Essay-study-explanation hybrid - What On Earth Were You Thinking?: Ayanami vs Stein
Welcome one and all to another installment of Getting To Know Your Mad Scientist! In this edition, we will be discussing the topic of What On Earth Were You Thinking? in regards to the most recent plot between Stein and Ayanami and any other person who may or may not be effected by this sort of thing. (It's mostly here to help me keep track of wtf Stein was thinking where and stuff.)
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR 07-GHOST.
Relevant Threads
The Incident
The 07-Ghost cast + Morrolan
Informing Shigure and getting help from Peppo
Ayanami gives Stein options
Jack learns everything
To start off with, we can get a quick overview of interactions between the two main characters of this drama have had in Camp!
"Can I help you?" seems to be the theme for Stein and Ayanami's run-ins with each other. The first time they meet was just after Stein fought Bishop-Wannabe Hakuren to teach some sort of lesson--one day I will get around to Stein's teaching habits. Ayanami happened to over hear the scuffle and of course went to investigate where he was able to witness some fun soul bending going around and, of course, he found himself interested. When he approached Stein to tell him how interesting his technique was, however, the mad scientist was wary because there was something not right about this man, so he tried and succeeded to get out of that conversation as quick as possible.
Since then, the two men seem to have random encounters, mostly involving one walking up to the other and just staring until the second one asks if there's anything that they can help them with. This usually is answered with a "No" and the topic, and most of the times, threads end there. Except that with every encounter Stein is finding himself more and more made curious and, worst, unnerved by this military man who seems to another soul bender. This, of course, leads Stein to being the one to instigate conversation more than once, making inane commentary to get certain reactions from the man to get a better feel for things. Simply said, it didn't help much. Ayanami normally walks away and Stein lets him because he's still wary about pushing things too far.
Until, that is, in a social post where the incident in question occurs.
And now we've arrived at the point in time where the real action happens!
Things start off normal enough in the thread. Stein is annoying pushy about getting the stiff military man to interact with others and Ayanami just dots at him, wanting to get out of the conversation as quick as possible. The difference from this time and others? Well... I'd probably say that Stein's mentality was more toward the side of crzay than sane at the time. (Note: all of this happens after he has a bit of an episode with wanting to cut Chrona and such and yeah.) Because of this, Stein pressed more than he normally would, which of course lead to Stein asking about Ayanami's nature.
Quick explanation about this: Ayanami is, in his world, the reincarnation of some demon god ultimate big bad thing whose powers and body were sealed away. So his soul has been showing Stein interesting things since the time they first met but he wasn't sure what to make with it. At the point of the confrontation, however, Stein comes to the conclusion that this soul he sees is eerily similar to the corrupt souls which are considered the eggs of a kishin. Remember that kishin are gods of chaos normally made when a person eats a normal human soul rather than a corrupt one that is on Shinigami-sama's list. It is a technician's duty to dispose of these kishin eggs--people who aren't quite yet a kishin for some reason or another but have the potential to become one. So... yes. You could say Stein was making an attempt to warn Ayanami about his role as a technician buuuut that didn't turn out so well.
Caught off guard mostly because he didn't take into account the difference between the two worlds and their soul bending abilities, Stein ends up getting his soul ganked around, ripped in half, and then he gets Ayanami's will being forced on to him, trying to make him submit while also digging around in his mind for any and all information that would prove to be the most useful to the demon bastard. For a person like Stein, as Jack notes later on, this is not the most comfortable experience. In fact, it's flat-out torture. Stein attempts to prevent the soul-rape as best as he can with his own abilities to adapt his own soul wavelength to match with others but, naturally, that worked against him more than anything. And once Ayanami had that foothold into Stein's very self, he was able to infiltrate the other man's mind, which ahahaha is not the most stable of places.
Of course Stein crumbles quickly whenever he starts having certain voices from his subconscious that had been silent throughout most of his time in Camp and he tries to rally himself together like he was used to doing whenever the Insanity was pushing into him thanks to the Kishin, except unlike the Kishin, Ayanami was not simply taking the Insanity already within Stein and making it grow. No, he took the sanity and insanity and basically made scrambled eggs with them. Which is why Stein later comments that Ayanami is worse than a Kishin. Because they both seem so similar in ways and yet Ayanami, when he's directly invovled, tears a person apart more cruelly and methodically than the Kishin's wave of Insanity ever could.
