Essay-study-explanation hybrid - In Which Paranoia Gets Some Explaining
Writing this all out for my own peace of mind than anything else, so feel free to ignore if you want. Don't think of this as me arguing with possible concrit but more like stating my POV if the issues should ever arise.
So I play a pretty badass character here. In fact, Stein is one of the most popular characters in Soul Eater because of the fact that he's so badass and isnane and whatnot. I apped Stein because of this. And I'm also paranoid as all hell that I'M DOING IT WRONG because of it.
Let's start with some things I think some people might call me out on the whole "doing it wrong" issue.
1. You make Stein seem like a wimp.
Iiiiii don't really think so. In Camp, Stein's pretty up there in abilities and whatnot but there's still a lot of people who definitely out power him and Stein knows it. Mostly he keeps himself on the down low because it gives him the advantage. Not only that, but it can give him time establish the abilities of others as well as getting to know their limits. It's a very tedious thing but definitely something Stein's capable of doing--sitting in wait and letting others show off their abilities before doing it himself. As for when he's actually been involved with combat or violence--there's been like... what? Four times? Daleks don't count because Stein wasn't interested in fighting them, just studying them. Ayanami managed to catch Stein with his guard down and also Stein miscalculated the difference in their abilities and thus bad things happened. Yeah, it might hurt his standing as a badass, but Stein does get tossed around in fights like with Medusa. It all depends on how focused he is on the task or the person he's fighting and really, he has yet to get to the level of madness he forces himself into in order to fight Medusa more seriously, SO. And that's not even going into the fact that weapons AMPLIFY their technician's attacks, so without a weapon like Spirit, Stein's operating at his own which is at a lower level than if he had a weapon on hand. It's just a fact.
2. Stein's being way too open about himself.
... again, I'll say that I don't really think so. Mostly because he's simply giving people information. Information is impersonal. Not only that but Stein is the kind of person who really doesn't care what other people think of him. He'll also tell people things just for the shocked reaction the information will get sometimes. Some of the faces and reactions he's gotten from other characters about things have been hilarious to him because they all seem so surprised. So I guess you could say that while Stein may be giving out quite a bit of information, it's really nothing important to him. It's not like he's talking about how something makes him feel or whatever. It's all simple facts about who he is and what he does and why he does it.
3. What is this connecting with other people business? Isn't Stein a loner?
He still very much is! He doesn't like it when some of the people he's met in Camp approach him first and he certainly doesn't like it when they seem to be getting attached. It's less that he hates it and more that he just doesn't get it. He might seem like he's connecting with a lot of people in Camp but it's all on a surface-level really. Remember the relationship essay I wrote earlier? Those mental blocks are still very much in place and Stein's still very much on his own about a lot of things, but he's now getting to the point in some relationships where there's some give to the take and vice versa and lol developing relationships is awkward business for someone he likes to keep things on a superficial basis for the most part. People like Jack and Watanuki are people that Stein can understand on an intellectual level but then he hits a bit of a roadblock known as "caring". So... yes, Stein's still very much the loner. No, he's not without a few people in Camp who have gotten to know him better. That's just kind of what happens when you have people with those kinds of personalities.
4. Okay, but I think you make him too serious too often.
Pfft. Stein goes between serious and zany at any given moment. And I try hard to have that happen in threads as much as possible. Yeah, it's true he's gotten a bit more serious about things ever since he got pwn'd by Ayanami, but there's normal really. Stein's on edge about a lot of things, going from that whole issue to the whole being stuck in a zombie summer camp with no where to go and nothing to do because all the interesting people have MAFIAS. And that's not even getting into some of the other issues he's been having, like with Jack, where Stein basically let's Jack know that the label of "friends" doesn't mean that a person is safe from Stein's curiosity and want to cut them open and experiment on them. Paranoia and boredom are definitely getting to Stein just a bit but there are times when he does sit back and just acts like a goof off. It just really depends on who he's talking to at the time and such.
