't finish the line, he loses the balance he had and closes his eyes clearly against his will, for he tries to open them a few a few times but can't keep them in that state; Diego knows what is going on when he sees it, and grabs Gonzalo to stop him from hitting himself with anything while he asks for help.
Of course the idiot fainted. Diego kind of wished he had hit his head. Maybe that way some sense can get into it.
.
"We're travelling tonight," Verón says, his eyes aren't on Diego but on Higuaín, "do you think he's okay?"
"I'm not a doctor."
"Diego..."
"What?" Milito looks up, "I'm not. Let's let him sleep, okay?"
Verón doesn't push him, but then again Verón is not Samuel, who's standing outside the hotel room where they (and the doctors a few hours ago) left Gonzalo.
"Seba, would you give us a while?" Samuel asks and Verón nods, as if he knew he was going to be asked that already, and barely waves at them before getting lost in the hall.
Samuel doesn't talk first, he walks to the elevator and Diego follows him. Inside they find Di María who (still) looks like someone kicked his puppy. Diego tries to give him and encouraging smile that Angelito returns as he can. They don't talk when they get downstairs, where everything is a mess of people fixing dates, long faces and odd looks.
"So," Diego starts, but Samuel says nothing until they start to walk away and in direction to where they used to practice.
"If you're going to hit me you're taking the wrong side of the story," Diego tries to joke; Samuel barely gives him a sad smile.
"So this was it," he says.
"This?"
"There's something going on with Higuaín and you were trying to be the hero?"
"He doesn't need a hero," Diego sighs, then adds, "he doesn't need anything according to his view of the situation."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Doesn't he need you?"
"No," Diego looks away from Samuel, "he made it clear, there's nothing wrong with him."
"So you don't care anymore?"
"Of course I care," Diego corrects, "I just… I can't do anything else."
Samuel eyes him, "you're happy it ended like that."
"No," a heartbeat, "yes."
Samuel says nothing and waits for the rest.
"People had to know... if this was the way, if the whole fucking National Team needed to find out for him to realize that there's something wrong... well, that's the only good thing I'm taking out of yesterday."
Samuel nods, "do you think more people knowing is going to fix it?"
"No, but I have no idea what else to do," Diego replies. "And he doesn't want me to do anything, anyway."
"Yes he does, he's too scared to face it surely."
"Same shit," Diego passes a hand through his hair, "I didn't want to be the hero, but I thought I could handle it, you know? I thought that me knowing would help him somehow, would make him talk or want to solve it, and I think, hell, I hope I was close to that but then, well, you know what happened."
Samuel nods again, "You should talk to him."
"Not really, I talked to him a lot already, if he wants to talk it's his turn. He knows where to find me."
"Are you sure?"
Diego sighs, "no," he admits, "but yesterday I offered him a hand and he didn't take it, so, I don't know."
"For once in your life," Samuel asks, "don't worry."
"You're kidding me right?"
"No, be smart. Do what you just said, wait for him. We all know now," Samuel says, "maybe not in bright colors and with details, but we know something is going on, so it's not the same than before."
"I'm still undecided between wanting to check if he's all right or hit him until he's unconscious again."
"You don't hit people."
"That's right," he considers it, "wanna do it for me?"
Samuel smiles at him, "I could do it, but you'd freak out later, so I'd better not."
.
It's actually pretty easy to ignore each other's when they want to. They don't talk in the room that night. Diego doesn't ask how he is (it doesn't count if he already asked the doctors) and Gonzalo doesn't say he's sorry or actually anything at all.
They go to sleep, they wake up. Diego showers first, Gonzalo later. They leave the room as empty as they found it, and still without even a single word.
They don't sit together on the plane; Gonzalo travels by Di María and Otamendi, while Diego is glad to see Nico Burdisso and Walter Samuel calling out for him. It makes him feel like home in a strange way.
When they arrive to Ezeiza, Diego doesn't even think twice as he walks by where Gonzalo is sitting on the bus, alone for now, and sits a few places away from him. People and noises and songs distract him; so does Maradona talking, and Mancuso, and Javier. They all talk, and at some point Diego only pretends to listen.
They share a room again, because they have to, or actually because none of them has enough courage or will to ask for something different. They'll leave in the morning, so it should be fine.
It is. Diego sleeps that night like he hasn't slept in the whole month; nothing wakes him up, and in the morning a part of him wonders if something should have. He doesn't stay to consider it; he doesn't even give it another thought. They all know now, so it's not only his job.
"Diego?" and Gonzalo's voice sounds distant, old, unfamiliar, and Milito realizes in that moment than he indeed spend the past two or three days without hearing it.
"Yes?"
"You were forgetting this," Gonzalo hands him the National Team jacket that was lying on the bed.
"Ah, yeah, thanks," he nods, and Gonzalo nods back at him. There's a hint of a smile in his face when their hands touch while exchanging the cloth, and Diego wonders all the way down the elevator if he imagined it or not.
Samuel sees them exit and follows Diego with a curious face that Milito notices, and smiles a bit before asking, "yes?"
"You look confused, even worried I'd dare to say."
"I am," Milito nods, "I'm worried about the chances we have for the cup."
"…you're not lying this time," Samuel says, honestly astonished.
"No, I'm not," Diego replies. The Cup is a year away from now, and he's not even sure he'll be there, but if he is, he'll take care of Gonzalo. If he's given the chance, if Gonzalo asks him to... For now, he has nothing to worry about.
