Fic: The Voice-mail of Reason, Veronica/Logan Keith, R
Fic: The Voice-mail of Reason.
Author: isdon_isgood9
Rating: R (Just to be safe)
Summary: What if Veronica had listened to Logan’s voicemail instead of deleting it?
Spoilers: Goes AU mid 3.12
Disclaimer: I, sadly, don’t own Veronica Mars, though it is on my birthday list :)
Author’s note: This was written for the free for all challenge in round 7 of vmfic_gamon from the prompt left by onceuponapillow. This fic was also beta’d by the very lovely, talented, fabulous, amazing and incredible fleurlb who not only put up with my poor punctuation but made me laugh whilst reading through her suggests and no one has ever done that before, so thank you very much. Other than that I like constructive criticism and don't be afraid to comment. Enjoy!
‘Ah! Veronica's voice mail! So, where are you, Veronica? Out digging through someone's trash, maybe? Interrogating one of your friends? Beating out a confession? You know, if you dig deep enough, you're gonna find that everyone's a sinner. Judge not, Veronica, et cetera, et cetera. All right, stay on message, Logan. Okay, honestly...it's encouraging that someone still has such high expectations of me. Veronica, I would give anything if I could take back that night in Aspen. I'm sorry it causes you so much pain. I'm sorry it happened. And I really love you, Veronica.’
Veronica sat down on the edge of the couch slowly. If she wanted to be completely honest with herself, she could see some truth in what Logan was saying. After all hadn’t she been the one giving the big speech about how cool she could be in the face of other people’s secrets, especially Logan’s? And how had she proven that? She had run away, split, the second she found out something she didn’t like. In fact, she had run away so fast that it made the Road Runner look slow in comparison. Really, though, there was no lie on Logan’s part. She hadn’t asked for the name and number of the girl he had randomly hooked up with, she just hadn’t expected it to hit so close to home.
No matter how she tried to wrap her head around it, all she could really think of was that Madison was just trying to hurt her by telling her what she did and that Logan was really trying to protect her. But when it came to sex, Veronica didn’t want “white knight Logan” to be there. What she needed was “brutally honest Logan,” who told her anything and didn’t worry about how she would feel, and now her pride was hurt as well as her heart. The memory of Madison telling her what had happened in a lingerie shop and the fantasy her mind had created of the act had brought up all her insecurities that had developed after her rape. She had finally been fighting her way through them, she was feeling more comfortable every time they slept together, to the point where she was starting to dress the part and take initiative. She had wanted to do something to thank Logan for always being there, and it had slapped her in the face.
Really, she should have expected it though, she was feeling happy and that was when things tended to wrong. It was just part of her life. The first time she had dated Logan, she had been happy until she discovered the cameras in the pool house and his lack of alibi. And the second time, she had been happy until the class war had gotten so bad that he had burnt down a pool. While she was with Duncan they were both happy until the bus crash had happened and she finally came to terms with what a bad fit they were. And the third time she had been with Logan, they had spent a happy summer together until they had arrived at Hearst and her drive to find the campus rapist had pulled them apart.
This time she had really thought that things could be different, that they could finally get it right, and for a while they had. Until she had pushed the intimacy issue and discovered Madison’s involvement in what happened in Aspen. A nameless face she had been able to forgive, but the girl who had lead to her rape was another thing, and while it may seem stupid to some, it wasn’t really.
She knew that Madison’s part in the events at Shelly Pomroy’s party had lead her down a path she didn’t like. A path where she lived like a nun for a year and a half, where it seemed no man’s touch would every feel like it did before Logan had come along, and then the man who had helped to rip away some of her faith in men had helped to restore it in a way Wallace couldn’t. While she was still wary with the opposite sex, she liked to think she was getting better given the small amount of trust she felt towards Piz, who had yet to earn more than he was given. And if she were to list in order the people she trusted, Logan would be in the top five. Even as she thought about all this, she still didn’t know if she could ever forgive herself and Logan about this. It was just too hard and, she feared, she had lost her faith in this relationship.
“Is something wrong honey?” Keith asked as he exited the bathroom and noticed that she stopped.
“No Dad, everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” she said.
Moving to her side, Keith reached out a hand and swept it across her cheek, catching the tear that had fallen there, “Because you’re crying honey. Does this have anything to do with Logan?”
“It doesn’t matter, Dad. I have things to do.” Veronica said, plastering a fake smile on her face before heading to the door.
“I think it does matter, so let’s talk about this.” Keith sighed.
“There nothing to talk about,” Veronica argued.