5. He seems really vulnerable to me.
Stein actually is, surprisingly, very vulnerable. This is largely to do with his issues about his insanity and his fears of not having enough fear to keep himself in check. Because that's really his main issue about it. And people like Medusa and Ayanami know just where to poke to find that part of Stein which is the weakest--and that's the part of him that just wants to cut loose and go insane. There's other people in Camp who have been poking in that area as well--looking at you here Graham--just as there's people who try to help Stein get through his issues--yeah, hi, Jack. Stein doesn't like seeming vulnerable but he knows when he is and he normally lashes out in some way, shape, or form, or else just abandon the situation altogether. But as I said, there have been instances in Camp, especially recently, where his weakness has shown through because it's just tempting to go through with the things that he fears he has no control over because he's not afraid of his own insanity. And... it gets really confusing. But in summary, Stein is pretty vulnerable. You just have to know where exactly to poke him for him to show that vulnerability.
6. About the thing with Ayanami, wouldn't Stein avoid that situation?
NOPE. Not how I see him being, anyway. Stein hates Ayanami for catching him off guard and seeing him at his most vulnerable, stealing information from him without so much as a by-your-leave. BUT... his hate's not enough to dampen down the curiosity of the reason why Ayanami's toying with him. Sure, he knows Ayanami is probably doing it just because he's bored and Stein makes a fun yo-yo considering he goes between insanity and something approaching sanity and then back again in like 5 seconds flat. But because of recent conversations, Stein thinks that there might be something else Ayanami wants from him which is oh so familiar since a certain witch approached him about the same thing--except Ayanami's far more likely to make Stein a subordinate rather than an equal but still, it's like Ayanami's calling out to that insanity in Stein and it's listening and curious and fjsdahgkls goddamn you Ayanami NO. So... yeah. SITUATION IS COMPLICATED. B-but the answer comes all down to the fact that Stein can't just let a person like Ayanami alone. sob.
7. Why is Stein "adopting" Watanuki?
Orz. They kind of adopted each other at the same time. Stein is actually helping Watanuki out with his issues because Watanuki is a good kid but needs help and it's the kind of help Stein can work with and experiment with. Watanuki makes an interesting subject on these kinds of things! As for the fact that he's being nice to Watanuki... well. Stein's a teacher. He's dealt with kids with issues--sure, none of them have been like Watanuki but that makes him iiiiiiiinteresting. Also, I think Watanuki just adopted Stein because Stein is actually pretty emotionally retarded and also someone who doesn't look after himself which pings the motherhen in Watanuki. Orz. S-so... it's actually a matter of convenience more than anything to Stein, though yes, he does have feelings similar to his actual students toward Watanuki. Not that he'll actually tell the CLAMP'd kid that. :|
8. Well, since Stein hangs around Jack, why hasn't he exactly put Jack down about the come-ons and such?
Stein finds them amusing, most of the time. Because it's who Jack is and really that sort of thing doesn't bother Stein too much, from how I play him. Stein's just not really interested in the whole sexual side of things. I mean, sure, he's probably got experience and he's kissed Jack and Shigure both on the account of mistletoe but those two instances were more of an experiment in his mind, which... tells you a lot. So while Jack hitting on him and using double-entendres and innuendo whenever it's not really appropriate (but hilarious to us muns) can get aggrivating, Stein doesn't mind it so much because it's who Jack is. Jack gets uncomfortable? He starts tossing out lines. Or that's the way Stein sees it, anyway. He proooobably doesn't get that someone's interested in him in that way only because he's not interested in it himself. ... if that makes any sense? So... relationship-wise, I don't know where those kinds of things will go between the two of them but ahahaha, so fun to play it out, right?
And I'm running out of issues I'm paranoid about. ANYWAY. I just want to let everyone know that I know Stein's badass and that he's a kickass fighter person when he wants to be and I haven't really gotten around to showing that very well, but I assure you, he'll have his moments. Just... need to find the right moments that doesn't work against my schedule or his very nature. Orz.