.fin.
Author's notes
(actually a bunch of things you maybe already knew):
0. Clearly Higuaín doesn't have the health issues described here. Yes he is lucky and talented and maybe he has a bit of a crush on Diego, but nothing else. I'm well aware he's pretty different to the Gonzalo most people imagines, but I only put together a few things about him, and made everything bigger and worst (I blew some things out of proportion to make this sick persona out of Gonzalo). As for Diego, I have to say I'm very proud of my Diego. Of course he's not nursing Gonzalo in real life or making out with him, but that's not my point. Interviews I saw or read about him, seeing him in more laid back shows (Thank you Pura Química) in Argentina helped me notice he's not only the quiet Milito brother but a cheeky, smart man, who knows where he's standing in the world and who isn't afraid of being truthful. I had a lot of fun trying to live up to that image of Diego.
1. TyC sports is a local sports network that before the cup aired a show about each member of the NT.
2. Truco. Mate.
3. Jonás Gutierrez and Martín Demichelis indeed are partners in truco, or were during the cup, and Martín said they sucked and needed to practice. They replied that they liked to play together anyway.
4. The press conference referred in the story that includes Diego and Maxi Rodriguez can be found here (Spanish). When asked a question, Diego gave Maxi the microphone and said "you answer, since you play".
5. Diego Milito and Sergio Agüero were players, are fans and idols of the two big clubs from Avellaneda, hence Gonzalo's comment about them not having to "get along".
6. Maradona more than once said that he thought Milito and Higuaín could play together, should even, and that they could learn from each other. (Clearly this is his pairing. He made me write it).
7. Higuaín's older brother Federico plays for Colón in Argentina these days (he played in River when he was a kid, then in Chicago, a club from the second category. Now he actually unfortunately belongs to my team, Independiente).
8. Diego isn't a huge PlayStation fan like his brother is, he said it more than once. He also said that even if he watched the younger ones play, he rarely (if ever) did it.
9. Diego and Gonzalo indeed shared a room and they also sat apart in the bus, in case anyone cares.
Thank you notes
Well it's done. This story took a while to be done mostly because I struggled with the fact that I honestly hate Gonzalo Higuaín and writing about the game vs. Germany was hell. Other than that, I had fun. And now I have a lot of thank yous to do - first, Laura who is the one to blame for making the world a little worst: she gave me the idea for the pairing when I was struggling with my original tennis fic. Then we have Nadi, who was always there when I wanted to kill Gonzalo and when I wanted him alive (and she wanted to tie him up to bed!). Haylana has to be third one, for the usual support and the best songs you could think of to kill writer's block. Mom, who helped build up Gonzalo's character, Guido who added his words on Diego's personality. My boy Juani (¡el niño de rulos!), who endured me bitching and complaining, basically only talking about this story. My girls at class who lent me their notes when I had been too busy with a scene I wanted to finish. And because I need to name them: Paly, Tina and George, who did nothing for this story and surely won't ever read it, but they're good friends and there aren't many of those out there.
And! I didn't do all this alone, and even if I said this before I have to repeat it - thank you to Lau for being not only my beta reader but also the reason why you can read this story, for making it make sense and look pretty and sound correct. She had a lot to work with, I know it, and so I thank her because she did it only for me (and maybe a bit for Diego), with no real obligation. And last, but not at all least, Natalia, because it was a real pleasure working with her; if I had asked for an artist I wouldn't have gotten someone as awesome as she is, dedicated to her work and eager to fit with the story. ¡Gracias Nati por haber elegido mi historia!
And you - you that didn't only read the fic but also all this, thank you. I hope you had fun, that you discovered something new; even if you loved it or hated it, I appreciate your time.
Diego wakes up with his phone beeping on the other side of his bed, because the night-stand is not at his left but at his right. It bothers him for a moment as he remembers why he's not in his bed. With an annoyed sigh he goes shower, not knowing if Gonzalo will wake up on his own or if he'll have to be the one doing it like the morning before.
When he's done showering he feels better, he's even in a better mood than before and every inch of his body is anxious for the game two days from now. He opens the bathroom door and the room is full with light because the curtains are open. Gonzalo is sitting down now on his own bed and he looks up to give Diego a smile.
"Thanks for not making me move from your bed," he says, while getting up. He has his towel and clothes on hand.
"Its fine," Diego nods at him, "but if you do that again, I'm kicking you out and I don't care if you end up sleeping on the floor."
"Awful friend you are, I was wrong about you," Gonzalo laughs while he walks to the bathroom, and before entering he stands in front of Diego for less than a second and gives him a small kiss on the mouth, more like a peck than anything else. Diego barely responds before thinking, but Gonzalo is inside the bathroom before he can say anything about it, and being the time it is, he decides to resume his way downstairs for breakfast.
.
Diego remembers when he first saw Gonzalo in the room they're now sharing, how Higuaín was waiting for him sitting in a chair by the window and he hadn't unpacked anything or moved at all because "I was waiting for you". Diego remembers thinking that it was strange yet it was very polite from Gonzalo's part, and that it spoke very well of his family. Now, knowing Gonzalo more than what he did that day a month and a few weeks ago, he has to take his first statement and shove it up ("don't say ass Diego") - somewhere.
