[Trans] Kame's 10,000 characters interview (Myojo 2012.11)
This month, Kame's interview concludes the series of 10,000 character interviews to KAT-TUN members. As the previous ones by the other members, it's a very emotional interview. He talks about his childhood, about baseball and his family, when he started being a Junior, and all the hardships and mortifying events he had to fight against from when he joined Johnny's until today. He comments about why he decided to accept Bem's role and when he met Johnny Depp. Plus, he judstifies his own lifestyle choice.
We see snippets of a Kamenashi we rarely see. Both Kame fans and non-Kame fans... Please enjoy it! (and if you're a fan of his, grab some tissues)
A huge thanks toplumerika for helping with some sentences and scorch66 for the English betaread ♥
10,000 characters long interview - 19th round - Kamenashi Kazuya (KAT-TUN)
Naked era ~when I was a Jr.~
I have kept running forward while looking just in front of me and I realized it: “I’m not alone.”
He lost his way. He said “it’s not time to look back to the past yet, is it?”. He arrived up to this point carrying many loads on his back so time is probably necessary to adjust everything. At the end he said “I’m glad I talked about this”: he has started running looking just in front of him once again.
The bat and glove I polished while crying
----You’re the third of four brothers. It was a lively family, wasn’t it.
For starters, everyone is cheerful. If dinner was served on a big plate, it became a sort of struggle for supremacy. As first thing I filled both my cheeks with food like a squirrel. My brothers told me “that’s not fair!” (laughs)
----Have you also had fun together?
My oldest brother is 4 years older than me, so even if I was an elementary school student I hung out with middle school students. Maybe my mental age was older than my classmates’. Maybe the scenery I was seeing was a bit different.
----How was your parents’ education policy?
I think they raised me freely. It wasn’t a family where you’re ordered “do it like this!” without listening to the other party. But, as much as I was allowed to act freely, if I did something that violated the right path, I was scolded very badly.
---- For example what?
I started baseball in first year of elementary school, so I guess it was around the 4th year. We lost a match, and it pissed me off so much that I threw my bat. My dad saw it and he got angry at me saying “if you can’t take care of the tools, quit baseball already!!”, he left me at the baseball field alone and returned home. While already crying, I went back home by walking, and I polished my bat and glove still crying.
----So something like this happened. What was the opportunity that made you start baseball?
My oldest brother was doing karate, so it was like all the brothers would continue it as if was a natural flow of events. But I could never have become the protagonist. Because my brother was already winning at the national level. So it was my strong will to trying something different from my brothers. I saw the older boys in the neighborhood playing catch ball, it looked fun, so I chose baseball, something like that.
----You took part in the world tournament. I guess the practice was harsh.
It was a team in which we played while having fun. I had individual practice every day, but it wasn’t because they made me do it, but because I liked it. When I came back home from school I wanted to touch the ball, I wanted to grasp the bat. I just wanted to play baseball, like this.
----What kind of player were you?
Very very impertinent (laughs). My play was flashy. I liked to make a fine play so when it was defense time, I was late on purpose, then I would dash and jump in a flashy way. More than just catching and throwing the ball, playing in a cool way was the ideal. I was also very fussy about how to wear the uniform well. Like the costumes for lives, if the clothes I wear are cool, my tension rises.
An introduction while running. “I’m Kamenashi Kazuya. And you?”
----You were a baseball boy, but who made the application to join Johnny’s in your middle school first year?
A female cousin of mine sent the résumé, but I didn’t know about it at all.
----So that’s how it went.
It seems that when I passed the document screening, my parents, together with my oldest brother, talked about whether going to the audition. My brother was against it saying, “anyway he will fail it, so since he’ll be carried away by this stuff it’s better not to let him audition”; but my father and mother replied to allow the person of interest decide for himself, because in the case I’d have gotten to know about this in the future, I’d have probably said, “Why didn’t you let me audition for it?”
----So you said “I want to go”.
My dad suddenly arrived at the end of a baseball practice. He made me get in the car and after we arrived at Shibuya, he said, “it’s the Johnny’s audition. What do you want to do?” The place was in front of my eyes, so I guess it was like, “well, I’ll try to go.”
----Did you have an interest for the showbiz world?
Not so much, I guess. Because my idols were Matsui (Hideki)-san and Ichiro-san. I have always thought of becoming a professional baseball player. Nonetheless, I’ve never thought about wanting to join Johnny’s but maybe I liked that. I watched Kinki Kids’ dramas a lot. Girls I got along well with liked Johnny’s so by listening to their conversations I also knew a bit about the Juniors’ existence.
----How was the audition?
I suppose there were around 300 people. Everyone was wearing nice clothes, but I was coming from baseball practice so I was wearing a jersey (laughs). More than “I want to pass”, it was like “for starters, I’ll try to give my best.” But more than all of this, in the middle Tackey (Takizawa Hideaki) arrived and I thought “Oh, incredible!”.
----You didn’t want to pass so bad. (laughs)
Maybe. At the end of the audition when the numbers of around 20 people were written on a white board, with just a “Oh, it’s my number”, more than being happy my first thought was that I had to call my dad because it would be a bit longer since I was somehow left remaining [after the selection].
----You were calm.
I guess I had no sense of reality. Those remaining 20 people were asked to go for a TV Tokyo filming the day after. I was brought there by my parents and I waited all alone, but when I thought that it was somewhat odd because no one was coming, Nakamaru (Yuichi) and his mother arrived. But other than Nakamaru, even when the time came, nobody else arrived. At that point Nakamaru’s mother realized that the place was wrong. All three of us dashed together. While running I introduced myself to Nakamaru, “I’m Kamenashi Kazuya. And you?”
----That time, did you have a premonition that you’ll be in a group with him?
Absolutely not (laughs).
The great sudden promotion full of confusion
----How were the Jr. activities after that?