And this encounter ends with Stein having a sword to his throat while Ayanami ensures that the mad scientist got his message. Unable to deal with what was going on in his head and the pain from having half a soul, however, Stein did the stupid thing and grabbed hold of that sword, able to think in what seemed to him as perfectly objectively logic that if he were to kill himself right there and then, it would end the suffering and the moogles would bring him back good as new--yes, with those memories haunting him. But still, it had to be better than the alternative, right? Yeah. Uh. Ayanami is not the kind of man who gives the people he tortures what they want. He instead, releases the half of the soul he took from Stein and then basically rips the sword from Stein's hold and then proceeds to cut him up pretty good before leaving him there, giving his victim a chance to live or to bleed to death. Always fun options!
Stein, of course, doesn't stick around and, bleeding, wanders back toward Camp only to run into Shigure who hurries him to his cabin and mends the wounds he can while Stein remains more than a bit incoherent and unable to really control himself when attempting to answer Shigure's questions about what happened, where he was injured, etc.
And thus, the time of healing starts. Except it's a lot more difficult with injuries most people can't see.
Pretty much the day immediately after that whole debacle, Stein tries to keep to himself and keep himself together as much as he can. It doesn't work to well since bandages and such gave him away, but he insisted when Shigure asked what he was doing up and about already that he would heal faster. Shigure asks if he needs to get someone with experience with soul-healing abilities, but Stein is very vehement when he insists No, That Will Not Be Necessary No More People Playing With My Soul. Of course, this basically mean that Stein's on his own with the healing process--and especially in regards to his mental state.
This is why, after running into Teito, Hakuren, and Morrolan when Teito thinks about warning people about Ayanami, Stein is very much volatile, confused, and just plain unable to think straight at all. When Teito starts to blame himself for Ayanami's actions, Stein basically snaps at him, asking him if he'd made Ayanami do what he'd done to him and what exactly made it a kid's responsibility to stop a man like that when Stein, a grown man and a fully-trained technician, basically fucked things up when he should have been able to handle it. Teito, of course, call him crazy because Stein doesn't know what Ayanami is, to which Stein confirms. He is crazy With Hakuren, Stein is more of the confused mentality because he knows there's no lost feelings between the two of them and figures that Hakuren will continue to show that distaste and distrust. Instead, Stein gets some pity, which was so surprising he thinks it's an act or something but maybe not because he can't really think all that straight. And of course, Hakuren points out that he shouldn't be out and about if he was having trouble focusing and his mental stability was in question. Stein insists that he'd rather be out because things seem to get worse when he's alone--which is Stein's way of saying he's scaring himself (which is probably more like he's knows he's losing control, doesn't know what to about it, etc, etc) and isn't sure what he'd do to himself or others if left to his own devices. Needless to say, when asked which was the better solution, Stein couldn't give an answer.
Then comes Morrolan, and this is the fun and tricky part. Because when Morrolan notes that it seems like Stein has a connection to Hakuren, Stein confesses that yes, he knows Hakuren and it's because he was the one who injured the boy previously. Morrolan, as expected, Was Not Happy but was able to keep his cool if only because he'd promised Hakuren that he wouldn't do anything to the culprit and Stein already made for a pretty pathetic looking person--both inwardly and outwardly. Which was something Stein was not comfortable with, btw. Stein had thought there would have been more of a reaction to the confession, but since there wasn't, he tries to explain himself since it seems like Morrolan seems to really care for the Bishop-Wannabe. In the process of trying to explain his actions while trying to keep it from sounding heartless and cruel or something, however, apparently something was able to get across because Morrolan saw that Stein was actually genuinely concerned about Hakuren--in his own special way of course. Because of this Morrolan offers to help with the soul problem. Stein, of course, politely but stiffly declines.
This will continue to be similar answer he gives to people who offer to help him, really.