He can't believe no one ever noticed, or cared enough, or (God forbid) found it normal and didn't do anything about it, just like Gonzalo does. It was clear that this had to be taken care of, that someone had to make Gonzalo see that he had to do something about it, and Diego wasn't sure if he was that someone. Fixing people wasn't a part of his job description, and even if he was a good listener, a great brother and a good father, that didn't put him in place to do anything about Gonzalo. Mostly if Gonzalo didn't want to do anything about it in the first place.
"Don't tell me you're still worrying about star-boy," Samuel says with half faked annoyance when they meet leaving the elevator.
"I'm not, I'm worried about breakfast," Diego lies shameless and if Samuel doesn't believe him, he says nothing about it.
They walk in silence to the table, to join the rest of the group. They sit in front of each other, as usual, with Nico and Kun by their sides, and no one actually away from them. They're all sitting closer and closer every day, soon they'll end up eating sitting on each other's laps. Diego is sure this doesn't happen in other National Teams. He likes that, yet he feels a hint of betrayal: if they're this close, how is it that no one ever noticed?. Maybe Gonzalo never wanted them to notice, maybe he's good at hiding it and Diego was just lucky. For some reason the idea of him not noticing, of him not having gotten up that night when he heard Gonzalo, disgusts him more than that first retch he heard. Diego isn't sure why, and Aguero's non-stop chat about soccer that requires his attention doesn't let him think anymore.
Gonzalo takes longer than usual to shower; Diego doesn't ask him why but when he sees him sitting down a few chairs away from him all he gets is a warm smile and a wink. Diego wonders if Gonzalo knows how to ask for help.
He knows the answer is no.
.
Diego is staring at the rest of the players, watching them while he waits for his turn, just standing there and enjoying not having anything in mind besides the ball, besides the training session and the game that's closer every minute that flies by.
A pair of hands surprise him, grabbing his own and drowning him into almost an embrace, but too short and too off to be really that, and after a moment he's holding hands with Gonzalo in the middle of the field. It should be odd, but they all do that, so it's not.
"What are you doing?" Diego presses. He doesn't feel like he should let go of Gonzalo, even if their hands together are sweaty and it's a bit anti-hygienic.
"You looked awkward standing here all by yourself."
"I am awkward," Diego replies, because really, he is.
Gonzalo doesn't reply to that, he barely plays with Diego's hands and arms, moves them with his own in a swing motion. They're quiet and everyone around them isn't. Milito wonders if there's anyone around taking pictures, wonders if they'll care enough about what they're doing like to take one, and if it would make it to the papers.
"When you both are done being girls, we'd like to carry on with training."
Gonzalo laughs to Maradona's mocking voice and Diego can't help but smile a bit, "we're bonding," Milito says, "you wanted us to bond."
Maradona grins to that answer, seems satisfied, "all right, finish with your bonding and let's carry on with the other part of training."
Diego lets go of Gonzalo's hands, ignores the protest sound Gonzalo makes mostly because it sounds like Leandro's protests when they have to do homework, and says "we're done for now," making Maradona smile harder.
"Hey," Gonzalo calls, turning to look at him while they start lining up to kick the ball in direction to Romero as it comes.
"Mhm?"
"Last night, were we bonding too?" Gonzalo says that like the kid he is, playful voice and eyes lost somewhere on the field. Diego enjoys that side of him, makes him think there's nothing wrong with Gonzalo, ever.
"Of course," he says, trying to keep a straight face; Higuaín's laugh is a tiny sound that doesn't bring up many looks, but Diego can feel Samuel's eyes on his back and when he turns to look the defender is there, staring at him. Diego knows he'll have to answer many questions at some point. But Gonzalo scores after that, and he highs five with Diego and maybe, maybe, Milito doesn't care.
.
They're doing it again and it is a bad idea.
It's a really bad idea, because no one is going to interrupt them now, they should be in bed and the game is barely a day away.
"We should rest," Diego says, because he's the one that has to say it, and Gonzalo doesn't really seem to care, because as soon as the words leave Diego's mouth, his lips cover Diego's again, open and hungry and demanding.
Diego kisses him back with alike meaning. Maybe it's a bit of loneliness, maybe it's the fact that with everything that has been going on they've been growing closer. And well, it's not like he dislikes Gonzalo, who's all eager and young and maybe even pretty, in his own way.
"Gonza," he says (he hasn't been calling him Pipa when they're alone, when they're talking, because that's Gonzalo's father, and Diego has decided that he doesn't like him much).
"No," Gonzalo replies and Diego laughs while Gonzalo busies himself into kissing and half-biting Diego's neck.
"You don't even know what I was going to say," he grins.
"I know you're being way too coherent and that means I'm not doing things right."
Diego takes that line too literally, and pushes Higuaín away a bit. Gonzalo stares at him, all big eyes, rosy cheeks and swollen lips from kissing.
"What?"
"You - what did you just say?"
Gonzalo gives him a long look, like he's thinking about it, then he smiles a bit. "Dude," he says, as if he wasn't talking to Diego but to any of the boys, "dude, it was a manner of speech, not every time I think I'm not doing okay means I'm going to end up-I'm going to end up there."
Diego steps away a bit more, they now officially have personal space, while he replies, "well, how the hell am I supposed to know?"
"It's just... God, you worry too much."