I was called to attend dance lessons, but I wasn’t selected for the fresh Jr.’s interviews. I think people like Nakamaru, Fujigaya (Taisuke), Masuda (Takahisa), and Tsuka-chan (Tsukada Ryoichi) were chosen. For this reason, considering that on Sunday there was also baseball practice, it’s not that I gave up, but the separation came fast. I guess I thought “This is enough.” I stopped attending lessons. At that point a call from Johnny-san arrived, “Why don’t you come here?”
----With that call you thought to go to the dance lessons once again.
Because it wasn’t a “Maybe I should go”; I was called out. Like, “Sooner or later, just come.” (laughs) When I arrived at the place I was ordered to, at the recording studio the main people of Johnny’s were recording. There was no one of my same ranking there, it was like a study by observation of a social studies class. Then I was said “YOU may avoid going to the lessons.” I thought “eh?!”, but I was suddenly called to be a backdancer for a senpai’s tours.
----It’s a big promotion.
Depending on the point of view. In the past, the backdancers for senpai’s national tours were 16 people chosen among the juniors. At that time it meant among several hundreds of people. And I was placed there all of a sudden. Even though I had never danced before.
----That’s too all of a sudden, right.
It was hard. I went to the rehearsals, but there were only people who were above the clouds. P (Yamashita Tomohisa), Toma (Ikuta), and Kazama-kun (Shunsuke) are like this too, and also Matsumoto Jun-kun, Ninomiya-kun, and Aiba-kun. And then people skilled in dance. It was a completely different level. Both our history in Jr. and our dance history. At the beginning, honestly, there was an atmosphere of “what’s with this guy?”
----In a certain meaning, it was obvious it happened.
But it was a situation where I couldn’t say even such a thing. Toma educated me but he was seriously strict. I practiced dance until morning but at the beginning I was always one count behind. Since I never learnt the steps I could do nothing but watch and repeat. I was said by my senpais, “If you can’t dance, go home.” Nonetheless I had no other choice than do it, so when everyone was getting ready for the following show and relaxing, I bent my head low and asked, “please teach me.” I was taught using the mirror in the toilette of the Osaka Castle Hall. Thinking about it today, I might have been blessed, but I guess I wanted to feel the fresh Jr. period just a bit more (laughs).
Because you are a Junior who will disappear if swept away.
----After that you acted in “3-nen B-gumi Kinpachi-sensei”.
Yes. Together with Kazama-kun and the other we were called the “Kinpachi trio”, but among the Jr. Kazama-kun was holding a mike and singing while I was at the tail end. It was odd that we were working together. But at moments like concerts, they let me sing as a member of the trio.
----Finally the activities as a Jr. started to proceed well.
Absolutely not (bitter smile). When Kinpachi filming ended, I relapsed into a backdancer. Then I stopped going to dance lessons again.
----Why?
Jrs. have the chance to continue their studies in Horikoshi school, which allows them have artistic activities, but when I went with my mother to the agency’s school career consultation I was said, “You are still a Junior who will disappear if swept away, so please attend a normal high school.” Even though I was allowed to dance as a backdancer on a good spot for Kinki Kids too. Coming back home on the train, even though my mother was sitting next to me, I was half crying from the frustration. I could have handled it if I was being talked down to when I was alone, but it was in front of my mother.
----Indeed that’s mortifying.
I wasn’t appearing on TV so much yet but P was coming to play at my house as well as Toma. I wasn’t thinking that there was a misunderstanding [T/N: of my potentiality by the agency] or that I was at the same level as the two of them, but I vaguely realized that things would continue without changes. That cut me down to size with huge force. I thought, “If I have to be considered like this, I’ll just quit”, but since I was scolded with those words, I thought of quitting just after entering a different high school. Honestly, during middle school I hadn’t studied at all but I thought, “I’ll show you how I’ll pass!”, so from that day on I quit work for 2 months and studied. My parents took my guaranteed fee from the Jr. job on my behalf so I used that entire amount of money to hire a private teacher; I studied and in one way or another I passed the entrance exam.
----You did your best.
Because I was mortified. I used the chance of the successful entrance exam to tell the agency, “I quit”. Then another call from the president arrived. “What are you saying? You absolutely mustn’t quit! I am thinking about stuff right now. For the time being, just come.” Around one month after this call, KAT-TUN was formed.
Because I had nothing left besides KAT-TUN.
----What did you think about KAT-TUN’s formation?
At that time it was pretty rare to be teamed up in a group as Juniors, so I thought “I’ll give it my best.” Only, we said to each other, “we are B-level, right?” Because that was the reality. At that time Four Tops, which Yamapi was in, was the main among the Jrs. We were always [dancing] behind them.
----At the beginning there was nothing but fights inside the group.
Considering that now, there were many sides of us that didn’t fit with each others’. It happened that Ueda (Tatsuya) couldn’t back up a miss by Nakamaru on stage. I couldn’t forgive that. Later I got to know that Ueda didn’t see it either, but back then I said, “You were next to him so you must have realized it!” If it’s a younger person speaking with such a tone it obviously turns into a fight. Ueda replied, “Even if you can do it, it’s something I can’t!”
----He surely couldn’t let it go.
Because I was adding pressure too. I strongly thought that what I could do, anyone could do it too. I’ve never thought that I am special. For this reason I often thought, “why can’t he do it?” From that event I started to learn that each person is different, and now I understand that back then everyone was desperately giving his best. I just couldn’t notice it.
----I wonder why you were so passionate about it.
Because I had nothing left besides KAT-TUN.
----What does this mean?
From Kinpachi onwards I couldn’t make time for baseball practice and even if my classmates were practicing, I wasn’t. So, I had the aim to become a professional baseball player, but I changed. How can I say it. I had nothing else left besides KAT-TUN that I could become completely absorbed in anymore.
----So that’s what happened.
Except Taguchi (Junnosuke), everyone was my senpai. I was the youngest but I was thinking, “I will make this group debut at any cost!” So from the point of view of that young me, there was a part that vaguely reflected, “They aren’t doing it seriously?”
----I understand.
Once, I went “I can’t do it with these guys, I quit!” and I went to announce this to Johnny-san himself. At that time he said, “YOU are cool. You can fight about work”. Though it was more that I was simply pissed off (laughs). But reflecting upon it now, the reason of our fights was work.