Except then Peppo runs into him when Shigure was warning people of Ticky Mikk, thinking that Stein had been an unfortunate victim of the Noah. Sadly, no, she found out and Stein proceeds to creepy and scare her out more than he wanted to, but again, this was because of his lack of coherency due to the trauma sustained from the violation that Ayanami put him under. Peppo, however, is very similar to a person Stein knows from back home (Marie) and apparently has a very calming and soothing soul which... kind of helps keeps Stein together. So Peppo helps Stein work to keep himself grounded, more as a guide and a helping hand than people who offered to actually heal the injuries that couldn't really be seen. So it worked out well because Stein was not so unwilling. Also, the resemblance to Marie actually helped keep Stein from being the stubborn and skittish person he can be when it comes to people looking after or caring about him.
Because of Peppo's influence, Stein was able to speed up the healing process just enough that he could go out and about more often--though admittedly, he probably should have waited.
Of course during all of this, Stein has several encounters that makes people ask him what happened, who dun it, and all the other fun things that he just doesn't want to talk about.
Throughout the whole time after the incident, Stein is continuously asked about who it was that attacked him. For the most part, Stein keeps the answers vague, if not completely not answered. There are some people he doesn't even mention his soul injuries to. Others, he mentions them but is able to confirm that he is on the mend. However, a small handful of people--Shigure, Hakuren, Peppo, Jack--actually learn from Stein himself that something else went on. That's right, the whole mental rape thing. This is less because of the trauma and more because Stein doesn't talk about his flimsy mentality to very many people. Shigure already knows that Stein isn't all that sane, so he's clear to mention that particular thing to even if Shigure can't do anything to help with it. Hakuren was more because Stein was just everywhere in his thoughts, near volatile because of the memory of the event when he's trying explain things. For Peppo, it was because she was the one who actually, without knowing him prior to the event, was able to see that the mental area was the worst damaged one. Jack found out about it only because Jack approached Stein after Ayanami does his threatening thing so it was the fastest and easiest way for Stein to get the message across of how stuck in a bad place he is. Of course, it ends up making Jack want to kill the demon bastard but well... who doesn't really?
Along with all of that, Stein doesn't give many people a name or description of his attacker. This is definitely because Ayanami is a dangerous individual and telling the wrong person could get them hurt. Now, as before, a small group of people (bigger than the last one, sure) know who it was. The 07-Ghost cast know because of the fact it's their bad guy who did it, so they know all the signs and what to look for. Then of course, there's the people associated with the 07 cast such as Morrolan. Beyond those people, however, there is Shigure, Shuuhei, and Jack. (I think.) He told Shigure simply because it was a way to help Shigure out since Shigure helped him out. Get the warning to the one who helped him so that that person can avoid Ayanami. Not only that, but Shigure is subtler when it comes to keeping an eye on crazies and warning people away from them. So... yeah. With Shuuhei, it was simply because he was a shinigami who would not leave it alone. And because he had a similar duty that Stein has about people who can do the sort of things that were done to Stein. Finally, Jack. Jack pushed for Stein to give him an answer and would not let Stein leave without telling him first, going as far to give the two options of Stein not telling and Jack would investigate it anyway or Stein telling and they could try to put their heads together to figure things out. You can guess how things went from there, really.
In recent threads, however, a new subject has come up. Ayanami is obviously not happy when Stein tells him that he still intends to get in his way. Yes. Demon person thing Is Not Happy About This. So he goes about it the way any true tormenting manipulator would and used Stein's own knowledge against him, threatening Stein's students in Camp if Stein did not comply with Ayanami's wishes that he stop getting in his way. Later, Stein tells Jack that he wanted to lash out against Ayanami right there and then. Because the bastard used the knowledge of the people he knew to get an idea of who to go after to get Stein to fall into place. Because he also knew Stein's own techniques and thus could find a way to either nullify all of them or use them himself against the students who Stein taught everything he knew. But for those very same reasons, Stein didn't lash out. And was basically unable to do anything more than just stand there and have that threat being waved in front of him. The whole "If you try to warn others about me, I'll hurt them. But if you agree to keep quiet, I'll be able to go about my business and hurt others if I so wish" deal where Ayanami gives Stein a "choice" that isn't a choice at all. And it's also because of this that Stein very nearly didn't tell Jack anything about what happened, because it was bad enough he put himself in the situation but the kids don't have their weapons--except Kid but he refuses to use Liz without Patty. And Stein really wasn't in the shape to do any wielding of weapons himself what with the healing so...