"Too much? Do we have to talk about this again? About how it's not right under any concept that you throw up after every failed game or session?" Diego's voice is a little filled with rage, and he doesn't care about hiding it. He's annoyed and also a bit horny, which is not a good mix. "You're twenty-two years old Gonzalo, you have at least ten more years of career, are you going to live your whole life like this?"
"Well, it's not like I can do anything about it!" and that's probably the first time Gonzalo has ever raised his voice to Diego.
"You don't fucking try, you sit there and let it happen, you don't even tell people about it."
"I have told people about it!" Gonzalo answers back, the color on his face now seems to be a mix of shame and annoyance, "everyone thinks I'm overreacting and that it will go away, so I'm waiting for it to go away."
"You can't just do that!" Diego answers back, "what if one day you do awfully wrong? You'll throw up until you pass out and someone finds you in the bathroom?"
"It's not like that!"
"Is exactly like that Gonzalo," Diego's tone isn't mad anymore, it's frustrated, "Do you have any idea how scared I was when I saw you in the bathroom? Sitting down in front of the toilet, so pale I thought you were going to faint, hell I started to think in all I could remember about basic medical-aid, checking pulse and stuff like that."
"I didn't ask you to!" Gonzalo replies to him, "I didn't ask you to hear me or to get up or to bring me that fucking bottle of water, I was fine."
"Fine?!" Diego would hit him, really, "are you-you really believe that don't you?" he asks, but he doesn't wait for an answer and he starts walking away from the room.
"Where are you going?" Gonzalo asks, he sounds afraid.
"With Carlitos, he has an extra bed; I can't sleep in the same room with you right now."
"Diego," Gonzalo calls, and his voice is soft and Diego thinks hey, I'm being an asshole, maybe he needs my help and he'll ask me now, he'll hear me and understand that this isn't good for him, that he deserves better and that I can be here for him, if he asks me to.
"Yes?" he asks, turning to see Gonzalo.
"Don't tell anyone."
Diego can't believe him, "fuck you," he says, and walks away.
Carlitos doesn't ask why he's there, he just says "take the bed by the window, do you mind the iPod on?" and smiles his best friendly smile. Diego says "thank you," and then "no, I don't, sorry I woke you". He takes off his shirt, and puts his phone and his watch on the night stand before trying to get comfortable in the cold, unknown bed.
It's stupid to try to fall asleep soon; Gonzalo is the only thing on his mind. He doesn't feel like he should apologise or anything because he meant every word he said, but maybe he shouldn't have left the room. His phone shines and vibrates with a text when he's still wide awake, a little after midnight.
It says "please come back" and nothing else. Diego considers his options: staying there and pretending he never saw the text until the morning, when everything will be uncomfortable and when he'll feel guilty as hell; or getting up, thinking about an excuse to give Carlos later, walking to his room to find Gonzalo in heaven knows which state and try hard not to pick up a fight with him even if all he wants to do right now is scream at Higuaín.
Even if it is the worst option and he was the one that left, he gets up, dresses again, and leaves the room humming the song that was playing on Tevez's iPod, walking as slowly as he can while trying to think why he's going back.
When he enters the room Gonzalo is sitting cross-legged on the floor, blank stare on the door that just opened.
"You're back," he says, and a mix of surprise and hope stains his voice.
"I still don't think I even want to be in the same room with you."
"I'm sorry for what I said."
Diego nods, then, "I'm not."
"I assumed you weren't," Gonzalo tries to smile, "I don't know what to do Diego."
"I've noticed," he offers Gonzalo a hand to get up and the younger one takes it.
They sleep in the same bed that night; Diego thinks that this is the closest it'll get to Gonzalo asking for help, so he takes it. Maybe after the game he can talk him into getting some real help. Definitely, he thinks before falling asleep with Gonzalo breathing on his chest, near one am on his clock.
.
Diego thinks the real reason behind the fight from last night is that they're jumpy. All of them, and it makes sense. The game is a huge thing, heavy on their backs, so everything is affected by it; every action they take is somehow connected to the game. Diego is pretty sure that three or four days ago he wouldn't have screamed that much to Gonzalo. Even if that's exactly what he feels on the matter, he would have been his composed self and talked to Gonzalo about it (even if Higuaín didn't want to hear him).
"Hey," Gonzalo says, voice thick because of sleep.
"Hey," Diego echoes, he's not sure since when Gonzalo has been awake.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Not much," Diego lies, "the match."
"Don't, tomorrow is tomorrow," Gonzalo yawns and moves a bit on the bed, presses himself to Diego, "Maradona always says stuff like that, you know how he is..."
"I know," Diego agrees, because he does and he's not in the mood to talk about what he's been thinking, he's worried they'll get in dangerous territory and they'll end up fighting. "We should get up."
"I'm comfortable," Gonzalo protests vaguely and grins before adding, "you're comfortable."
"am not," Diego corrects, "I have a twenty-two year old football player blocking half of my bed."
"We're sharing," Gonzalo says, pokes Milito's ribs while he talks making the older man half yelp, half curse.
"Don't be so childish," Diego orders, "come on, we have to shower and go get some breakfast."
"Still early," Gonzalo yawns again and Diego rolls his eyes.
"Fine, I'm showering first anyway, get off of me."
"Can I shower with you?" there's something about the way in which Gonzalo says it that makes Diego want to say 'of course you can', as if Gonzalo was this sweet human being that deserved to be treated with extra care and conceded everything he wanted.
He snaps out of his weird mood before answering, "no," with a easy tone while sitting up on the bed, Gonzalo's hand is slightly touching his back.