----What were you thinking about your debut?
From when we were formed I thought we could for sure. I thought the debut would be at Tokyo Dome. That I would surely debut with those members, at Tokyo Dome.
Even if it was a great hit, it was complicated. "Seishun Amigo"’s release
----If there was a turning point in your Jr. period, when do you think it was?
Maybe the period I starred in “DREAM BOY” as Takizawa-kun’s substitute in April 2004. When we did the same play at the Imperial Theater in January, considering the chance he’d get hurt, the president told me “Learn Takizawa’s part too.” I practiced everything, from the bungee till whatsoever. Only, while it might have been the turning point, it was probably also the period I felt solitude the most.
----Solitude?
Not only couldn’t I associate with the co-starring Kanjani8, but neither with KAT-TUN’s members. At the end of the training, even if everyone went to eat together, I often had to practice and I couldn’t go with them. I couldn’t even keep the pace with the members’ conversations.
----That is painful.
The words I was said by Johnny-san in that period were impressive. “YOU are living carrying a burden.” That time I didn’t know what the purpose was, though. Tackey really took me, who was in such a situation, at heart so much. He always repeated to me, “Kame, you have no other choice than do this as if in a trance.” The training hours were more or less the same as Tackey, so we always came back home together; he let me stay at his home, washed my jersey, even cooked my breakfast.
----They were precious experiences.
Yes. I was just a substitute but after that, it was decided I’d become the real protagonist.
----You being the star of “DREAM BOY” was indeed a surprise.
As a result of that, I could make them let me do a higher level of flyings in “SUMMARY” too.
----Did you think the debut was already close?
Because even at first glance, the people waiting outside the theater had increased. Honestly, maybe there was the actual feeling of it. On my birthday, thousands of people came there. Just the collection [of the letters] took around four hours. Now it’s controlled so it’s an unbelievable thing. But in the past, we Juniors felt it on our skin. Even going from Shibuya Station to NHK, people with many fans had hundreds of people, people with few had 2 or 3. If they’re few it’s embarrassing so I entered NHK building from behind in order not to be noticed by the fans. Even I had such a period.
----After that, taking part in “Gokusen” you became even more well-known.
For this reason the turning point really is “DREAM BOY”, as expected. I was said by the producer of “Gokusen” that [I was chosen] because SUMMARY was good. Moreover I continued with “Nobuta wo Produce” after that.
----With “Nobuta” the main song “Seishun amigo” was a huge hit.
Inside of me it was complicated though.
----Really?
I was suddenly told that there was a filming so I went to the filming place. On the filming set, when I asked Johnny-san “what kind of filming is this?” he replied, “Next you’ll release a CD together with Yamashita.” I said wait a moment, I haven’t heard of this. I made the filming stop for two hours, I said I couldn’t accept this and had a face-to-face negotiation. I am impertinent (laughs). Of course it was a chance and I could release the long-cherished CD. But I wanted to release a CD as KAT-TUN first. So not only the staff, but I also made P wait. But P waited saying, “It’s not good to do it if Kame isn’t convinced.”
----That situation is indeed complex. But you negotiated well with the president.
If I’m not convinced, I can’t go forward. I somewhat felt like a marionette. Especially during “Gokusen”, many people got to know me and wherever I went, I know that this sounds odd, but the handling was different. As if I was about to being engulfed by a huge wave and I was scared. Because I wasn’t feeling that I was walking with my legs. Something like, while I’m don’t understanding what’s going on I’m already standing here. But I decided to do “Seishun Amigo” so I did it with all my strength.
----Did you tell the members about the CD?
I had to do it. Everyone was, “Oh, really…”. Maybe I’m thinking too much, and actually it’s something I’ve never asked or heard from the members so I don’t know the truth. But, at that time we were all still kids, I suppose they thought I was a traitor. If the roles were switched, I’d have probably thought the same.
----Just imagining such a situation is dreary.
I could do nothing but close my eyes. The song “Kizuna” that I wrote the lyrics for was used as an insert song for “Gokusen” too and we sang it as KAT-TUN at a music TV program. Of course it’s not that I asked to please let us sing “Kizuna”. But it went like that. We had to sing together a song that another member wrote, a song of a drama they didn’t appear in. The members too, during the Jr. period, openly bared a rival stance as a normal basis (laughs). I think they didn’t want to do it. I don’t have a single particle of sense of superiority at all. Even for “Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo”, I was acting the protagonist and the members appeared as secondary characters. Even if I knew that due to the constitution of the drama it couldn’t be helped, if possible I wanted us to appear equally. I want to battle on the same level. Because they are the same members as I am.
----Indeed. Though it can’t be helped…
I wonder if it’s a wound of the heart. I still think the same right now too. For last year’s “DREAM BOYS” I said that I wanted the photos of the three of us in the poster to have the same size. I said that I don’t care about the leader of the play or whatever, just show it as we’re doing it as three members of KAT-TUN.
----Could you consult someone about the feelings you were carrying that time?
I can’t do it. Sharing with someone else is an impossible thing. Exactly because I became an adult I can put them into words with my own mouth and express them. Including me, we were all kids and completely absorbed. We couldn’t face it from something like a different angle. I wasn’t able to put my feelings into words.
----Now you can finally put them into words.
I wonder if the “carrying a burden” that Johnny-san was talking about is this. Before the “Seishun Amigo” recording I thoroughly objected and at the end, what persuaded me were Johnny-san’s words, “It’s for KAT-TUN’s sake”. “YOU, release the CD with Yamashita. Will you be able to leave a good result or not? Your failure is KAT-TUN’s failure.” In this case I have no other choice, I thought.
----But you can’t convey to the members not only the weight of the burden you were carrying, but even simply just what that burden was.
I won’t say “It’s for your sake!” to the members. But I felt I managed to do the minimum work. Of course “Seishun Amigo” wasn’t the only reason, but riding that wave, KAT-TUN were able to debut in such a great scale.