... and this was a waste of an essay thing but it made me feel better. >:
So I play a pretty badass character here. In fact, Stein is one of the most popular characters in Soul Eater because of the fact that he's so badass and isnane and whatnot. I apped Stein because of this. And I'm also paranoid as all hell that I'M DOING IT WRONG because of it.
Let's start with some things I think some people might call me out on the whole "doing it wrong" issue.
1. You make Stein seem like a wimp.
Iiiiii don't really think so. In Camp, Stein's pretty up there in abilities and whatnot but there's still a lot of people who definitely out power him and Stein knows it. Mostly he keeps himself on the down low because it gives him the advantage. Not only that, but it can give him time establish the abilities of others as well as getting to know their limits. It's a very tedious thing but definitely something Stein's capable of doing--sitting in wait and letting others show off their abilities before doing it himself. As for when he's actually been involved with combat or violence--there's been like... what? Four times? Daleks don't count because Stein wasn't interested in fighting them, just studying them. Ayanami managed to catch Stein with his guard down and also Stein miscalculated the difference in their abilities and thus bad things happened. Yeah, it might hurt his standing as a badass, but Stein does get tossed around in fights like with Medusa. It all depends on how focused he is on the task or the person he's fighting and really, he has yet to get to the level of madness he forces himself into in order to fight Medusa more seriously, SO. And that's not even going into the fact that weapons AMPLIFY their technician's attacks, so without a weapon like Spirit, Stein's operating at his own which is at a lower level than if he had a weapon on hand. It's just a fact.
2. Stein's being way too open about himself.
... again, I'll say that I don't really think so. Mostly because he's simply giving people information. Information is impersonal. Not only that but Stein is the kind of person who really doesn't care what other people think of him. He'll also tell people things just for the shocked reaction the information will get sometimes. Some of the faces and reactions he's gotten from other characters about things have been hilarious to him because they all seem so surprised. So I guess you could say that while Stein may be giving out quite a bit of information, it's really nothing important to him. It's not like he's talking about how something makes him feel or whatever. It's all simple facts about who he is and what he does and why he does it.
3. What is this connecting with other people business? Isn't Stein a loner?
He still very much is! He doesn't like it when some of the people he's met in Camp approach him first and he certainly doesn't like it when they seem to be getting attached. It's less that he hates it and more that he just doesn't get it. He might seem like he's connecting with a lot of people in Camp but it's all on a surface-level really. Remember the relationship essay I wrote earlier? Those mental blocks are still very much in place and Stein's still very much on his own about a lot of things, but he's now getting to the point in some relationships where there's some give to the take and vice versa and lol developing relationships is awkward business for someone he likes to keep things on a superficial basis for the most part. People like Jack and Watanuki are people that Stein can understand on an intellectual level but then he hits a bit of a roadblock known as "caring". So... yes, Stein's still very much the loner. No, he's not without a few people in Camp who have gotten to know him better. That's just kind of what happens when you have people with those kinds of personalities.
4. Okay, but I think you make him too serious too often.
Pfft. Stein goes between serious and zany at any given moment. And I try hard to have that happen in threads as much as possible. Yeah, it's true he's gotten a bit more serious about things ever since he got pwn'd by Ayanami, but there's normal really. Stein's on edge about a lot of things, going from that whole issue to the whole being stuck in a zombie summer camp with no where to go and nothing to do because all the interesting people have MAFIAS. And that's not even getting into some of the other issues he's been having, like with Jack, where Stein basically let's Jack know that the label of "friends" doesn't mean that a person is safe from Stein's curiosity and want to cut them open and experiment on them. Paranoia and boredom are definitely getting to Stein just a bit but there are times when he does sit back and just acts like a goof off. It just really depends on who he's talking to at the time and such.