As you can tell, it got pretty complicated pretty fast! But there is one good side to it that could also be a bad side to it, I guess.
The only person to know completely what went on during the whole incident besides the two people involved, of course, is Jack. Jack finds Stein all bandaged up and messing around in the messhall and making posts about zombie marbles or whatever. Stein tries to pass it off as nothing more than what it looks like but seems Jack knows Stein too well already and doesn't buy it. He lets Stein change the topic more than once, though, which gave Stein more of a chance to actually come to gripes with the on-coming conversation about the thing he really didn't want to talk about. When Jack helped rebandage Stein's hands, however, that pretty much went out the window and on came the interrogation. Over all, it was mostly because Stein was too stubborn and refused to give a non-vague, straight answer which probably frustrated and worried Jack all the more. Thus, Jack used similar manipulation tactics to get Stein to spill all that happened, and boy does Stein spill.
Probably because Jack is the closest person he can consider a friend and colleague here in Camp, Stein clues Jack in on why he's so reluctant to talk, explaining the situation about the threat involving the kids. Jack's reaction is, of course, to push more for a name or anything that would identify the person making such threats, doing the whole "You got a choice, Stein" bit. And from there, Stein spills pretty much everything. Probably because after being pressured by Ayanami and then Jack (though Jack tried to be gentle about it, the mad scientist was just making it harder on himself), Stein was left on pretty shaky footing mentally-wise.
Which is probably why for the second time (the first time being with Peppo), Stein admits to getting the injuries on his hand because he'd tried to kill himself before Ayanami could do anything else. Cue rape/torture victim therapy where Jack tries to tell Stein that it wasn't his fault that these things happened, that the kids were being threatened, that the bastard dug around in his mind and that he shouldn't beat himself up over it. Stein, of course, believes none of that, sticking to the thought that he should have kept in mind from the very beginning that Ayanami was a man from a different world. He could be similar to a kishin but he wasn't one and therein the problem lies. This is also when Jack tries to tell Stein to not dwell on the whole "I tried to kill myself" bit of the whole trauma. And really, Stein is kind of stuck on it in a way, less because it disturbs him and more because it doesn't. Some part of him probably rationalized that since it's Camp, if he died, he'd come back anyway so there was nothing to worry about unlike at home except that way of thinking was not right. But of course Stein isn't going to say that sort of thing to Jack because... no. Just no. Jack's already dealing with his surfaced crazy. No need to get even further in, right? Stein should be able to deal with it himself, right?
And that's pretty much the whole problem. Jack knows everything, Stein is relying heavily on Jack because he's the only one who knows everything and who actually sort of gets just how bad of a situation it is. So. While Stein acknowledges it's something he needs--the support and someone actually in the know--he also get that if something goes awry, someone could very likely be tortured by Ayanami. And whose fault would it be?
Because the thing is, while Stein can be a heartless bastard when it comes to an enemy or a specimen, he does understand that there are people who could be hurt by this because he got them involved because Ayanami was able to get past his defenses and get the knowledge to use. It was a failure on Stein's part to do his job as a technician and as a teacher and that kind of stress on his mind right now is not something that helps.
Aaaaand, I think I explained everything necessary. That's where we're at right now, and things are getting interesting and fun! Stein's being his stubborn self and pretending all is well to anyone and everyone who wants to believe it when he's really unraveling at the seams and doesn't really know how to make things stop snowballing. Especially in regards to his own sanity. The other things... with someone like Jack in the know, it means there's someone capable of thinking coherently to help out with planning what to do in regards to Ayanami.
But of course, there's always the temptation Stein has to just let himself collapse completely and let Ayanami win. But just like when he fought against Insanity because he believed Medusa would win if he didn't, he'll fight back against the damage done to him and the insanity that got a boost up because of it.
