Fic: A Dull, Aching Pain - Epilogue (Jack/Sawyer)
Title: A Dull, Aching Pain - Epilogue
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Crowds have always made Sawyer want to smoke. He doesn't know why, but supposes that maybe it's just a good excuse to be able to leave.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Well kids, this is it. 48 pages and 24,000 words later, it's finally done. I want to thank everyone for their love and support from November until now. I will never be able to tell you how much that it has meant to me.
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight
Three Months Later
Crowds have always made Sawyer want to smoke. He doesn't know why, but supposes that maybe it's just a good excuse to be able to leave. He has never liked being surrounded, at every angle, by people, but he can fake it if he needs to. This time, however, he doesn’t. So he taps Jack's arm and gestures to the exit. Jack nods, squeezes his hand before plastering on quite possibly the fakest smile that Sawyer has ever seen and turning back to whoever it was he was talking to.
He ventures out into the cool evening air and sighs contently at the feeling. Much better, he thinks. Out here he has space, he can breathe. It's ironic, he knows, that he's come outside to breathe and yet he's about to fill his lungs with smoke and tobacco. He's insisted to Jack, and to his shrink, that he's cutting back, and he is, but he can't go cold turkey, and he's never been able to get through a hospital function without at least one.
Sawyer stares out at the dark parking lot. He’ll never see it again. He’ll never see anyone in that room again, and neither will Jack. This was their last hospital function, the one where all of the surgeons kissed the boss’s ass for the job Jack was vacating, the one that Jack had to put in an appearance at before walking out of the place, out of his job, for good. He still didn’t know what he was going to do, but they had enough money from the settlement to live comfortably for quite a while, even longer then it would take Jack to find a new job or decide that he quite liked laying around the house all day.
He checks his watch. Just an hour left. One more hour and it’s done.
“Oh, thank god.” He turns his head, finding a tall brunette woman standing in the doorway and smiling at him, obviously relieved.
“Tell me you have a lighter,” she begs. He smirks and pulls his from his pocket. She’s rummaging through her purse for her cigarettes before he knows it, sitting down next to him on the bench and popping one into her mouth.
He lights it for her and she lets out a sigh like it’s her first one in years.
“I hate these things,” she grumbles, gesturing inside. Sawyer nods. “I’ve been dating this guy for five months, I’ve already been to four.” She puts the cigarette to her lips and inhales deeply before looking over at him. “How about you?”
“Two years,” Sawyer says.
“Wow,” she says. She holds out her hand. “Kelly.”
“Sawyer,” he replies, shaking her hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
It’s odd, but at this moment, Sawyer thinks about how much his life has changed over the past three years. The woman sitting next to him was undeniably beautiful, and he wasn’t even looking at her. He was staring at an dark parking lot instead of the line of her leg sticking out of the slit in her short black skirt. He concentrated on his watch, on the passage of time, instead of the person sitting next to him, something he would never have done in the past.
“So,” she begins, obviously attempting to make small talk. He would have been content to sit in silence, but he supposed that Kelly was one of those people who just couldn’t. “Is yours in the running for the Chief of Surgery position too?”
He can’t help laughing.
“Sawyer?”
They both turn as Jack comes into view, glancing from side to side until his eyes land on Sawyer and he smiles. Sawyer smiles back.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” Jack replies. He notices Kelly then, and blushes a little. It makes Sawyer smile grow wider, knowing that Jack was so focused on him that he didn’t even notice that there was anyone sitting next to him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”
Sawyer shakes his head. “You didn’t. This is Kelly. Kelly, this is Jack.”
She smiles and nods. “Hi.”
“Hello,” Jack replies pleasantly before returning his gaze to Sawyer. “Do me a favor?” Sawyer nods. “Come back in in a few minutes and tell me you’re not feeling well so we can go home?”
Sawyer laughs, nods. “You got it, Doc,” he says.
“Thanks,” Jack replies, nodding at him before disappearing back inside the door. Sawyer let his cigarette slip from between his fingers before crushing it on the ground underneath his shoe.
“I never would have guessed,” Kelly comments. Sawyer smirks and stands, smoothing out the wrinkles in his jacket and turning back to her.
“Me neither,” he replies. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta leave and never come back.”
She shakes her head at him as she laughs. “Lucky.”
Sawyer just winks at her, before turning and walking inside.
“So,” Sawyer says as begin their journey across the parking lot. “That’s it.”
“Yeah,” Jack replies, nodding. “We’re done.”
“You gonna miss it?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. But not right now.”
They walk in silence for a few moments, feet shuffling. Jack eyes the ground, kicking at a few pebbles of gravel. Sawyer stops in front of him and Jack doesn’t notice until he runs straight into his back.
“Sawyer?” Jack questions, laying his hand on his shoulder blade until Sawyer turns around.
“This is what you wanted, right?” he asks, sighing a little. Jack screws up his face, obviously confused.
“What?”
Sawyer lets out another, heavier sigh and reaches for Jack, grabbing hold of his wrist and holding up his hand so he can wind their fingers together. Jack feels like he’s missing something. He doesn’t know what Sawyer’s asking him. So, he waits.