“Well you can either talk to me about it or I’ll throw you in my car and drive you to Logan so you two can talk about it. But either way, you’re going to talk about this.” Keith stated before joking, “And don’t doubt my ability to throw in you in the car.”
“There is no need for short jokes,” Veronica said.
“I was actually making a petit joke, honey, but don’t change the subject.”
“Fine! You want to know what happened. He slept with someone I hate while we were broken up!” Veronica cried.
“That’s it hone?”
“What mean ‘that’s it’? Of course that’s it.”
“Well it just… It seems… It’s just…”
“Spit out already, pops. I’ve told you now, so give your opinion so I can leave and deal with the mess which is my case.” Veronica sighed, trying to settle her irritation about the conversation.
“Well it seems like a pointless reason,” Keith stated, “And before you get your panties in a knot, just listen to me, ok?”
“Fine, but make it fast,” Veronica sighed.
“You’re taking this far too well for my liking.” Keith said raising an eyebrow at his daughter.
“I figure you’re going to tell me your opinion whether I like it or not and I think you’ve been waiting to since I told you Logan and I broke up. So just get it over with so we can go back to the way we were.”
“Honey I don’t think the way we were is working as well as it did in high school,” Keith sighed, “And I want you to be like a normal girl but Veronica even before Lilly’s death you were hardly a normal girl. I think it’s about time we both accept what we know.”
“And what is it we apparently know?” Veronica said through closed teeth, trying to keep her anger to herself.
“That normal is boring and that no matter what happens in your life, Logan has been through most of it with you. I think that’s what makes your bond so strong.”
“There is no bond, Dad, if there was a bond, he wouldn’t have slept with someone else!” Veronica yelled.
“Calm down honey, it’s all going to be ok.” Keith soothed, “And that’s not what I meant at all. It’s just... If you’re not trusting him because of what you see at the office every day, then I don’t think you should be there.”
“So now I can’t hold a relationship or be a PI.”
“If this is how you’re going to react over something like this, then what are you going to do if you ever catch anyone you are in a relationship with cheating? And if you go Bobbitt on their arse, then there could be a problem.” Keith joked trying to take some of the seriousness out of the conversation as he realized his amateur mistake too late.
“Don’t hold back now dad, why don’t you tell me what you really think?”
“Fine, if there’s one thing I’ve tried to teach you it’s that the lying and cheating we see every day in relationships doesn’t always happen in the real world. You can have a trusting relationship and not worry about cheating in your relationships.”
“Oh really and that’s why you cheated with a married woman?” Veronica seethed, “I’m out of here.” She continued before leaving, making sure to slam the door behind her.
Try to be forgiving. It's the only way. Anger will tear you down.
Veronica stood in the car lot of Weevil’s uncle’s garage still thinking about the words that Revered Capistrano had said. The anger she was feeling towards her father and Logan at the moment was tearing her apart and the only way she was going to be able to rid herself of it was to try something new.
She was going to try and listen to what they had to say and she was going to hear everything and not jump immediately to the worst conclusion. She was going to give the two men she had known the longest a chance to explain themselves and for once they were going to do it without her opinions getting in the way. But before she could do that, there was something she needed to do with her anger.
“So we’re all ready to go,” Weevil said as he joined her, “It’s going to start as soon as they finish. I washed it too so it’ll be all nice when we crush it and I know that it doesn’t sound logical but trust me, it’s much better.”
“Ok,” Veronica said a sly smile crawling up her face, “We just need to wait for one person.”
“Who?” Weevil asked, confused about the sudden need for another person to join their crushing party.
“That would be me, Vato.” Dick sneered, “So are we ready to crush this?”
“Oh yeah,” Veronica said before turning to Weevil, “We’re ready whenever you are.”
“Ok, I’ll tell them to start it up now,” Weevil said, confusion written over his face before he left to set up everything.
“Thanks for the invite,” Dick said with a small nod of his head.
“I figured you’d enjoy this as much as I would.”
"And it also serves to remind me not to piss you off or sleep with Logan,” Dick said, a smirk plastered on his face.
“Exactly,” Veronica replied before the pair watched in silence as Weevil lined Madison’s car up in the crusher and destroyed it. Smiling, Veronica couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit better knowing she had gotten her payback, but more importantly, seeing the car crushed made her feel like she could talk to Logan about what happened again. And this time she was going to try to not argue with him.
It'll make you less of the person that you want to be.
Veronica opened the door quietly to be greeted by her father, in the kitchen, cooking their dinner like the conversation they had this morning hadn’t happened.
“You seem calmer,” Keith commented.