Amd this has been another addition of What On Earth Were You Thinking? I can't say that I was very coherent about anything I mentioned here, but if you have any questions or comments, feel free to make them I'll try my best to be more coherent! (It's hard to be coherent about explaining a mad scientist's thoughts when he's really in a not happy place mentally durdurdur.)
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR 07-GHOST.
Relevant Threads
The Incident
The 07-Ghost cast + Morrolan
Informing Shigure and getting help from Peppo
Ayanami gives Stein options
Jack learns everything
To start off with, we can get a quick overview of interactions between the two main characters of this drama have had in Camp!
"Can I help you?" seems to be the theme for Stein and Ayanami's run-ins with each other. The first time they meet was just after Stein fought Bishop-Wannabe Hakuren to teach some sort of lesson--one day I will get around to Stein's teaching habits. Ayanami happened to over hear the scuffle and of course went to investigate where he was able to witness some fun soul bending going around and, of course, he found himself interested. When he approached Stein to tell him how interesting his technique was, however, the mad scientist was wary because there was something not right about this man, so he tried and succeeded to get out of that conversation as quick as possible.
Since then, the two men seem to have random encounters, mostly involving one walking up to the other and just staring until the second one asks if there's anything that they can help them with. This usually is answered with a "No" and the topic, and most of the times, threads end there. Except that with every encounter Stein is finding himself more and more made curious and, worst, unnerved by this military man who seems to another soul bender. This, of course, leads Stein to being the one to instigate conversation more than once, making inane commentary to get certain reactions from the man to get a better feel for things. Simply said, it didn't help much. Ayanami normally walks away and Stein lets him because he's still wary about pushing things too far.
Until, that is, in a social post where the incident in question occurs.
And now we've arrived at the point in time where the real action happens!
Things start off normal enough in the thread. Stein is annoying pushy about getting the stiff military man to interact with others and Ayanami just dots at him, wanting to get out of the conversation as quick as possible. The difference from this time and others? Well... I'd probably say that Stein's mentality was more toward the side of crzay than sane at the time. (Note: all of this happens after he has a bit of an episode with wanting to cut Chrona and such and yeah.) Because of this, Stein pressed more than he normally would, which of course lead to Stein asking about Ayanami's nature.
Quick explanation about this: Ayanami is, in his world, the reincarnation of some demon god ultimate big bad thing whose powers and body were sealed away. So his soul has been showing Stein interesting things since the time they first met but he wasn't sure what to make with it. At the point of the confrontation, however, Stein comes to the conclusion that this soul he sees is eerily similar to the corrupt souls which are considered the eggs of a kishin. Remember that kishin are gods of chaos normally made when a person eats a normal human soul rather than a corrupt one that is on Shinigami-sama's list. It is a technician's duty to dispose of these kishin eggs--people who aren't quite yet a kishin for some reason or another but have the potential to become one. So... yes. You could say Stein was making an attempt to warn Ayanami about his role as a technician buuuut that didn't turn out so well.
Caught off guard mostly because he didn't take into account the difference between the two worlds and their soul bending abilities, Stein ends up getting his soul ganked around, ripped in half, and then he gets Ayanami's will being forced on to him, trying to make him submit while also digging around in his mind for any and all information that would prove to be the most useful to the demon bastard. For a person like Stein, as Jack notes later on, this is not the most comfortable experience. In fact, it's flat-out torture. Stein attempts to prevent the soul-rape as best as he can with his own abilities to adapt his own soul wavelength to match with others but, naturally, that worked against him more than anything. And once Ayanami had that foothold into Stein's very self, he was able to infiltrate the other man's mind, which ahahaha is not the most stable of places.
Of course Stein crumbles quickly whenever he starts having certain voices from his subconscious that had been silent throughout most of his time in Camp and he tries to rally himself together like he was used to doing whenever the Insanity was pushing into him thanks to the Kishin, except unlike the Kishin, Ayanami was not simply taking the Insanity already within Stein and making it grow. No, he took the sanity and insanity and basically made scrambled eggs with them. Which is why Stein later comments that Ayanami is worse than a Kishin. Because they both seem so similar in ways and yet Ayanami, when he's directly invovled, tears a person apart more cruelly and methodically than the Kishin's wave of Insanity ever could.
And this encounter ends with Stein having a sword to his throat while Ayanami ensures that the mad scientist got his message. Unable to deal with what was going on in his head and the pain from having half a soul, however, Stein did the stupid thing and grabbed hold of that sword, able to think in what seemed to him as perfectly objectively logic that if he were to kill himself right there and then, it would end the suffering and the moogles would bring him back good as new--yes, with those memories haunting him. But still, it had to be better than the alternative, right? Yeah. Uh. Ayanami is not the kind of man who gives the people he tortures what they want. He instead, releases the half of the soul he took from Stein and then basically rips the sword from Stein's hold and then proceeds to cut him up pretty good before leaving him there, giving his victim a chance to live or to bleed to death. Always fun options!
Stein, of course, doesn't stick around and, bleeding, wanders back toward Camp only to run into Shigure who hurries him to his cabin and mends the wounds he can while Stein remains more than a bit incoherent and unable to really control himself when attempting to answer Shigure's questions about what happened, where he was injured, etc.
And thus, the time of healing starts. Except it's a lot more difficult with injuries most people can't see.
Pretty much the day immediately after that whole debacle, Stein tries to keep to himself and keep himself together as much as he can. It doesn't work to well since bandages and such gave him away, but he insisted when Shigure asked what he was doing up and about already that he would heal faster. Shigure asks if he needs to get someone with experience with soul-healing abilities, but Stein is very vehement when he insists No, That Will Not Be Necessary No More People Playing With My Soul. Of course, this basically mean that Stein's on his own with the healing process--and especially in regards to his mental state.
This is why, after running into Teito, Hakuren, and Morrolan when Teito thinks about warning people about Ayanami, Stein is very much volatile, confused, and just plain unable to think straight at all. When Teito starts to blame himself for Ayanami's actions, Stein basically snaps at him, asking him if he'd made Ayanami do what he'd done to him and what exactly made it a kid's responsibility to stop a man like that when Stein, a grown man and a fully-trained technician, basically fucked things up when he should have been able to handle it. Teito, of course, call him crazy because Stein doesn't know what Ayanami is, to which Stein confirms. He is crazy With Hakuren, Stein is more of the confused mentality because he knows there's no lost feelings between the two of them and figures that Hakuren will continue to show that distaste and distrust. Instead, Stein gets some pity, which was so surprising he thinks it's an act or something but maybe not because he can't really think all that straight. And of course, Hakuren points out that he shouldn't be out and about if he was having trouble focusing and his mental stability was in question. Stein insists that he'd rather be out because things seem to get worse when he's alone--which is Stein's way of saying he's scaring himself (which is probably more like he's knows he's losing control, doesn't know what to about it, etc, etc) and isn't sure what he'd do to himself or others if left to his own devices. Needless to say, when asked which was the better solution, Stein couldn't give an answer.
Then comes Morrolan, and this is the fun and tricky part. Because when Morrolan notes that it seems like Stein has a connection to Hakuren, Stein confesses that yes, he knows Hakuren and it's because he was the one who injured the boy previously. Morrolan, as expected, Was Not Happy but was able to keep his cool if only because he'd promised Hakuren that he wouldn't do anything to the culprit and Stein already made for a pretty pathetic looking person--both inwardly and outwardly. Which was something Stein was not comfortable with, btw. Stein had thought there would have been more of a reaction to the confession, but since there wasn't, he tries to explain himself since it seems like Morrolan seems to really care for the Bishop-Wannabe. In the process of trying to explain his actions while trying to keep it from sounding heartless and cruel or something, however, apparently something was able to get across because Morrolan saw that Stein was actually genuinely concerned about Hakuren--in his own special way of course. Because of this Morrolan offers to help with the soul problem. Stein, of course, politely but stiffly declines.
This will continue to be similar answer he gives to people who offer to help him, really.
Except then Peppo runs into him when Shigure was warning people of Ticky Mikk, thinking that Stein had been an unfortunate victim of the Noah. Sadly, no, she found out and Stein proceeds to creepy and scare her out more than he wanted to, but again, this was because of his lack of coherency due to the trauma sustained from the violation that Ayanami put him under. Peppo, however, is very similar to a person Stein knows from back home (Marie) and apparently has a very calming and soothing soul which... kind of helps keeps Stein together. So Peppo helps Stein work to keep himself grounded, more as a guide and a helping hand than people who offered to actually heal the injuries that couldn't really be seen. So it worked out well because Stein was not so unwilling. Also, the resemblance to Marie actually helped keep Stein from being the stubborn and skittish person he can be when it comes to people looking after or caring about him.
Because of Peppo's influence, Stein was able to speed up the healing process just enough that he could go out and about more often--though admittedly, he probably should have waited.
Of course during all of this, Stein has several encounters that makes people ask him what happened, who dun it, and all the other fun things that he just doesn't want to talk about.
Throughout the whole time after the incident, Stein is continuously asked about who it was that attacked him. For the most part, Stein keeps the answers vague, if not completely not answered. There are some people he doesn't even mention his soul injuries to. Others, he mentions them but is able to confirm that he is on the mend. However, a small handful of people--Shigure, Hakuren, Peppo, Jack--actually learn from Stein himself that something else went on. That's right, the whole mental rape thing. This is less because of the trauma and more because Stein doesn't talk about his flimsy mentality to very many people. Shigure already knows that Stein isn't all that sane, so he's clear to mention that particular thing to even if Shigure can't do anything to help with it. Hakuren was more because Stein was just everywhere in his thoughts, near volatile because of the memory of the event when he's trying explain things. For Peppo, it was because she was the one who actually, without knowing him prior to the event, was able to see that the mental area was the worst damaged one. Jack found out about it only because Jack approached Stein after Ayanami does his threatening thing so it was the fastest and easiest way for Stein to get the message across of how stuck in a bad place he is. Of course, it ends up making Jack want to kill the demon bastard but well... who doesn't really?
Along with all of that, Stein doesn't give many people a name or description of his attacker. This is definitely because Ayanami is a dangerous individual and telling the wrong person could get them hurt. Now, as before, a small group of people (bigger than the last one, sure) know who it was. The 07-Ghost cast know because of the fact it's their bad guy who did it, so they know all the signs and what to look for. Then of course, there's the people associated with the 07 cast such as Morrolan. Beyond those people, however, there is Shigure, Shuuhei, and Jack. (I think.) He told Shigure simply because it was a way to help Shigure out since Shigure helped him out. Get the warning to the one who helped him so that that person can avoid Ayanami. Not only that, but Shigure is subtler when it comes to keeping an eye on crazies and warning people away from them. So... yeah. With Shuuhei, it was simply because he was a shinigami who would not leave it alone. And because he had a similar duty that Stein has about people who can do the sort of things that were done to Stein. Finally, Jack. Jack pushed for Stein to give him an answer and would not let Stein leave without telling him first, going as far to give the two options of Stein not telling and Jack would investigate it anyway or Stein telling and they could try to put their heads together to figure things out. You can guess how things went from there, really.
In recent threads, however, a new subject has come up. Ayanami is obviously not happy when Stein tells him that he still intends to get in his way. Yes. Demon person thing Is Not Happy About This. So he goes about it the way any true tormenting manipulator would and used Stein's own knowledge against him, threatening Stein's students in Camp if Stein did not comply with Ayanami's wishes that he stop getting in his way. Later, Stein tells Jack that he wanted to lash out against Ayanami right there and then. Because the bastard used the knowledge of the people he knew to get an idea of who to go after to get Stein to fall into place. Because he also knew Stein's own techniques and thus could find a way to either nullify all of them or use them himself against the students who Stein taught everything he knew. But for those very same reasons, Stein didn't lash out. And was basically unable to do anything more than just stand there and have that threat being waved in front of him. The whole "If you try to warn others about me, I'll hurt them. But if you agree to keep quiet, I'll be able to go about my business and hurt others if I so wish" deal where Ayanami gives Stein a "choice" that isn't a choice at all. And it's also because of this that Stein very nearly didn't tell Jack anything about what happened, because it was bad enough he put himself in the situation but the kids don't have their weapons--except Kid but he refuses to use Liz without Patty. And Stein really wasn't in the shape to do any wielding of weapons himself what with the healing so...