----You have continued carrying a huge burden.
Maybe this is why I have a lot of characters that are carrying something on their shoulders. Like Bem (laughs). But you know, I think that everyone is carrying something on his/her shoulder. Of course the members, but this is valid for whichever work. This is why I don’t think it’s something special.
----I wonder. Didn’t you want someone to understand you?
I don’t think, “I want someone to understand me”. If only, if only, among the people who look at me, there was someone who understands my feelings, I’d consider myself lucky, just this. Whatever happens I can’t ever say something pretending or imploring, not that it’s necessary for me to do it. I mean, I have my pride too (laughs). More than anything, what is for KAT-TUN’s sake, since I’m a member too, is also for my sake. Because “I=KAT-TUN”. It’s like this even now. Because, see, I am [a part of] KAT-TUN.
----Then the debut was the moment you could finally share the happiness with the members.
I was happy and there was a sense of accomplishment. But I guess it was a happiness that included just a bit of loneliness.
----Loneliness?
Because I ended up knowing both the happiness of being able to release a CD and the happiness of being able to sing my song on a TV program before the members. As expected, I couldn’t be happy at their exact same level. Even during the debut and great moment of “waah!”, I felt a huge sense of responsibility. Honestly, since it’s a group that had a lot of moments of disorder, I also felt the pressure: “it’s in order to make KAT-TUN continue.” As, “I absolutely can’t crush everything.”
Because if it wasn’t for the fans, I would be a useless human being.
----How do you estimate yourself?
There are people that become iconic just by existing [T/N: without doing something in particular to be noticed]. But I’m not like that. I haven’t forgotten the fact that I wasn’t chosen as a fresh Jr, or the entrance exam at high school, or what happened since the past; neither am I an A-class. Having said that, it’s not like “It was harsh” either. But I guess I am understanding that the circumstances I entered were different to begin with.
----Don’t you think that it would feel better to let them [the burdens] flow away?
I do think it (laughs).
----But you’ve come to terms with your character that can’t do it?
There was a period when I thought that. A period when I thought that saying what I wanted to say and doing just what I wanted to do would be easier. But I unwillingly see. How to say it, I see a lot of things. Honestly there was a period when I thought to lie to myself and just pursue the road that was easier just for me, but… Once I ended up seeing that there was something, even if I tried to pretend not to have seen it, it was useless. I was more stressed by that instead. Because I have realized that once I gain something after pretending not to see what I’ve seen, it doesn’t feel good at all. Then in this case it’s better to embrace all of this and walk on; it gives me a reason to live my life.
----I see.
But I’m not such a strong human being as I say. During the troublesome period I got to know many senpai like Macchy-san (Kondo Masahiro), Higashiyama-san, and Kimura-san (Takuya). Since I can’t say my feelings to people I didn’t ask for their advice; nonetheless, there were people who, with exquisite timing, held out a helping hand.
----You were blessed by meeting these people.
Yes. Also, people who sure enough support me are the fans. Because if it weren’t for the fans, I wouldn’t have come into existence [T/N: as artist]. If they weren’t there, I’d be a useless human being. For sure, I don’t think I should act cool or hold a dignified appearance. I can hold out because there is someone that accepts me. I’m the type that can’t work if there isn’t always someone on the other side.
There is at least one sure thing.
----Is there something you want to say to yourself back in the Jr. period?
Maybe, “I’m still working as a Johnny’s. So don’t be discouraged.”
----Then, if you have to say something to the present Jrs?
Maybe, “It happens in an instant.” Because time passes by at a very incredibly fast speed. But you must not stay still, or run as you please. This is why I want them to reassuringly judge by themselves and go where they want. A lot of opportunities are overflowing, it’s up to each one whether they grab them or not.
----To judge?
For example about “Youkai Ningen Bem” that I did last year, honestly there were also some perplexed “eh?” voices around. But I knew that there were such opinions too. I chose upon knowing it. A choice made consciously doesn’t falter. Probably in this I’ve become stronger than the past. Of course it’s only because there are people who have a good influence on me that I can judge. When I had the chance to have dinner together with Johnny Depp, he talked about characters that are called “iromono” [*] and that talk had quite an effect on me. Because I had such an experience and Bem’s proposal arrived, I could make a decision after looking down from above at my possibilities. The drama is loved and it will also turn into a movie. I’m grateful for it and since it’s the result of what I’ve chosen myself, I’m happy.
----It’s really like that.
Though I don’t know if my choice was right, and no one knows it. Honestly, even now I am worried about many things; no, it's better said that I have only things I'm worrying about. But I’ve kept running until today and of course it’s not a time to look back yet, but at least there is one thing I’m sure of. It is that “I am not alone.” I am not glossing over, like saying that the group is there for me. Whatever I do, I’m not alone. Both in a good and bad meaning. When I’m suffering, it’s people who lift my spirits, and it’s always people who do the opposite.
----Let me ask you this at last. You said that when you debuted, you couldn’t be as happy as the members.
Yes.
----After that, were there moments you were happy at the same level?
Of course. Each year’s tour, each single live. Because that’s something I create together with the members and the fans. That sense of achievement, that sense of fulfillment, that happiness, we’re sharing the same exact thing. Moreover, now what we have started from anew, the members are standing on the same position and like daredevils, do it with all our strength. I think the present group condition is extremely good. It might sound arrogant as usual if I say that now I have more members who I can share more with (laughs). All the members now are doing a lot of work outside KAT-TUN. There really is the sensation that everyone is fighting on many different stages and then reuniting. And I really receive a huge stimulus from this. For this reason I’m looking forward to the future of KAT-TUN which I will continue running for together with the members.
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NOTE
[*] I am not really sure about what kind of character he's referring to, but it seems it is a term to designate characters with a strong personality, often bad characters, and generally that have a bad reputation/aren’t liked by the audience.
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People, join my #kamefeelings T___T His attachment to KAT-TUN is blinding, and he's so positive even though he is surely still suffering for past wounds. And in all of this he's so humble. I respect him! >_< Also, this is a must-read interview for all the haters too, I'd say.