"Why?"
Milito is torn between smacking him saying 'dude, really?' and actually explaining what could be wrong with them showering together. Many scenarios take place in his head. In two of them, for example, their teammates walk in (once it's Verón, the other time it's Samuel) and it's as discomfited as it gets.
"You realize what you're asking, right?" Diego plays it cool.
Gonzalo beams before talking, Diego can't see him but feels the smile on his voice, "I'm just talking about shower, I don't know where your dirty head took you; I mean it's not like we've never seen each other naked before."
"Glad to know you were paying attention to all the important things after practice or games," Milito answers, sarcasm heavy on his voice making Gonzalo laugh a little.
"Let's make a bet," Gonzalo says.
"No," because really, no.
"You are not fun Diego Milito!"
"I know," Diego says very matter-of-factly, "I never said I was."
Diego finally leaves the bed after that, walks to the bathroom even if Gonzalo keeps making pleading noises from the bed and laughing at himself. Diego can't fully understand how this is the same guy that last night was screaming with (and at) him, but then again, this is also the same one that asked him to come back.
He's starting the shower with only his boxers on when the bathroom door opens; Diego rolls his eyes before turning.
"This is an awful idea," he starts, and Gonzalo nods, but still walks inside and kisses Diego.
The difference between this kiss and the others they've shared is the motive: the reason is clear this time, this isn't just a kiss, this won't end with lips on lips. Diego knows this, confirms it when Gonzalo takes off his shirt and rests his hands on the hem of Diego's underwear.
"I didn't think you would be this easy," Gonzalo says into Milito's mouth.
"Astonishingly enough, I knew you would," Diego replies.
They're fully naked before entering the shower, the water hits Diego's back and it doesn't feel very warm. He doesn't know if that's because he feels heat already or because the water isn't ready yet. He doesn't think about it much, Gonzalo is kissing him again, making tiny desperate noises all the time against Diego's lips, jaw, neck, skin...
"Shh," Diego says, mouth heavy and wet with the taste of water and Gonzalo's skin, "and stop moving."
But Gonzalo doesn't stop, because he can't, and his hands are on Diego's sides, and on his back and on his legs and close to his ass. He clearly needs to touch him everywhere, and his mouth keeps doing the same noises than before, as breathy hurried hiccups on Diego's skin that make him shiver at the mixed temperatures in contact: cold air, Gonzalo's breath and the water.
They're really doing this, and Diego should be the smart one, the older one, and stop it right this second, but he can't, he doesn't feel like doing it, not when he manages to hold Gonzalo's wrists with his hands and push him against the cold tiles, with the water falling fully into both of them, making them completely wet.
"Diego," Gonzalo's voice sounds like he's asking for something and Diego isn't sure he can give him whatever he needs. He's not even sure he has it, so instead of thinking or asking, he kisses Gonzalo again.
.
They're late for breakfast, but they're not the only ones, so it's not like anyone gives them a lecture or even notice, but when they're going to sit Samuel asks Diego if he feels like sharing some mate outside, since it's such a great day to look at, which Milito can easily understand as "this is the time when you give me explanations".
And it's exactly that.
"You fucked him yet?" Samuel asks with the same non-committal look he has for these kind of things, he's not even looking at Diego but at the hot water he's serving.
"No," Diego answers, and that's actually true. Samuel doesn't need details, he's asking about one particular thing and the answer is the one Diego gives him.
Walter looks up at him, as if he was studying him, deciding if what he said was true or not. After a few seconds he nods, "yet" he says again, and Diego isn't sure if he's offended or not.
He accepts the mate and says nothing, he knows Samuel isn't done.
"So, are you going to elaborate?"
"We kissed," Diego says, and looks very still when answering, "do you want me to tell you how many times and to what extent?"
"Oh, fuck you," Samuel replies, but he's smiling a bit and Diego is glad that his comment worked as it was aimed to: lighting up the mood. "What are you doing here Diego?"
Diego considers lying to him, telling him there's nothing there and that he's reading too much into nothing, but this is Samuel, he trusts him and he knows Walter will notice sooner or later.
"I have no idea," Milito ends up replying.
"That, I figured," Samuel nods, "have you two talked about it or is it the sort of thing that you don't talk about?"
"There's not much to talk about," Diego says, not about that inside his head. "I think he's being a typical twenty-something year old."
"You were a little whore at your twenties too?" Walter asks amused, "man, I got to befriend you at the wrong time of your life."
Diego smiles a bit, "I was at Racing at that time. We won the title, you know... Nice years," he gives Samuel a significant look until the other man makes a disgusted face, which ends up with both of them laughing.
"Now, really," Diego calms down, sips the third or fourth mate they've exchanged, "he's not a whore, he just needs someone around, I happen to be around."
"And he happens to have a school-boy crush on you."
"He doesn't."
"He does, he stares at you a lot. It's a bit creepy actually," Samuel sighs, "Maradona says that he looks up at you."
"You've talked about this with Maradona?" Diego asks, eyes big, feeling like he could start hyperventilating any second now.
"He brought it up," Samuel shrugs, "I think he likes it, he says you two could take the best out of each other. I assume he means in the field, I'm guessing anything you do in the bedroom is a bonus."
Diego rolls his eyes, "Gonzalo needs a helping hand, and don't even dare to twist my words," he warns, and Samuel beams, "but really, he does. I want to be that for him, the rest is…"
"A bonus?"