As you can tell, it got pretty complicated pretty fast! But there is one good side to it that could also be a bad side to it, I guess.
The only person to know completely what went on during the whole incident besides the two people involved, of course, is Jack. Jack finds Stein all bandaged up and messing around in the messhall and making posts about zombie marbles or whatever. Stein tries to pass it off as nothing more than what it looks like but seems Jack knows Stein too well already and doesn't buy it. He lets Stein change the topic more than once, though, which gave Stein more of a chance to actually come to gripes with the on-coming conversation about the thing he really didn't want to talk about. When Jack helped rebandage Stein's hands, however, that pretty much went out the window and on came the interrogation. Over all, it was mostly because Stein was too stubborn and refused to give a non-vague, straight answer which probably frustrated and worried Jack all the more. Thus, Jack used similar manipulation tactics to get Stein to spill all that happened, and boy does Stein spill.
Probably because Jack is the closest person he can consider a friend and colleague here in Camp, Stein clues Jack in on why he's so reluctant to talk, explaining the situation about the threat involving the kids. Jack's reaction is, of course, to push more for a name or anything that would identify the person making such threats, doing the whole "You got a choice, Stein" bit. And from there, Stein spills pretty much everything. Probably because after being pressured by Ayanami and then Jack (though Jack tried to be gentle about it, the mad scientist was just making it harder on himself), Stein was left on pretty shaky footing mentally-wise.
Which is probably why for the second time (the first time being with Peppo), Stein admits to getting the injuries on his hand because he'd tried to kill himself before Ayanami could do anything else. Cue rape/torture victim therapy where Jack tries to tell Stein that it wasn't his fault that these things happened, that the kids were being threatened, that the bastard dug around in his mind and that he shouldn't beat himself up over it. Stein, of course, believes none of that, sticking to the thought that he should have kept in mind from the very beginning that Ayanami was a man from a different world. He could be similar to a kishin but he wasn't one and therein the problem lies. This is also when Jack tries to tell Stein to not dwell on the whole "I tried to kill myself" bit of the whole trauma. And really, Stein is kind of stuck on it in a way, less because it disturbs him and more because it doesn't. Some part of him probably rationalized that since it's Camp, if he died, he'd come back anyway so there was nothing to worry about unlike at home except that way of thinking was not right. But of course Stein isn't going to say that sort of thing to Jack because... no. Just no. Jack's already dealing with his surfaced crazy. No need to get even further in, right? Stein should be able to deal with it himself, right?
And that's pretty much the whole problem. Jack knows everything, Stein is relying heavily on Jack because he's the only one who knows everything and who actually sort of gets just how bad of a situation it is. So. While Stein acknowledges it's something he needs--the support and someone actually in the know--he also get that if something goes awry, someone could very likely be tortured by Ayanami. And whose fault would it be?
Because the thing is, while Stein can be a heartless bastard when it comes to an enemy or a specimen, he does understand that there are people who could be hurt by this because he got them involved because Ayanami was able to get past his defenses and get the knowledge to use. It was a failure on Stein's part to do his job as a technician and as a teacher and that kind of stress on his mind right now is not something that helps.
Aaaaand, I think I explained everything necessary. That's where we're at right now, and things are getting interesting and fun! Stein's being his stubborn self and pretending all is well to anyone and everyone who wants to believe it when he's really unraveling at the seams and doesn't really know how to make things stop snowballing. Especially in regards to his own sanity. The other things... with someone like Jack in the know, it means there's someone capable of thinking coherently to help out with planning what to do in regards to Ayanami.
But of course, there's always the temptation Stein has to just let himself collapse completely and let Ayanami win. But just like when he fought against Insanity because he believed Medusa would win if he didn't, he'll fight back against the damage done to him and the insanity that got a boost up because of it.
Amd this has been another addition of What On Earth Were You Thinking? I can't say that I was very coherent about anything I mentioned here, but if you have any questions or comments, feel free to make them I'll try my best to be more coherent! (It's hard to be coherent about explaining a mad scientist's thoughts when he's really in a not happy place mentally durdurdur.)