This interview was pretty long and difficult. (I know the power of Kame's mistranslated words, therefore I tried to avoid it as much as possible ^^' But I'm not a perfect human being either, so...) If you notice some imperfections, tell me.
We see snippets of a Kamenashi we rarely see. Both Kame fans and non-Kame fans... Please enjoy it! (and if you're a fan of his, grab some tissues)
A huge thanks toplumerika for helping with some sentences and scorch66 for the English betaread ♥
10,000 characters long interview - 19th round - Kamenashi Kazuya (KAT-TUN)
Naked era ~when I was a Jr.~
I have kept running forward while looking just in front of me and I realized it: “I’m not alone.”
He lost his way. He said “it’s not time to look back to the past yet, is it?”. He arrived up to this point carrying many loads on his back so time is probably necessary to adjust everything. At the end he said “I’m glad I talked about this”: he has started running looking just in front of him once again.
The bat and glove I polished while crying
----You’re the third of four brothers. It was a lively family, wasn’t it.
For starters, everyone is cheerful. If dinner was served on a big plate, it became a sort of struggle for supremacy. As first thing I filled both my cheeks with food like a squirrel. My brothers told me “that’s not fair!” (laughs)
----Have you also had fun together?
My oldest brother is 4 years older than me, so even if I was an elementary school student I hung out with middle school students. Maybe my mental age was older than my classmates’. Maybe the scenery I was seeing was a bit different.
----How was your parents’ education policy?
I think they raised me freely. It wasn’t a family where you’re ordered “do it like this!” without listening to the other party. But, as much as I was allowed to act freely, if I did something that violated the right path, I was scolded very badly.
---- For example what?
I started baseball in first year of elementary school, so I guess it was around the 4th year. We lost a match, and it pissed me off so much that I threw my bat. My dad saw it and he got angry at me saying “if you can’t take care of the tools, quit baseball already!!”, he left me at the baseball field alone and returned home. While already crying, I went back home by walking, and I polished my bat and glove still crying.
----So something like this happened. What was the opportunity that made you start baseball?
My oldest brother was doing karate, so it was like all the brothers would continue it as if was a natural flow of events. But I could never have become the protagonist. Because my brother was already winning at the national level. So it was my strong will to trying something different from my brothers. I saw the older boys in the neighborhood playing catch ball, it looked fun, so I chose baseball, something like that.
----You took part in the world tournament. I guess the practice was harsh.
It was a team in which we played while having fun. I had individual practice every day, but it wasn’t because they made me do it, but because I liked it. When I came back home from school I wanted to touch the ball, I wanted to grasp the bat. I just wanted to play baseball, like this.
----What kind of player were you?
Very very impertinent (laughs). My play was flashy. I liked to make a fine play so when it was defense time, I was late on purpose, then I would dash and jump in a flashy way. More than just catching and throwing the ball, playing in a cool way was the ideal. I was also very fussy about how to wear the uniform well. Like the costumes for lives, if the clothes I wear are cool, my tension rises.
An introduction while running. “I’m Kamenashi Kazuya. And you?”
----You were a baseball boy, but who made the application to join Johnny’s in your middle school first year?
A female cousin of mine sent the résumé, but I didn’t know about it at all.
----So that’s how it went.
It seems that when I passed the document screening, my parents, together with my oldest brother, talked about whether going to the audition. My brother was against it saying, “anyway he will fail it, so since he’ll be carried away by this stuff it’s better not to let him audition”; but my father and mother replied to allow the person of interest decide for himself, because in the case I’d have gotten to know about this in the future, I’d have probably said, “Why didn’t you let me audition for it?”
----So you said “I want to go”.
My dad suddenly arrived at the end of a baseball practice. He made me get in the car and after we arrived at Shibuya, he said, “it’s the Johnny’s audition. What do you want to do?” The place was in front of my eyes, so I guess it was like, “well, I’ll try to go.”
----Did you have an interest for the showbiz world?
Not so much, I guess. Because my idols were Matsui (Hideki)-san and Ichiro-san. I have always thought of becoming a professional baseball player. Nonetheless, I’ve never thought about wanting to join Johnny’s but maybe I liked that. I watched Kinki Kids’ dramas a lot. Girls I got along well with liked Johnny’s so by listening to their conversations I also knew a bit about the Juniors’ existence.
----How was the audition?
I suppose there were around 300 people. Everyone was wearing nice clothes, but I was coming from baseball practice so I was wearing a jersey (laughs). More than “I want to pass”, it was like “for starters, I’ll try to give my best.” But more than all of this, in the middle Tackey (Takizawa Hideaki) arrived and I thought “Oh, incredible!”.
----You didn’t want to pass so bad. (laughs)
Maybe. At the end of the audition when the numbers of around 20 people were written on a white board, with just a “Oh, it’s my number”, more than being happy my first thought was that I had to call my dad because it would be a bit longer since I was somehow left remaining [after the selection].
----You were calm.
I guess I had no sense of reality. Those remaining 20 people were asked to go for a TV Tokyo filming the day after. I was brought there by my parents and I waited all alone, but when I thought that it was somewhat odd because no one was coming, Nakamaru (Yuichi) and his mother arrived. But other than Nakamaru, even when the time came, nobody else arrived. At that point Nakamaru’s mother realized that the place was wrong. All three of us dashed together. While running I introduced myself to Nakamaru, “I’m Kamenashi Kazuya. And you?”
----That time, did you have a premonition that you’ll be in a group with him?
Absolutely not (laughs).
The great sudden promotion full of confusion
----How were the Jr. activities after that?
I was called to attend dance lessons, but I wasn’t selected for the fresh Jr.’s interviews. I think people like Nakamaru, Fujigaya (Taisuke), Masuda (Takahisa), and Tsuka-chan (Tsukada Ryoichi) were chosen. For this reason, considering that on Sunday there was also baseball practice, it’s not that I gave up, but the separation came fast. I guess I thought “This is enough.” I stopped attending lessons. At that point a call from Johnny-san arrived, “Why don’t you come here?”