Veronica smiled, “Yeah well I worked out my anger on a car.”
Keith stopped for a moment, “What was it you were working your anger out on, cause I could have sworn you said it was a car?”
Veronica smirked, “Oh it was and I’m not giving you anymore details than that. So what’s for dinner?”
“Chilli,” Keith said with a small smile.
Veronica groaned, “Again?”
“Well it’s the best meal I can make,” Keith stated as he began to serve the meal.
Veronica thought for a moment, “Yeah, you’re right, stick with the chilli.”
Handing Veronica her bowl, he turned to serve himself as he said, “So were ok?”
“We will be but... Do you really believe what you said this morning?” Veronica whispered, staring at her bowl, “About the adultery cases.”
“Well, of course, honey, and if you plan to stay in this line of work, or even go to the FBI, I think it’s something you really need to start thinking about too.” Keith sighed. “I just don’t ever want to feel like I’ve failed you.”
“Oh Dad,” Veronica whispered, “You haven’t. You kept me alive when Lilly died, and you’ve been my one constant this whole time, and don’t think I tell you that enough.”
“It’s ok, sweetie, I do it cause I love you,” Keith said moving to hug Veronica.
“Well funny thing, I just happen to love you too,” Veronica whispered. Hugging him close for a minute she pulled back a bit. “I have to go see someone after dinner, ok?”
“Ok, but you’re sleeping in your own bed tonight, and make sure Logan knows about my gun.”
“First, I doubt Logan could have forgotten about your gun, and secondly, how did you know I was going to see Logan?”
“Because you are far too predictable, daughter of mine,” Keith sighed.
“You know some parents would say that’s a good thing,” Veronica replied, trying not to laugh.
Keith threw part of his bread roll at her before responding, “Well lucky for you I do think it’s a good thing.”
And it will tear apart your soul. The Bible teaches us that he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit can capture a city.
Opening the door, Logan sighed, “I’m not really in the mood to be kicked tonight Veronica.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I freaked and I shouldn’t have but I did, and I’m sorry.”
Motioning her inside, he waited until they were settled on the couch before asking the question that was burning on the tip of his tongue. “Why did you freak out, Veronica? I’m trying to understand it, but your reasoning isn’t making any sense.”
“I realise that now, but at the time I was so mad. I’m still mad,” Veronica stated.
“Then why are you here, Veronica?” Logan pleaded. “Cause this giving hope and then stealing it away is killing me.”
“And I’m sorry for that too. I know I wanted this to be different this time. I wanted us to be intimate, but then I’m the one who freaked out cause of this.”
“This has a name Veronica, it’s called I-slept-with-Madison-while-drunk-in Aspen-when-we-were-broken-up.”
“So, I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else,” Veronica cried.
Logan sighed. “I never thought you would need me to explain why our ideologies about sex are different.”
“So sex between us was just like sex between you and Madison,” Veronica said, a disgusted look covering her face.
“No Veronica, and if I have to explain that to you, well then you obviously weren’t there when we were having sex.”
“Oh that’s bullshit, you know I was there!” Veronica cried.
“No, what’s bullshit is that you know how I feel about sex, and you know it’s different to how you feel, and yet you still expect me to change and have your views on it,” Logan said, keeping his temper in check. “On top of all that you want me to hold our experiences above everyone else’s, like I don’t do that already.”
“What the hell are you on about?” Veronica asked confused.
“You know what I mean Veronica,” Logan sighed, “You value sex to the point where it’s not really sex, it’s making love and that is one of the things I love about you, but when you do that, you can’t make sense of what sex means to me when the act in no way means that to me when it’s with anyone besides you.”
“See, that doesn’t make sense to me,” Veronica whispered, “How can you think what we have is so special, then just turn around and do the same thing with someone else?”
“But it’s not the same thing!” Logan cried, running his hands swiftly through his hair, “In this day and age sex can just be sex sometimes and after having sex with you I realised that.” Leaning towards her he continued, “And sex is incredible for us because I love you, and sometimes, I think you love me too.”
“I just... I wish I could understand.”
“But you understood when Duncan had sex with Meg, right?”
“This isn’t about Duncan.” Veronica whispered, surprised that he was bringing it up.
“Well that would be because it’s never about Duncan. He’s just the good one, and I’m the bad one.”
“That’s really how you see yourself compared to Duncan?” Veronica asked, shocked he could think such a thing, “Cause that’s not true.”
“Well that’s how you seem to paint us.”
Veronica sighed, “How did we even get here? I wanted to talk about Madison, not Duncan.”
“Well I’ll talk about Madison when you talk about Duncan.” Logan replied stubbornly.