“Tell me you didn’t just give up on everything you worked your whole life for because of me.”
Jack narrows his eyes slightly and shakes his head. “Why would you think that?”
“You asked me, a while back, to tell you to quit,” Sawyer reminds him. Jack looks away, but Sawyer squeezes his hand and tugs on his arm, forces Jack’s eyes back to him. “And now that you have, I guess I’m just wonderin’ who you did it for.”
Jack nods slowly. “I should never have said that to you,” he replies. “I left my job because I was miserable. I left my job because I’m tired of not being able to be with you. So, I guess I quit for the both of us.”
“Yeah,” Sawyer replies, nodding and squeezing Jack’s hand once more. “Yeah, okay.” Jack smiles at him, that big, genuine smile that he loves, and in his darker moments thought he would never see again. He smiles back, then ducks his head, focusing on their hands, on how they, somehow, look like they belong that way, like they belong together.
“Are you ready to go?” Jack asks. Sawyer’s eyes travel up Jack’s arm, his chest, his neck, back to his face. He hopes that they will still be able to find occasions for Jack to wear that suit. He looks too damn good in it to just let it hang in the closet, untouched, forever.
He nods, tugging on Jack’s arm as they start walking again.
They finally let go of each other once they find the car. Sawyer circles to the passenger side, relaxing in his seat almost instantly. It’s done now. It’s over. Neither of them will ever again be forced to attend boring functions with bad food and even worse people. They will never even have to set foot in the hospital - god willing.
But more important than all of that is the fact that Jack has finally managed to pry himself loose from a job that had somehow transformed from everything he had ever wanted to the thing that sucked out his life and his will, that exhausted him, wore him out, and kept that smile that Sawyer loved so much from his face. He was putting it behind him now, moving on.
Sawyer imagines the pride he had felt in Jack after he had revealed his decision to leave his position at the hospital must have been something like what Jack had felt the morning he had woken up and come down stairs to find Sawyer scribbling the date of his first appointment with his shrink onto the calendar.
“Hey,” Sawyer called out Jack’s open door. He had one foot resting on the frame of the car, but most of him was still outside, his eyes cast back to the doors they had just vacated. “You comin’?”
What Sawyer couldn’t see from where he was sitting, though, was that Jack was smiling. He was already that much farther away from his old life, from the profession that had defined him as a person for most of his life, and he wasn’t even scared. He was happy, and relieved, and proud. He finally felt like he was actively moving forward, like he and Sawyer both were, in their own separate ways.
“Yeah,” Jack replies, ducking his head and climbing into the car.
The End
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Crowds have always made Sawyer want to smoke. He doesn't know why, but supposes that maybe it's just a good excuse to be able to leave.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Well kids, this is it. 48 pages and 24,000 words later, it's finally done. I want to thank everyone for their love and support from November until now. I will never be able to tell you how much that it has meant to me.
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight
Three Months Later
Crowds have always made Sawyer want to smoke. He doesn't know why, but supposes that maybe it's just a good excuse to be able to leave. He has never liked being surrounded, at every angle, by people, but he can fake it if he needs to. This time, however, he doesn’t. So he taps Jack's arm and gestures to the exit. Jack nods, squeezes his hand before plastering on quite possibly the fakest smile that Sawyer has ever seen and turning back to whoever it was he was talking to.
He ventures out into the cool evening air and sighs contently at the feeling. Much better, he thinks. Out here he has space, he can breathe. It's ironic, he knows, that he's come outside to breathe and yet he's about to fill his lungs with smoke and tobacco. He's insisted to Jack, and to his shrink, that he's cutting back, and he is, but he can't go cold turkey, and he's never been able to get through a hospital function without at least one.
Sawyer stares out at the dark parking lot. He’ll never see it again. He’ll never see anyone in that room again, and neither will Jack. This was their last hospital function, the one where all of the surgeons kissed the boss’s ass for the job Jack was vacating, the one that Jack had to put in an appearance at before walking out of the place, out of his job, for good. He still didn’t know what he was going to do, but they had enough money from the settlement to live comfortably for quite a while, even longer then it would take Jack to find a new job or decide that he quite liked laying around the house all day.
He checks his watch. Just an hour left. One more hour and it’s done.
“Oh, thank god.” He turns his head, finding a tall brunette woman standing in the doorway and smiling at him, obviously relieved.
“Tell me you have a lighter,” she begs. He smirks and pulls his from his pocket. She’s rummaging through her purse for her cigarettes before he knows it, sitting down next to him on the bench and popping one into her mouth.
He lights it for her and she lets out a sigh like it’s her first one in years.
“I hate these things,” she grumbles, gesturing inside. Sawyer nods. “I’ve been dating this guy for five months, I’ve already been to four.” She puts the cigarette to her lips and inhales deeply before looking over at him. “How about you?”
“Two years,” Sawyer says.
“Wow,” she says. She holds out her hand. “Kelly.”
“Sawyer,” he replies, shaking her hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
It’s odd, but at this moment, Sawyer thinks about how much his life has changed over the past three years. The woman sitting next to him was undeniably beautiful, and he wasn’t even looking at her. He was staring at an dark parking lot instead of the line of her leg sticking out of the slit in her short black skirt. He concentrated on his watch, on the passage of time, instead of the person sitting next to him, something he would never have done in the past.
“So,” she begins, obviously attempting to make small talk. He would have been content to sit in silence, but he supposed that Kelly was one of those people who just couldn’t. “Is yours in the running for the Chief of Surgery position too?”
He can’t help laughing.
“Sawyer?”
They both turn as Jack comes into view, glancing from side to side until his eyes land on Sawyer and he smiles. Sawyer smiles back.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” Jack replies. He notices Kelly then, and blushes a little. It makes Sawyer smile grow wider, knowing that Jack was so focused on him that he didn’t even notice that there was anyone sitting next to him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”
Sawyer shakes his head. “You didn’t. This is Kelly. Kelly, this is Jack.”
She smiles and nods. “Hi.”
“Hello,” Jack replies pleasantly before returning his gaze to Sawyer. “Do me a favor?” Sawyer nods. “Come back in in a few minutes and tell me you’re not feeling well so we can go home?”
Sawyer laughs, nods. “You got it, Doc,” he says.
“Thanks,” Jack replies, nodding at him before disappearing back inside the door. Sawyer let his cigarette slip from between his fingers before crushing it on the ground underneath his shoe.
“I never would have guessed,” Kelly comments. Sawyer smirks and stands, smoothing out the wrinkles in his jacket and turning back to her.
“Me neither,” he replies. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta leave and never come back.”
She shakes her head at him as she laughs. “Lucky.”
Sawyer just winks at her, before turning and walking inside.
“So,” Sawyer says as begin their journey across the parking lot. “That’s it.”
“Yeah,” Jack replies, nodding. “We’re done.”
“You gonna miss it?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. But not right now.”
They walk in silence for a few moments, feet shuffling. Jack eyes the ground, kicking at a few pebbles of gravel. Sawyer stops in front of him and Jack doesn’t notice until he runs straight into his back.
“Sawyer?” Jack questions, laying his hand on his shoulder blade until Sawyer turns around.
“This is what you wanted, right?” he asks, sighing a little. Jack screws up his face, obviously confused.
“What?”
Sawyer lets out another, heavier sigh and reaches for Jack, grabbing hold of his wrist and holding up his hand so he can wind their fingers together. Jack feels like he’s missing something. He doesn’t know what Sawyer’s asking him. So, he waits.
“Tell me you didn’t just give up on everything you worked your whole life for because of me.”
Jack narrows his eyes slightly and shakes his head. “Why would you think that?”
“You asked me, a while back, to tell you to quit,” Sawyer reminds him. Jack looks away, but Sawyer squeezes his hand and tugs on his arm, forces Jack’s eyes back to him. “And now that you have, I guess I’m just wonderin’ who you did it for.”
Jack nods slowly. “I should never have said that to you,” he replies. “I left my job because I was miserable. I left my job because I’m tired of not being able to be with you. So, I guess I quit for the both of us.”
“Yeah,” Sawyer replies, nodding and squeezing Jack’s hand once more. “Yeah, okay.” Jack smiles at him, that big, genuine smile that he loves, and in his darker moments thought he would never see again. He smiles back, then ducks his head, focusing on their hands, on how they, somehow, look like they belong that way, like they belong together.
“Are you ready to go?” Jack asks. Sawyer’s eyes travel up Jack’s arm, his chest, his neck, back to his face. He hopes that they will still be able to find occasions for Jack to wear that suit. He looks too damn good in it to just let it hang in the closet, untouched, forever.
He nods, tugging on Jack’s arm as they start walking again.
They finally let go of each other once they find the car. Sawyer circles to the passenger side, relaxing in his seat almost instantly. It’s done now. It’s over. Neither of them will ever again be forced to attend boring functions with bad food and even worse people. They will never even have to set foot in the hospital - god willing.
But more important than all of that is the fact that Jack has finally managed to pry himself loose from a job that had somehow transformed from everything he had ever wanted to the thing that sucked out his life and his will, that exhausted him, wore him out, and kept that smile that Sawyer loved so much from his face. He was putting it behind him now, moving on.
Sawyer imagines the pride he had felt in Jack after he had revealed his decision to leave his position at the hospital must have been something like what Jack had felt the morning he had woken up and come down stairs to find Sawyer scribbling the date of his first appointment with his shrink onto the calendar.
“Hey,” Sawyer called out Jack’s open door. He had one foot resting on the frame of the car, but most of him was still outside, his eyes cast back to the doors they had just vacated. “You comin’?”
What Sawyer couldn’t see from where he was sitting, though, was that Jack was smiling. He was already that much farther away from his old life, from the profession that had defined him as a person for most of his life, and he wasn’t even scared. He was happy, and relieved, and proud. He finally felt like he was actively moving forward, like he and Sawyer both were, in their own separate ways.
“Yeah,” Jack replies, ducking his head and climbing into the car.
The End