----With that call you thought to go to the dance lessons once again.
Because it wasn’t a “Maybe I should go”; I was called out. Like, “Sooner or later, just come.” (laughs) When I arrived at the place I was ordered to, at the recording studio the main people of Johnny’s were recording. There was no one of my same ranking there, it was like a study by observation of a social studies class. Then I was said “YOU may avoid going to the lessons.” I thought “eh?!”, but I was suddenly called to be a backdancer for a senpai’s tours.
----It’s a big promotion.
Depending on the point of view. In the past, the backdancers for senpai’s national tours were 16 people chosen among the juniors. At that time it meant among several hundreds of people. And I was placed there all of a sudden. Even though I had never danced before.
----That’s too all of a sudden, right.
It was hard. I went to the rehearsals, but there were only people who were above the clouds. P (Yamashita Tomohisa), Toma (Ikuta), and Kazama-kun (Shunsuke) are like this too, and also Matsumoto Jun-kun, Ninomiya-kun, and Aiba-kun. And then people skilled in dance. It was a completely different level. Both our history in Jr. and our dance history. At the beginning, honestly, there was an atmosphere of “what’s with this guy?”
----In a certain meaning, it was obvious it happened.
But it was a situation where I couldn’t say even such a thing. Toma educated me but he was seriously strict. I practiced dance until morning but at the beginning I was always one count behind. Since I never learnt the steps I could do nothing but watch and repeat. I was said by my senpais, “If you can’t dance, go home.” Nonetheless I had no other choice than do it, so when everyone was getting ready for the following show and relaxing, I bent my head low and asked, “please teach me.” I was taught using the mirror in the toilette of the Osaka Castle Hall. Thinking about it today, I might have been blessed, but I guess I wanted to feel the fresh Jr. period just a bit more (laughs).
Because you are a Junior who will disappear if swept away.
----After that you acted in “3-nen B-gumi Kinpachi-sensei”.
Yes. Together with Kazama-kun and the other we were called the “Kinpachi trio”, but among the Jr. Kazama-kun was holding a mike and singing while I was at the tail end. It was odd that we were working together. But at moments like concerts, they let me sing as a member of the trio.
----Finally the activities as a Jr. started to proceed well.
Absolutely not (bitter smile). When Kinpachi filming ended, I relapsed into a backdancer. Then I stopped going to dance lessons again.
----Why?
Jrs. have the chance to continue their studies in Horikoshi school, which allows them have artistic activities, but when I went with my mother to the agency’s school career consultation I was said, “You are still a Junior who will disappear if swept away, so please attend a normal high school.” Even though I was allowed to dance as a backdancer on a good spot for Kinki Kids too. Coming back home on the train, even though my mother was sitting next to me, I was half crying from the frustration. I could have handled it if I was being talked down to when I was alone, but it was in front of my mother.
----Indeed that’s mortifying.
I wasn’t appearing on TV so much yet but P was coming to play at my house as well as Toma. I wasn’t thinking that there was a misunderstanding [T/N: of my potentiality by the agency] or that I was at the same level as the two of them, but I vaguely realized that things would continue without changes. That cut me down to size with huge force. I thought, “If I have to be considered like this, I’ll just quit”, but since I was scolded with those words, I thought of quitting just after entering a different high school. Honestly, during middle school I hadn’t studied at all but I thought, “I’ll show you how I’ll pass!”, so from that day on I quit work for 2 months and studied. My parents took my guaranteed fee from the Jr. job on my behalf so I used that entire amount of money to hire a private teacher; I studied and in one way or another I passed the entrance exam.
----You did your best.
Because I was mortified. I used the chance of the successful entrance exam to tell the agency, “I quit”. Then another call from the president arrived. “What are you saying? You absolutely mustn’t quit! I am thinking about stuff right now. For the time being, just come.” Around one month after this call, KAT-TUN was formed.
Because I had nothing left besides KAT-TUN.
----What did you think about KAT-TUN’s formation?
At that time it was pretty rare to be teamed up in a group as Juniors, so I thought “I’ll give it my best.” Only, we said to each other, “we are B-level, right?” Because that was the reality. At that time Four Tops, which Yamapi was in, was the main among the Jrs. We were always [dancing] behind them.
----At the beginning there was nothing but fights inside the group.
Considering that now, there were many sides of us that didn’t fit with each others’. It happened that Ueda (Tatsuya) couldn’t back up a miss by Nakamaru on stage. I couldn’t forgive that. Later I got to know that Ueda didn’t see it either, but back then I said, “You were next to him so you must have realized it!” If it’s a younger person speaking with such a tone it obviously turns into a fight. Ueda replied, “Even if you can do it, it’s something I can’t!”
----He surely couldn’t let it go.
Because I was adding pressure too. I strongly thought that what I could do, anyone could do it too. I’ve never thought that I am special. For this reason I often thought, “why can’t he do it?” From that event I started to learn that each person is different, and now I understand that back then everyone was desperately giving his best. I just couldn’t notice it.
----I wonder why you were so passionate about it.
Because I had nothing left besides KAT-TUN.
----What does this mean?
From Kinpachi onwards I couldn’t make time for baseball practice and even if my classmates were practicing, I wasn’t. So, I had the aim to become a professional baseball player, but I changed. How can I say it. I had nothing else left besides KAT-TUN that I could become completely absorbed in anymore.
----So that’s what happened.
Except Taguchi (Junnosuke), everyone was my senpai. I was the youngest but I was thinking, “I will make this group debut at any cost!” So from the point of view of that young me, there was a part that vaguely reflected, “They aren’t doing it seriously?”
----I understand.
Once, I went “I can’t do it with these guys, I quit!” and I went to announce this to Johnny-san himself. At that time he said, “YOU are cool. You can fight about work”. Though it was more that I was simply pissed off (laughs). But reflecting upon it now, the reason of our fights was work.
----What were you thinking about your debut?
From when we were formed I thought we could for sure. I thought the debut would be at Tokyo Dome. That I would surely debut with those members, at Tokyo Dome.
