Tonight
A/N: Spoiler-y for the mini-episodes that just came out. Specifically, Last Night/First Night. And also, Journey's End, but if you've not seen that yet, you deserve to have it spoiled for you.
A sound long since lost draws her out of hazy, lazy dreams. She opens her tired honey eyes and smiles when her new husband mutters something about bananas against her shoulder. But the sound, so achingly familiar she can feel her bones vibrate, pulls her from the combined warmth of the Doctor's slackened arms and their bed.
It's autumn, so she wraps herself in the orange dressing gown he bought her in Kyoto. Barefoot and with sleep in her eyes, she tiptoes out of their bedroom and into the foyer, carefully leaving the door unlocked on her way out into the November chill.
Her breath hitches at the sight of the old girl materializing in her backyard, blue frames slightly more vibrant than she remembers them ever being.
And when the Doctor--dressed to the nines in his bow tie and tuxedo; and oh, he's got a top hat, now--steps out of the TARDIS with his lovely wife, Rose has to force herself not to run back into the comfort of her house.
She'll always remember the moment that the Doctor realizes he's not where he intended to land. His face, fantastically expressive for all of its simplicity, pales slightly in the moonlight, and for the first time, she notes the clear skies above her. The stars, she can hardly see anymore, not with the city lights and the zeppelins weaving through air traffic, and Rose is surprised at how little she cares. Soon, they'll be in the stars again.
River asks him something and he shakes his head.
Rose is suddenly in the mood for company.
As he turns back to the TARDIS, she walks out into view and smiles. "Got the address wrong again, did ya?" He freezes, spine so still it appears to be trembling against the laws of physics, with the weight of guilt and heartbreak and so much time. River, however, has some sense of societal niceties and turns back to her.
"He's simply the worst driver I've ever experienced," the other woman says conspiratorially as Rose approaches the pair. "Says he's finally taking me to the Singing Towers of Darillium, after years of teasing, and somehow we land in a parallel world!"
"Tell me about it," she replies, rolling her eyes. "Never did get to Barcelona."
River grins. "Oh, the dogs with no noses!" For a moment, the Doctor tenses even further, but when he finally faces Rose, he's the definition of calm and collected. Cool, even.
"So you've been there, then?" Rose tries to keep the hurt out of her voice. She's had some practice, after all.
"Afraid not. This one's not a big fan of dogs, he says," the taller woman nudges him with her shoulder. "And for better or worse, he's the driver." River winks.
Rose has seen River navigate the TARDIS. "Keep sayin' that, it boosts his ego."
The Doctor sighs. "Well. Yes. Hello, Rose Tyler. Or are you..." He looks her up and down a bit, eyes catching on her left hand.
"Still Tyler. He insisted."
"Ah, well, that's... quite appropriate. Very forward-thinking and such." His thin lips tighten into a small smile. "Besides, you'll always be Rose Tyler to this grumpy old man."
"Nah, you're not that grumpy, Doctor."
"Just in the mornings," River adds. Rose laughs.
"Oi, mine too! I mean, it's not like he sleeps as much as I do, even now, but until he's had his cuppa, it's like talkin' to a wall."
The other woman grins down at her. "And when you give him two sugars instead of three--"
"--River, can you go check that the TARDIS handled the trans-dimensional temporal shift and stuff? If she needs repairs... well, I don't suppose your TARDIS is fully-functional yet, is she?"
"Do you think we'd be here right now if she were?" He chuckles.
"No, no, probably not. Well, she might still be able to jump start ours, even just as a child. In fact, the extra huon energy from the other universe might help accelerate her growth. River?"
The curly-haired woman kisses his cheek. "Of course, sweetie. Rose," she adds. "I'm sure that this won't be the last time we see each other, but for you, it may be, so as always, it's been a pleasure." With a kiss to her cheek, River salutes and throws the Doctor a knowing look.
The door shuts behind her, and Rose's smile falls from her face. "What are you doing here?"
"Apparently, the exact definition of impossible seems not to be quite as clear-cut as I have always believed it to be." He fixes his bow tie and runs a hand through his hair nervously. "I suppose this is the old girl's idea of a joke, then. Taking me to see Rose Tyler the night I--well. Very, very funny, then."
She tries not to feel the sting of how right her name sounds on his lips. "So, the Singing Towers?"
The Doctor's eyes flash, as if he's actually realizing her presence in front of him. She's never known him to be unaware of her. Perhaps, she's relieved--it's no wonder his mind is elsewhere. Her Doctor has, of course, filled in the blanks of her personal River Song story, of the Library and distrust and spoilers, of a sacrifice made to preserve not only the timeline but the love of a life. But even when describing his singular adventure with her, it has always been about her, aboutRose Tyler and she is returning and how could I ever love after you? and oh, this Doctor, a Doctor she's met twenty or so times throughout her days of striding parallels and timelines, a Doctor just as wonderful and brilliant and ephemeral as the rest, this Doctor looks at her as if he's grown tired of her, and well, perhaps he has.