“Fine! Then we won’t talk at all!” Veronica yelled, standing up.
“Fine by me. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Logan said before standing and crossing to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Veronica stood still for a moment, contemplating. She knew that she should listen to him. That’s what she said she would do but now it seemed he just wanted to be difficult and as much as she wanted to be just as difficult she couldn’t. If she was she could lose him from her life forever. Determined, she march across the suite to his room, and threw open the door.
Ignoring his startled looks she began speaking, “Duncan is not always a good guy. He took his daughter and ran cause he was too scared to fight for her, and he wouldn’t allow me to fight for him. You are not always a bad guy. You beat up two guys in jail cause they tried to hurt me. You’ve saved me more times than I can count, you helped me deal when my whole world fell apart, cause you knew, even then, that that was what knowing the truth about my rape had done. You are the boy who protected me from glass when the window of your car got shot into, and yet you still can’t seem to understand that I’d want you more than Duncan any day of the week.”
“Well you chose him enough,” Logan replied so softly she had thought for a minute she was imagining it.
“And I’m sorry for that, but I understand now that I was wrong then, and I’d be wrong now if I let you think anything else.”
“Ok.”
Veronica nodded, “Ok.”
“I swear Madison wasn’t a way to get back at you.” Logan took in a deep breath before continuing. “I was so drunk; I don’t even know how we had sex, that’s how drunk I was. But it happened and I spent the morning after scrubbing in a hot shower and throwing up, that’s how disgusted I was. I wasn’t trying to think of a way to hurt you. And really I don’t think sleeping with Madison would’ve been on the list.”
“Ok.” Veronica whispered with a small nod, “So where do we go from here?”
“Where do you want to go?"
“I’d like to still be your girlfriend, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”
“Ok, how about this, we stay apart and see a counsellor every week for six weeks, then decide where to go from there.”
“You’re kidding right?” Veronica said, shock returning, “I’m not opening up to some stranger.”
“Well that’s the thing, you wouldn’t just be opening up to a stranger, you’d be opening up to me too.” Logan whispered.
“And if this doesn’t work?”
“Then I guess this is it for us. But don’t you want to go out fighting?” Logan argued.
“Yes.”
“So you’ll give this a shot?”
“Ok, but I get to hurt you really badly if it doesn’t work.”
“I think I can live with that.”
“And I get ice cream after every session.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Logan said with a small laugh.
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.
Veronica moaned as she took another bite of the ice cream sundae in front of her. It had been six weeks since her fights with her dad and Logan, and everything seemed to be going ok. Other than their one-hour counselling sessions and their ice cream afterwards, she didn’t see much of Logan around campus as the pair tried to stick to their rules. As for her father, she found it easier to open up to him about other things, and while they still had a lot of work between them to get to a good place, she felt hopeful that their relationship would get better. With the counselling sessions over, even though Mac and Wallace were still teasing her about them, she couldn’t help but think she had finally figured out what she wanted to do about the Logan thing. The only question left was whether or not he wanted the same thing.
“So have you made your decision?” Logan asked as he sat down across from her.
“Yes, have you?” Veronica asked, scared to give too much away.
“Yes, but you’re going tell me first.
Veronica sighed. “That’s really not that fair.”
“You know what the counsellor said. ‘It’s time for you to take a chance with your emotions and give them over to someone else without using them as a bargaining chip.’”
“Fine, but can’t you laugh at me if our answers aren’t the same,” Veronica sighed with a small pout.
“I can do that.” Logan said with a small nod.
“Ok, then… I think… Well I think we should…” Veronica sighed before closing her eyes. “I think we should date for a bit, nothing too serious, just to make sure what we always felt is still there before we start talking commitment.”
“Ok,” Logan nodded.
“That’s it. All you’re going to say is ok?” Veronica cried.
“Yeah,” Logan said with another nod, “Because I agree with you. We should date, exclusively but nothing more serious than that, and I think then we’ll just have to see where that takes us.”
“Ok.”
“That’s it. That’s all you’re going to say?” Logan asked, mimicking Veronica.
“Yeah,” Veronica said, “That and do you want see a movie tonight?”
“I’d like that a lot,” Logan whispered.
“Good, but there had better be dinner first.”
“Somehow I think that can be arranged.” Logan said with a small laugh.
“Ok then.”
“I’ll pick you up at 7.”
“I guess I’ll see you then,” Veronica whispered before leaving.
“Yeah see you soon,” Logan whispered to no one, as he watched Veronica leave. For her part, she had a silly smile on her face and couldn’t believe she hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.
The end.