Even if it was a great hit, it was complicated. "Seishun Amigo"’s release
----If there was a turning point in your Jr. period, when do you think it was?
Maybe the period I starred in “DREAM BOY” as Takizawa-kun’s substitute in April 2004. When we did the same play at the Imperial Theater in January, considering the chance he’d get hurt, the president told me “Learn Takizawa’s part too.” I practiced everything, from the bungee till whatsoever. Only, while it might have been the turning point, it was probably also the period I felt solitude the most.
----Solitude?
Not only couldn’t I associate with the co-starring Kanjani8, but neither with KAT-TUN’s members. At the end of the training, even if everyone went to eat together, I often had to practice and I couldn’t go with them. I couldn’t even keep the pace with the members’ conversations.
----That is painful.
The words I was said by Johnny-san in that period were impressive. “YOU are living carrying a burden.” That time I didn’t know what the purpose was, though. Tackey really took me, who was in such a situation, at heart so much. He always repeated to me, “Kame, you have no other choice than do this as if in a trance.” The training hours were more or less the same as Tackey, so we always came back home together; he let me stay at his home, washed my jersey, even cooked my breakfast.
----They were precious experiences.
Yes. I was just a substitute but after that, it was decided I’d become the real protagonist.
----You being the star of “DREAM BOY” was indeed a surprise.
As a result of that, I could make them let me do a higher level of flyings in “SUMMARY” too.
----Did you think the debut was already close?
Because even at first glance, the people waiting outside the theater had increased. Honestly, maybe there was the actual feeling of it. On my birthday, thousands of people came there. Just the collection [of the letters] took around four hours. Now it’s controlled so it’s an unbelievable thing. But in the past, we Juniors felt it on our skin. Even going from Shibuya Station to NHK, people with many fans had hundreds of people, people with few had 2 or 3. If they’re few it’s embarrassing so I entered NHK building from behind in order not to be noticed by the fans. Even I had such a period.
----After that, taking part in “Gokusen” you became even more well-known.
For this reason the turning point really is “DREAM BOY”, as expected. I was said by the producer of “Gokusen” that [I was chosen] because SUMMARY was good. Moreover I continued with “Nobuta wo Produce” after that.
----With “Nobuta” the main song “Seishun amigo” was a huge hit.
Inside of me it was complicated though.
----Really?
I was suddenly told that there was a filming so I went to the filming place. On the filming set, when I asked Johnny-san “what kind of filming is this?” he replied, “Next you’ll release a CD together with Yamashita.” I said wait a moment, I haven’t heard of this. I made the filming stop for two hours, I said I couldn’t accept this and had a face-to-face negotiation. I am impertinent (laughs). Of course it was a chance and I could release the long-cherished CD. But I wanted to release a CD as KAT-TUN first. So not only the staff, but I also made P wait. But P waited saying, “It’s not good to do it if Kame isn’t convinced.”
----That situation is indeed complex. But you negotiated well with the president.
If I’m not convinced, I can’t go forward. I somewhat felt like a marionette. Especially during “Gokusen”, many people got to know me and wherever I went, I know that this sounds odd, but the handling was different. As if I was about to being engulfed by a huge wave and I was scared. Because I wasn’t feeling that I was walking with my legs. Something like, while I’m don’t understanding what’s going on I’m already standing here. But I decided to do “Seishun Amigo” so I did it with all my strength.
----Did you tell the members about the CD?
I had to do it. Everyone was, “Oh, really…”. Maybe I’m thinking too much, and actually it’s something I’ve never asked or heard from the members so I don’t know the truth. But, at that time we were all still kids, I suppose they thought I was a traitor. If the roles were switched, I’d have probably thought the same.
----Just imagining such a situation is dreary.
I could do nothing but close my eyes. The song “Kizuna” that I wrote the lyrics for was used as an insert song for “Gokusen” too and we sang it as KAT-TUN at a music TV program. Of course it’s not that I asked to please let us sing “Kizuna”. But it went like that. We had to sing together a song that another member wrote, a song of a drama they didn’t appear in. The members too, during the Jr. period, openly bared a rival stance as a normal basis (laughs). I think they didn’t want to do it. I don’t have a single particle of sense of superiority at all. Even for “Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo”, I was acting the protagonist and the members appeared as secondary characters. Even if I knew that due to the constitution of the drama it couldn’t be helped, if possible I wanted us to appear equally. I want to battle on the same level. Because they are the same members as I am.
----Indeed. Though it can’t be helped…
I wonder if it’s a wound of the heart. I still think the same right now too. For last year’s “DREAM BOYS” I said that I wanted the photos of the three of us in the poster to have the same size. I said that I don’t care about the leader of the play or whatever, just show it as we’re doing it as three members of KAT-TUN.
----Could you consult someone about the feelings you were carrying that time?
I can’t do it. Sharing with someone else is an impossible thing. Exactly because I became an adult I can put them into words with my own mouth and express them. Including me, we were all kids and completely absorbed. We couldn’t face it from something like a different angle. I wasn’t able to put my feelings into words.
----Now you can finally put them into words.
I wonder if the “carrying a burden” that Johnny-san was talking about is this. Before the “Seishun Amigo” recording I thoroughly objected and at the end, what persuaded me were Johnny-san’s words, “It’s for KAT-TUN’s sake”. “YOU, release the CD with Yamashita. Will you be able to leave a good result or not? Your failure is KAT-TUN’s failure.” In this case I have no other choice, I thought.
----But you can’t convey to the members not only the weight of the burden you were carrying, but even simply just what that burden was.
I won’t say “It’s for your sake!” to the members. But I felt I managed to do the minimum work. Of course “Seishun Amigo” wasn’t the only reason, but riding that wave, KAT-TUN were able to debut in such a great scale.
----You have continued carrying a huge burden.
Maybe this is why I have a lot of characters that are carrying something on their shoulders. Like Bem (laughs). But you know, I think that everyone is carrying something on his/her shoulder. Of course the members, but this is valid for whichever work. This is why I don’t think it’s something special.