"Yes." His voice shakes only slightly. She's impressed. He is, too. "You know, then."
"Of course." Rose can hardly breath through the tension. "Are you alright?"
"I'm alw--"
"Oh, shut up!" she hisses. He abruptly quiets. "I've made compromises for you, so you can make some for me, too. And you can start by telling the truth, Doctor."
"I don't lie." He frowns. "Er--not to you."
"Except when it matters. When you're tryin' to protect me or yourself by protectin' me, and oh, I have missed you desperately. How is it possible to miss someone while he's holding your hand?"
"I suppose it's about as complicated as missing someone who's holding hands with another you."
Her eyebrows furrow. "You miss me? You always seemed so content." The Doctor clenches his jaw. She takes his hand. "I remember the day we met so clearly. I was so young then, just nineteen, and you had your strong hands and your tired eyes and that air of bitterness about you, and you took my hand and we ran. And we kept running into and out of trouble, into impossible planets and forgotten times and white walls, and love--we ran headfirst into it--and storms, so many storms."
The Doctor tightens his grip on her hand. "And pain," she adds, tipping his head up with her other hand. He stares at her with wet eyes. "Even now, it hurts. Here." She takes their clasped hands and holds them against her chest. "Just looking at you every morning--the other you, I mean--sends me reelin' with heartache. And I have him, and he has me. Completely. But I know that what I feel can only be a microcosm of what you've got swimmin' around in your hearts, and Doctor, that great a heartache surely must be impossible.
"You know," she looks up at him and wipes away the single tear winding down his cheek. "For the longest time I thought that you left me here because you were tired of me, of staying in the past, because you saw someone new--something newer than tired old Rose Tyler--and you didn't want me in the way of that development."
The Doctor opens his mouth to protest, but she shushes him. "But then one night, we had a row. Real bad one, over this nice girl he'd taken a liking to, and oh, all sorts of things came up--Jack and Madame du Pompadour and so many others," she quickly adds at his confused expression. "And River. And how she died. Will die. And it hit me, how you've always known, all those times we stumbled into each other, all those times I wondered but never asked, and you knew, knew I'd get the wrong impression--because I wasn't right, you didn't want an upgrade, it wasn't like that at all."
"No, it wasn't," he mutters. She nods, but when he tries to pull away, she doesn't let him go.
"You were--are always--punishing yourself. For the things you've done, for things you're holding so much guilt for, for the things you couldn't really control. For ending the Time War. For meeting me, I'm sure. For her death. For the deaths of everyone you know and love, and for every little life you change."
"Rose, please--"
"I need you to hear this, Doctor. Because no matter how long it's been for you, I know one thing about you, and that is that you never forget. And you never let go, not really. And if it's forgiveness that you seek, then let me forgive you. Because I do. I forgive you. My Doctor."
She's certainly crying now, so when he pulls her to him and presses his lips against hers, it's wet and warm and chaste, and he's trembling against her, and she loves this man.
He breaks the kiss and runs a thin finger through her hair. "My Rose. Oh, the things I wish I could tell--"
The TARDIS door creaks open and River peeks her head out. "Sweetie, everything's okay. I've set the coordinates and everything, but I'm afraid we're going to need to get going. The energy reserves are draining steadily."
"Ah, yes. Well then, River. The Singing Towers await us, don't they?" he jumps away from Rose and winks at his wife. "Didn't get this haircut for nothing, did I? Went to go see Jackie Tyler in 2004, always liked how she styled my hair, of course, she wouldn't stop talking about how great her daughter is. Not that I blame her."
"Goodbye, darling!" River blows a kiss to her.
Rose smiles through new tears. "It was lovely seein' you again, River. Doctor," she bites her lip. "Remember what I said, please."
"How could I ever forget the things that come out of your mouth?" he says. "Two-hundred years later, and they're still playing on a loop in my frankly magnificent Time Lord brain."
"Go on, you." His grin fades a bit as he reaches to close the door behind him. "And when you're ready, there's always a me running around your universe, at least for a little while. I'm sure she'd love to chat with you. But... let go. Please. Find someone."
"Yeah," he murmurs, gazing at her with wide eyes, seemingly memorizing her, before quirking his lips into a sad smile and shutting the door behind him.
Rose sighs and watches as the TARDIS fades from view once more.
The hairs on the back of her neck prick up and she sighs contentedly. "How long have you been up?"
"Right after you left the room. I know you've got that thing for wandering off, so I figured I'd follow you. Also..."
"Also?" she prompts, turning around and walking over to her Doctor.
"The TARDIS woke me." He wraps an arm around her shoulder and leads her inside. "Bit chilly out here."
"Doctor. I wasn't going to leave."
He looks at her. Really looks. She nearly blushes, he's so intense. "I know. I trust you."
"Completely?"
"Oh, without a doubt."
She grins, slipping her tongue through her teeth. He shifts his gaze to her mouth. "Quite right."