"Yeah, kinda."
"Does Gonzalo know this?"
"Yes?"
"Man, man talk with the kid."
"What about me?"
They both jump at Lio's voice. He looks amused with his own comment, he's grinning at them, hands on his hips, hair hitting his face and making his eyes tiny.
"You've grown up, we don't call you kid anymore," Samuel says solemnly.
"Lie, you called him a kid yesterday," Diego says and Messi nods enthusiastically at him.
"Whatever," Samuel gets up, "I'm going to change this yerba, the water was too hot and it's kinda ruined now."
When he walks away Diego looks at Lio, he wants to ask why he interrupted them because he's not one to do that.
"You looked tense, is everything all right?" Messi asks, somehow solving Diego's question.
"Yeah, he's just being is usual careful self," Diego smiles a bit, "thanks anyway, we needed the break."
"I noticed," he nods, "so, wanna learn some playstation tricks to beat your brother some day?"
"Oh, shut up," Diego laughs, but follows Messi inside. They both know he's not going to play but end up watching him beat Agüero or Di María, but it's okay.
.
"Uhm," Gonzalo stands in the middle of both beds when Diego enters the room. It's a little before nine but tomorrow is a big day and they need the rest.
"What is it?"
"Are you going to sleep with me again?"
Diego then remembers the talk he had with Samuel, remembers the practice that same day and how he and Gonzalo made a good team in the little bit they got to play together not formally. He hates himself a bit.
"We have a match tomorrow," he says slowly.
"You're right," Gonzalo nods and turns. He's facing Diego now, but he's smiling a bit so Diego isn't worried anymore, "come here," he adds, and grabs Diego from where he can, and as if he had been craving for that, pulls him into an embrace.
"Gonzalo," Diego says carefully, and the younger one laughs a bit into Diego's neck.
"I'll be good, I promise," he says, "I just wanted a hug."
"Sap," Diego says, without bad intention and hugs back because this he can do.
"Just with you," Gonzalo answers, and he's still smiling when he lets go a little of the grip he has on Diego. They're still on each other's personal space and Diego should move away now and talk to Gonzalo about this.
"You're worrying about something," Gonzalo talks first, "you always look at me like you're worrying about something."
Diego gives him a sad smile, "I am," he answers honestly.
"I'm okay, as good as it gets," Gonzalo says, "a bit better than yesterday maybe, the training was good and we," Gonzalo looks up to meet Diego's eyes, "we're friends right?"
"We sort of became that, yeah," he nods, and when Gonzalo gives him a kiss in the cheek before pulling totally away he thinks that at least in this, they're on the same page. Sort of.
.
Diego hugs Maxi because it feels right, because Maxi looks like he needs a hug and Diego is, after all and mostly, an older brother. He lets Maxi sob on his shoulder a moment or two, hide from the flashes, the cameras, the people, hears him mutter "we didn't deserve this" before drifting away from him, before walking away from the lights.
Diego hugs Lio because he loves him in that way in which everyone else does too. And because Lio takes hugs from anyone right now, needing them like the oxygen he breathes, because he's younger and smaller right now, and all this too big for him. He sees him run to Verón's arms when they're away from the rest of the world and he's sure that there's no one better than Sebastián for him right now (and ever, for the matter).
Diego doesn't hug Gonzalo. Diego doesn't even notice where Gonzalo is at the start, and it's not because he doesn't see him, because he does. He sees him with tears in his eyes, biting down his bottom lip, as helpless as anyone else, walking away from words and arms and barely letting Maradona touch him. Heinze touches his arm, surely noticing just like Diego that he's somehow off, and Gonzalo doesn't pay attention to him. Once he's out the field, he runs to the locker room and Diego is pretty sure he knows what's going to happen and hates it.
They're all in there, crying, suffering, saying words that don't do anything really, trying to help each other with a pain that goes beyond them ("can you hear them crying? can you feel them? I can, I can and it's killing me," Maradona says, and no one knows what to do, because the coach should know, but right now he's just a player, he's just a human, he's just another argentino).
Diego knows the sound, remembers it from each past time, from being in the room or in the bathroom. He identifies it, when he hears the first gag he can't help himself and he gets up before he can think about it. No one notices, or no one finds anything special ("everyone grieves different") when he walks to the bathrooms in the locker room, when he pushes the door open never minding the noise, never minding if he scared anyone else. Milito looks into the stalls for Gonzalo's slim form and finds him just like he remembered from the first time: so pale that it's frightening, inclined over the toilet with a mix of tears and sweat on his face.
He doesn't talk first, and when he wants to say something he notices he didn't even bring water with him, "I'm going to get you a bottle," he says, and ignores Gonzalo's faint "don't." He walks back to where most of the others are, sees Mascherano leave with a straight face and doesn't envy him for having to go and stand up to the press for all of them, he's even kind of sorry for Javier.
"Do you need anything?" Mancuso asks him with a soft voice when he sees Diego searching for the assistant's bags.
"A bottle of water," Diego says with his own mouth dry.
Mancuso reaches somewhere Diego can't see very well and hands him a bottle so cold that it makes no sense in Diego's head, "thanks" he mutters.
"What's going on?" Mancuso's paternal tone is suddenly on.
"Nothing," he says, and he even noticed how much his words lack in conviction as he walks away.
When he's back with Gonzalo, the boy is sitting with his head against one of the walls, eyes closed, a disgusted expression on his face.
"Hey," he calls out, and he hands Gonzalo the water when he opens his eyes, "drink some, and remember to not take the first-"
"I don't feel like it, I'm going to throw it up anyway," comes the icy reply.
"Don't be an idiot, you need this, drink it."
"Don't boss me around, I don't want to drink it, I'm not going to."
Diego takes a breath, none of them is up for this right now, "Gonzalo, drink some water," he says, there's no full authority in his voice, but the gentleness in his tone is a bit forced.
"Diego," Gonzalo mimics the tone fighting against his eyes to keep them open, "fuck off."
"You can be a bitch later. Drink something, you were running, you're tired and you just threw up a lot more food than the one you ate today."
Gonzalo sits up, and Diego thinks he's going to answer, and probably that's the plan, but he gasps and ends up vomiting again. Diego doesn't move a for a second, but in an impulse that he can't precisely control, he puts his hand against Gonzalo's back, showing him he's there, trying to prove that even if Higuaín can't handle it, he'll still stay.
"Don't," Gonzalo says, when he's talking again, after spitting more saliva that surely tasted awful, and a part of Diego wants to punch him with the bottle. "I don't need you."
"Yes, you do," Diego answers back, "you need-"
"I don't need anything, I don't need anyone," Gonzalo mutters mad, "I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me."
"Nothing?!" Diego may have screamed that a bit, but he doesn't care, "nothing my fucking ass, and I'm not going to fight with you when you haven't finished doing your little act. Drink the goddamn water Higuaín."
"I told you not t-" Gonzalo doesn't finish the line, he loses the balance he had and closes his eyes clearly against his will, for he tries to open them a few a few times but can't keep them in that state; Diego knows what is going on when he sees it, and grabs Gonzalo to stop him from hitting himself with anything while he asks for help.
Of course the idiot fainted. Diego kind of wished he had hit his head. Maybe that way some sense can get into it.
.
"We're travelling tonight," Verón says, his eyes aren't on Diego but on Higuaín, "do you think he's okay?"
"I'm not a doctor."
"Diego..."
"What?" Milito looks up, "I'm not. Let's let him sleep, okay?"
Verón doesn't push him, but then again Verón is not Samuel, who's standing outside the hotel room where they (and the doctors a few hours ago) left Gonzalo.
"Seba, would you give us a while?" Samuel asks and Verón nods, as if he knew he was going to be asked that already, and barely waves at them before getting lost in the hall.
Samuel doesn't talk first, he walks to the elevator and Diego follows him. Inside they find Di María who (still) looks like someone kicked his puppy. Diego tries to give him and encouraging smile that Angelito returns as he can. They don't talk when they get downstairs, where everything is a mess of people fixing dates, long faces and odd looks.
"So," Diego starts, but Samuel says nothing until they start to walk away and in direction to where they used to practice.
"If you're going to hit me you're taking the wrong side of the story," Diego tries to joke; Samuel barely gives him a sad smile.
"So this was it," he says.
"This?"
"There's something going on with Higuaín and you were trying to be the hero?"
"He doesn't need a hero," Diego sighs, then adds, "he doesn't need anything according to his view of the situation."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Doesn't he need you?"
"No," Diego looks away from Samuel, "he made it clear, there's nothing wrong with him."
"So you don't care anymore?"
"Of course I care," Diego corrects, "I just… I can't do anything else."
Samuel eyes him, "you're happy it ended like that."
"No," a heartbeat, "yes."
Samuel says nothing and waits for the rest.
"People had to know... if this was the way, if the whole fucking National Team needed to find out for him to realize that there's something wrong... well, that's the only good thing I'm taking out of yesterday."
Samuel nods, "do you think more people knowing is going to fix it?"
"No, but I have no idea what else to do," Diego replies. "And he doesn't want me to do anything, anyway."
"Yes he does, he's too scared to face it surely."
"Same shit," Diego passes a hand through his hair, "I didn't want to be the hero, but I thought I could handle it, you know? I thought that me knowing would help him somehow, would make him talk or want to solve it, and I think, hell, I hope I was close to that but then, well, you know what happened."
Samuel nods again, "You should talk to him."
"Not really, I talked to him a lot already, if he wants to talk it's his turn. He knows where to find me."
"Are you sure?"
Diego sighs, "no," he admits, "but yesterday I offered him a hand and he didn't take it, so, I don't know."
"For once in your life," Samuel asks, "don't worry."
"You're kidding me right?"
"No, be smart. Do what you just said, wait for him. We all know now," Samuel says, "maybe not in bright colors and with details, but we know something is going on, so it's not the same than before."
"I'm still undecided between wanting to check if he's all right or hit him until he's unconscious again."
"You don't hit people."
"That's right," he considers it, "wanna do it for me?"
Samuel smiles at him, "I could do it, but you'd freak out later, so I'd better not."
.
It's actually pretty easy to ignore each other's when they want to. They don't talk in the room that night. Diego doesn't ask how he is (it doesn't count if he already asked the doctors) and Gonzalo doesn't say he's sorry or actually anything at all.
They go to sleep, they wake up. Diego showers first, Gonzalo later. They leave the room as empty as they found it, and still without even a single word.
They don't sit together on the plane; Gonzalo travels by Di María and Otamendi, while Diego is glad to see Nico Burdisso and Walter Samuel calling out for him. It makes him feel like home in a strange way.
When they arrive to Ezeiza, Diego doesn't even think twice as he walks by where Gonzalo is sitting on the bus, alone for now, and sits a few places away from him. People and noises and songs distract him; so does Maradona talking, and Mancuso, and Javier. They all talk, and at some point Diego only pretends to listen.
They share a room again, because they have to, or actually because none of them has enough courage or will to ask for something different. They'll leave in the morning, so it should be fine.
It is. Diego sleeps that night like he hasn't slept in the whole month; nothing wakes him up, and in the morning a part of him wonders if something should have. He doesn't stay to consider it; he doesn't even give it another thought. They all know now, so it's not only his job.
"Diego?" and Gonzalo's voice sounds distant, old, unfamiliar, and Milito realizes in that moment than he indeed spend the past two or three days without hearing it.
"Yes?"
"You were forgetting this," Gonzalo hands him the National Team jacket that was lying on the bed.
"Ah, yeah, thanks," he nods, and Gonzalo nods back at him. There's a hint of a smile in his face when their hands touch while exchanging the cloth, and Diego wonders all the way down the elevator if he imagined it or not.
Samuel sees them exit and follows Diego with a curious face that Milito notices, and smiles a bit before asking, "yes?"
"You look confused, even worried I'd dare to say."
"I am," Milito nods, "I'm worried about the chances we have for the cup."
"…you're not lying this time," Samuel says, honestly astonished.
"No, I'm not," Diego replies. The Cup is a year away from now, and he's not even sure he'll be there, but if he is, he'll take care of Gonzalo. If he's given the chance, if Gonzalo asks him to... For now, he has nothing to worry about.
.fin.
Author's notes
(actually a bunch of things you maybe already knew):
0. Clearly Higuaín doesn't have the health issues described here. Yes he is lucky and talented and maybe he has a bit of a crush on Diego, but nothing else. I'm well aware he's pretty different to the Gonzalo most people imagines, but I only put together a few things about him, and made everything bigger and worst (I blew some things out of proportion to make this sick persona out of Gonzalo). As for Diego, I have to say I'm very proud of my Diego. Of course he's not nursing Gonzalo in real life or making out with him, but that's not my point. Interviews I saw or read about him, seeing him in more laid back shows (Thank you Pura Química) in Argentina helped me notice he's not only the quiet Milito brother but a cheeky, smart man, who knows where he's standing in the world and who isn't afraid of being truthful. I had a lot of fun trying to live up to that image of Diego.
1. TyC sports is a local sports network that before the cup aired a show about each member of the NT.
2. Truco. Mate.
3. Jonás Gutierrez and Martín Demichelis indeed are partners in truco, or were during the cup, and Martín said they sucked and needed to practice. They replied that they liked to play together anyway.
4. The press conference referred in the story that includes Diego and Maxi Rodriguez can be found here (Spanish). When asked a question, Diego gave Maxi the microphone and said "you answer, since you play".
5. Diego Milito and Sergio Agüero were players, are fans and idols of the two big clubs from Avellaneda, hence Gonzalo's comment about them not having to "get along".
6. Maradona more than once said that he thought Milito and Higuaín could play together, should even, and that they could learn from each other. (Clearly this is his pairing. He made me write it).
7. Higuaín's older brother Federico plays for Colón in Argentina these days (he played in River when he was a kid, then in Chicago, a club from the second category. Now he actually unfortunately belongs to my team, Independiente).
8. Diego isn't a huge PlayStation fan like his brother is, he said it more than once. He also said that even if he watched the younger ones play, he rarely (if ever) did it.
9. Diego and Gonzalo indeed shared a room and they also sat apart in the bus, in case anyone cares.
Thank you notes
Well it's done. This story took a while to be done mostly because I struggled with the fact that I honestly hate Gonzalo Higuaín and writing about the game vs. Germany was hell. Other than that, I had fun. And now I have a lot of thank yous to do - first, Laura who is the one to blame for making the world a little worst: she gave me the idea for the pairing when I was struggling with my original tennis fic. Then we have Nadi, who was always there when I wanted to kill Gonzalo and when I wanted him alive (and she wanted to tie him up to bed!). Haylana has to be third one, for the usual support and the best songs you could think of to kill writer's block. Mom, who helped build up Gonzalo's character, Guido who added his words on Diego's personality. My boy Juani (¡el niño de rulos!), who endured me bitching and complaining, basically only talking about this story. My girls at class who lent me their notes when I had been too busy with a scene I wanted to finish. And because I need to name them: Paly, Tina and George, who did nothing for this story and surely won't ever read it, but they're good friends and there aren't many of those out there.
And! I didn't do all this alone, and even if I said this before I have to repeat it - thank you to Lau for being not only my beta reader but also the reason why you can read this story, for making it make sense and look pretty and sound correct. She had a lot to work with, I know it, and so I thank her because she did it only for me (and maybe a bit for Diego), with no real obligation. And last, but not at all least, Natalia, because it was a real pleasure working with her; if I had asked for an artist I wouldn't have gotten someone as awesome as she is, dedicated to her work and eager to fit with the story. ¡Gracias Nati por haber elegido mi historia!
And you - you that didn't only read the fic but also all this, thank you. I hope you had fun, that you discovered something new; even if you loved it or hated it, I appreciate your time.