----I wonder. Didn’t you want someone to understand you?
I don’t think, “I want someone to understand me”. If only, if only, among the people who look at me, there was someone who understands my feelings, I’d consider myself lucky, just this. Whatever happens I can’t ever say something pretending or imploring, not that it’s necessary for me to do it. I mean, I have my pride too (laughs). More than anything, what is for KAT-TUN’s sake, since I’m a member too, is also for my sake. Because “I=KAT-TUN”. It’s like this even now. Because, see, I am [a part of] KAT-TUN.
----Then the debut was the moment you could finally share the happiness with the members.
I was happy and there was a sense of accomplishment. But I guess it was a happiness that included just a bit of loneliness.
----Loneliness?
Because I ended up knowing both the happiness of being able to release a CD and the happiness of being able to sing my song on a TV program before the members. As expected, I couldn’t be happy at their exact same level. Even during the debut and great moment of “waah!”, I felt a huge sense of responsibility. Honestly, since it’s a group that had a lot of moments of disorder, I also felt the pressure: “it’s in order to make KAT-TUN continue.” As, “I absolutely can’t crush everything.”
Because if it wasn’t for the fans, I would be a useless human being.
----How do you estimate yourself?
There are people that become iconic just by existing [T/N: without doing something in particular to be noticed]. But I’m not like that. I haven’t forgotten the fact that I wasn’t chosen as a fresh Jr, or the entrance exam at high school, or what happened since the past; neither am I an A-class. Having said that, it’s not like “It was harsh” either. But I guess I am understanding that the circumstances I entered were different to begin with.
----Don’t you think that it would feel better to let them [the burdens] flow away?
I do think it (laughs).
----But you’ve come to terms with your character that can’t do it?
There was a period when I thought that. A period when I thought that saying what I wanted to say and doing just what I wanted to do would be easier. But I unwillingly see. How to say it, I see a lot of things. Honestly there was a period when I thought to lie to myself and just pursue the road that was easier just for me, but… Once I ended up seeing that there was something, even if I tried to pretend not to have seen it, it was useless. I was more stressed by that instead. Because I have realized that once I gain something after pretending not to see what I’ve seen, it doesn’t feel good at all. Then in this case it’s better to embrace all of this and walk on; it gives me a reason to live my life.
----I see.
But I’m not such a strong human being as I say. During the troublesome period I got to know many senpai like Macchy-san (Kondo Masahiro), Higashiyama-san, and Kimura-san (Takuya). Since I can’t say my feelings to people I didn’t ask for their advice; nonetheless, there were people who, with exquisite timing, held out a helping hand.
----You were blessed by meeting these people.
Yes. Also, people who sure enough support me are the fans. Because if it weren’t for the fans, I wouldn’t have come into existence [T/N: as artist]. If they weren’t there, I’d be a useless human being. For sure, I don’t think I should act cool or hold a dignified appearance. I can hold out because there is someone that accepts me. I’m the type that can’t work if there isn’t always someone on the other side.
There is at least one sure thing.
----Is there something you want to say to yourself back in the Jr. period?
Maybe, “I’m still working as a Johnny’s. So don’t be discouraged.”
----Then, if you have to say something to the present Jrs?
Maybe, “It happens in an instant.” Because time passes by at a very incredibly fast speed. But you must not stay still, or run as you please. This is why I want them to reassuringly judge by themselves and go where they want. A lot of opportunities are overflowing, it’s up to each one whether they grab them or not.
----To judge?
For example about “Youkai Ningen Bem” that I did last year, honestly there were also some perplexed “eh?” voices around. But I knew that there were such opinions too. I chose upon knowing it. A choice made consciously doesn’t falter. Probably in this I’ve become stronger than the past. Of course it’s only because there are people who have a good influence on me that I can judge. When I had the chance to have dinner together with Johnny Depp, he talked about characters that are called “iromono” [*] and that talk had quite an effect on me. Because I had such an experience and Bem’s proposal arrived, I could make a decision after looking down from above at my possibilities. The drama is loved and it will also turn into a movie. I’m grateful for it and since it’s the result of what I’ve chosen myself, I’m happy.
----It’s really like that.
Though I don’t know if my choice was right, and no one knows it. Honestly, even now I am worried about many things; no, it's better said that I have only things I'm worrying about. But I’ve kept running until today and of course it’s not a time to look back yet, but at least there is one thing I’m sure of. It is that “I am not alone.” I am not glossing over, like saying that the group is there for me. Whatever I do, I’m not alone. Both in a good and bad meaning. When I’m suffering, it’s people who lift my spirits, and it’s always people who do the opposite.
----Let me ask you this at last. You said that when you debuted, you couldn’t be as happy as the members.
Yes.
----After that, were there moments you were happy at the same level?
Of course. Each year’s tour, each single live. Because that’s something I create together with the members and the fans. That sense of achievement, that sense of fulfillment, that happiness, we’re sharing the same exact thing. Moreover, now what we have started from anew, the members are standing on the same position and like daredevils, do it with all our strength. I think the present group condition is extremely good. It might sound arrogant as usual if I say that now I have more members who I can share more with (laughs). All the members now are doing a lot of work outside KAT-TUN. There really is the sensation that everyone is fighting on many different stages and then reuniting. And I really receive a huge stimulus from this. For this reason I’m looking forward to the future of KAT-TUN which I will continue running for together with the members.
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NOTE
[*] I am not really sure about what kind of character he's referring to, but it seems it is a term to designate characters with a strong personality, often bad characters, and generally that have a bad reputation/aren’t liked by the audience.
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People, join my #kamefeelings T___T His attachment to KAT-TUN is blinding, and he's so positive even though he is surely still suffering for past wounds. And in all of this he's so humble. I respect him! >_< Also, this is a must-read interview for all the haters too, I'd say.
This interview was pretty long and difficult. (I know the power of Kame's mistranslated words, therefore I tried to avoid it as much as possible ^^' But I'm not a perfect human being either, so...) If you notice some imperfections, tell me.