Waiting for...

[isilwath]

I realized today that my life is centered around waiting for death. It’s not a pleasant thing to think about, nor is it what I want my life to be about, but there it is. Every day I go to my client in Rebersburg, and if he is still in bed when I arrive, the first thing I do is check to see if he is breathing. I think, “Is this the day I find him

Comments

[rosedoe]

I feel like in a similar spot. My Gma has been dying for years now. She's in and out of the hospital and it's just a matter of time. My one cat Belle has kidney stones and is going to be 16 this year. She's started not eating. I just took her to the vet today for that. My other cat Nickel has cardio myopathy or however they spell it. Basically she's gonna just drop dead one day.

We're just waiting.

[kristinaa1]

You can certainly take pride in the work you've done, but yeah sounds like tome to move on.

[choices2make]

I feel like an intruder commenting on your journal, but I hope you won't mind. I am about your age and am a pediatric occupational therapist. I worked at an intensive rehabilitation hospital in NJ for about 5 years working with terribly injured and disabled children, so I can very much understand your pain at watching your clients suffer. You seem to have a heart of a caregiver in all that you do, as do I, and it is so very hard to step out of that role especially when you are so deep that you are breathing grief and despair instead of air. Add to that your personal losses which provide you with a broken foundation to stand on every day. I know how strong my foundation must be to carry the loads a professional caregiver must manage and it takes very little to turn concrete into quicksand. Before I started work at the hospital, I too had many major tragedies in my own life and was truly lost for a number of years. Lost from myself and from the world. It took a lot of taking care of myself first to get back on track, but this is harder

[isilwath]

I've been meaning to reply to this for weeks, but life keeps getting in the way. I am very glad you like my stories and that my writing touches you. I try very hard to draw my reader in and make him/her feel the characters. :D I really appreciate your feedback.

As for the other. Yes, it's hard. I'm very ready for what's next. Starting to put pieces into place for the next move, when it happens. I'd like to create a situation where we can afford for me to devote my time to writing full-time.

We'll see if it happens. ;D

But thank you again for your feedback. :)

Take care and be safe.