5. He seems really vulnerable to me.
Stein actually is, surprisingly, very vulnerable. This is largely to do with his issues about his insanity and his fears of not having enough fear to keep himself in check. Because that's really his main issue about it. And people like Medusa and Ayanami know just where to poke to find that part of Stein which is the weakest--and that's the part of him that just wants to cut loose and go insane. There's other people in Camp who have been poking in that area as well--looking at you here Graham--just as there's people who try to help Stein get through his issues--yeah, hi, Jack. Stein doesn't like seeming vulnerable but he knows when he is and he normally lashes out in some way, shape, or form, or else just abandon the situation altogether. But as I said, there have been instances in Camp, especially recently, where his weakness has shown through because it's just tempting to go through with the things that he fears he has no control over because he's not afraid of his own insanity. And... it gets really confusing. But in summary, Stein is pretty vulnerable. You just have to know where exactly to poke him for him to show that vulnerability.
6. About the thing with Ayanami, wouldn't Stein avoid that situation?
NOPE. Not how I see him being, anyway. Stein hates Ayanami for catching him off guard and seeing him at his most vulnerable, stealing information from him without so much as a by-your-leave. BUT... his hate's not enough to dampen down the curiosity of the reason why Ayanami's toying with him. Sure, he knows Ayanami is probably doing it just because he's bored and Stein makes a fun yo-yo considering he goes between insanity and something approaching sanity and then back again in like 5 seconds flat. But because of recent conversations, Stein thinks that there might be something else Ayanami wants from him which is oh so familiar since a certain witch approached him about the same thing--except Ayanami's far more likely to make Stein a subordinate rather than an equal but still, it's like Ayanami's calling out to that insanity in Stein and it's listening and curious and fjsdahgkls goddamn you Ayanami NO. So... yeah. SITUATION IS COMPLICATED. B-but the answer comes all down to the fact that Stein can't just let a person like Ayanami alone. sob.
7. Why is Stein "adopting" Watanuki?
Orz. They kind of adopted each other at the same time. Stein is actually helping Watanuki out with his issues because Watanuki is a good kid but needs help and it's the kind of help Stein can work with and experiment with. Watanuki makes an interesting subject on these kinds of things! As for the fact that he's being nice to Watanuki... well. Stein's a teacher. He's dealt with kids with issues--sure, none of them have been like Watanuki but that makes him iiiiiiiinteresting. Also, I think Watanuki just adopted Stein because Stein is actually pretty emotionally retarded and also someone who doesn't look after himself which pings the motherhen in Watanuki. Orz. S-so... it's actually a matter of convenience more than anything to Stein, though yes, he does have feelings similar to his actual students toward Watanuki. Not that he'll actually tell the CLAMP'd kid that. :|
8. Well, since Stein hangs around Jack, why hasn't he exactly put Jack down about the come-ons and such?
Stein finds them amusing, most of the time. Because it's who Jack is and really that sort of thing doesn't bother Stein too much, from how I play him. Stein's just not really interested in the whole sexual side of things. I mean, sure, he's probably got experience and he's kissed Jack and Shigure both on the account of mistletoe but those two instances were more of an experiment in his mind, which... tells you a lot. So while Jack hitting on him and using double-entendres and innuendo whenever it's not really appropriate (but hilarious to us muns) can get aggrivating, Stein doesn't mind it so much because it's who Jack is. Jack gets uncomfortable? He starts tossing out lines. Or that's the way Stein sees it, anyway. He proooobably doesn't get that someone's interested in him in that way only because he's not interested in it himself. ... if that makes any sense? So... relationship-wise, I don't know where those kinds of things will go between the two of them but ahahaha, so fun to play it out, right?
And I'm running out of issues I'm paranoid about. ANYWAY. I just want to let everyone know that I know Stein's badass and that he's a kickass fighter person when he wants to be and I haven't really gotten around to showing that very well, but I assure you, he'll have his moments. Just... need to find the right moments that doesn't work against my schedule or his very nature. Orz.
... and this was a waste of an essay thing but it made me feel better. >: