I abdicated now Im just a prince without a land...
I have been thinking about the past year of my life and all the shitty guy situations I allowed myself to be a part of, and seeing how it's only February and I'm feeling notably more optimistic about my love life this year, I compiled the following which has been cut for your convenience. Also because I care!
Here is a friendly list of open suggestions,and words of advice when trying to get to know your friendly neighborhood Melissa Mee...
-You should love your Mommy, UNLESS she is/was one or more of the following:
-Crazy
-Abusive or otherwise hurtful towards you or your siblings.
-maybe you dont have a mom, not everyone does!
We here at Melissa's Lovelife,Inc. are sensitive to your own personal situation.
-You should be somewhat intelligent.
Melissa likes boys who can spell,she thinks that kind of hot.
You should also note Melissa is a giant dork, you should be too!
-You should generally make Melissa laugh, because that is the first thing Melissa notices about a boy.
-You should give excellent hugs.
-You should enjoy cartoons.
-You should be the kind of guy that will take care of Melissa when
she's had a little too much to drink, because she'd do that for you,
unless you are a Jerky McJerkster.
-You should not mind driving when Melissa doesn't want to.
-You should always remember your pleases and thank you's, mister.
-You should be somewhat ambitious.
-You should probably have a job,or be going to school or SOMETHING.
Melissa is too old to involve herself with someone who has no goals.
-You should make note of the following:
-Melissa is mostly silly and sometimes serious
YET just because she's mostly silly doesn't mean you should NEVER take her seriously.
-Melissa really loves her family
-Melissa likes really bad TV, but mostly for the cheese factor of it.
-Melissa hates when people don't call her back
-Melissa hates when people break promises.
-Melissa hates when people don't say EXACTLY what they mean.
-Melissa does not enjoy being led on.
-Melissa is too old and tired to not be completely honest with people,
you should give her the same respect
-Melissa enjoys many things most would consider "childish" but this is not to say Melissa is immature.
Melissa has been put through alot of shit in the past few years of her life. Personal and otherwise.
She respects that everyone has their own shit, but rightfully,she doesnt need anymore from you.
Especially if you are a jerk.
-You don't have to buy Melissa presents
-You don't have to like EVERYTHING Melissa likes.
-You don't have to be fancifully edumucated.
-You don't have to be rich, because much like JLo Melissa's love dont cost a thing.
Also note:
-Melissa is not just some girl you can randomly hook up with when none of your other friends are around, or you are bored, or horny or whatever it is that she might be mistaken for.
Melissa will not be played like that twice. No sir.
-Melissa is not a girl who appreciates mixed signals.
-Melissa has very little patience.
Finally...
Despite what you've heard,
-Melissa is awesome
-Melissa is a catch, her mom says so.
"Now I dont regret this way it's gonna be I just hope she gets treated better than you did me"-Mirah
Here is a friendly list of open suggestions,and words of advice when trying to get to know your friendly neighborhood Melissa Mee...
-You should love your Mommy, UNLESS she is/was one or more of the following:
-Crazy
-Abusive or otherwise hurtful towards you or your siblings.
-maybe you dont have a mom, not everyone does!
We here at Melissa's Lovelife,Inc. are sensitive to your own personal situation.
-You should be somewhat intelligent.
Melissa likes boys who can spell,she thinks that kind of hot.
You should also note Melissa is a giant dork, you should be too!
-You should generally make Melissa laugh, because that is the first thing Melissa notices about a boy.
-You should give excellent hugs.
-You should enjoy cartoons.
-You should be the kind of guy that will take care of Melissa when
she's had a little too much to drink, because she'd do that for you,
unless you are a Jerky McJerkster.
-You should not mind driving when Melissa doesn't want to.
-You should always remember your pleases and thank you's, mister.
-You should be somewhat ambitious.
-You should probably have a job,or be going to school or SOMETHING.
Melissa is too old to involve herself with someone who has no goals.
-You should make note of the following:
-Melissa is mostly silly and sometimes serious
YET just because she's mostly silly doesn't mean you should NEVER take her seriously.
-Melissa really loves her family
-Melissa likes really bad TV, but mostly for the cheese factor of it.
-Melissa hates when people don't call her back
-Melissa hates when people break promises.
-Melissa hates when people don't say EXACTLY what they mean.
-Melissa does not enjoy being led on.
-Melissa is too old and tired to not be completely honest with people,
you should give her the same respect
-Melissa enjoys many things most would consider "childish" but this is not to say Melissa is immature.
Melissa has been put through alot of shit in the past few years of her life. Personal and otherwise.
She respects that everyone has their own shit, but rightfully,she doesnt need anymore from you.
Especially if you are a jerk.
-You don't have to buy Melissa presents
-You don't have to like EVERYTHING Melissa likes.
-You don't have to be fancifully edumucated.
-You don't have to be rich, because much like JLo Melissa's love dont cost a thing.
Also note:
-Melissa is not just some girl you can randomly hook up with when none of your other friends are around, or you are bored, or horny or whatever it is that she might be mistaken for.
Melissa will not be played like that twice. No sir.
-Melissa is not a girl who appreciates mixed signals.
-Melissa has very little patience.
Finally...
Despite what you've heard,
-Melissa is awesome
-Melissa is a catch, her mom says so.
"Now I dont regret this way it's gonna be I just hope she gets treated better than you did me"-Mirah